Van Helsing, Season 1, Episode 1: Help Me

The first episode of Van Helsing aaaand…. Hmmm… yes… hmmm

My first “hmm” actually comes from the fact Syfy has provided us a huge guide on how the apocalypse happened, the different kinds of vampires et al

Which is nice? I mean guides like this are great on, say, Defiance which is bringing two different media (TV and computer games) together or on Game of Thrones which has been running forever and built so many many plot lines

But if your new show requires a wikia? That kind of suggests “hey we suck at world building communication. Go do your homework”.

Then we have the fake lead in – where we start with the action half way through the episode: Vanessa Helsing being attacked by vampires as she lays comatose and having a nifty, but seemingly excessively gory fight scene.

Before cutting to “36 hours earlier”

I hate this trick, I hate this a lot in any episode – but if you’re doing it in the pilot, you’re virtually announcing that the first half of the very first episode has absolutely nothing to convince a watcher to keep watching. This doesn’t bode well

To the actual episode we get a nice little text lead in – it’s 2019. 3 years since “The Rising” began and civilisation has fallen

Wait wait… that’s 3 years from now… zomg it’s a dystopian world where Donald Trump won!

Vampires rule the streets… ah, not Donald Trump supports. Don’t worry guys, it’s not as bad as that! We also have a human saviour, y’know, conveniently labelled in case you don’t get it from the first episode (honestly it’s not exactly subtle. Actually, the whole dystopia isn’t exactly hard to see either – this show does love to beat you about the head with things to make sure you get it).

So to the ACTUAL beginning of the episode – we’re introduced to Vanessa in a secure hospital place where she has been snoozing for a very very long time. She is guarded by Axel, a marine who is all on his lonesome except for Doc, who is now a vampire so he keeps her locked up and feeds her blood. Doc and Axel apparently had a thing. I’m going to need someone to address this character rather than have her stuck in a cage making animalistic growling noises.

He is finally joined when one of his fellow marines returns, Ted, bringing a whole posse of survivors with him who all join them in the bunker after a fight against raging vampire-zombies (honestly at this stage vampire/zombie is fairly interchangeable. Bites infect, the vampires are “feral” so pretty mindless).

There’s a gazillion of these people, most of whose names I don’t remember and I imagine will die over the next few episodes – ablative extras. The ones to note:

Sam, a deaf man (which is very unusual in a post-apocalyptic scenarios to see any disability) and Mohamad a Black man. While neither of these are developed characters, they quickly support Axel during conflicts so will probably continue as Important Sidekicks

We have John who repeatedly fights with Axel because his wife was left outside and he’d kind of like to go out there and save her and Axel won’t let him.

There’s also Dead Lady, Cynthia (who gets upset over dead lady) and Nicole (who is generally hostile)

We have a fair bit of everyone sniping because Axel has all the diplomacy skills of a bull running at Pamplona and keeps pointing guns at people while the survivors have a couple of people who are just arsey for funsies and don’t really like Doc the vampire not being properly murdered.

There’s also Ted wandering around acting like Axel’s best friend in a totally not suspicious way. Oh and Vanessa is still unconscious as she has been for several months for reasons.

Teen Wolf, Season 5, Episode 20: Apotheosis

 It is time for the Teen Wolf season finale, with the Beast running amok as Sebastian and everyone plotting to find a way to defeat him. Actually, it’s a little confused since it seems to bring together every plot line from every direction and I’m not super sure they all make sense, but hold on and we’ll try to grab them all.

The Argents have found the pike that Marie-Jeanne used to kill the Beast the first time (owned by one of the Dread Doctors who turns out to have been Marcus, Sebastian’s long lost friend which, I suppose, finally gives them a motivation for what they’ve done), now in nifty and portable sword-cane form. They have all their bags of tricks to stalk the Beast and give it a good stabbing

Scott & co are less willing to just murder Mason and want to bring him back – which they think they can do because they’ve dragged up some werewolf lore where you can make a werewolf turn human by saying it’s given name (wouldn’t that have been useful at some point in the last five seasons? Or this season). The only snag is a banshee has to do it. This out is brought to you from the department of ideas-pulled-out-of-writer’s-arses-at-the-11^th-hour.

The downside to that is one of Beastie Sebastien’s attacks hit Lydia and badly hurt her throat. No banshee powers for you! He also mauled Hayden’s abdomen because why not?

So they’re down one Lydia, but luckily Melissa steps up with cortisone which, in Beacon Hills, magically cures gaping neck wounds! Yay, Banshee is dragged out of her near death bed to be a weapon! Go Lydia! You already spent most of the season locked in Eichen House, we can’t bench you for the season finale as well.

So good plan? No, because Theo. Theo has decided to try and be relevant by killing Vicky, one of his extra-chimeras with chimera powers, to steal her abilities while Deucalion snarks on. Now powered up by all his chimera’s, Theo decides to interfere – his getting involved gets Scott Kanima’d (only the venom only lasts a few minutes which I’ll out down to Scott getting more powerful), Lydia gets dropped in a pit and Parrish the Hellhound, distracted by Lydia, gets knocked aside by the Beast

Which promptly slaps Theo aside – turns out Deucalion has been working for Scott all along and isn’t really blind (because of course the one actual disabled character in this show is going to be magically cured) and totally lied to Theo about stealing beast powers. He snaps Theo’s neck. No-one was sad.

Can we have a screeching halt here to examine this? Deucalion has been working with Scott all along? Since when? I mean, did he really recruit Deucalion (who has no reason at all to like Scott) to infiltrate Theo’s gang (remembering he didn’t even know Theo was an enemy for a long time) to lie to him about Belasco’s talons not working before Scott even knew they were a thing?

Once Upon a Time, Season 5, Episode 12: Souls of the Departed

The gang is heading to the Underworld – though Neal makes a brief appearance from a happier place to tell Emma that a) he’s not there and b) she really really shouldn’t go there. Of course she must to save Killian (who is way sexier than Neal)

But when they get to the Underworld they find it looks a lot like Storybrooke due to the mystical power of it being cheaper to recycle sets than create a new one – and it’s filled with people who had unfinished business. Most of which have unfinished business because, well, of the gang who just went down to the Underworld (that would be Emma, Henry, Regina, Mary Margaret, David, Robin Hood and Gold). That could be tricksy.

We meet a few old faces – Mary Margaret runs into James, David’s evil (and sexier) twin brother (why is evil so sexy? Whyyyy?)

Rumple runs into his dad – Peter Pan (at this point it occurs to me that I should like to some of these past episodes which make all these relationships make sense – but some of these are going to take dozens of reminders so just run with it if you don’t remember). Peter Pan is, of course, still evil and would quite like Rumple to betray one of his friends because if one of them stays behind he gets to go home. I think it’s unlikely unless Peter sweetens the pot – not because Rumple is in one of his good arcs (he isn’t – he’s definitely edgy-not-all-that-nice Gold at the moment since he recently got all his dark magic back and Emma is flat blackmailing him to make him co-operate) but because Rumple really really really hates his daddy.

Even with Rumple’s magic finding Killian looks like it’s going to be a difficult path especially since he’s apparently suffering some terrible torment for extra angsty

But before we hit more of the meat we’ve got to touch on the flashback of this episode – back when Regina was technically evil and wanting to squish Snow White’s heart (I say technically because I kind of want to squish Mary Margaret’s heart on a regular basis and I’m sure I’m only a little evil around the edges. She is very very annoying. Just a little heart squishing?). Meanwhile her dad, Henry (this is pre-curse sacrifice days) continues to be the man who loves her so very dearly and wishes she would give up this whole terrible vengeance quest and stop being like evil mother Cora. He tries pleading, begging constantly showing her eternal love and devotion (and, while she doesn’t listen to him, she does clearly love him) an even tries to sabotage her plot for revenge in the hope of keeping her redeemable (apparently squishing Snow White’s heart would make her irredeemable. Squishing a random guard’s? Not so much). All the while Cora is there waving the flag for murderous revenge as the only path to true happiness

The Strain, Season 2, Episode 12: Fallen Light

It is now the penultimate episode of the season. For the love of all that is sensible, please move the story ON. Really “vampires are taking over New York, the good guys can’t stop them” has been the state of play since the very first episode. So far this entire season is almost skippable.

The show mocks me by recapping all the mini plots that didn’t go anywhere. Why do you taunt me show? I also may scream if Abraham doesn’t get that fecking book. I’m not even going to bother remember it’s name now. It’s going to be The Fecking Book from now on.

So we start moving the plot along with a flashback to before the whole vampire invasion

I’m just going to weep quietly in a corner.

It’s Ephraim and Nora at the CDC discussing plague and Ephraim and Nora having sexual tension back when Nora had ideas and opinions and a point rather than being a babysitter. And yes I mention sexual tension because no soon have her qualifications been raised than they’re quickly shoved to the back burner to talk about how hot she is. And how good Ephraim and Nora are as a couple.

In the present we now learn that Zack’s grandparents (Kelley’s parents) are alive. Because we care. Honest. Ephraim is concerned because he wants to focus on stopping the end of the world rather than the boring side plot that is Zack, while Nora is, again, in babysitter mode. Oh if only she were a CDC scientist dedicated to saving mankind from a deadly scourge and not a childminder.

Blah blah emotion, grandmother, kid-no-one-cares-about-who-needs-to-be-eaten. Family angst, blah. In the end Ephraim decides to get Zach out the city to his grandparents

Dutch is deeply traumatised after her experiences last episode and Vasiliy kind of needs to give her space. But he doesn’t and now she feels guilty because he’s so amazingly wonderful and she was terribad awful and had the temerity to be attracted to someone else (who, recall, she has a terribad awful relationship with unlike the awesomeness of Vasiliy). She has chosen to live with Nikki, she wants a real relationship with her (I don’t hold my breath because she’s just spent 3 episodes saying how awesome Vasiliy is and has little good to say about Nikki).

When Dutch goes to see Nikki it seems Nikki is just leaving with her mother (while her mother provides a narrative of contempt). Dutch tries to convince Nikki how they will have happy families, but Nikki decides that the whole saving the world from vampires is totally not her fight and leaves after a goodbye kiss. I am totally unshocked

From Dusk Till Dawn, Season 2, Episode 5: Bondage

Seth and Sonja have just been confronted by an unpleasant man with a gun who has just figured out that Richie and Seth are the infamous Gecko brothers. Seth decides to be condescending to Sonja and we have a three way argument with guns – and Seth’ uncle Eddie happily steps in to shoot the guys. Now someone has to clear up the mess.

Eddie has some rather bizarre reticence to share info with Seth despite the big guys with guns. He finally tells Seth about a truly massive illegal operation run by the “Browns” covering most of Texas and worth $33,000,000; and somewhere in the middle of it is a huge warehouse full of lots of skimmed profit. And Richie may have stumbled onto it (So I take it this network is Malvado’s).

Santanico has been imprisoned and tired up by Carlos. Of course she’s in her underwear. He shows her the shiny new knife he has after his little trip into the labyrinth. He’s determined to bring her back to the show which she absolutely refuses to tolerate.

Paloma and the other girls are still locked up and ready to be shipped out. Richie is being held by the nast pimp who calls Narcisco to let him know how everything has gone weird with Carlos and Santanico. Nasty Pimp doesn’t listen to Narcisco and seems quite put out by the fact Richie is listening to a ghostly Santanico rather than his threats. Richie’s more focused on following the plan (per ghostly Santanico) when Seth spoils things by rescuing him and shooting the guy. Clearly Richie has to eat everyone then.

Richie is not amused by this. The brothers get right to bickering as they leave the bodies behind, since Seth is a little annoyed that Richie has dragged Eddie into lots of trouble. Seth won’t let him leave until Richie tells him about the truck of “flesh” that is being sold to the “browns” (and, yes, Seth is disgusted at the idea of peddling women though Richie insists none will be eaten). Seth insists on coming with him in looking for the truck.

Eddie is also not very happy with Richie. He’s quite… vehement about it. They snark back and forth endlessly. I do like how they bounce off each other. Anyway, Eddie has found them a corrupt sheriff who could help. Richie wants to bite him, Seth vetoes the idea and they go for huge bribes.

Time to catch up with the Reckoning guy, he is still tracking down Richie through nasty means, eating flesh, killing people, et al.

Continuum Season 4, Episode 4: Zero Hour

Alec is all angsty over his break up and Jason tries to tell him that Emily isn’t his mother so not the woman he’s supposed to be with. Alec is angry that Jason drove Emily away and lashes out –he isn’t the man Jason remembers, he isn’t Jason’s father, that isn’t him and he doesn’t actually want to become him.

On to Lucas’s funeral with Kiera and Alec discussing the whole complexity of what Lucas was fighting for and how Kiera has swapped sides and he went from an enemy to a missed ally and the general hugeness that is the development of this show.

Brad comes to the funeral and Kiera and Brad argue – he blames her, she blames him. Kiera finally starts asking some questions about what Brad’s people are doing. He says he knows nothing – but wants the key Kiera stole and Alec now has.

Uh-huh this sounds like a terrible idea – give him the key to their tech when he doesn’t know what it does.

Kiera goes to see Carlos after yet another high tech theft. More distrust. More secrecy. They hope Alec will have more information while Alec is busy trying to patch up with Jason (and the general awkwardness of “parenting kids twice your age”). Alec wants to know who his mother is but Jason is reluctant because it’s not the time yet... it’s a whole matter of whether Alec’s destiny is fixed or not

Brad and Soren raid a blood bank to steal… blood. Still lots of distrust going round. Of course, Brad on the security camera makes Carlos angry and adds to the distrust between Kiera and Carlos. Carlos finally has a time limit for Kiera to actually come up with something in the next day. Looking at the synopsis of what Alec things the future soldiers are building (a time travel device) Alec makes it clear he also doesn’t trust Brad. But he does worry that the future soldiers have made a super weapon

Kiera confronts Brad about this but he assures her that it’s not a bomb and they totally wouldn’t do that. He does have an address of a storage facility where they were storing something unknown. Mission talk then goes on to relationship talk – all watched by Curtis.

She checks the warehouse with Carlos – inside which is a dialysis machine.

Kellogg is also getting tired of his bodyguard, Vasquez, not telling him anything and tries to seduce her. She decides to strangle him since future him had already warned her that he is hella creepy when it comes to women.

Continuum, Season 4 Episode 3: Power Hour

Travis is in prison and Carlos is talking to him – well mocking him about how Liber8 has failed to improve the world. Travis doesn’t see it that way – he rightly points out that they’ve exposed a lot of badness and caused change – even Kiera now agrees with Liber8.

But Liber8 vs Corporations is so several seasons ago and Kiera wants Carlos to hand Travis to her custody. They’ve got super-soldiers from the future running amok so they need their own super soldiers to combat them – Travis fits the bill. Carlos isn’t a fan of this, especially since Kiera is keeping him in the dark and putting all her faith in Brad, her inside man who is doing very little

Even Travis agrees with Carlos on that.

Brad is dealing with the fact not all the super soldiers have accepted him back into the fold, though Marcellus still seems to trust him

At team Geek, Lucas and Julian are both poking Alec’s “breakup angst” and excellently keep Alec from getting above himself as seems to be Julian’s raison d’etre these days. They do have an interesting debate on how, while Kellogg beat Alec, he also saved Alec from his terrible future as corporate overlord while Julian is worried that he’s still detsined to be super-bad guy, which then Lucas objects to because, as a member of Liber8, he sees Julian as the founder of a heroic resistance movement.

See, this is why Continuum has so vastly improved from its early days. We have complexity and nuance and simple pronouncements of “good vs bad” just go all shaky because there’s so many sides and view points and just about everyone is at least a little right in some cases and at last a little wrong.

Lucas is a little in awe seeing Julian write a historic manifesto that will one day inspire him so much – and then horrified when Julian burns it. Julian is trying to erase his own legacy.

Except Lucas finds the whole Theseus manifesto online. Julian is not happy and decides to track this person down, finding a woman who is quite happy to see him – she published his manifesto because Curtis told her to. Because things aren’t complicated enough. Nope, let’s make it more complex – the woman is Mrs. Kagame, the mother of Edward Kagame, head of Liber8. Curtis tries to get him to talk out his legacy – his revolution and how he loses, while at the same time telling him to have courage and don’t assume that the future written. He adds that Julian has a responsibility to lead the movement so it isn’t abused by fanatics. Julian doesn’t seem convinced.

Dominion, Season 2, Episode 12: Day of Wrath

Michael puts on his best sad face while looking over the ruin of Vega after the amphora – when Gabriel tackles him. Michael is surprised his evil brother did something evil – but then sees the darkness in Gabriel’s eyes after Julian dropped amphora-ness inside them (see, decent health and safety laws would have mandated an “avoid contact with eyes” label on those amphora).

Alex tries to assure Gabriel that it’s black magic affecting him and they’re totally best buddies honest (except the war and abandoning him in New Delphi etc etc). Reason vs dark magic never goes well so the two archangels fight while yelling their family issues at each other.

This calls for a flashback to 2016 in Texas with Michael and Gabriel in a bar discussing their then newly disappeared daddy with Noma watching. Gabriel is especially bitter since Michael got his markings, Uriel got something… and he got the 7^th seal. The seal of the apocalypse – which he wants to use to destroy humanity. He assumes, not entirely unreasonably, that god must want humanity to be wiped out, despite Michael clinging to Raphael’s prophecy of a chosen one – though Gabriel thinks Raphael has a poor record with prophecies. He breaks the seal – and the apocalypse invasion of 8 Balls begins, causing mass death and destruction.

Gabriel appeals to Michael to help him, but Michael angrily rejects him (leaving Gabriel looking lost) and goes looking for the Chosen One. Noma, surprisingly, follows Gabriel and his plan to kill Alex to bring Michael back to Gabriel’s side.

Back in the present, Michael and Gabriel continue to fight and debate – Michael deciding giving Gabriel the 7^th seal was actually a test (I don’t buy it, nor does Gabriel). Gabriel wins the fight and keeps beating Michael to whine about his brother abandoning him and leaving him to run the apocalypse on his own (his need to rant stops him killing Michael quickly). But Michael blames someone else for breaking their father – Lucifer (who chose humanity long before Michael did). He tells Gabriel that Lucifer is still alive – which is apparently news, since the other 4 Archangels supposedly killed him.

Since Lucifer is more powerful than either of them, Michael appeals to Gabriel that he needs him. Gabriel agrees – but he doesn’t believe Michael, so he’s going to drag him to Mallory to confirm it for himself.

Noma and Alex are looking or Claire in the devastated Vega, though Noma is still reeling from the renewed loss of her wings.

Claire’s arm is injured but she isn’t dead, she wakes up surrounded by corpses and a very broken Arika. Arika tells Claire what happened to her in her vision – everything they did to Rose being done to her. Claire tells Arika about her own broken dream. Arika begs Claire to trust her and together they go looking for Alex.

Dominion, Season 2, Episode 11: Bewilderment of the Heart

Gabriel just unleashed the Amphora of darkness against Vega. This is a bad thing, going by the inky clouds and ominously dying flowers.

In Claire’s command room everything goes berserk, people fight, people shoot each other – and repeatedly themselves and there are explosions everywhere. Only major characters are immune due to powerful amounts of plot armour. Claire, Alex, Noma and Michael

Though Claire does hear a baby cry and goes to find her hallucination kid because while menfolk go berserk, women see babies. Of course they do. She has an idyllic hallucination of her, her baby, Alex (hah, bye Gates, you’re forgotten).

Michael helpfully expositions what the cloud does – it makes you hallucinate (brings out the darkness inside you) so you will harm yourself or others. It also kills flowers. I rather think it could just kill people like it does plants and be a lot neater, this whole hallucination thing is just a nasty little extra sadism. Angels are resistant and Alex is just special. Actually Michael thinks he’s so pure he just has no darkness inside him. He’s the last pure heart

Really?!

The whole of Vega is in chaos while they look for the amphora to shut it up again – something only an angel can do. Except unlike the super special one they’re only resistant, not immune and Nora is already starting to see dark hallucination-ness. Because even though she has shown epic self-sacrifice, she is still not the purest of them all. She doesn’t tell Alex she’s hallucinating but does convince him they need to split up – or say she does but Alex follows her anyway.

And Michael starts his own hallucinations (Nora killing Alex) because even an archangel succumbs before pure Alex.

Meanwhile David is being led to his execution, begging all the way to the noose. Only for a stay of execution to be granted at the last minute. Baaaaad idea. There’s only one person who can match David and that’s Arika. But he’s been rescued by… an angel possessed version of himself? Ok more black cloud hallucinations I assume. Anyway, Most-evil-David wants to make Evil-David admit he’s a monster (he has a very convincing argument).

The Strain, Season 2, Episode 11: Dead End

Dutch has been imprisoned by Eichorst in a slightly creepy SAW set up. Eichorst continues to be creepy and evil. He continues to be creepy and Dutch just isn’t having it with this evil nazi vampire. Just to make it even worse, it seems Eichorst is becoming fascinated by Dutch

This also leads to this week’s flashbacks – now Eichorst’s life before the war when he was a door-to-door salesman. Which he wasn’t that good at (not helped by Germany’s economic woes). This is, of course, all about a woman, Helga, who he was all dorkily crushing over back then. She was kind to him when he was being mocked for being a terrible salesman. They have a little romance where he tells her to pursue her dreams while he has no ambition at all. Which is when, all vulnerable, he hears a Nazi speech which he thinks is the bestest thing ever. Helga disagrees because she is vehemently against anti-Semitism but Eichorst is all for blaming the Jews for everything. She is thoroughly disgusted, especially since she is Jewish. He tries to walk back his bigotry and say only foreign Jews are bad

Unsurprisingly this doesn’t comfort Helga.

Later, as a Nazi and member of the SS, Helga appeals to Eichorst to help her not be deported to a concentration camp – which he refused to do. She is later hanged and he pretends to be unaffected

We now return to present after this completely unnecessary flashback where Eichorst force-feeds Dutch pineapple. To further this storyline we really do not need and do not want, he forces her to take off her trousers and then puts lipstick on her. She manages to use pepper spray on him before he rapes her with his vampire tongue-thing.

She runs through the boarded up section of the hotel (in lipstick and without trousers because the writers need a good slap upside the head).

Vasiliy, Nora and Ephraim head to the hotel where they were told Dutch was being held – and it is crawling with National Guard. Vasiliy has a lot of knowledge of the city and knows a back way in to the boarded up section of the building.

Once Upon a Time, Season 4, Episode 18: Heart of Gold

So the gang lost the author and Mary Margaret and David reveal the past they have with the guy who manipulated them into banishing Lillith, Maleficent’s daughter. Emma doesn’t give a damn about them being manipulated – they did what they did and then they LIED

ZOMG THE LIES! THE TERRIBAD LIES!

Can we get away from this bizarre moral code that puts “lying” above child experimentation and kidnapping? Please?

Emma seems to get that… kind of. Because she then is heartbroken that she became the Saviour at the expense of someone else’s soul (still kind of an “all about me” pity fest more than pity for the victim, but better than the ZOMG LIES, I guess). David makes more excuses (“we’re human.” Yes because child kidnap is something lots of humans do) and Emma won’t hear it because if he keeps talking we’ll have to form an orderly queue to slap David.

They follow the Author who is trying to make a new magic quill, which he can’t do because, as Gold points out, none of the trees in Storybrooke are enchanted. Gold has one… of course.

Gold also has Regina captive but has a far more powerful way of controlling her – something has happened to Robin. This calls for a flashback

9 weeks ago

When Robin and family left Storybrooke and Robin showed his undying love for Regina in front of his wife and their child. They move to New York planning to move into Baelfire/Neal’s old place. They don’t adapt that well. They are, after all, Storybrooke characters with no alias, so no experience of the modern world.

Marianne angsts because it’s all her fault and Robin does actually love Regina more. Angst session is interrupted because Gold (back before the return) also decided to use Baelfire’s old flat – since it’s his son’s home and all. They bicker – and Gold seems to have a heart attack

When he wakes in hospital, Gold decides it’s not a conventional heart attack – it’s a moral heart attack because he’s such a bad person that he’s poisoned his heart and he has no magic to protect himself

And another flashback:

Grimm, Season Four, Episode Eleven: Death Do Us Part

"He felt now that he was

not simply close to her,

but that what he did not know

where he ended and she began."

A group of ghost hunters show up at an abandoned house in order to capture on film their experience there.  This of course cannot end well. They are recording for a show called Ghost Seekers. Ray tells the camera that the Donovans were killed in this location by a massive jolt of electricity, which led to cracked skulls, shattered teeth and blown out eyes. Ray says that the legend has it that the husband haunts the house looking for his lost love while the killer of the couple roams free.

Nick has returned from dropping off Monroe and Rosalie at the airport, to find the house empty, so he calls Juliet and leaves a message.  Juliet is in fact still at Renard's explaining that her sudden identity as a Hexenbiest is the result of the potion which turned Nick back into a Grimm.  Juliet asks Renard how to make this stop and when Renard says this might take some time, Juliet begs him to call his mother.

The ridiculous ghost hunters enter the house and begin their set up.  Ray stares into the camera and promises that no matter what they see, they won't stop shooting. Ray makes his way upstairs because the murder took place in the master bedroom. Ray's EMF meter moves into the red and so he tells the camera that there is definitely a ghost in the bedroom.  Downstairs, Carol's EMF meter moves to the red and she calls Paul.  Carol notes that the ceiling light turned on and off and this is weird because there is no power in the house.  Upstairs, Ray is now in the bedroom looking at the scorched bed, while downstairs, the elements on the stove turn on.  Upstairs, Ray is attacked by a creature and screams. Paul and Carol rush to the base of the stairs, in time to see a scorched and quite dead Paul come tumbling down.

Juliet has returned home with groceries to explain her absence.  Nick and Juliet talk about how tense things have been lately but Juliet says that she is certain things are going to get back to normal now.  Later, Nick and Juliet lie next to each other in bed but neither of them sleep.  Juliet dreams of Nick at the Grimm trailer picking up a weapon.  Nick then heads upstairs and attacks her, saying that he knows what she is, causing Juliet to wake up.   Juliet calls Renard and learns that Renard has found someone she can talk to.  The two set up a meeting time.

The cops are all at the old Donovan house.  Wu calls the case weird and adds that he spent the night at the trailer.  Wu leads Hank and Nick into the house, where the dead Ray lies on the floor.  Wu says that the other two ghost seekers said that Ray's body came flying down the stairs.  The cops head upstairs and find Ray's camera, and wonder if it recorded Ray's death.  Outside, Paul and Carol explain that they are ghost hunters and how they have been doing this series for over a year. Carol and Paul say that Ray was killed by a ghost, just like the legends.  Paul swears to find the ghost who killed their friend but Hank and Nick make it clear that this is an open investigation and that it is up to them to find out who killed Ray.

Renard waits in his car and a car drives erratically around him almost hitting Juliet.  When the driver gets out, Juliet confronts him about almost hitting her but the man walks away.  Juliet woges and the car explodes. The driver rushes over, so Renard hops out of his car, grabs Juliet's arm and marches her away, saying that it is time for lunch.

Back at the station, Nick and Hank talk about the strange stories of the house over the last few years.  Hank shows Nick two pictures of the Donovans.  As Nick examines the crime scene photos, he realises that it looks a lot like what happened to Ray. They learn that detective Mark Wilson worked the original case and decide to invite him in for coffee.

At the restaurant, Renard tells Juliet that he wants her to meet Henrietta. Renard doesn't know much about Henrietta but warns that Juliet might have to go through an evaluation.  Renard writes down the number and tells Juliet to memorize it and the moment she does, the number disappear from the page. Juliet is amazed and Renard explains that Henrietta did that.

Wilson is at the station and reveals that the cops couldn't get much off the Donovans bodies because of how badly burned they were.  Wilson adds that the weird part is that only the Donovans bodies and the mattress they were found on was burned; the rest of the room was untouched. Nick asks about a robbery but the money was still there.  Wilson says that they went with a love triangle gone bad because Patti Donovan was having an affair with Theo Hinkley and it turns out, Patti decided not to leave her marriage for Theo.  Wilson adds that they spoke to Lily, Theo's wife but she was only angry.

Stetson, who appears to be homeless, lets himself inside the house carrying a garbage bag. Stetson makes his way upstairs to the room where Theo and Patti were killed.  Stetson then lies on the bed.

Z Nation, Season One, Episode Eleven: Sisters of Mercy

Addy and Mack make their way through a tunnel Mack claims Citizen Z directed them to.  Addy takes great pleasure in killing zombies, as she goes on about being Cinderella.  Mack suggests that she could have just given them mercy.  When Addy and Mack hear a sound, they decide to follow it and find themselves face to face with Warren and the rest of the group.  It's time for hugs and kisses and the group reunites.  Apparently, Citizen Z told them that there was food in the tunnel along with someone to help them out.  Cassandra is limping from being hurt by a piece of barbed wire.

The group finds Chester, the man they were sent to meet and Addy absolutely savages his remains, causing Murphy to snark that someone got up on the wrong side of the apocalypse.  Warren pulls Mack aside to question what happened to Addy and he simply says that Addy is working through some issues. They hear Citizen Z trying to make contact and enter the next room, to see him on a computer screen.  Citizen Z gets to see Murphy for the first time and is shocked.  Citizen Z then informs them that California is back on track and that he is looking forward to meeting up with the team.   Citizen Z is ecstatic to see and talk to people again.  He is then informed by Mack that Chester is dead.

The group has a new vehicle and is back on the road.  As they drive towards Salt Lake City, they keep coming across little zombie children.  Addy finally gets Warren to stop when she sees yet another child zombie and hops out of the car.  Addy stands with her bat ready to give mercy and pauses, when she gets a flashback to the little boy lying on the floor the day she had to kill her mother. Worried, Mack calls out to Addy and 10K takes out the zombie.  Warren rushes to Addy to check on her and Addt says that she is fine and storms back into the car.

Back on the road, they see yet another child zombie.  This time it's Warren who gets out of the car.  It turns out that the boy is actually alive.  Warren checks on him and he asks for water.  The kid introduces himself as Sam and says that he is going to Salt Lake City to see his dad.  Warren tries to warn Sam that it is not safe and that the city has been overrun with zombies.  Sam does not believe her and starts walking, so Warren catches up with Sam and agrees that he is old enough to meet his father. Warren tries a new tactic, claiming to be out of food and Sam agrees to help them.  Warren guides Sam to the truck.

They team arrives at Monticello, Utah by following Sam's directions.  They are cautious because the place looks deserted and has a no trespassing sign.  Mack gets out of the truck to check on the area and finds himself surrounded from by a group  of women who have the high ground.  Mack is ordered back into the truck and is told that the group is not welcome there.  Mack holds up his hands, trying to say that he is friendly but a woman fires a shot at his feet.  Warren hops out of the car saying that they have Sam. An order is given for the gate to be open.

Mrs. Helen greats the group and Sam explains that the group just needs food.  Helen sends Sam inside to find his mother and Mrs. Helen thanks the group for bringing Sam back.  Helen notices the wound on Cassandra's leg and Cassandra explains that the wound could be infected.  Helen offers to help and when Murphy snarks, Helen tells Murphy that he doesn't have to stay there.  It seems that the place is a woman and children only residence.  The group is told that the women and children may enter but the men have to stay outside.  Helen offers to let the group stay for 24 hours.

Behind the gate, it's absolutely beautiful.   Helen explains to Warren that they grow their own vegetables and have their chickens, cows and even penicillin.  Yes, this all seems to good to be true. Addy finds herself playing paddy cake with a little girl, as everyone sits down to share a meal.  Warren tells Helen that whoever built this place must have seen the apocalypse coming.  Helen says that this was all her husband's idea, and he insisted that they get self sufficient and off the grid.  Warren asks about Helen's husband and is told that he is gone, just like all of the others.  Helen explains that the group is made up of sister wives and that the other women weren't safe until they were found and saved.  Warren excuses herself to check in on Cassandra, as Helen looks suspiciously at Addy.

The Originals, Season Two, Episode Six: Wheel Inside the Wheel

 

The week, The Originals begins with a flashback to Norway, 972 A.D., where Esther struggles through a vicious storm to see Dahlia.  Dahlia is not the least bit impressed to see Esther, who has become concerned that after almost a full year, she is not yet pregnant.  Esther is so concerned that she begs Dahlia to use her magic to help her.  Dahlia points out that if Esther had not abandoned her witchcraft, she could help herself but Esther points out that she was never as strong as Dahlia.  Esther pleads on their familial relationship because being sisters, the two women are bound by blood.  Dahlia says that she could never refuse her sister, but points out that what Esther wants will require a huge sacrifice.

Oliver is bound in quite the Christ like fashion.  Vincent/Finn tells the wolves to spread the word that Oliver is to be put death at midnight tonight.  Oliver is dragged away, leaving Vincent/Finn with Esther, who praises his effort and leaves to check on Elijah.

Elijah is still chained up and sleeping.  Esther grabs Elijah's face, saying that he is still so strong.  She grabs a knife, telling Elijah that she remembers him as an innocent kind little boy.  It seems that Esther has convinced herself that the Elijah knew as a child what he would become, he would have leaped into Esther's arms and begged her to save him. Esther grabs a knife, saying that she would do anything for that little boy, before slicing Elijah's throat.  Esther says a spell into Elijah's ear.

At the Mikaelson compound, after hearing a scream, Hayley walks into a room to find Klaus washing off blood.  It seems that Klaus was interrogating (read: torturing), a witch to find out Elijah's location.  Hayley wants to leave right away, but Klaus says that Esther is too powerful and therefore; won't easily be found.  Klaus says that he is going to change his shirt and then find Elijah.  Hayley asks to come alone but Klaus believes that Esther will target Hayley in order to thwart him.  Klaus points out that he cannot save Elijah, if he is saving Hayley.

At Marcel's compound, Gia reports that after searching the city, she can find no sign of Elijah.  Marcel replies that he couldn't find anything either and that he hopes Klaus has had better luck.  Hayley walks in to report that Klaus hasn't found out anything either. Hayley asks Gia and Marcel to go on a rescue mission for Oliver, adding that saving Oliver might lead them to where Elijah is.  Hayley then asks Gia and Marcel to act as a distraction by keeping Finn busy. Hayley starts to leave but Marcel stops her saying that Hayley cannot do this by herself because she will killed, which will resort in his own death, for allowing it to happen.  Hayley asserts that she will not be going alone because while the werewolves are answering to the witches, they still have an alpha, whom Hayley is determined to find. 

At Rossau's, Vincent/Finn meets up with Cami.  Vincent/Finn brings up Cami's drama with Klaus and Cami admits that she has been sucked into Klaus's family drama.  Of course, Vincent/Finn is sympathetic, calling it unfair that Klaus would rely so heavily on Cami for support.  Cami explains that she feels that she has a professional obligation to help Klaus's family, so Vincent reminds Cami that she is talking about a family which she said was dangerous.  Cami then qualifies saying that Klaus's family is not dangerous to her.  Vincent/Finn suggests that Cami not put herself in a position where Klaus can harm her.  Cami cuts the conversation short, pointing out that it's happy hour.  Vincent/Finn order a whiskey for himself and a drink for Cami, which seems to make her suspicious.  Cami cancels her order, promising to meet Vincent/Finn on Monday.

Klaus has dug up Esther's grave, snarking that nothing says I loathe you like desecrating a corpse.  Before Klaus can set the coffin on fire, Elijah calls to him and walks slowly away. Klaus follows and Elijah tells Klaus that he seems troubled.  Klaus asks Elijah what Esther has done to him and Elijah brings up Esther's belief that she can save their souls.  Elijah then informs Klaus that Esther wants to talk and suggests that they listen.  Klaus screams no and throws a chair, screaming that he is done with Esther's petty illusions.  Klaus asks where Elijah is and Esther enters the room saying that Elijah is preoccupied at the moment and that she is helping him find his way.  Klaus makes it clear that he is not going to sit through a sermon of Esther's lies.  Esther explains that she is in the process of making Elijah into the man he was meant to be, promising to do the same with Klaus. 

Esther calls the ruined plantation where they are standing sad but symbolic because Klaus never intended to build a true home there.  Esther then brings up Hope, pointing out that while Rebekah and Elijah worked to defend the child, Klaus focused on his conquest of the Quarter. Klaus snarks, telling Esther to choke on her motherly critique.  Esther replies that she only mentions Klaus's failures in order to point that he has endured several centuries of misery and also caused suffering to his own blood. Esther again reiterates her offer to help Klaus escape his misery and Klaus responds by suggesting that Esther hand over Elijah.  Klaus accuses Esther of being no better than Michael and in the process revealing that Michael is alive again.  Klaus snarks about Kol not being the loyal boot licker that Esther believes him to be.  

Cami is going through a list of names and stops when she gets to Vincent.  When Marcel enters, she asks him who Vincent is, given that he has no credentials according to the school and in her Uncle's bloodlines book, Vincent comes from a family of witches. Marcel then reveals that Vincent has a thousand year old vampire inside of him named Finn Mikaelson.  Cami is shocked to learn that her adviser is Klaus's brother and reveals that Vincent/Finn has been asking questions about Klaus, and even ordered her favourite drink like he has been watching her.  Marcel suggests that Vincent/Finn was trying to find out what is going on with Klaus, or use Cami as bait. When Marcel declares that Cami should sever ties with Vincent/Finn, Cami makes it clear that she is not done with Vincent/Finn.

The Originals, Season Two, Episode Two: Alive and Kicking

This episode begins with a flashback to Cadiz, Spain in 1702, with Elijah and Klaus riding away on horseback, as the city burns. Elijah and Klaus walk into a room filled with dead bodies looking for Kol.  Elijah's first complaint is of course not about the waste of human life but about his efforts to keep his family concealed. Kol enters the room feeding on a servant, announcing that there is always time for games.  Elijah is quick to announce that they must leave because Michael is nearly here.  Kol snarks about Klaus still being alive and Klaus explains that he barely escaped and that Michael left the head of his horse on a pike.  How very gangsta of Michael. Kol suggests that since Michael hates Klaus, it's Klaus who should leave.  Elijah says that Rebekah and Finn have already boarded the ship and that it is time for them to leave.  Kol points out that Rebekah does what she is told because she is afraid of Klaus and Finn cannot protest because he has a dagger in his heart. Kol says that he will take his chances here but Klaus daggers him for his independence.  Kol swears that the day will come when he is not so easily subdued and will have his vengeance then.

In the present, Kol walks the streets of New Orleans, randomly using his powers like a kid with a new toy. He watches as Davina gets into a taxi.

In the courtyard, Elijah finds the body of a dead woman.  When he heads to see Haley, he finds her in a tub with a dead woman on the ground.  Hayley explains that Klaus took her to the cauldron where they ran into some witches.  When Elijah asks if Hayley would like him to remove her leftovers, a naked Hayley stands and Elijah quickly hands her a towel.  Hayley tells Elijah not to judge because she hasn't done anything worse than what Klaus has done in the past. Elijah suggests that Hayley hold herself to a higher standard than that of Klaus but Hayley points out that now that she is a hybrid, she has a werewolf's temper to go along with her new appetite. Hayley adds that the witches who tried to kill her baby aren't worth more than food.

Elijah takes his disapproval to Klaus, who explains that he simply wanted the witches to hand over the white oak stake and when they refused to so, he let Hayley have her fun.  Elijah adds that Hayley is growing more savage and falling apart.  Klaus points out Elijah's high standards and says that being a vampire only exaggerates who you truly are. Klaus adds that wolves are wild things and that Elijah's judgment is only hurting Hayley. Elijah replies that he asked Klaus to help Hayley but Klaus argues that he is and that Haley was smiling when she was covered in witches blood. Elijah is determined that Hayley get a connection to her humanity and suggests that her people in the bayou might be able to reach her.

Marcel is lecturing his new potential vampires about the changes they will experience when they turn, when Elijah arrives. We get a flashback to 1821, with Elijah watching as Marcel tries to learn how to play the piano. When Marcel declares that he cannot do this, Elijah points out that Marcel once thought that about learning to read and now he is more than proficient.  Elijah suggests that with more dedication, Marcel will play like Bach and Marcel replies that he wants to play like Elijah. A drunken Klaus enters and is quick to snark about how well Marcel and Elijah are getting along.  Elijah sends Marcel off to study Hamlet (a fitting choice all things considered), as Klaus whines about the monotony he is living in. Klaus complains that Rebekah is still moping over the governor's son and that now, all of Marcel's time is taken up with education. Elijah reveals that he has pulled the dagger out of Kol to have a little playmate. When Elijah and Klaus catch up with Kol, he has already killed a few of the servants. Kol makes it clear that he is still upset that he was daggered. Klaus points out that now that Elijah and Marcel have grown to be so close, he doesn't see any reason why he should be alone.

In the present, Marcel makes his way over to see Elijah, who quips that he didn't expect to see Marcel creating a new vampire community.  Marcel points out that his community was fine until Klaus had the brilliant idea to make moonlight rings.  It seems one of the harvest girls is continuing to make them, offering them to the wolves in exchange for allegiance.  Marcel calls Elijah the last true vampire left and given that the Quarter had become so dangerous, offers Elijah the chance to join his community. Elijah it seems has other plans and promises to allow Marcel to continue to build his community, if he finds the white oak stake.  Marcel says that even if he wanted to help, he has no idea where the stake is. Elijah points out that Marcel has an ally in Davina and that he would approach her himself but believes the conversation would be unpleasant.  Marcel is quick to warn Elijah away from Davina, so Elijah calls the matter settled and instructs Marcel to deal with Davina personally.

Micheal is getting frustrated watching Davina work with Esther's grimoire's to delink the stake from all of the vampires Klaus has sired. Michael offers to help Davina with her work but Davina says no, in fear that he will trick her into a spell which will free him.  Michael points out that Davina is just as paranoid as Klaus. Davina leaves without answering, after getting a text from Kol about meeting for coffee.  What Davina does not know is that Kol is inside the church.

Later, Kol reports to Esther that Davina is hiding something in the attic because the door was locked with a complex spell.  Esther speculates that it could be a weapon or a source of power. Esther, not wanting to leave anything to chance suggests that Kol take Davina out for dinner and find out where Davina stands.  As Vincent, Esther and Kol enter the graveyard, they find wolves waiting for them. Kol calls the wolves a pack of freeloaders but Esther says that the wolves are their friends.  It seems that Esther has the witches working on moonlight rings around the clock and promises that when all of the wolves have rings, they will pay Elijah and Klaus a visit to teach them the unfortunate error of their vampire ways.

Klaus and Hayley are in the bayou and the camp appears deserted.  Klaus says that they are hiding and Hayley points out that the only thing the pack hates more than vampires are hybrids. Klaus suggests that what they hate is their lack of power and points out that many wolves are making deals with the witches in exchange for moonlight rings. Klaus adds that the witches have not gotten to Hayley's pack yet and that they need them for an alliance. When Hayley snarks, Klaus informs her that this is her task to deal with. When Hayley calls the task stupid, Klaus points out that her people need a leader and that Hayley is their queen.  Hayley calls herself a mess and points out that she cries all day and feeds all night. Hayley says that all she can think about is how much she misses her daughter and accuses Klaus of not caring.  Klaus says that all he can do is think about her and when the pain is the worst, he seeks comfort in hurting those who would harm their child.

Marcel approaches Elijah on the street and reports that Davina is on her way there and suggests that Elijah make himself scarce.  Elijah of course does not agree and says that he is not leaving until he learns the location of the stake.  Marcel points out that wherever the Originals go, threats and bloodshed are soon to follow, making it unlikely that Davina will comply with Elijah being present. Marcel instructs Elijah to at least stay out of sight and to try not to kill anyone.

Yep, flashback time.  This time, Klaus and Kol are playing chess and Elijah enters the room to complain that Kol and Klaus killed drained an entire tenement building killing 46 people. Kol snarks that it was at least 60 and that they forgot to check the attic. An enraged Elijah says that it's hard enough to hide their presence without the two of them going out of their way to draw attention to the family. Klaus snarks about Elijah finding the time to concern himself with their activities given the amount of time he has devoted to doting on Marcel. Elijah questions if Klaus is jealous of his closeness with Marcel and points out that though Klaus brought Marcel into their home, it's no longer safe for Marcel to remain.  Klaus stands in a rage protesting the removal of Marcel because of Kol's antics and declares her rather see Kol in a box. An enraged Kol questions if Elijah would choose Marcel over his own family but Klaus points out that Marcel is their family.

Marcel and Davina meet and she gives him a huge hug. They make small talk and Davina reports that a guy asked her out but then stood her up. Marcel then asks Davina for a locater spell to find a white oak stake and the smile drops from Davina's face. Davina questions if one of the Originals put her up to this but Marcel points out that if the stake is used on Klaus that he will die as well.  Davina says that she knows but because Elijah and Klaus are both brutal sadistic monsters, she is not just going to hand over the stake. Elijah interrupts the conversation to tell Davina that she is quite right but points out that Davina wants to protect her friends and he wants to protect his family.  Elijah proposes a truce but Davina is not interested declaring that for the first time, The Originals can see what it is like to be afraid before storming out.  Marcel reminds Elijah that he asked him to stay away but Elijah points out that despite all of Davina's concern for Marcel, she was very cavalier about all of the danger Marcel faces from the stake. Elijah surmises that Davina is not worried because she has had the stake all along.

Salem, Season One, Episode Five: Lies

Rose leaves the brothel and heads into the woods where she is met by Hale and the elders. It seems that the elders believe that John is a distraction to Mary. They reveal to Hale that Alden killed Hooke to protect a secret - a secret they believe that Alden wouldn't want Mary to know. It seems the plan is to use necromancy to force Hooke to reveal Alden's secret and then blackmail Alden into leaving town.

At the Sibley residence, Mary and Tituba consider whether or not it is time to kill Mercy because Mercy has revealed that she is aware that Mary is a witch.  Mary however believes that Mercy is worth more alive than dead and so she heads to confront her. Mary puts her cards on the table and questions what Mercy is going to do with what she has learned and what she wants.  Mercy says that she wants the torture, torment and suffering to stop, or she will reveal Mary to the citizens of Salem.  Mary tells Mercy to give in and that she will know only pleasure but Mercy cries that Mary tortured her.  Mary makes it clear that Mercy is only alive because she allows it and this shockingly surprises Mercy. Mercy may be angry about what has happened to her but she is still clearly an innocent.

After a struggle, Alden manages to open the box he took of the ship and inside he finds a carved apple. When John embraces the apple, he sees scores of dead people and drops it in shock.

Gloriana arrives at Cotton's after being summoned and Cotton suggests that he will pay Glorianna double what she makes if she will agree to stop being with other men.  Tears run down Glorianna's face and she says that this is as close as man like Cotton comes to an apology. Cotton admits that it was painful to see Gloriana with another man and in response, Gloriana rightfully slaps him across the face. Cotton again asks Glorianna if she will be his and this time Gloriana initiates and kiss and the two begin to have sex. They are interrupted by Alden who shows them the box.

A group of young women knock on Mercy's door and she invites them in.  Oh this is so not going to end well. They question when Mercy sees witches, what it's like and if it hurts.  It seems that the girls believe that this is a game and they point out that no one in Salem has ever had that kind of power.

Mary is now at the port and is informed that Hooke has not picked up his parcels.  As Mary strolls with Tituba, Tituba makes it clear that no on will ever find Hooke and Mary demands that the situation be contained. Hale approaches them and asks to borrow (cause she is not a person) Tituba claiming that his wife has food poisoning and is in need of aid.  Hale leaves with Tituba and Mary asks Richard for a list of items left behind by Hooke.

Tituba tells Hale that his lie is obvious and demands to know what he wants.  Hale tells Tituba that he wants to get Alden out of Salem forever.

Glorianna is now gone and Cotton examines the box with Alden.  John points out that Glorianna is the girl  Cotton punched Hooke over.  Cotton deflects by asking about the visions and John explains about the mass death he saw.  Cotton starts looking the box up in a book and learns that it is part of the grand right.  Cotton says that the object is evil and that it consecrates the earth. Cotton wants to inform the selectmen but Alden points out that they have something the witches want.

Hale is making his way through a field of rotting bodies to find Hooke, with some sort of creature. The creature takes a knife and cuts off what is left of Hooke's face.

Tituba is about to leave the Sibley residence when she is confronted by Mary about what Hale really wanted. Tituba follows the script and confirms that Mrs. Hale is sick and so Mary questions where Tituba is headed now. Tituba again lies to Mary.

Mercy is gathered with the girls and she shows them iron casings she was forced to wear when Cotton dragged her through the market like a dog.  Instead of being repelled the girls fantasize about being lead about in chains by Cotton.  Okay, these girls are truly weird. Again they cackle about Mercy pointing her finger and Elizabeth that her father should be accused because he makes her beg in the streets and then takes the money and drinks it away. Elizabeth then reveals that her father plans to sell her to the whore house in a month.

Alden and Ann meet in the square and she tries to leave quickly but Alden follows. Finally, Alden is forced to ask if he has offended Anne in some way.  Ann suggests that Alden had lead her on because the whole time, he has been in love with Mary. They are interrupted by Mary and so Ann leaves in a huff.  Mark snarks about Ann having a tantrum and adds that she was never that young.

Tituba is in the woods and she makes her way to Hale and is handed Hooke's face. Hale announces that Tituba is to report to him the moment her task is done before leaving.

The 100, Season One, Episode Seven: Contents Under Pressure

There's a storm raging on earth and Raven is desperately trying to get in touch with the Arc.  Clarke assures Raven that she can do this and then leaves to check in on a still wounded Finn.

On the Arc, Kane is reading off a list of Abigail's crimes and says that each of the crimes is punishable by death but because they believe her medical expertise is still required, Abigail will be spared. Abigail brings up the flares and suggests that they need to talk about it but the council is not interested in discussion.  Kane believes that Abigail has false hope because the flashes could be anything.  Jaha ends the discussion by saying that this is a council matter and Abigail is no longer on the council.  They are interrupted when Raven's message is heard across the Arc.  Raven informs them that the 100 are still alive and asks for Abigail. Clarke gets on the radio and relays that Finn was stabbed by a grounder.  Jaha questions what she means and Clarke says that the earth is survivable and has inhabitants.  When Jaha asks about his son, Clarke informs him that Wells is dead. Jaha excuses himself and asks to speak to Clarke when Abigail is finished.

Clarke and Abigail start to loose contact because of a hurricane and so Abigail tells Clarke that they need to hurry.  Raven brings in moonshine and Clarke orders the doors to be closed, though several people still have not returned. Bellamy returns dragging a grounder with him and says that it's time to get some answers. Clarke tells Bellamy that this is not who they are but of course Bellamy continues on his own course.

Clarke is now prepared to work on Finn and orders the room cleared because of the noise.

Upstairs, Bellamy begins his interrogation of the Grounder and Octavia enters the room. Octavia again asserts that he doesn't have to do this because the Grounder was protecting her but Bellamy replies that he is doing this for all of them.  The siblings argue and Bellamy says that they need to know what they are up against and orders Octavia taken from the room.  Before she leaves, Octavia suggests that the Grounder may not even speak English.

Jaha is back in his room when he gets a visit from former Chancellor Diana, who says that her people are angry and confused.  She reports that the workers are coming to her with dangerous questions and that they believe the council let people die when there was another way. Diana warns that if Jaha doesn't get in front of the rumors, things are going to get ugly fast.  Jaha is quick to remind Diana that his people voted her out. Diana notes that Jaha has activated Exodus to return the people back to the ground and adds that the decisions involved in  implementation will be difficult. Diana suggests that she be allowed to help.

Abigail continues to talk Clarke through the removal of the knife in Finn.  Finn wakes up as Abigail prepares to remove the knife. A blast of some sort goes off, knocking Finn off the bed and Clarke stands in shock with the knife in her hand.

Upstairs, Bellamy interrogates the Grounder but he does not answer.  They go through his things and find a book filled with drawings and Bellamy pauses on a drawing of Octavia.  Bellamy accuses the Grounder of watching the 100 ever since they arrived.

Clarke is done treating Finn and Abigail assures them that Finn will be fine.  Clarke says that Finn is feverish but Abigail suggests that Finn needs more time.  Abigail prepares to leave the room saying that she needs some time and a frantic Abigail asks for time alone with Clarke. However, Clarke tells Raven to stay and instead heads to the interrogation area.  When Clarke looks at the Grounder, she says that if he didn't hate them before, he does now.  Bellamy of course is not concerned because the Grounder is still alive. Clarke wonders what will happen when the other Grounders come looking for him but Bellamy believes that no one saw them.  Bellamy is convinced that they are fighting a war.  Clarke is called downstairs because Finn is seizing. Clarke tells Raven to get Abigail on the radio but the radio is out due to interference from the storm.

Once Upon a Time, Season 3, Episode 19: A Curious Thing

It’s a flashback to Fairyland (after the curse was broken but before the second curse – that weird limbo year) and Snow White wants to gather the whole kingdom to announce she’s pregnant. Regina thinks a) they have other problems and gathering everyone up is a risk and b) being pregnant isn’t exactly a novel and great achievement. Belle arrives to tell everyone of the win/win/lose situation with Rumple. They got him back (win), Neal sacrificed himself (win. Hush, I call it a win) and Zelina got the dagger (lose). It seems even more sensible to think that the pregnancy party isn’t the best plan yet but Snow White insist with sogginess and hope (which the kingdom really needs, apparently. Personally I think it needs an army, a large witch-seeking-missile and, preferably, the Dark One Dagger. But let’s go with hope).

Aurora finally breaks her silence and warns Snow that Zelena wants the Charming baby (in my headcanon I like to think she heard the Charmings were having a baby and said “WHAT?! The two soggiest people in the world have bred!? AGAIN? Surely we cannot dodge the bullet twice, this Wet Lettuce child must be stopped!” Of course my headcanon also has Aurora saying “a pregnancy party? Seriously? I never got no damn pregnancy party! Like hell is apple girl getting one.”)

In revenge for Phillip and Aurora revealing the big secret, Zelena swoops in on a broomstick (told you that missile would have been more useful than hope) and turns them both into winged monkeys. She freezes everyone and checks on pregnant Snow White – yes the baby is super duper special (and soggy).

Fast forward 8 months and Snow White despairs because she’s about to give birth and another evil sorceress is menacing her child. Regina objects – she only menaced Snow White, everyone else was collateral damage (Regina has the best lines). They come up with a stupid plan but for Snow’s child the Charmings will try it (Granny’s expression says it all. “It’s Stupid But We’ll Do it Anyway” should be on their coat of arms). Anyway, plan is to break into Rumple’s castle to consult him. Regina and Robin snark a little because Twu Lub

Speaking of – to the present and we have Robin and Regina kissing. The inevitable result when 2 characters of the opposite sex bicker on television. TV writers have an argument kink. Regina actually asks what Robin sees in her (her aura of indomitable awesomeness that overwhelms everyone, of course) and they discuss the limited emotional range that being heartless brings. Time for some angst – Henry blunders past and calls Regina “madame mayor” which, of course, cuts Regina pretty deeply.

Time for a boss meeting and Regina doesn’t quite hide her silly grin which Mary Margaret comments on – so Regina makes a pregnant-fat joke which is really beneath her. C’mon Regina, it’s Mary Margaret, Queen of Soggy, you have far too much material to resort to such. Brainstorm and finally the question is asked – how did Zelena cast the curse (since it requires the sacrifice of what you love most) and why – why did she want to bring them to Storybrooke? The ideas are that either she needed something from Earth to cast the time travel spell or that she needed to wipe everyone’s memories because they’d found the key to defeating her. Either way, breaking the curse will help – last time it was broken by Emma finally believing in magic… so this time round they need to get Henry to believe since he’s the only one who doesn’t.

Ultraviolet Season 1, Episode 4: Mea Culpa

 At a Catholic school, a priest questions a school child, Gary, who forged a note to get himself out of the prayers, claiming to be allergic to the incense and the smoke. The priest asked what changed but the boy just demands to be left alone, that he doesn’t want to be forced. The priest touches him and the boy draws a knife and stabs him before running out of the school.

Angela has her own little family drama with her own daughter and receives a letter; some test samples she’s sent off for Father Harman have come back as “consistent with a non-hodgkins lymphoma” which I think, by her reaction, means cancer. She goes to work to tell him but he’s already left for the mortuary to see the priest who was stabbed.

The boy has left the school and removed the obvious identifying elements of his school uniform and tries to wash the blood off his hands – he squints painfully in the sunlight.

At the mortuary Angela doesn’t understand why it would be a case for them – until Harman shows that the priest had multiple stab wounds and the 12 year old boy who did it had no history of violence. Angela still doesn’t see how they can assume “code 5” involvement, but Harman says the boy was considering the priesthood.

Vaughan and Mike question the other kids and during the questioning Vaughan opens the blinds, several students flinch away from the sunlight. Vaughan is all “this is vampires” but Mike, whose being a cop, doesn’t think it takes vampirism to make a kid an evil little bastard. Vaughan raises the sunlight sensitivity, Mike points out that that’s a diagnosis for meningitis. Angela takes issue and assures him that no-one’s leaping to conclusions so make sure he doesn’t (which makes no sense – he isn’t leaping to conclusions. He’s stopping them from doing so).

In the park, the boy, Gary, is found by a man who brings him home (for nefarious purposes it’s heavily implied). His dog starts barking furiously the minute Gary enters. The dog gets more and more aggressive before attacking Gary. The man dumps Gary at a hospital before running out, going home and dumping his pornography in a black bin bag – it’s hard to tell what it is but I’m presuming paedophilic. He burns it.

At Gary’s mother’s home Vaughan and Mike question her while searching the flat. She says she was relieved that Gary had dropped out of the religious activities, saying it was his father’s idea in the first place. He’d never been violent but was showing sunlight aversion. She says the only social activity he had was choir practice

At the school, Angela examines one of his classmates and finds him not light sensitive (not to electric light anyway) but he panics and is almost in pain when asked to open a Bible. She has the whole school closed and the students sequestered as a ”public health issue” and Mike is furious about the extreme draconian power she uses with so little evidence. She does take some of his complaints to heart and she takes spinal fluid samples. She also does UV light testing on their necks and finds nothing

Mike, meanwhile, is looking at other potential options and questions the football coach about whether the dead Father Downey was a paedophile. The coach says no but Mike searches the priest’s house and finds a computer disk (soooo dated!) and finds some compromising images (which, naturally, they don’t show) of Gary.

He takes the pictures to Father Harman who decides that, since there’s no evidence of Father Downey downloading the pictures, there’s nothing to connect them to him other than them turning up in his house. Which is a pretty huge exception to the idea of “nothing”.  Mike is angry that they won’t turn this other to the police, instead deciding to keep the evidence quiet and deciding to investigate themselves (in episode 1 they already confirmed that they’re not very good at investigating). Mike’s extremely irritated by this, especially since all of these potentially abused children are being forcibly separated from their parents. Angela finally concedes that’s not a good idea since it will draw the media. But Gary still has to stay and Harman is far more concerned by Downey’s reputation than the potential harm to any children (they got that realistic at least!)

They follow up on where Gary was attacked – there was no blood in the park and no-one noticed a dog attack. Vaughan asks if they’re chasing paedophiles or dogs – and Mike says both – and they decide to cf to find paedophiles with dogs.

Angela questions Gary about Father Downey and why he makes Gary sick. When Father Harman enters Gary starts to panic and ask him to go away, Harman ignores him and continues to aggressively question him until even Angela draws the line.

Angela is torn at the idea of vampire infection with no penetration, no feeding which normally infects humans and makes them pliable. They speculate it’s a new form of biowarfare to make the masses more pliant. And it’s time for Angela to give Harman his diagnosis. He takes it calmly, better than her, and they discuss treatment and chances while she dodges giving anything concrete or pessimistic. Meanwhile, Angela’s daughter is giving her the cold shoulder because Angela’s refusal to let her out at night is severely restricting her.

Vaughan and Mike go to interview the paedophile, Colin, with his dog. Colin dodges round all the questioning but Vaughan isn’t having it and grabs him by the neck. The dog reacts and Vaughan kicks it and sends it whimpering out the room. Vaughan tells them they’re not cops and don’t have to play by the rules and starts hitting Colin to make him co-operate. Mike looks away, silently. Colin doesn’t recognise Father Downey but does say he gave his pictures to a man that his dog also barked at  - though the dog was much more scared and he had a “skin allergy” that prevented him going out during the day.

Face Off: Which Book do you Want to See Turn to TV?

As anyone visiting our site knows, we have read a lot of Urban Fantasy. A lot of those books go on to be made into a films or, even better, TV series - which we always run to check out. And, we have to say, we’re often disappointed, upset and even bemused by the choices made. After watching an entire season of Secret Circle, the only good thing I can say about it is that at least it wasn’t repeated for another season. Having attempted to read the books, I can’t imagine anyone expecting better. Another CW creation is The Vampire Diaries. Now, we have spoken at length about the problems of The Vampire Diaries and we’re not exactly looking forward to it coming back, but, having read the books I have to applaud CW. Yes, I applaud them - because the series is monumentally better than those books.

Even True Blood, which we enjoy, was hardly based on our favourite series. Of course, maybe we should be grateful as some books I have enjoyed - the Dresden Files and Blood Ties have been turned into rather mediocre TV series

But now we’re looking at what series we’d really love to see reach the TV screen - if The Vampire Diaries and Twilight were worthy of TV and film adaptation, then surely some of our favourites deserve a chance!

So, which one of these do you think should make it to the screen? Or do you have your own suggestion?



Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles.

From the moment I picked up Hounded I was absolutely hooked on this series.   Atticus O’Sullivan is a 2000+ year old druid, who draws his power directly from the earth, and lives with his Irish wolfhound Oberon.  Atticus bound his mind to his wolfhound which allows Oberon to speak intelligently. I have to tell you right now, Oberon is one of the best charcters in Urban fantasy, and I would dearly love it if Hearne would write lines for my dog.  Atticus move from adventure to adventure battling various mythical pantheons.  With various Gods always wanting to kill him, the world’s last remaining Druid must be quick on his feet. The absolutely best exchange of the series happened Hammered the third book in the series, when Atticus meets Jesus Christ.

Jesus appears wearing a tie dyed T-shirt in predominantly reds, yellows, and greens, with a white peace sign screen-printed on the front of it.  He also wore a pair of relaxed fit blue jeans and classically black Chuck Taylors. Hearne even went as far as to suggest that "Jesus looked like the guy from the Old Spice bodywash commercials".  I dare you to tell me one single place that you can find Jesus described in this way?  What ensues is an irreverent exchange, with Jesus providing fish and chips to a crowded bar, explaining that "miracles are so much more fun when people are expecting them of you," while pounding back 60 year old whiskey. I laughed until my tears poured from my eyes.