Pass me my booze, I’m going in!
Tyler wakes up to find a woman kissing her way across his naked chest – it seems the Traveller possessing him has been using him as a sexy toy which is all kinds of nasty and rapey – but seeing his chance to escape, Tyler pretends to be Julian. Maria, the woman enjoying him, reveals they’re moving to the last camp because Markos is going to kidnap the dopplegangers that day. Tyler decides to hurry up his escape plans – and shifts.
Back at Casa Salvatore, Luke is failing to cast a locator spell for Damon (are we even sure he’s a witch? I mean, last week he was kidnapped by teenaged athletes with no magical power and now he’s been casting a spell long enough for Damon to get impatient – admittedly not the longest unit of time in the world – and it’s not working.) Of course it may not be working because Damon is trying to get Luke to find Enzo who is unfindable on account of being dead.
(Hey, someone remind me why Luke is doing any magic for Damon again? Any reasons? No? +1 drink).
Stefan does a terrible job of convincing Damon that they can all just ignore the humanity-less vampire on a revenge kick (not the easiest of cases to make) when Tyler shows up and expositions some more – apparently the Travellers can break witch magic! And cure vampirism – of course vampirism is actually a way of animating a corpse, so “curing” it doesn’t give you a living breathing human – it gives you a dying human. Sloane is now dead. Still they can break witch magic.
So find Markos and kill him. Luke, fire up your locator spell – alas he can’t for Reasons (no, really, are we sure he’s a witch? Has he actually done any magic?) Plan B is to leave Tyler to figure out a way to find Markos using Julian who is still possessing him while Damon takes Elena and Stefan to a secret location (Caroline’s father’s cabin which he apparently had) so Luke can finally prove his mojo and mask them both from Traveller finder magic.
Of you could just hand Elena and Stefan over, let them have Mystic falls and move to, say, Florence? No? Probably not since Markos wants to break his little Traveller curse by destroying all witch magic – which technically includes vampires.
Anyway this is going to be super-duper unfun because Elena and Damon are all mopey at each other and Stefan murdered Damon’s murderous best friend and then lied about it so AWKWARD! And Caroline realises they don’t need inviting in because her dad is all dead and stuff (she belatedly realises this is a sad thing). Stefan, despite being centuries old and hiding the fact he’s an immortal killer all that time, is utterly incapable of keeping a secret or not looking super guilty when trying to do so. Really, it’s amazing he doesn’t go through crowded places yelling he’s a vampire.
They’re also joined by Enzo’s ghost – because we definitely need this unnecessary side character to hang around even longer! Damon and Elena have an angst angst mope mope mope drifting back together moment (just fill a glass).