Alaric and Jo are being all romantic – this may be less of a romantic gesture and more (as we switch to Damon and Stefan) because of Damon’s compulsion on Alaric to get the magic-steampunk-key no matter what which is why Alaric is asking lots of questions about it (I suppose I should call it the “Ascendant” because that’s its name – but it’s brass and it has cogs! It’s like they went to a Steampunk convention and asked for the shiniest thing! Also with a name that pretentious it needs to do more than open a door). Stefan points out that Alaric may kill Damon for this but Damon takes the chance to mock Stefan about Caroline some more, which, as I pointed out last episode, may be the highlight of the whole season. (Damned with faint praise).
In other news, Elena has deigned to notice her little brother so he is now totally over his angst over Bonnie (it may distract Elena from, well, Elena and force her to care about someone). Learning that Jeremy has moved on and stopped grieving, Elena decides to tell him that Bonnie’s imprisoned still. Jeremy is neither willing to have a lot of hope nor put a lot of trust in Damon. Elena is sad by this, Elena has clearly (again) forgotten that Damon murdered Jeremy.
Over to Liv who has been hiding out with Tyler for an unspecified period of time and is now sick of it so is going back to a normal life or risking her life or something. Anyway, Damon wants her to do some witchy magic on the Ascendant to get Bonnie back – Tyler suggests using Luke (because absolutely no-one gives a damn if he gets killed. No, really, even Liv doesn’t take exception to “hey, let’s just sacrifice your twin brother” plan) but since that would involve giving Luke some on-screen time other than to exposition Liv’s relationship AND suggest he actually has power there’s no way that’s happening.
Sarah is still around (I actually had to do some googling to figure out who she is) and she wants Matt to help her find Stefan (the whole Tripp the vampire-hunter storyline appears to be officially buried now). Anyway Sarah wants to talk to Stefan which involves talking to Enzo (“Matt and Stefan, you can do so much better.” So very very true). Stefan arrives so he and Enzo can do their usual dick measuring. Enzo and Matt retreat to snark at each other while Sarah tells her life story to Stefan. And Stefan uses a milk shake blender so he can compel her without Enzo overhearing because apparently everything Sarah has said is a lie.
In the car, Stefan reveals that he actually looked after the real Stefan Salvatore, ensuring she was adopted by a great family et al and he’s even kept an eye on her and knows her entire life story because she’s family and Stefan cares about that in a long-distance stalky kind of way. Fake Sarah tries to run which is really pointless with a vampire. She reveals her real name is Monique who knew Sarah and decided to try and hijack Sarah’s history because her life is terribad. Stefan points out that she has no idea how terribad Sarah’s life would have been because Monique hasn’t met Damon yet. And to make sure terribad Damon never goes to the real Sarah he compels Monique to completely forget Sarah and get out of town.
Amusingly Enzo stays behind to exposition to Matt and lamp-shade what is so wrong with this show – that Stefan is just as evil as him but Stefan gets to be a hero while he is a villain. Wow, who’d have thought Vampire Diaries was so self-aware? Enzo points out at least he’s honest about killing people.