Clary kissed Jace last episode. There now commences all the angst ever as Simon mopes, Jace thinks hey he has a chance (though thankfully Izzy is there to tell him how not cool it would be to swoop in right now) and Clary runs around unconvincingly telling everyone she totally loves Simon, honest.
Simon responds by running from Clary, getting drunk on plasma (no I’m not going to try to follow the logic that plasma causes vampire highs because it’s Shadowhunters) and have a daylighter fanpoodle Quinn take him to a club with lots of vampires feeding on humans and it’s all kinky and sexy and consensual because the humans love it and we’re all going to forget the entire yin fenn storyline because it’s inconvenient
Simon feeds on a woman despite his misgivings of nearly killing someone he last time he fed on a vein
And he wakes up the next morning with fuzzy memories and blood all over him. Luke catches up with him to inform him that a woman has been drained of blood and is now dead. Luke also wants to tell Simon he’s totally there for him over the break up because Simon is totally like a son to him since he never had his own sons because that would involve having his own life and not obsessively serving the Shadowhunters his every waking moment.
SImon denies all knowledge but there are his fingerprints on the dead lady and he’s wearing a blood stained t-shirt and really really looks guilty. Leaving Luke torn between stopping the killer vampire and actually doing everything Clary and co want him to do
So he takes Clary on a drive looking for Simon. What you thought killer vampire would take precedence?
Simon runs to Raphael for help
Raphael: Sure, in exchange tell me how you become a daylighter
Simon: What, you’re not just going to give me help and resources because I ask despite the fact I screwed up your power base, work for your enemies and avoid vampire society?
Raphael: You seem to have mistaken me for Magnus and Luke.
So he returns to the scene of the crime where Ollie, Luke’s partner who is suspicious but apparently doesn’t know the whole downworlder thing, arrests him. He goes along with it because GUILTS but she reveals that the victim was apparently bled out from her feet and since Simon has utter foot revulsion he knows he’s innocent
Pause there, Simon - the most recent bites may have been on her feet but no way she bled out from her feet unless someone gnawed those feet off. Your bites on any other, more blood rich, part of her anatomy could have at least contributed. I think we’re calling innocent a bit soon here
But he returns to the club to find Quinn who is coincidently chowing down on some woman’s feet. They fight and Simon pulls combat skills from nowhere, apparently, and manages to win and kill him. Luke and Clary arrive and everyone believes Simon that he didn’t do it. Luke the grabs Raphael to do some mind mojo on Ollie to make her forget Simon and his handcuff breaking ways.
Ha Raphael, you thought you were free?
Over to Magnus and Alec - Alec is sleeping over but never gets to wake up next to Magnus because the censors won’t have it Magnus isn’t sleeping well. That agony rune that was used on him has dragged up his worst memory -his mother committing suicide and his step-father blaming him for being an evil demon child - and then baby Magnus killing him as well. It’s a doozy of an angsty backstory. And Alec is there to comfort him - like 5 minutes at the beginning and end of the episode and so long as clear daylight is visible between them at all times
I’m vaguely annoyed that there’s still a lot of chatter - and apparently podcasts and interviews from people involved in the show pushing “Malec” when this is literally all we get - brief moments, no development and this really weird distance between them. The kiss and the hug were sweet but both involve the Lean. That move so they can hug/kiss with the bare minimum of actual contact between them. And we spent more time on Simon looking sad than we’ve spent on Alec and Magnus’s relationship
In actual plot news, Sebastian is evil - and that person in his cupboard is actually the real Sebastian and he’s evil in disguise. But he needs information from real Sebastian because his cousin, Aline, is visiting all disturbed because Sebastian dropped off the radar for 6 months. But fake Sebastian uses the knowledge from real sebastian to convince Aline he’s legit - because he knows she’s a lesbian or bisexual woman and is closeted and he totally understands because he’s a risk taking drug addict which is totally comparable!
Aline doesn’t stab him in the face though she really should. But she is hanging around. When real Sebastian escapes, fake Sebastian ends up stabbing him. See, just like that Aline should
Meanwhile Alec has decided to move Valentine to Idris becausefuck it they can deal with him - maybe they have someone in the entire country who is over 30. Or 25. Seriously, Alec’s entire counsel of advisors are under 25 AND family or quasi family; is no-one commenting on this? You guys were worried about him being influenced by a warlock? What about him NOT being influenced except by near-teenagers with a track record of incompetence?
Anyway, after some wrangling over whether Magnus will make the portal for them or not because of his angst (I wish they’d talk about paying him) they go with it (further Magnus annoyance - hey let’s prove Alec’s support and love for Magnus by having him choose Magnus to be the one providing service to the Clave that hates him! Yay!)!
But it all goes wrong - somehow - as fake!Sebastian has manipulated the portal by way of blackmail to free Valentine - his father. Yes, this is Valentine’s real son also without his disguise he’s just a raw mess of naked muscle and scars. He doesn’t seem to be that happy to see daddy dearest.