Sunday, November 30, 2014

Haven, Season 5, Episode 12: Chemistry

So, to carry on from last week – NO DUKE NOOOOO! Post sex talk between Duke and Mara discussing finding the Aethur, fixing Duke and Mara trying to convince him she cares.

Nathan and Vince meet, Vince is still super suspicious of the very suspicious Charlotte while Nathan is now softening in her because Audrey is sick and in Nathan’s world, Audrey > everything else. Nathan also tells Vince about the Aethur being stolen by one of the Guard.

After investigating, Nathan and Dwight conclude the Aethur thief is Kirk (finally confirmed his name) who has the suffocation Trouble (I saw it was him from the CCTV pictures. I’d be smug but that would just make me more competent than Nathan and Dwight but that’s hardly something to be proud of).

Dwight goes to see Charlotte and tells her all about Duke’s Trouble because he loves to share.

Speaking of, Suspicious Charlotte warns Audrey she’s getting worse and asks more questions about Audrey’s uniqueness (to go with her creepy stalker file). Charlotte continues to be concerned about how very bad Audrey is and Audrey grows more upset and angsty. Vince arrives to rifle through Charlotte’s things and tell Audrey his suspicions – and finds and shows Audrey Charlotte’s Audrey/Mara/Lucy/Sarah stalker file. Might want to hide that a bit better Charlotte. Vince takes hurried copies on his phone. Back to Vince’s office where they discuss what Charlotte could possibly want and Vince points out that the photos suggests Audrey doesn’t age – definitely a plus.

Audrey tells Nathan about Charlotte’s suspiciousness (what will he do now? On the one hand he’s healing Audrey, the centre of his existence, but now Audrey, blessed be her name, is having doubts!) Nathan realises Charlotte is studying her, and Audrey then confesses just how sick she is. Nathan overcomes his quandary by getting mad at Duke instead. Nathan decides to get the Aethur from Kirk and use it to lure Mara out (risking Mara getting Aethur for the sake of Audrey? Of course!)

Which is when Duke gets a call from Mara telling him someone is breaking in – he hears her scream and fight on the phone. When he gets there, the room is trashed, there’s some dramatic blood staining and Mara is gone. I’m going to bet on a secret Mara ploy, personally. Duke does find a button in the wreckage.

Dwight goes to a bar to talk to some guy about how he’s falling for Charlotte – what, in case we missed it?

And Duke goes to see Gloria who is surprisingly gentle in telling him how wrong he is. Anyway she uses her computer to identify Mara’s kidnapper – Kirk. How did Kirk even know where Duke and Mara were? Anyway Duke arrives at Kirk’s at the same time as Nathan so they both get to snarl at each other. Nathan can’t believe Duke is trusting Mara (nor can I), Duke thinks Mara will help him save the town (which I don’t believe Nathan cares about). The two struggle – and find a pair of clippers with blood and hair on them: it looks like Mara’s hair. Nathan doesn’t care if Mara has been tortured (so long as she can help Audrey – note the town is not mentioned). Duke knocks Nathan unconscious and steals the Clue he found.

That clue takes him to where Kirk is and he starts questioning him about Mara – only his rough (ish  honestly this is the least menacing menace that has ever been attempted) handling gets some Troubled blood on Duke’s hands which turns him into his usual silver-eyed super-strong killing machine. An anxious Kirk turns on his suffocation Trouble which doesn’t work on the Silver eyed (is that new? Was he always immune?) Duke breaks Kirk’s neck. Oopsie

Nathan, now conscious, arrives to find Kirk’s body. Nathan calls Audrey and she tries to make Nathan and Duke play nice

Duke goes to try and intimidate Benny, one of Kirk’s friends – and Benny and his gun wielding friends hide when Duke’s eyes turn silver. No blood has touched him, the silver eye thing just happened. Everyone in the caravan with Benny starts suffocating – Duke just gave Benny Kirk’s Trouble. Well, that’s new.

Vince and Audrey confront Charlotte and she pulls out an explanation of researching a reincarnation Trouble – they don’t get to pursue further because Dwight arrives and takes her away all temper tantrummy because Vince dares to check up on his precious Charlotte. Charlotte and Dwight go to store room to make out and have sex.

Vince is still investigating and finds that Charlotte’s DNA doesn’t actually match the DNA sample the Pentagon has on file. Audrey realises they have to convince Dwight so they need Charlotte’s real identity – to that toughest of government agencies: the DMV! (Audrey’s FBI background confirms that vehicle paperwork is actually really hard to fake)

This involves Vince pretending to have a heart attack (seriously are there no doctors in this town?) which she sees through quite easily. Still he gets her keys and Audrey and Vince sneak into her car where everything seems to confirm Charlotte’s identity. Vince still isn’t convinced but then they find a ring – a ring that is identical to a ring Lucy (previous Audrey) gave Nathan’s father and the ring Audrey got from Vince who in turn got it from Sarah (previous Audrey).

Nathan and Duke meet, being all peaceful for once, and Duke tells Nathan what has been happening with his weird Trouble. While he’s there Duke gets a special delivery – a canister that contained the Aethur, inside which is a toe which Duke recognises as Mara’s by the nail polish. Duke remembers back to when he threatened to do that to Mara when she was his prisoner (I say again, this is a Mara ploy). They agree to work together for the sake of Duke’s health and Audrey’s.

Mara calls Duke and, yes, I’m right this is all an evil Mara ploy – Kirk stole the Aethur for her – though she did actually cut off her own toe…which is a level of gaaaaaaaah, what, no aaaaaaaarghle. She taunts Duke until he loses his temper – his eyes go black and he starts crying black goo. All this manipulation was part of Mara’s master plan. Duke’s black tears float to his hand and are absorbed by his skin. That is probably a bad thing

Audrey and Nathan go to confront Vince and Charlotte about her lies and deceptions so Dwight decides to spill all of Audrey’s secrets to Charlotte because he is that kind of clever. After which Charlotte admits that Audrey is clever like Mara; she promises to tell them everything if she gets her ring back. Charlotte takes the ring from Nathan explaining that every member of her family has one – and Nathan reveals he can feel Charlotte. Charlotte is Audrey’s mother

Wait. What where why how?!

Nathan and Duke both frustrate me. Audrey/Mara completely replace common sense for them. Nathan became Team!Charlotte because Audrey – and I can’t even begin to unpack the hot mess of Duke deciding everyone hates him so he’s going to throw in his lot with the villain. And then there’s Dwight who thinks sunshine emanates from Charlotte’s nethers and finds even the most reasonable suspicion to be completely unacceptable.

I am tired of the men on this show deciding they need to grow antlers and drive off everyone else for the sake of their women. I’m tired of their libido destroying any pretence of common sense and I kind of want the whole town to be washed into the sea and make Troubled lobsters.

Y’know, when I was thinking of the problems that Haven had in previous seasons, “not enough straight romance plot lines” was not on the list.

Meanwhile, I’m having real trouble not just being Team Mara because she is considerably more crafty than the rest of the cast together. But then, so are those aforementioned lobsters.

I also see Haven is doing its standard tactic of finally revealing plot points 2 episodes before the season finale.