Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Once Upon a Time, Season 4, Episode 10: Fall

After unleashing her mirror, Ingrid admires her handiwork, the spell is due to hit at sundown where it will bring out the darkness of everyone in town and make them do nasty bad things to each other. Gold shows up to congratulate her much to her surprise (yeah, so wouldn’t trust that, myself) and offer a deal – see while Ingrid and her “sisters” will be unaffected, so will Gold and he will then dedicate the rest of his life to inflicting horrible revenge on Ingrid. Ingrid respects that threat. Gold wants Ingrid to let Henry and Belle leave with him and in exchange he will spare her. She agrees.

In town, Regina confirms to the gang that they have until sundown before everyone starts fighting (and Regina kills everyone because she’s Regina and would so definitely win). Emma proposes a simple solution – everyone leave town. But that means dealing with the giant ice wall around the town. But the ice wall has other ideas – Elsa does find her sister’s necklace in the ice at least. So impending doom is still coming but at least she has matching jewellery.

(Bonus Regina moment – Elsa: “It’s a sign!” Regina: “is everyone into this hope thing now?”)

More concrete plans involve getting people out by boat. Regina and Emma debate on who Henry should be near – Elsa points out the ribbons will make them immune but Regina counters that Elsa and Emma are the main target of Ingrid’s plans.

Henry goes with Regina to see Robin Hood where they warn him that the spell is coming and them all gathered together with weapons will be a really really bad idea. Robin calls Will (who is awesome) to break camp, Henry helping while Robin and Regina have a touching, loving moment (Robin and Henry are the only ones who have complete faith in her and she dreads the spell making Robin look at her like everyone else does)

Elsa and Emma go to see Belle who concludes that they can’t stop the spell but they do have a way to cure people who are affected by it. Elsa has a sudden realisation that Anna put her in the urn because she was under the spell (yes she’s finally caught on) and now they can use the necklace to find Anna because that really should be everyone’s priority right now. Anyway, more usefully they can use Anna (or her hair or something) to make a cure for everyone else. Emma points out there’s some time travel nonsense going on so Anna could be 80 or 200 or who knows (time lines aren’t exactly set) but Elsa is sure all will be fine (that hope thing Regina mentioned).

This calls for us to switch to Arendelle –Anna and Kristoff are freed from the ice (alas) neither of which are dead (alas). Anna quickly realises the urn is missing with Elsa – but also finds a golden straw which is pretty much Rumplestiltskin’s calling card. Alas Hans is also here (seriously does this kingdom not have an army? Can anyone just wander in?) and has decided to arrest Anna for treason and declare himself king. Thankfully the only people more inept than Anna and Kristoff are Hans and his brothers so they’re able to get the upper hand. Rather than stabbing the invaders they decide to lock them in a room and run. I’d hope for the guards.

Apparently not, no, they run into the wilderness. Because the guards of Arendelle are just that useless, it seems. Instead because Anna once read a book they’re going to find a “wishing star” which her parents were after – she knows nothing about it than the name and the fact it was once in the hands of a pirate called Blackbeard. Time to take lots of money to the pirate for his treasure. Yes, this is her plan. Blackbeard’s ship is rather stunningly easy to find but Hans gets there first still to lay a trap for them. How did he know where they were going?! Are they still in Arendelle? Did Blackbeard just happen to be in port? Does this whole flashback make absolutely no sense at all? And no “paid informant” does not explain how he got to the docks so fast

Alas, the docks have no guards or customs agents or ANY representatives of the crown so Hans and his brothers take Anna and Kristoff prisoner. And Anna can’t even bribe the pirate now because apparently Hans now controls the treasury they also learn the no-doubt-relevant point that Anna’s parents already bought a wishing star and it can only be used by people with “pure hearts”.

Rather than just kill Anna and Kristoff and put them out of my misery, they instead dump them in a chest, sail out to sea and chuck them overboard. Before doing so he reveals that they all been frozen for 30 years by Ingrid’s magic and it’s also done amazing things for the 7 signs of aging Olay keeps nattering about

In the present in Storybrooke, Killian finds the ice wall extends out to sea so there’s no fleeing by boat allowed – and he’s still in Gold’s thrall who has a job for him. He wants Killian to use the Magic-sucking-fantasia-hat to suck up all the power of the fairy-nuns gathered in Granny’s diner. Their combined magic being enough to free Gold from the dagger. Of course, those fairies are gathered with Belle because they’re working on the cure – Killian points out that Gold is screwing everyone for his power but Gold’s getting Belle and Henry out so screw everyone else.

Of course, first Belle has to be removed from the diner and she’s not exactly eager to leave while they’re all trying to save the town. Mother Superior/Blue fairy isn’t exactly thrilled with him hanging around

Emma and Elsa use a finding spell on Anna’s necklace to track her down to the mines under the library and a rock wall (clearly nature wants to keep Anna restrained from all sensible people). They need to find a new way round so check a map of the tunnels (Mary Margaret and Regina snipe and for once Mary Margaret wins: “if a mayor only has to deal with one villain and it’s HERSELF she has more time for infrastructure.” Point. Who knew she had it in her? Even Regina seems stunned). Added bonus – they can make a cure using the necklace but it will destroy the necklace. As Emma puts it the choice is “save everyone or save Anna”

Is that even a choice? Buh-bye Anna. Of course only Regina agrees with me; everyone else is too wet. Regina lays down the law – telling the Charmings they’re too used to being heroes which means saving everyone, but they’ve set themselves up as leaders which means making hard decisions. Mary Margaret says “Regina you’re right” (in the best moment all episode, Regina looks in shock at Emma who says “yeah I heard it too.”) The Charmings accept that the necklace has to be destroyed

Emma tells Elsa who gives Emma a bag. But when she leaves she has the glowing necklace, yes she’s switched it. (Regina “I should know better than to trust blondes”). Of course, now by the time they track Elsa down and get the necklace and come back they won’t have time to make the cure (more Regina and Mary Margaret snark as Mary Margaret curses Elsa’s ridiculous blind faith).

Emma chases Elsa into the mine where she uses her ice power to knock the rock wall aside (risking a cave in. Let’s not discuss the weird ways they’re making ice magic do… everything. Pretty soon she will use ice magic to cook food).  The tunnels come out on the beach – and no sign of Anna. Elsa gets all desperate and sad and she clings to the necklace and desperately wishes Anna were with her now.

Guess what happened to the wishing star Elsa and Anna’s parents? Yup, the wish teleports the drowning Anna and Kristoff from the box to Elsa’s side. Also dragged with them is a bottle with a letter in it (Anna and Kristoff were thrown over board in the same place where their parent’s ship went down because no villain can just STAB their enemies. It’s a rule).

It’s apparently way easier to make a cure from living Anna than her necklace so they need to hurry her back to the diner. Of course at the Diner, Gold takes Belle out to “someplace safe” leaving Killian to unleash the hat on the fairies. All the fairy nuns get hatted.

Emma, Elsa et al arrive to find the diner deserted and a wreck, naturally assuming Ingrid is responsible. They can’t make a cure now, only prepare for the devastation. Killian is a very sad sad panda.

Gold takes Belle to his shop and then seals it so no-one can get to her. Gold collects his hate from Killian who makes an appeal to Gold’s non-existent better nature.

Mary Margaret has another plan – lock up everyone (well, the major characters anyway) so they can’t hurt each other except for Emma and Elsa who are immune (they appear to have lost Regina – and since she’s the magical queen of death I think that is concerning. Or werewolf Ruby? Y’know when it comes to locking up major threats, I don’t think Kristoff and Mary Margaret should be top of the list). Emma has a horror struck moment as she realises everyone is relying on her to save them but Mary Margaret throws her endless wells of hope about like big nauseating marshmallows. Mary Margaret gives Emma the baby and assures her that Henry is “in a safe place”.

Killian also shows up to say goodbye to the tearful Emma. It’s a powerful scene

Regina is with Henry at the mayor’s office and they have an even more powerful scene. Regina magically locks Henry in her office so no-one can get to him (and he can enjoy her amazing decorating taste). She goes out to see Robin who reports where everyone else is chained up. Regina plans to seal herself in the vault – to save everyone from her (she is more than aware of how dangerous she is. Robin declares he’s not afraid of her – she is clear that he should be).

The spell hits – angry mirror eyes all round.

Honestly, I’m just here for the snark coming from and around Regina. And throw out ALL of this Frozen nonsense to focus on Mary Margaret learning more and more what it means to be a leader and how inadequate her “hope thing” is and snarking more with Regina as she gets a hefty dose of reality – because these are wonderful shiny diamonds in the dros that is so much of this season.

How does a foreign prince enter a country and arrest the heir of the throne for treason? Does Arendelle have no guards? No soldiers? No laws? Anything? And can anyone just wander in and say “I’m king now! Crown me! Make with the shiny hat!” And that’s it? The whole flashback was cobbled together by a drunken writer about an hour before it had to be acted. It’s a trainwreck of terrible sloppiness that even The Tomorrow People would have been ashamed of. I mean, it’s not like Hans was free for 30 years to get up to shenanigans, he said the spell froze him as well!

I don’t understand why Belle isn’t insisting Gold help more – or at all? Especially since we’ve had so many episodes of Belle redeeming Gold, you’d think she’d demand he do SOMETHING other than polish things in his shop? For that matter, how does Gold even remotely think that Belle and Henry won’t hate him for all time for the shenanigans he’s pulling?

Elsa just screwed over the whole town to find Anna – I mean, they know Ann is in the tunnels, it’s not like they couldn’t have searched them (they have 7 dwarfs after all!) Elsa you are a terrible person and you should feel bad. I also call shenanigans on Elsa being pure of heart. She just screwed over the entire town to go look for her sister – don’t tell me that heart is all shiny

I want to know why the finding spell didn’t just lead them to the docks rather than to the library then through a tunnel system and then to the beach. I also really wanted the wish to transport Anna but leave Kristoff to die. C’mon that would be HILARIOUS. Admit that you’d laugh

I want to enjoy the amazing character moments of this show and this episode – but the writing is just so clumsy.