Nope, nope nope, stop this. Stop. I hate hate hate hate
this whole broken time line nonsense. Can we please just tell a story in neat chronological
order? And now with artsy pauses and dramatic walking and even repetition?
Stop.
So piecing together this hot mess of storytelling.
Hunter called Wally calls in Mary to help him with a
case. Because Wally is your basic decent hunter not Winchester
Apocalypse-it-must-be-Tuesday-hunters. You can tell by the way he’s freaked out
by the fact Lucifer has a kid while the Winchesters are pretty meh about it
He has a demon problem.
Demons! Yes these are actually a threat to the average
hunter. I know Dean and Sam spent the last 4 seasons pretty much focused on
demons and now regularly have mimosas with the king of hell which kind of takes
away the fear of demons. But, of you remember back to the heady days of seasons
1 & 2 (aside – don’t go back and watch these. Because you’ll see Baby!Dean
and think he was so cute and adorable and then remember you used to think he
was super hot, then feel like a cradle snatcher, then realise you were so much
younger then and THEN realise how old you are now and you’ll end up sitting in
a corner eating a whole tub of ice cream or going to a club drinking too much
and dancing in woefully regretful ways to prove you still got it. Either way it’s
not pretty and regret lies that way. So I’m told. By other people. Not me of
course) demons were actually waaaay up there in the scale of scary shit the
hunters didn’t want to face.
Of course the fact they’re carrying an arsenal of angel
blades around (he remember when they used to exorcise demons and try to save
their hosts?).
So they meet in a diner, make a plan, encourage Castiel
to flirt with the waitress (hey remember the whole terror of Nephilim thing?) and
she thoroughly takes control and owns that exchange.
And then it all goes to shit
The night fishing demon they’re hunting is way more than
a demon, has yellow eyes, is immune to their bullets and even the demon blade –
can take down Castiel and has some awesome weapons. He also has minions.
Wally ends up dead. Castiel severely injured with a
weapon that cancels angelic healing. Mary uses a big car as a weapon because
she’s Mary and practical like that.
Of course, a yellow
eyed demon is something
they have history with. Except… Azazel? He was scary and all – back when
Dean was adorkable – but Abaddon, Lucifer, god’s own sister have all come and
gone since then. To say nothing, again, of the mimosa parties with the King of
Hell. Azazel ain’t that scary any more.
Turns out that Mary was actually the one who called in
Wally – so she could call on Sam and dean without them realising. And it’s the
Men of Letters who’ve set her against this guy – much to Wally’s distrust (he
doesn’t buy what they’re selling) but she thinks she’s been doing awesomely
with their gear and intel
And she seems to have another motive – not killing the
demon but stealing from him and not telling the others.
That’s an arsehole move there Mary – people risking their
lives for your lies?
The Men of Letters totally deny they knew he had yellow
eyes, totes not their fault.
And then Crowley shows up. No mimosas but lots of insults. He’s not impressed by them – and this is Mary’s first introduction to the King of Hell. She’s not impressed. Nor am I, with Sam:
Sam; The demons, they were yours
Crowley: Obviously
He IS the king of hell after all.
The yellow eyed Demon is Ramiel – prince of hell, same
rank as Azazel. We get a bit of history – basically the princes of hell are the
oldest of the old demons, created by Lucifer himself
Again, shiny – but after the last 11 seasons? This is a
season 1 bad guy.
Crowley had also met Ramiel before – deciding to lure him
on side by offering him shinies. Specifically the Spear of Michael which kills
evil things quickly and angels really really slow. He also gives him a shiny
golden thing which Mary stole – and the throne. Yes Crowley wanted Ramiel to be
king. He wasn’t interested – and he offered it to Crowley instead. He was the
one who inspired Crowley to become king, assuring him that with Azazel dead,
the other two princes (Asmodius and Dagon who I’m sure will show up later) aren’t
interested either.
Oh he has a condition – the Princes of Hell all need leaving alone. If anyone bothers them, Crowley is personally responsible
Yes yes very scary. Still a season 1 enemy. Mother of all
monsters. They killed DEATH. Actual Death. Archangel Michael.
Oh and point of subtle acting – Crowley seems genuinely
but subtly upset knowing that Castiel was stabbed with the Lance of Michael. It’s
a flicker round the eyes but that’s mourning. Some good acting there
He also works on setting Ramiel up as more of a threat –
pointing out all the big bads they took down they had years to plot and prepare
– not on the hoof in a barn.
Castiel has time for a tragic, desperate goodbye saying
how much he values them but they need to leave him. Of course they refuse with
a beautiful declaration of family. It’s awesome
Crowley seems to abandon them – but actually goes to try
and bargain with Ramiel. Pretty much offering almost anything to save the
Winchesters… damn, Crowley’s relationship with the Winchesters remains Complicated.
Crowley is promptly knocked unconscious
Ramiel is delayed by holy fire while they demand a cure
(and try to menace him with their reputation – making it clear he knows what’s happening
in the world, heaven, hell, lucifer’s child and totally doesn’t care. Also plot
point – Dagon does care. Told you we’d hear more). He demands his property back
Of course Sam and Dean know nothing: and Mary keeps
silent.
the fighting begins and… they stab Ramiel with his shiny spear
Sure they get beat up a bit doing it and it takes 3
hunters but my gods what anti-climax is this?
You spend this much effort building him up despite my
cynicism and he goes down that easy? Why did he even bring the spear? Honestly
this is the worst weapon he could possibly carry since he can kill the Hunters
with his bare hands and the spear is the only thing they could actually kill
him with?
And I’m supposed to take Dagon as a big threat when she appears?
Sure it took 3 hunters to do it – but still they did it
in less than a minute
Except Castiel is still rotting horribly to death… but
Crowley has an inspiration from what Ramiel said when he first gave the spear.
He destroys it – and in so doing saves Castiel
Whoa. Wait. Never mind Ramiel, this is the moment of note
Crowley, this episode, risked life and limb against
Ramiel to save the Winchesters
And given an extremely precious, amazingly powerful
weapon able to kill things which are fairly unkillable, he is willing to throw
this away (and all the super bargaining potential it represents) to save
Castiel
This takes the Crowly/Winchester relationship to waaaaay
more than complicated levels.
They’re still confused by the theft claim. And Mary keeps
silent.
I’m not impressed Mary – that’s really a terrible way to
treat team mates and beyond awful way to treat family. Shame. Shame
She goes go to the Men of Letters to express her rage at
them – but it’s just a threat and she even agrees to keep working with them.
And the item she stole? It’s the Colt. Another weapon that kills the unkillable.
Crowley is also annoyed that he doesn’t have the gun, he
wanted to get it back. Much to the amusement of… is that Lucifer? Does he have
Lucifer in a cage? Lucifer? I think it’s
Lucifer
He does mock Crowley for being a minion of the “dukes of
halfhazard” (ok, that’s a great line) especially since, as far as he sees, it’s
only a matter of time before they come for Crowley as well
So in one episode we got a big bad that was very
disappointing and a story structure that was awful. But we had plot points
galore and the Crowley moments promise for a lot of exciting complexity. Good
and bad. No, Awesome and Terrible. I loved and hated it which is always an
interesting reaction
