Sunday, April 22, 2018

The Originals Season 5, Episode 1: Where You Left Your Heart

Last season the Mikkaelson vampires split up, each of them taking a shard of the Hollow into themselves, they all went their separate ways to keep this evil apart and stop it from hurting hope.

This season starts 7 years after this and I am absolutely freaking amazed that these characters have managed to handle their shit for this long. So it’s no surprise that after 7 years everything’s kind of falling apart

The city is run by Vincent, with Freya (witches), Josh (vampires, but not really because Marcus is puppeteering him from a distance) and Hayley (werewolves). They’re preparing for Mardi Gras and everyone’s all “hey why do we have to worry about this, everything is fine.” While Vincent is all “really? You fuckers are going to burn it all down. You always do”

Josh is already laying the foundation for that because the werewolves are “we’re going to have this party” and the witches are all “yay we’re planning this party” which the vampires are basically told “just stay out the way” so I’m kinda with Josh when he says “yeah, we’re gonna want some daylight rings for that.”

Freya also has her own conflict because she’s in love with Keelin (despite the whole kidnapping and experimentation thing everyone is just forgiving and forgetting) but Keelin is now in Lebanon because keeping same sex couples apart is super

So let’s start burning stuff down

At the special school for magic students which is like a few years too late to develop the whole magical school popular trope thing which clearly died out a bit sooner than Plec thought. We meet a now older Hope who is in school and we have a briefly appearing hot guy who will no double be more important later. Hope has daddy issues because she’s Mikaelson and this is kind of necessary and she’s super super upset that he can’t even pick up a damn phone to call her.

She has the same decision making ability as the rest of her family and decides that a bullied Crescent werewolf in her school needs some help- so she gives him her blood so she can turn himself into a hybrid. Because becoming something dangerous and different which has caused several wars in the city is a great idea. Also encouraging your classmates to messily commit suicide so they can come back as a dangerous vampire wolf will get you suspended. Oops. Way to keep up family tradition, Hope

But what about the rest of the family? Well Kol seems to be doing the decent thing and staying out the way and only calling his niece to give her terrible advice. This is good, because of The Hollow inside each Original if two of the family get together then things starting getting ominously biblical. Flowers die, water turns to blood, the warning signs are not subtle

Which would be useful in case, y’know, they accidentally bumped into each other so they can realise they need to leave the country. But unfortunately Klaus has decided to stalk his brother Elijah who has had all his memories magically erased. Klaus has always been co-dependent, usually he focuses this on Rebekkah because she’s had the audacity to be more involved in other people than in him. He could always rely on Elijah to follow him around in his usual martyr complex. Elijah didn’t even have a life that didn’t, on some level, revolve around Klaus - and now he can’t even remember Klaus exists

So Klaus keeps stalking him in France and causing all of this apocalyptic nonsense which is getting everyone so stressed - so much so that Freya thinks she won’t be able to pack it all in and go live with Keelin in the Lebanon. Despite everything falling apart she does appeal to Vincent to absolve her guilt so she can be with Keelin without thinking that she’s abandoning everyone.

Rebekkah is also supposed to be living a deliriously happy like with Marcel, with lots of luxury and romance and he even proposed to her and it’s all going to be wonderful. Except she can’t say yes because she’s also obsessing about her family and Marcel is losing patience with it, giving her an ultimatum - marry him or he’s out because he’s tired of these shenanigans.

Since Klaus stops picking up his phone and everyone needs him to grow up and stop ruining things for once, they deputise Caroline to go visit. Klaus now has a reputation for being unstable and murdering people for funsies

So nothing’s changed there then

While cleaning up after his latest slaughter (because we’re all quite casual about massacres but not about ruined furniture), Caroline pretty much pins Klaus down. She knows he isn’t any more unstable than usual, but his paranoia over Elijah means he has decided to kill all their enemies and the descendents of their enemies but it’s probably more a distraction from other issues: namely Hope. He hasn’t even picked up the phone to speak to her because he has daddy issues. Caroline finally tells him what everyone needed to for the last few centuries - that was a thousand years ago and it’s about time he got over it

Note that we’re all more concerned about Klaus being an absent dad than we are that he’s running around being a serial killer, because The Originals.

In New Orleans things get more tense, Hayley tries to talk to the adoptive mother of the new Hybrid about trying to protect the kid who is obviously now a target for everyone. And then he loses control and kills a popular vampire. And the vampires are Not amused that there’s a new hybrid in town that can so easily kill them. Hayley manages to keep things calm with an epic speech because she’s very very very good at being reasonable but things are… tense. Also Hope has sired this new hybrid so she now has complete control over him. I’m sure this will cause no problems, honest.

I suppose I should mention hayley’s new human boyfriend of the dubiously thick Irish Accent and sexy blue eyes. But he’s human so he’s going to be tragically turned or tragically die or tragically turn out to be a secret demon or leprechaun or something.

And part of that tension involves someone - it looks like a magic user - knocking Hayley out and making her disappear. Losing the voice of reason we’re all going to need

 Because Rebekkah has gone to see Elijah. As well. Good gods Rebekkah, WHHYYYY?! When water turns to blood this is NOT A GOOD SIGN

Rejected, Marcel has decided to return to New Orleans

And hearing Hope has disappeared Klaus decides he’s going to as well.

I am afraid

I am afraid that after the Vampire Diaries groaned on about 3 seasons after it’s natural end and the Originals kept limping on rehashing the same old conflicts long after the writers should have admitted that they’d reached an end, we now have Hope. In her magical school. With magical friends. And, after a 7 year gap, Hope is approaching old enough to be a protagonist in her own right (and maybe with Caroline and Alec’s own children). What are the chances of Plec Frankensteining this series yet again?

One of my pet hates about the Originals is a pet hate I have for all media - I find it very hard to get invested in the stories of people who are constantly digging themselves out of the last hole they made while simultaneously making three or four holes for the future. Obviously this is a reasonable story now and then but when your entire plot revolves around bad decisions causing problems for future plot points, it gets old.

Hey, anyoen remember Eddie, Josh’s new boyfriend? He was mentioned like once in season 4 and then dropped in a pit

Freya, just abandon this town, there is no hope.