Wild Hunger (Heirs to Chicagoland) by Chloe Neill

Elise is the first vampire born, the first vampire who has never been a human - and the first vampire with a dark secret presence in her mind

She has left home to live in Paris for several years to try and get some space to find herself. But with the talks to try and establish a lasting peace in Europe, she finds herself back in Chicago

And facing the beast inside her - and a plot to end the peace talks and put the whole city at risk

I… can’t say I’m a huge fan of Elisa? I mean I don’t feel any especially personality with her. And I’m trying hard not to compare her to Merit - but it’s inevitable that since this series is literally the heir to the previous Chicagoland series; the protagonists are going to be compared. And Merit with her love of books and junk food and baseball, her snark and close relationships, her determination to face down Ethan and her father - Merit had personality, Merit was a character and she was surrounded by other characters.

Elise… isn’t? I mean she likes coffee… that’s kind of like the only thing I know about her. Her personality,wishes, desires, hopes, everything is subsumed into both her struggle with the Beast and her I-hate-him-but-we’re-definite-love-interests-Connor.

What’s most frustrating is how much meat there’s there! She’s the first born vampire. She grew up never seeing the sun and literally not knowing what she was and surrounded by supernaturals. She moved away to France and spent years there trying to find herself. How can this not inform her character? How can someone so unique with such different life experiences BE SO BLAND?! Why doesn’t her years in France inform any of her character except her hanging around with French vampires who are shuffled out of the way before we have to focus on them too much. Why isn’t her being the

And there’s the “beast” which is again, blandified. If your character is literally hosting a powerful magical entity that feasts on rage and turns her eyes red I expect it to be… more? I mean now and then she struggles to control it - as in we have a paragraph of her saying no to the Beast, and we move on. And when she loses control? She beats up someone who kind of deserves it? She fights hard in a situation where she’s already fighting? The unwillingness to make Elise do anything truly bad or awful with the Beast (she beat up a man who stole from and was going to sexually assault her best friend? Merit would do that twice, no need for the Beast) makes it all feel limp and, yes, bland

To add to the blandness we have the characters around her. Merit worked because she was surrounded by fun an awesome characters as well -he conflicts and romance with Ethan was interesting. She had Mallory her best friend which waxed and waned, there was Catcher and Jeff and her grandfather and the fraught relationship with her parents and even her frustrating relationship with Morgan. There were PEOPLE in her life and they were all informed enough and interesting enough to add to the story, to her story.

The Magicians: Season 4, Episode 4: Marry... Kill

Oh I’m torn

On the one side, everyone has their own storyline and it’s all separate and that always frustrate me

Except all the storylines are awesome. In fact can I say again how utterly amazing Magicians has turned things round

So first up we have Josh, now back from Fillory after the death of Bacchus, yes the Monster brought him home and Penny is rather surprised. And Josh is surprisingly mellow about the death of Bacchus - oh he’s not a fan of the whole killing but that phone call for Quentin was exactly what he feared -his dad is dead so Josh is putting a pin in that.

Elliot monster is also around and Margot is giving him shit because it’s what she does in perfect fashion - stylish, sassy, perfect fashion. She tries to convince the Monster to jump to a new non-Elliot body but he’s not into that and wants to kill more gods - so he’s off to Quentin. More on that later

So Josh has another problem - he’s having horrible bloodthirsty nightmares and when he wakes up there’s a bloody hunk of flesh in his bed. He tries to cover it up but Penny notices. Soooo between the time lines it’s hard to follow but Josh is a kind of werewolf. A sexually transmitted lycanthropy. And he is now going through the Quickening which means he either has to have sex and pass it on or brutally murder someone. He confirms this with Helen, a teacher in Brakebills who infected him and she fills in the blanks. She also makes it clear that locking yourself in a cage will only make you go mad and kill yourself.

She suggests using Tinder and infecting someone - just like she does. But on the plus side being a werewolf is generally harmless except for that once a 30 year quickening thing. Of course Josh refuses because he’s not going to infect an innocent with this.

In despair he tells Margo. Margo doesn’t do despair. Margo refuses the very concept of despair. Margo is absolutely not giving up and decides to find a cure for the curse - while Josh remembers someone else was infected and rushes to warn her. Only to find the dismembered corpse in her bed which doesn’t help her despair (Margo is completely unimpressed and decides since she slept with an uber driver she probably had a death wish. Did I mention how Margo completely rules this show?)

They pursue and Indonesian ritual to cure the curse that uses the heart of a Komodo dragon they steal from Kanye (because… Magicians. Oh and Margo is fine with killing it because it’s only vulnerable not endangered). Which all looks good… except it doesn’t work

In despair, Josh locks himself in a cage to give up and embrace death and Margo is furious and berates him for doing just that - because she’s Margo and Margo never ever gives up. Why if he has to kill someone she knows at least a dozen people who deserve it! Josh says no. And adds that her refusing to give up is just making his sacrifice so much harder

But under that determination is also the deeply sad vulnerability that she doesn’t want to lose another friend (and she has no time for men and their noble sacrifices because she’s Margo and skewering pretentious masculinity is her thing)

She gets in the cage - and removes her underwear. Josh protests but she points out she can’t cure him, doesn’t want him to die, she can’t make him kill someone but she can offer him one thing: consent. And she does like him (which is mutual)

Ok there’s definitely an argument about whether this is consent since Margo is presented with only one way to save her friend - there’s definitely pressure here. But at the same time Margo is an adult and it’s patronising to say that pressure removes her ability to make an informed decision (especially since we know Margo isn’t sexual reserved or reticent and may quite happily see sex as a useful tool in these circumstances). Also, it’s Margo - she’s equally capable of finding someone she doesn’t like and throwing them in the cage to be murdered. Oh yes she would.

They have sex, which saves Josh and they snuggle afterwards (and it’s cute and I think helps with the above semi-conflict in making it clear Margo does like him. Also he’s the one who calls it casual but she makes a semi-joke about it being far from casual since she saved his life). She is infected with the werewolf STD now but she kind of shrugs it off - it’s only communicable through penis-in-the-vagina sex which she doesn’t see as the pinnacle of sex: it’s not even in her top 10. And if she lives 30 years (which she doubts and is likely not wrong) she has people who owes her favours

They also both think that Elliot may be dead

Speaking of - Quentin says goodbye to Julia (and they have an awesome dynamic including Quentin teasing her because this Penny is clearly into her) before he heads off to handle his dad’s estate. There he meets his mother and things are… tense as he makes up various excuses for being away

Legacies: Season 1, Episode 10: There's a World Where Your Dreams Came True

I think this episode someone on the writing team suddenly realised that Josie and Lizzie exist and ooooh shit, get them out the plot box, this looks super bad for Alaric to forget he has daughters!

And then everyone else on the writer’s team responded with “but but but can we make ti all about Hope?”

The answer to that is, of course they can make it all about Hope. It’s the Legacies after all.

So, Lizzie and Josie have returned from a nebulously labelled “Europe” (my latest petty hobby is when Americans say this I ask “how was Liechtenstein?”) and Lizzie is super pissed because Alaric was supposed to pick them up at the airport but he forgot.

I’m a little miffed that Josie is being super reasonable because it’s kind of making Lizzie look unreasonable and irrational (this whole episode is basically “Lizzie is unstable and dangerous” while ignoring she may have any kind of reason to be upset)... but really? If someone said they’d give me a lift but when I arrive at an airport after a jetlagged transatlantic flight, wait a prolonged period of time for my lift to actually show up then have to find my own way taking three hours to get home? Yeah, I would make Lizzie look calm and reasonable.

So we begin with Lizzie being miffed, which is when the monster of the week appears, going for the urn. The monster is a genie and grants wishes. And Lizzie, who, we have to remember, grew up in a MAGIC SCHOOL decides that this is a super cool idea. How can all these people be so genre blind? Honestly put me in a supernatural world and I would run into a demonic vampire’s open arms rather than spend 2 seconds speaking to a wish giving being.

Now Lizzie could have just wished that her dad pay her the slightest bit of attention or made her a priority in her life or, maybe, decide that she matters as much as Hope. Instead she wishes that Hope never came to the magic school

Yeah that won’t back fire

Uh-huh, it does

So without Hope, Alaric does focus on Lizzie and Lizzie and Josie can both fight now because without Hope consuming all his attention, Alaric pays more attention to them and gives them the training he lavishes on her. Yay for Lizzie

Except the school is a wreck, utterly run down and without the massive luxuries Lizzie has become used to. It seems when Hope went to the school Klaus, before his ridiculous demise, wrote a massive massive massive cheque which is pretty much how it runs (also we had mention of Damon and Elena having children which I think means Julie Plec is planning another spin off and YE GODS SAVE US! SAVE US PLEASE!). I think we can also guess the other Originals chip in because hey, immortal super rich people obsessed with family and all that

Also Hope is the witch who designed the school’s X-Men style cerebro which basically allows them to find budding young supernaturals all over America to recruit them to the school. Without that they’re reduced to literally trawling through newspaper articles for supernatural occurrences and their student body is like 3 people.

Lizzie tries to make up for this by replicating Hope’s spell leading them to a powerful young supernatural who needs their guidance. Hope - and a room full of people she’s slaughtered for food. Alaric recognises her and goes into full on “I’ll protect and guide you” mode playing surrogate dad within like 3 seconds of meeting her (including hugging, the creeper). Lizzie is Not Amused

Legacies: Season 1, Episode 9: What Was Hope Doing in Your Dreams?

Time for a new monster because we have a new mcguffin everyone wants - the glowy urn.

Alaric and Hope consult on what best to do and it’s time for my broken record moment! I’ll keep it brief because I’m going to revisit it at length later on - but note headmaster Alaric now has to work with his student, Hope, as an equal conspirator rather than speaking to her as an adult to a child/student. She even refuses to tell him where the urn is, dismissing his adult claims simply because she is the one with super powers. And… she’s not wrong. You can tell because Alaric backs down on this and allows her to be the sole defender of the urn be because he’s human and woefully ill-equipped to deal with this

We do have a couple of elements of angst - Hope is keeping secrets from Landon about the whole missing memories and dead mother thing. She thinks this will bring him nothing but pain but achieve little. Alaric doesn’t force the issue because he’s kind of resigned to being her lackey now. The problem is that Hope is now super awkward about this and is avoiding Landon which sends Landon’s insecurities spiralling (foster kid bounced from home to home, many of them abusive) and he tries to gently poke her with not-subtle-but-kind-of-sad “zomg please love me” near desperation

And Rafael sees this and is super concerned because he’s really really protective of Landon (who does have this whole lost puppy feel to him) and is worried that Hope is going to hurt him and isn’t happy that Hope is keeping secrets. They have a philosophical difference in which she thinks it’s ok to keep secrets and lie if it’s to help people while he thinks that’s completely unacceptable.

To top up that drama, Rafael is also having issues because he’s into Hope and realises this could be a super betrayal of Landon so ANGST

MG is also fighting with some bad self-image issues of vampirism and how vampires have to change while Kaleb is against this anti-vampire turn.

Into this steps in the latest monster - a ghostly woman who invades people’s dreams and torments them with nightmares to make them give up the location of the urn

Which doesn’t really work because only Hope knows where it is and Hope is staying awake. Alaric and Hope consult and again we have a brief debate about secrecy - and they decide the best thing to do would be to inform the school that monsters are coming. Alaric does so and evacuates the youngest students while offering the older students the choice whether they want to evacuate or stay and face mortal peril

And schools shouldn’t work this way!!!! Hey kids, want to make a life or death decision at age 13 (the mandatory evacuees seem to be very young kids)! And honest no social stigma about running away (it’s not like this may affect your reputation and future standing in packs/vampire bloodlines etc).

Yes, more on that later. Several students leave but Hope, Rafael, Kaleb and MG stay. As does Landon despite pretty much everyone telling him to get his human arse out of there. Which to me just emphasises how much Alaric should do the same.

So research - after deciding they’re being attacked by a Night Hag, a monster that manipulates nightmares, they spend a while discovering that what happens in dreams can hurt them. Rafael is injured by a nightmare of an abusive foster family (he also dreams about Hope). Landon has dull, boring first-day-at-school nightmares while MG freaks about about being a murderous vampire and Kaleb tackles his doubts as he fears vampires MAY be terribad awful mixed with his actually enjoying being one

Legacies: Season 1, Episode 8: Maybe I Should Start from the End

Legacies is back

Yay. Let me contain my joy.

And we begin with some silly time line nonsense I’m not even going to give credit to because I hate it. Tell stories in chronological order! Unless you have time travel there’s no reason to show me what happens tomorrow before you show me what happened yesterday.

So instead Hope has received a message on her magical bracelet that Landon is in danger so she needs to head out to rescue him. This involves trying to leave in the middle of the night where she is caught by Alaric because apparently she knows no stealth spells or anything

She also can’t lie. Nor does she think to put Alaric to sleep or anything. He insists on coming with her to rescue Landon but she’s rightfully wary because after all, why? Why bother with Alaric?

Actually he can drive. Hope cannot. Well done Alaric, you can be a chauffeur. We should get you a hat. This is the first useful thing that Alaric has done since this series began. He also quizzes her on the way over to remind us he’s a teacher while Hope asks if he’s going to quiz his own actual daughters.

Hah, don’t you not-even-remotely-love how Legacies continually shows how much Alaric cares for Hope more than his own daughters and how those daughters clearly are hurt by this?

Now Landon has found his mother, she runs a coffee shop and he keeps buying coffee until he builds up enough courage to say “hey you’re my mother.”

This causes him to have a nice reunion with her, spelling out his who quite sad life and it all looking touching - until she drugs him, ties him up and threatens to burn him with an iron. She doesn’t believe he’s her son, she thinks he has nefarious purposes and when an evil goo monster arrives she’s pretty convinced this is proof of this (she cuts off the monster’s head with a sword).

Landon breaks and tells her all the supernatural stuff which... she believes. Now she’s more convinced that he is actually her son and clearly has experience with the woo-woo. And that they’re being chased - time to go on the run. And she clearly has some pretty supreme skills.

They’re also being chased by an evil organisation -Alaric recognises this because a suspicious man is suspiciously covering their tracks by pretending to fix a gas leak

I have no idea why we’re supposed to be suspicious about this but Alaric needs some point, after all.

They catch up with Landon and Saleh and Saleh points a gun at them which doesn’t work so well because Hope is a witch and just uses magic to take the gun off her. Time for everyone to have a catch up.

Legacies: Season 1, Episode 7: Death Keeps Knocking on My Door

Ok, this show angers me. It actively angers me. Not the teen drama not the classic CW obsession with a main character Hope and her specialness. No, what annoys me so much are the so-called teachers in this school who are utterly terrible (also there’s like only three of them? Three for all these students?) and this episode is pushing me over the edge

So, this is Remembrance day at the school where everyone writes letters to dead loved ones and can they maybe address the fact that most of student body has a herd of dead people to write letters to. Is one school councillor sufficient?

Also someone may want to maybe cancel this whole ceremony focused on death thing when you have an actual necromancer in the basement. Maybe? Because he does what is entirely predictable and summons a dead person to hit people in the feels. In this case, he summons Cassie, Raphael’s dead girlfriend

Hey, remember how Jo buried Josie alive because she was controlled by the necromancer? Well a good thing everyone’s learned from this and carefully guards Cassie and are also prepared for more murderous zombies running about

Oh, they’re just going to let Cassie walk around and not have any preparations for more zombies? Ok, that totally won’t come back to bite anyone at all.

So Raphael is obviously super emotional about this but Hope leaves him because she’s busy with her own things. That leaves Raphael to beg Alaric to do something about making her permanent but Alaric has SOME capacity for learning and points out she could be evil or used for evil. I mean he doesn’t take any precautions against her, but he recognises the evil. Soooo…

Cassie does talk to Raphael about her death - she blames him. But as they talk she also forgives him: she isn’t trying to punish him or make him feel bad but trying to get him to see the truth. She died in a car accident which happened because he got jealous, got angry and drove recklessly. And while he tries to put his rage down to being a werewolf and he’s better now she points out he just had a rage moment. He has a lot of growing to do and he needs to acknowledge that.

He turns to Alaric for this. Good luck with that

While I roll my eyes because we have a Black teenaged girl rather convolutedly like an after school special about how Raphael needs to be a better person. She takes less than 10 seconds to deal with actually being dead. Doesn’t she have any actual personhood or is she just a narrative tool?

Over to Hope, she has decided that since Alaric is completely useless at Necromancer questioning (mainly involves threats of violence to a being that cannot feel pain which is… not useful) she’s going to use woo-woo to do it for him

And yes Alaric is going to pout about this. But can you blame Hope? This is how Alaric works - using the magical gifts of his students to do anything. This is how Alaric operates!

So she recruits MG so he can do that vampire mind reading stuff which this world setting remembers like once every 20 episodes and MG agrees despite it being against his better judgement. Because that’s also how MG works - a servant to the other cast members who need his shiny vampire powers

There follows much diving into the Necromancer’s subconscious, Hope mocking him rather well for his over dramatic posturing, the Necromancer poking Hope’s worries a lot, in particular where her dead daddy is right now. While she pokes him for being completely forgotten because that’s what happens to all the creatures of Malivore. They piece a lot together: Malivore is a place of utter annihilation. By sentencing a creature to malivore - which happened to the Necromancer with someone killing him with the knife, you doom that being to the void and everyone forgets they ever existed. They’re gone and no-one remembers they were ever there.

Forbidden Witches (Tarot Witches #2) by SM Reine

Leah has led a sheltered life… she certainly has never attended many concerts. But even she’s pretty sure concerts don’t usually end up with you waking up on the tour bus surrounded by naked people - and sexy werewolves and witches

I am going to, again, reference my pledge to read every word SM Reine has ever typed in her entire life ever.

One of the mild downsides to this is the Tarot Witches series - because this would probably be a series I would never pick up at any time. It’s a paranormal romance where the romance and sex both is the focus - and it’s a werewolf romance. And for some reasons there’s something about the canine and furry that invites the worst tropes round to play. But with this world, with its complex and overlapping characters, I can’t guarantee some of these characters won’t be super relevant later. Especially since the underlying concept of the Tarot witches is really intriguing - these witches who have some kind of plot to resolve linked to these destiny predicting Tarot cards. All of these women can be extremely different people, facing massively different challenged with this woo-woo bringing the disparate women together. All for a deeper, richer and more mysterious purpose

And damn it I want to know what that mysterious purpose is! This is the world with the whole godslayer narrative, an author who has produced some of the most unique and genre breaking storylines I’ve read and a world so complicated and interlinked that I NEED to read all of this to appreciate the vastness and amazingness. Whatever else happens in this series, I will charge through it because I know some of these elements or characters may inform the Dana McIntyre Must Die series or the The War of the Alphas, I want them to be included, I want to see all these vastness come together because there’s so much here I love

But… this book really isn’t one of them. It has so many romance tropes I find unpleasant: inexperienced female ingenou vs experience male love interest; Magical Mating Bond that get complete strangers to fall in love without getting to know the slightest thing about it; woman instantly trusting love interest despite the extreme danger she’s in; man barking orders and commands and control over woman; woman giving no more than a token protest to all this. And there’s not even a real story like there was in Caged Wolf. No dark past to escape, no figure to defeat - no, the meaning of her card is, not-even-a-spolier, to basically do what her captors say

Yes I said captors. Innocent, naive, Leah, good mormon girl with only a couple of ex-boyfriends and little experience in the rock star lifestyle goes to a concert at the urgings of her Gay Best Friend (yes a gay character. Yes, he’s a walking stereotype. No he does nothing in the book except be Leah’s friend. We even open to him giving her a make over. Actually that’s pretty much all he does). There because of woo-woo she’s given VIP treatment which means getting this very naive woman drunk (at one point tipping her head back and pouring alcohol down her throat when she seems reluctant) after which she gets heavily groped by two men and sat in a bus witnessing. No she didn’t say no. But she was extremely drunk as she makes clear on multiple occasions. This is not ok.

And when she falls asleep that bus drives off and leaves the state. And when she expresses a wish to leave she is denied. As we go on she is repeatedly stopped from leaving and even physically picked up and carried by her love interest when she tries to leave. And then tied up. Her protests to this are minimal… and seconds after being restrained they decide her sexy smell is distracting so it’s necessary to make her orgasm. If she’s less horny her smell won’t be distracting, apparently.

Consent is not something that is considered

But, hey, after being kidnapped, restrained and sexually assaulted she decides the guy doing that to her has too much of an erection so gives him oral sex. Because “I want to escape!” turns into “oh it’s only fair if I get you off too!”

  

Legacies: Season 1, Episode 6: Mombie Dearest

It’s Lizzie and Josie’s 16th birthday. Which means a big party and Lizzie making everything about her as usual. There will be a lot of teen drama about this. Yay.

But there’s still a story about this shiny knife of why-has-Alaric-kept-this-my-gods-doesn’t-the-supernatural-world-have-someone-more-qualified-to-handle-this-aaargh-I-can’t-even-get-up-without-asking-Hope-for-help to deal with. And the latest monster to collect the knife is… Alaric’s dead wife Jo

Jo, as we recall from the Vampire Diaries trainwreck, is Josie and Lizzie’s mother who was killed on her wedding day to Alaric by her evil twin (since her whole family has twins and oh, one is destined to kill the other at age 22 and no-one has told Lizzie and Josie this yet) and her family magically stuffed the babies into Caroline’s womb. Vampire Diaries went to some strange places.

Alaric is pretty suspicious about his dead wife coming back from the dead and points a crossbow at her. Well, I get the suspicion but, as Jo points out, this is Mystic Falls. Everyone has come back from the dead at some point. She also makes a hilarious comment about Alaric looking “seasoned” since he’s 16 years older than she remembers.

Alaric tries to keep this from his daughters but they quickly find out and don’t remotely respect his no because he’s helpless and useless anyway so discover their biological mother. Lizzie is kind of hostile to Jo, having the idea that bonding with her is somehow disloyal to Caroline. While Josie instantly wants a closer relationship. Alaric wants to keep her away from them until he is sure that Jo is who she says she is. Which involves testing and that huge huge hugely useful lie detector orb which really really could have been really super useful in The Originals. Where were you little plot breaking orb? All the tests point to her being the real deal

Dorian’s research does turn up the idea of people being resurrected in order to murder someone though. So she’s still a risk

Teenaged angst time! So Hope is all crushing after Landon but at least she is self-aware enough to recognise this. She also tries to make peace with Rafael - he’s super angry at her for kicking out Landon for his own good but he also needs Hope’s help. He agreed to be Lizzies date for the party and, especially since he just slept with her (which he regrets) he feels he needs to do right by her. Which means learning all the ornate, rather old fashioned party etiquette which Mystic Falls loves so much. Hope is happy to teach him since Aunt Rebekkah has a weird fixation with this kind of nonsense.

This gives them chance to bond, Rafael admit he’s not all that into Lizzie and Hope to realise that he’s still mourning for his dead girlfriend and kind of working through his issues by being afraid of letting Lizzie down. Honestly that amount of angst means you probably need to not date for a while. Hope seems to agree and encourages him to be honest with Lizzie

Supernatural: Season 14, Episode 9: The Spear

Time for an epic opening with an epic voice over from Dean about how they are the people who monsters are afraid of. Which is, yes, kinda epic. But this is Supernatural. Epic pre-ambles to any kind of find finale need classic rock. It is known. Know your brand, Supernatural.

So we have a bit of domestic moment with Jack eating late night cereal and asking Castiel not to tell his other dad, Sam, who disapproves of high sugar food. Which is kind of cute and I think a lot more of these would have done a great job of turning Jack into someone I actually care about rather than that extra who keeps tagging along for no apparent reason. But really these scene is for Castiel to remind Jack not to tell anyone about the deal he made with the Empty

We’re already setting that up for a lot of angst because Dean is so super happy because they managed to bring Jack back from the dead and nothing went wrong and they didn’t have to pay a price and everything is awesome

So that’s definitely going to be future angst. But can I say again that we have another angst or personal drama moment that is centring on Dean even when this should be more Cas’s woe. Dean doesn’t have to be the centre of all.

But we’re back on track with Michael. Naomi has told them where Michael is. Kansas City. And he has a new body, a woman’s.

And I’m sure there are many reasons why anyone, let alone an Archangel, would go to Kansas City

I’m sure.

I don’t know what they are, but I’m sure they exist. Yes.

Sam has also snuck Garth into Michaels’ orbit. Since Garth is a werewolf so fits his whole army of monsters thing. Garth hopes to actually not consume the Michael Blood/Grace potion… which doesn’t go to plan because it’s hard to deceive an Archangel and he ends up taking the upgrade potion which is definitely not going to end well.

Between this spying they know Michael’s plan - send his army into Kansas city and turn every one there into more monsters. I am sure there are many… sensible reasons to begin your invasion of North America in Kansas City…

So the counter plan is to get the angel-killing spear from Dark Kaia (Dean and Castiel on that) and Ketch has some mystical golden egg which will help imprison Michael which he’s put in the post. Yes there are convoluted reasons but he still put it in the post. Sam and Jack are off to collect that.

Predictably it all goes horribly horribly wrong

To begin with Sam and Jack are attacked by Michael and it goes horribly wrong because, well, Michael is an Archangel which makes him pretty unassailable. He knocks Sam out, doesn’t kill him because… because… the script says so that’s why! He also destroys the magical egg so that’s out of the picture. Personally I don’t remember the egg was in the picture so there’s that.