Bill’s excuse for not drinking the cure is that he has
accepted his fate – even though it now doesn’t have to be his fate and is now a
form of chosen suicide as Sookie of all people points out. And when Sookie is
the one speaking sense you know how bad things have got. So he chooses – the True
death. Jessica curses him and storms off and Bill turns his angsty eyes to
Sookie who promptly slaps him. He can’t explain himself so Sookie keeps
slapping him until Eric intervenes. Eric tells him to leave but, before he
does, Jessica demands Bill release her. He does.
Bill leaves, leaving Jessica and Sookie to cry on Eric
and Pam’s shoulders (“cry on my jacket and you’re paying for it sweetheart”.
Yes, Pam).
Jessica and Sookie go to Sam’s trailer (for reasons) and,
laughably, Jessica checks if it’s safe for Sookie to be out at night alone.
Yes, Sookie has spent the whole season running around at night with her fairy
blood and throwing away her phone but now we check if it’s safe. Anyway, the
trailer is empty – as in completely stripped bare – there’s just a letter from
Sam saying he’s off to Chicago with Nicole (and how understanding she is that
he writes letters to other women saying how he loves them). Personally I think
Sam considered Tara and Alcide, realised he was a loose end and got out of town
before he was conveniently killed off.
They go to Bellefleurs (since Sam’s trailer’s in the parking
lot which made more sense when he owned the place) which is opening for
business despite there being zero customers because Arlene’s putting on her
positive face. Sookie realises everyone may actually be having fun so tells
them all that Sam is gone. That’ll teach them to be happy in her presence. She gives Andy his letter from Sam which is
basically his resignation.
James takes a moment to say sorry to Jessica who gives
him her blessing to be with Lafayette- and leaves her nice and blame free to go
pursue Hoyt. Speaking of, he and Bridget are arguing because she’s outraged
that he doesn’t want kids. He says he doesn’t want to have kids- at least not
yet (or so I interpret the whole “that’s not where I’m at” line). She’s also
super jealous because of Jessica which is when Jessica decides to knock on the
door.
Jessica is there with her remarkably good timing to tell
Hoyt they used to be together. Bridget gives him an ultimatum – stay inside and
ignore Jessica or go out to her and then she and him are through. Hoyt chooses
option two – speak to a near stranger rather than stay with the woman he’s
supposed to love – but the fact SHE gave him the ultimatum will make her the
bad guy of the piece.
Bridget decides to call Jason because, why not. He rushes
over and Hoyt decides to knock him unconscious for some reason (no, Hoyt hasn’t
got his memories back). Bridget decides to pack up the unconscious Jason into
his car and take him for a drive (she says to go to the hospital so it’s not
quite as creepy as it sounds). They go to his house instead where he gets her a
flight back to Alaska using his magic sexiness over the phone. Jason then applies
frozen vegetables to his crotch to try and restrain his libido, no, really. And
Bridget declares girls like Jason because he’s sweet and kind (uh-huh, the fact
he has the body that would make a Greek god weep with envy is totally not part
of it). Jason tells Bridget the story of him, Jessica and Hoyt and the memory
erasure – and we get a cut of Hoyt and Jessica having sex. Bridget decides to
take Jason to bed to teach him how not to have sex with someone.
…there’s logic there somewhere, I’m sure. This apparently
involves lying in bed together discussing deeply personal secrets. Oh and Jason
wants kids because REPRODUCTION YAY is a theme of the day. Also, I don’t
understand how the way to be with someone and not have sex is to get into bed
together, discuss intimate secrets and the conception of children. This does
not strike me as a conductive means to dispel sexual chemistry.
At Bellefleurs, everyone is sat at the long table eating
and partying except Sookie who is sat all alone at the bar, like she’s trying
to make everyone feel bad. She tells Arlene about her tragedy and asks,
basically, how Arlene manages since her life is such a tragic mess. We also
throw in that Sookie didn’t give Alcide a chance because she was pining about
Bill.
Eric decides to go tell Bill he needs to live for Sookie’s
sake. But no, Bill is dying for Sookie, so she can get over him and move on
which she can’t possibly do while he’s alive (oh dear gods, how to even unpack
this? Why is everything about SOOKIE?! And, really Bill, really? How colossal
is your ego?!) He also had a fever dream about Sookie giving birth to death
which is the terribadness of being a vampire. Also he wants to explain his
decision to Sookie – that he’s basically committing suicide because he’s just
so damn special there’s no way she could move on without him. Y’know, just in
case she’s not feeling bad enough about his death
Eric collects Sookie to take her home and pass on Bill’s
wish to visit her.
For some unknown reason Pam decides to give Sarah a make
over (and call her “Twat-lips” which is all kinds of pathetic) apparently part
of her plan to turn Sarah into a prostitute or something. It’s another earner – with Nublood being only
a temporary cure, that makes Sarah’s actual blood with the real cure super
duper special and valuable.
Eric goes back to Fangtasia to find an very annoyed
Ginger who is pissed that Eric has not bothered to tell her he’s not dying. In
a deeply frustrated and angry voice, Eric apologises and offers to sleep with
her; Ginger’s lifelong dream. On the throne of course. And it’s a hot mess of
comic awful.
In the less comic, the yakuza are angry, have taken Pam
prisoner and tied her to a table. You are kidding me, how many times this
season is Pam going to be held hostage?! Does she get frequent kidnap tokens
for this? On her tenth kidnap does she get a free cake with a file in it? Gus
is angry because Sookie knows about Sarah.
This is also ridiculous, yes they have Pam imprisoned but
if they kill her Eric is then free to kill ALL of them. They’re in an enclosed
space, they’re human, Eric is a vampire. His threat shouldn’t be “I won’t join
your business” it should be “you have no way to stop me killing you all”. He’s
fast enough to reach the stake before it drops!
Bridget seems to have been written with the same careful,
sensitive hand as Violet – almost parodies of themselves. I feel like the
writer was a big fan of Jessica and Hoyt and decided they had to be together
again – so everything was set up to MAKE IT SO and in such a way that Jessica
and Hoyt would somehow not be the villains of the piece (or be only minorly
villainish). James, Lafayette, Bridget and even Violet are all thrown in with
little writing or nuance or development to free Jessica, Jason and Hoyt up with
minimal blame sticking to them. Both
storylines are just awful, beyond implausible and utterly cringeworthy.
Also note the clumsy not wanting kids as somehow proof of
not really loving her. If they were meant to be, they’d be pushing out little ‘uns,
they would! And get the not-so-subtle “I can’t give Sookie BABIES! I can only
give death, not life!” from Bill as well. Then there’s Jason assuring Bridget that he
does like kids. Was the human race decimated and there’s a sudden need to be
fruitful and multiply or something?
I’m actually quite glad they can’t breed simply because
Bill and Sookie are so damn awful that their child may actually inspire a
dystopian spin off as Bilkie (yes I did. No I regret nothing) is so
self-absorbed he exerts his own gravitational pull.
And I was all prepared to make a big point about suicidal people not needing judgement or condemnation or accusations of selfishness – but then we got “it’s so Sookie can get over me!” and I’ve been swearing so much ever since it’s beginning to sound like a mantra.
Keep this up True Blood and I not only won’t miss you after the next episode, I may throw a little party. Only my party won't have a blonde woman moping in the corner trying to bring everyone down.
