Thursday, February 21, 2019

Charmed: Season 1, Episode 12: You're Dead to Me

After a bizarre little hiatus

In fact, aside, why do American shows do this? Why? I mean I can get skipping an episode because there’s a holiday or something. But several weeks? Several? Why do you do this Americans? Whyyyy?

Anyway so after digging through various letters Macy, Maggie and Mel know the big secret of Macy’s past

So, it turns out Marisol and her husband were distraught by their dead baby daughter Macy so Marisol does the sensible thing and summons a necromancer from Tartarus - see this why she had the scythe to open Tartarus which no-one questioned. Marisol offers the freed necromancer anything in exchange for her baby coming back to life. I know I know, desperate mother and all but I lose all respect for a witch who makes bad open ended bargains like that - because really?

So after much very ominous black magic and hubby being kind of nervous, Macy is resurrected but there’s a price! The price is they can be together for 2 years after which if Marisol sees Macy, Macy will die, like Cinderella without the spinning wheels

Which… ok? I mean hey as far as sacrifices go it’s sad but the baby came back to life. I think you got off pretty easy. And also, this kind of addresses multiple episodes of angst over why Marisol never contacted Macey in a wonderful way. Hey she couldn’t or you died but she loved you so much! ANGST OVER

Angst over?

Why is this angst not over?

So Macy is now super unhappy because she’s DEAD and now ALIVE which makes her UNNATURAL and AGAINST SCIENCE.

Y’know, like telekinesis, teleportation, stopping time, reading minds and everything else you’ve been doing. The UNNATURAL AGAINST SCIEnCE train left the station several episodes ago Macy. She’s super sad so no-one can comfort her but Henry shows up to empathise because he’s also like totally dead and brought back to life. UNNATURAL AGAINST SCIENCE TWINS and it would be super hilarious if he was really offended by what she said but he’s not his all; understanding and says he understands that now you feel out of place and lacking a purpose - but how answers help

I call shenanigans. We’re milking this angst

Anyway - back to Macy in a moment since she’s the main plot line. Lucy, who is kind of awesome, invites Maggie to a Traffic Light party. Which is kind of a party where you have to colour-code your sexual availability? I dunno, it sounds like a much more boring Hanky Code for straight people. Maggie is upset because of Parker to which Lucy awesomely points out that this is not how you get over someone. Anyway, this party where no-one is allowed to look good in black will be relevant later.

Over to Mel and she’s now meeting up with Nikko to find out why she became a PI (because she feels something missing in her life). Despite warnings Mel is definitely pining for her and they even have a coffee not!date with lots of deja vu. Which is super nice and sweet and I really hope we’re heading that way - oh, no, we’re not because by the end of the episode she decides not to because, well we already know why, we covered this. And this just after she kissed Jadia: is this going to be how we do this? Mel gets close to a woman so we swoop in with love interest #2 until they get close and then love interest #1 swoops back in?

Also when shenanigans go down Harry tries to teleport Mel to the rest of them and they end up in Manchester. And to the credit of Charmed they make the wise choice of showing as little of this city as possible rather than exposing how little they know about England (but hey, we already have to believe that Harry, with that accent, is a Mancunian. I guess amnesia covers a lot). We had one weird siren and one dodgy accent alone. Anyway Harry points out to be a whitelighter he has to be 100% dedicated to his charges and his conflicting emotions now means his power is on the fritz which is why he has to quit. Mel instead offers to help him find his son so they can resolve this plot line and move on

Because they don’t have passports, money or magic to get them back to the US.

This would be more interesting if it were actually a plot line rather than a some convenient deja vu leading to the right church, the church records identifying his son’s name and… somehow that translating to his current address. I suppose they could have found a phone book… I guess. Honestly I’ve not even seen a phone book in 10 years. Do we still have phone books?

Anyway they saw an old man so everything is resolved. Yay.

Back to Macy. She wants lots of answers so decides to do some dubious dark magic and sacrifice a rat to summon the necromancer who raised her. It looks scary but ends up summoning Knansie with a K

Ok, she’s a necromancer but insists she’s a super nice woman who is just misunderstood - she claims the elders hate necromancers unreasonably and spread lots and lots and lots of lies about them. And when powerful people spread lies everyone believes them

Which is plausible - and definitely something we’ve seen before in the real world and like many of the social justice messages of Charmed would really work if it wasn’t sabotaged at the end. Again, the writers seem to kind of get the issues they invoke but… not really

So Knansie with a K (who hasn’t aged which she claims is a necromancer thing) is being hunted by a witch who, she says, wanted her to resurrect her demonic boyfriend. She refuses to report this to the elders because of the whole anti-necromancer prejudice. Instead, when the witch shows up throwing burning balls of death they have to subdue her
At this point Knansie with a K also points out to Macy the many ways she can kill with telekinesis, like stopping someone’s heart. This is kind of a big message as to why she’s actually evil but honestly heart stopping vs throwing something heavy and/or sharp at someone is dead either way. And the heart thing has way less clean up

Witch woman decides not to confront them and instead raid Maggie’s colour code party to kidnap her and hold her hostage in a shower filled with magically held water to drown her if they don’t let her kill Knansie. Knansie insists that Macy save her sister by killing the witch trying to murder her

And this is… a bad thing? I mean, Maggie is literally drowning here. Anyway Macy makes the other witch give up but nearly goes full murder but Maggie and a convenient Parker talk her out of it and how to control the big dark evil inside

Knansie makes a run for it but tries to kill Parker while doing so. Oh hey, twist - turns out Knansie made a demonic pact to let her raise the dead using demon blood (which turns all the dead into demons) But is also has a clause that says she can’t attack demons. Parker is a half demon, totally counts and she’s all dead or hellbound or both.

See, playing the whole “people in power spread lies to demonise the vulnerable which everyone believes because of said power” would work better if the vulnerable weren’t, y’know, actually evil.

Honestly I want to know why Knansie with a K is evil for suggesting telekinesis heart stoppage but there’s no consequences for Sid “I’m-going-to-murder-a-charmed-one”? That’s fine? Ok we’ll go with that

In the aftermath they let the murder witch go and Macy seems surprisingly super ok with considering her angst levels about anti-science earlier. And she has a plan - she approaches Parker’s mother, her boss, and wants to help her research how to de-demonise Parker. So long as she gets de-demoned first

And Maggie doesn’t totally hate Parker. So that romance is back on

And Parker’s evil dad seems to be bewitching Lucy to try and get Parker and Maggie back together. I’m sure there’s an evil scheme behind this but I can’t get past the dad trying to get his son in a relationship