And since we’re approaching a kind of hiatus it’s time
for American Horror Story to take all
of their many many storylines and smoosh them together until they kind of fit
together – like an inpatient toddler trying to ram lego bricks together.
But let’s start by looking at the main characters, the
best characters, the only ones I actually care about in this vast cast – Iris and
Liz
They start with a suicide pact (after seeing a desperate,
sad and highly emotional suicide pact in the hotel which deeply moves Liz) deciding
that everything is shit and there’s nothing good left in this world. Iris has
finally realised her relationship with Donovan is not even close to healthy
while Liz has decided that she cannot go on without Tristan. Before Liz does
anything dramatic, Iris steps in to remind her that people who die in the hotel
with unresolved issues then get to haunt it forever more. This is something
more people should remember. Liz’s
unresolved issue is the son she’s left behind
So they invite him up (by throwing cleaning products at
Hazel who has gone from eccentrically amusing to kind of unpleasantly tropey
with her obsession with cleaning all the things) to visit. And this could go
wrong, this could go so very very wrong. Especially since American Horror Story has such a terrible terrible terrible history
of with LGBT people
But it’s surprisingly sweet and gentle and kind and good
and accepting and really emotional and… not awful. Yes, American Horror Story and “not awful” placed together in an
extremely unexpected way. It shocked me too
With Liz now having a wonderful accepting family and an
actual future she has a reason to live. And she convinces Iris to step back
from her own suicide montage plans – and for them to forget a future together.
Now, alas, to the other pointless characters who are
polluting this series
Here we have Detective John the serial killer randomly
killing people for funsies because why not. Sally is still there “supporting
him” in his serial killing adventures. Which makes her all bitter and angry and
plotting terribad revenge when John reunites with Alex
Yes, vampire and her vampire child Holden meet up with
serial killer John and they decide to reunite by Not Talking About Anything. The
vampirism, their vampire kiddie, their abandoned child Scarlett (oh, I tell a
lie, they briefly acknowledge that they’re the worst parents in the world for
about 2 seconds before going back to completely ignoring the daughter they’ve
completely abandoned in favour of the son they’re both obsessed with). They
briefly decide to round up a lost plot link (rounding up all the evil vampire
kids and throwing them in he locked floor of the hotel along with Ramona,
another discarded plot line and character. How this show managed to convince an
actor of this quality to play a glorified extra).
Sally is all pissy about John abandoning her and will, no
doubt, have some revenge for the future since she’s sure poor Alex won’t accept
his serial killerness (which is, obviously, just a character flaw all tolerant
people will deal with). I don’t care but no doubt we’ll be subjected to this
more in the future.
Now we have the Countess and her trainwreck of a love
life.
Firstly, Will Drake is still around because the Countess
forgot about the whole haunted hotel thing and how dead people tend to hang
around. How very careless. She still tells the ghost how she intends to gain
all his money by killing his son. No doubt this will become a thing when the
show returns
She invites Natasha around to roll around on the bed and
murder her - because we want to well and truly make it clear that any hint of
her interest in another woman was just a means to her REAL interest – the man,
of course.
Donovan has also pretty much figured that out and gone to
kill Rudy. While his motives are pretty clear, the show still feels the need to
vocalise it clearly – the Countess, pining after Rudy, has created a series of
men to try and copy him – Donovan is just one of many. So he’s decided to kill
the original and then offer himself to the Countess in the name of “love”.
Of course if she does murder him he’ll end up haunting
the hotel forever. Why does everyone forget this?
I do admit to being amused by the whole bringing a knife
to a gun fight thing, but it’s been done.
Back to the main characters – having convinced Iris that
she has a lot to live for with her epic speech, Liz and Iris load up with guns,
raid the Countesses apartment and shoot them both
I’d be excited by this except it’s the ghost hotel. If they die, they will come back. Why does everyone continue forgetting this? Is it really that hard to remember?
