Finally I am caught up with the midseason finale just
before this trainwreck returns. And yes I stand by trainwreck – because this
entire show rests on terrible decisions and plot holes and everyone having the
collective intelligence of squid
I apologise to squid for the insult.
First plot hole – we open to the institute being under
attack by Madzie. Yes the little girl Warlock who takes down half a dozen
Shadowhunters, leaving only Alec and Victor to defend the institute.
Really, these guys oppress the Downworld? Magnus alone
could massacre legions of Shadowhunters if he weren’t so slavishly devoted to
them!
This leaves Alec and Victor running around the Institute trying
to turn off the power source so Valentine can’t use it to nuke Downworlders
(since it needs lightning and angel blood). Along the way Alec rather excellently
reminds Victor that he’s still the worst and hates all Downworlders. Victor
needlessly shares with us a humanising anecdote about how he loved a werewolf but
after enduring a massacre she turned into a wolf, lost control she he had to
kill her – and this is how he knows downworlders and shadowhunters should never
be together: significant look at Alec
Yeah bullshit: lots of people are super traumatised after
massacres or torture; don’t put this on wolfy
Alec is in love with a warlock. Have we seen any
indication that a Warlock loses control and zaps people?
I think Downworlders should avoid Shadowhunters because
most Shadowhunters seem to be genocidal monsters, but hey.
Valentine sends a message to Clary that he will totally
kill Simon if she doesn’t come and activate the Downworld killing sword which
will kill him anyway
Really. Again, I apologise to the squid, our tentacle tasty
friends are way more sensible than these people
Since he’s dealing with Clary, Luke is very careful to
point out the obvious to her – that she can’t just hand herself over. Hey it’s
Clary, you know suicidal plunging into danger was on her to do list. For a plan
B, they do run into Dot, all ill from Valentine’s experiments. They take her to
Magnus since he’s the world’s dedicated servant and nursemaid. Dot tells them
all that that angel vision Clary and Jace had means if Jace touches the sword
then it will be destroyed! Sounds like a Plan B
Of course, Dot has been suspicious and working for
Valentine from the beginning but she says she’s totally on their side so that’s
totally fine guys. Really. Again, apologies to the squid, you deserved better
than my insults
This does give them a Plan B since now Jace can go to the
Institute and destroy the sword and stop Valentine. Jace also wants to go help
Alec because he’s belatedly remembered he’s supposed to give a shit about Alec’s
life.
Along the way Maia ambushes them to point out what an
arsehole Luke was to torture her, imprison her and generally put Clary and the
Shadowhunters above her and the pack AGAIN. He tases her. He is not convincing
me she’s wrong.
Meanwhile Izzy is kind of checked out of all this with
Raphael, ignoring calls and him hiding the whole invasion thing from her
presumably out of some misguided attempt to protect her. She rejects him trying
to bite her and asks for a kiss instead: but he reveals he’s not actually into
sex and never was. This could be asexual representation or him just not being
into her without blood on the table. Also I think he’s jumping the gun, she
asked for a kiss not dry humping on the sofa.
He does leave her behind so he, his vampires, Meliorn and
his Seelie can all pursue plan Murder Clary. This is a good plan.
Speaking of Clary, it’s time for a terrible plan.
Valentin injures Simon and Clary realises she simply has to go to the
Institute, ignore all their plans and put them all at risk. Because
she’s Clary, of course she is. She demands Magnus make a portal and because
Magnus has no will of his own and only exists to serve others, he agrees to
this ridiculous, ludicrous idea. At this stage I’m not even mad at Clary, I’m
mad at everyone enabling her.
The portal dumps her in the middle of the Seelie and
vampires who promptly decide to murder her. Yes! Go downworlders! Very very
sensible!
Alas it’s not to be as Jace and Luke arrive and convince them to back their plan instead. Everyone is clear that they’re very done with Luke and his supporting the Shadowhunters. Really, Luke’s reputation is done right now and everyone is really suspicious. And they should kill Clary. Really but they don’t because they assume that Valentine will just find more angel blood somewhere
Because it’s that common guys.
So in the Institute Clary reaches Simon and lets him eat
her blood – only to reveal it’s Jace under a shapeshifting rune there to kill
minions and save Simon. Plan’s going well – don’t’ worry Clary is around to
screw everything up. She leaves Magnus to handle the warlock child while she
runs off to get herself kidnapped. Well done Clary! What would everyone do
without you?
That murdering plan is looking better all the time
At this point Izzy also joins the fight just so everyone
can be present. She also gives Victor a death glare which is all good.
Simon and Jace manage to save Clary from herself, while
Luke , the Seelies et al are fighting waves of Circle Shadowhunters. Seriously
someone needs to address that the genocide guy was able to recruit this many people.
There’s an issue here.
Jace grabs the sword (though Clary wants to stop him
because the vision said he would be killed as well – I think this is a fair
sacrificed) and SURPRISE – turns out Dot was passing on wrong info and Jace isn’t
demon blooded! He’s angel blooded just like Clary which means the sword is just
primed – for Valentine to use.
There’s a flash of light and all the Downworlders inside
the Institute are killed. Except Simon. It’s a complete massacre. Alec is
pretty pissed and horrified and goes looking for where Clary dumped Magnus. Told
you they should have murdered Clary, they should have murdered Jace as well. I’ve
been saying this since… well, season 1 episode 1, true. But now I got a reason
beyond their presence getting on my every nerve
Valentine leaves the Institute preparing to unleash
carnage when Luke, in wolf form leaps on him. He’s not dead because he was
outside with Maia who just realised Luke’s plans have screwed the pack AGAIN.
But he gets stabbed because that leaping didn’t come with
any actual biting. Luke you fail at Alphaing and you fail at werewolfing. This
is what comes of serving Shadowhunters. While Valentine, in proper villain
fashion, decides to monologue rather than just kill Luke, Jace arrives.
Oh. Yay. Jace is here.
They fight. And by fight I mean argue about their family
issues. Holding the Mortal Sword so we know he’s not lying Valentine reveals
Jace isn’t his son, Jocelyn isn’t his mother and Jace isn’t Clary’s sister so
they can totally get it on without incest; oh and he was injected with angel
blood not demon blood. Valentine likes some good exposition while he fights.
Meanwhile Clary grabs the Mortal Sword which Valentine
drops: she’s completely helpless and has no damn plan but divine intervention
strikes (what, you expected Clary to have a plan or do something useful or
helpful ever? What show have you been watching?!) she paints a rune on the
sword – which makes her drop it and it vanish. So rather than be secured
somewhere it’s now in the wild. I just assume that her rune has de-genocided
it, I guess.
Valentine is defeated and captured - alas they don’t kill him because apparently
they want the cup back so they’re going to keep the big bad alive to escape and
be a problem for the rest of the season. We know it’s going to happen.
Luke lives, Magnus is alive and he and Alec kiss and say
they’re in love which is wonderful but, same complaint I’ve had all season,
more show less tell would be nice. Raphael meets Izzy and she’s super pissed at
him for hiding her phone.
And Simon, for reasons unknown (drinking Jace’s blood I
guess) is not only immune to the genocide sword but also sunlight. He’s super
happy about this and he and Clary dance and kiss in the sunlight while Jace
looks on pouting because he’s not having the non-incesty loving
Can I just say there are dozens of Downworlder corpses
here which no-one is even pretending to care about? I mean Simon is celebrating
and Clary and Izzy and Raphael are all pouty but we have seelies and werewolves
and vampires all being massacred and no-one’s even pretending to care here. And
Luke? Luke’s happy because Clary’s ok. Half your pack is dead Luke, but hey
Clary is alive.
