Legacies: Season 1, Episode 11: We're Gonna Need a Spotlight

The school gang has decided to lay a trap for the next monster which is triggered - Alaric, Dorian and Hope respond. Yes Hope because, again, Alaric is a terrible head teacher

Inside the trap is a unicorn. Which Dorian thinks they should kill on general principles but Hope is completely against murdering the pretty horse (with the stabby addition we won’t talk about). They decide that by imprisoning it they are safe because while it’s the Malivore Monster they won’t have to deal with any more since they come one at a time

Which is a decent idea except for the creepy worm that emerges from the shiny horse

So the school is now having a talent competition. This seems to be Legacies attempt at a musical episode because all the cool shows are having them. Anyway Alaric hates the talent show and tries to use the excuse of the unicorn to cancel it - but the Honour Council overrules him. Since the monster is a magic pony he and Emma decide to bunk off school and go drinking

While Hope, who nows has a horrible worm in her brain, starts acting all happy and joyful and all lovey dovey with Landon… and how did no-one suspect mind control or possession? She’s a Mikkaelson. They don’t have happy happy joy joy - they have tantrums and brood and practice staring moodily into the middle distance.

Still everyone’s super happy with Hope being all happy and huggy, especially Landon. But not Rafael because he’s extra uncomfortable with Hope being all close and boundariless around him and being so very very extra with Landon.

Josie and Lizzie are back and Josie continues to avoid Penny while Lizzie has a novel way of trying not to be the meanest of mean girls - she has a little magically zappy bracelet that zaps her whenever she is mean so she can moderate her tone. Which she needs to because she’s super super intense about a very dull routine for the witches to win the talent contest and Josie, all head-wormed, is totally not into it, very low key and not willing to stand in the back as usual. She’s also softening towards Penny

The worm in Kaleb’s head makes him lead the vampires in a rather cool song and dance number. It’s kind of irrelevant to everything but, hey, they have it and it’s nifty.

While Hope and Landon have their own talent - cake decorating. Which is going to be super weird on stage but doesn’t get that far as Hope develops glowy green eyes and suddenly think the bestest thing in the world would be to take the Malivore urn. Landon is suspicious - and a burned cake causes and electrical shock (somehow?) well this turns out to be just what you need to de-worm yourself and Hope returns to a rather embarrassed normal. They realise they have a new monster and seek out Dorian - who is guarding the unicorn and has already killed the worm heading for him. To add to the stakes they see the unicorn die - the worm in the brain eventually kills people as well.

They do some research and Dorian is surprised that no legend talks about monsters like this - but Landon points out that mind controlling things inside people is pretty much a staple of sci-fi and maybe it’s a mistake to discount that, sci-fi has to be inspired by something. Which is another way of saying “make this character relevant!”. Anyway they decide the worm first lowers your inhibitions before convincing you to grab the malivore urn and then it kills you

By now most of the students are possessed including Raphael who decides to recite a spoken word poem about how torn and jealous he is of Landon which is totally not awkward. But thankfully everyone gets violent and urn happy so they can be locked up while everyone searches for a solution.

The Walking Dead: Season 9, Episode 11: Bounty

So we have the Walking Dead and it’s a tale of two storylines. One which is really interesting and desperately what i want The Walking Dead to become and the other is just dull dull dull and needs to end quickly

Sadly I think I will be disappointed

So the dull dull dull first. Alpha has arrived at the gates of the Hilltop and is demanding her daughter. They’re a relatively small crowd of several unarmed people in scary masks. People take this seriously because of Luke and Alden they have hostage. Daryl still wants to tell them to jog on (and while I appreciate the sentiment, Jesus may have died but he didn’t make you king, Daryl) but his threat to mow them all down is weakened because they have a baby.

Plenty of targets besides the baby, just saying

So they need to exchange Lydia for their two hostages, only Henry who is REALLY TRYING to make me hate him has decided to rescue Lydia and run off with her because it’s all so mean and unfair. In fact, the meme MUST exist by now

Ah, internet, thank you.

Daryl catches up with them and Lydia says how she totally misses her people in a “I’m not lying honest” way and agrees to go back. She does point out that Alpha is breaking her rules by coming for her. There’s a prisoner exchange and Henry pouts. Aldren and Luke are greeted with hugs, Alpha slaps Lydia for calling her momma.

Oh but before that the dead move in and the baby won’t stop crying despite the zombie masked mother’s attempts to quiet them. Alpha has a simple rule - the baby is quiet or they leave it for the dead - and the mother leaves the baby on the floor to be eaten. Connie, who never made it to the wall, runs out to save the baby, alerted by Luke signing, and there’s a hairy moment of running through a corn field full of zombies carrying the baby (especially hard for the Deaf Connie since the corn restricts her vision and she can’t hear the dead advancing on her) before Darryl and Kerry rescue her - and the baby.

Henry is super pissed about all this but Enid and Darryl both make the point to him that sometimes things are awful and you have to live with it. He even invokes Daryl’s own history of abuse to demand how he could send Lydia back - which is just rubbing salt in the wounds.

Henry leaves in the night to save Lydia, Daryl goes after Henry and Connie goes after Daryl because we need to centre these new characters somehow.

Ok someone has to tell me why the Whisperers are so scary. Or how they even work

I mean, when we first met them directing a herd? That was scary. In the dark, whispering? That was scary. But outside of that context they’re like a haunted house with the lights turned on

Siren: Season 2, Episode 5: Primal Instinct

So, Ben, Maddie and Ryn wake up all in bed together. Apparently they didn’t go beyond kissing because they didn’t know how far Ryn wanted to go - and Ryn is super super super interested in doing more which everyone is really happy and slightly embarrassed about.

They do belatedly realise that maybe they should discuss what sex actually means for humans and merfolk as well as sex without the aim for children. Oh and not only are merwomen violent but it is not unknown for them to kill their male lovers. So maybe some discussion first is not a bad plan

Which they kind of touch on but not really about the mechanics of sex or could Ryn please not break them with her super strength? Or hey what genitals look like for merfolk - how do they even have sex? Fish do not have sex remotely like humans do.

Instead they discuss how unequal merfolk society is and I get that they’re trying to say how bad this is while at the same time Maddie is trying to avoid being judgemental of Ryn’s culture especially since she knows so little about it - and she DOES say it is occasionally unequal on land. But wow that’s like something of a huge understatement and a lot of me cringes to see the woman of colour say “yeah it’s sometimes unequal on land” when the focus is how unequal sex in the water is. I kept expecting Maddie to just 4th wall turn to the camera and say “really”.

Also they’re talking equality and consent which is super nice but can we also talk about not breaking things with super strength oh and how sex even works.

Anyway they’re also spotted by Donna’s daughter Cami who is getting more conflicted and still really sad over her dead mother. Ryn tries to comfort her by taking her to her mother’s grave but that’s not much comfort to Cami (would merfolk even have a concept of graves?) who is completely focused on  how humans killed her mother and how angry she is about this - and how she thinks Ryn is too human

Which I get but didn’t we just have the message a few episodes ago that merfolk move on and don’t hold grudges which is why Levi and Ryn don’t really understand why Xander is still angry with them? For that matter we have Katrina running around a great big simmering body of anger and resentment? I love building an alien viewpoint and all but it has to be consistent!

Speaking of Katrina, she’s all healed up and Xander still wants to make a deal with her - either way she goes out to try and recruit the others to leave Ryn and come back to the water: which starts with Cami (after Sarge says no).

Ryn does takes the idea of equality to heart and when Helen brings a little food she insists that the male merfolk eat at the same time as the women rather than waiting as they usually do. An lo, presumably generations of cultural norms are defeated? For that matter, if merfolk culture is so female dominated and in control shouldn’t that have stood out more in season 1 when Ryn’s main point of contact was Ben? When she started communicating more wouldn’t she focus more on Maddie? I love creating alien cultures - but make them consistent!

Our journalist friend is around to tell Ben that oil company is bad and doing more badness and it’s all so very bad. Xander catches up with Ben to tell him that he’s totally onside with stopping the badness and getting rid of the mermaids and telling them all about Katrina. I think this begins with his trying to get his hands on Levi but that kind of expands to genuine concern about the evil oil company which will destroy his livelihood as well

Charmed: Season 1, Episode 12: You're Dead to Me

After a bizarre little hiatus

In fact, aside, why do American shows do this? Why? I mean I can get skipping an episode because there’s a holiday or something. But several weeks? Several? Why do you do this Americans? Whyyyy?

Anyway so after digging through various letters Macy, Maggie and Mel know the big secret of Macy’s past

So, it turns out Marisol and her husband were distraught by their dead baby daughter Macy so Marisol does the sensible thing and summons a necromancer from Tartarus - see this why she had the scythe to open Tartarus which no-one questioned. Marisol offers the freed necromancer anything in exchange for her baby coming back to life. I know I know, desperate mother and all but I lose all respect for a witch who makes bad open ended bargains like that - because really?

So after much very ominous black magic and hubby being kind of nervous, Macy is resurrected but there’s a price! The price is they can be together for 2 years after which if Marisol sees Macy, Macy will die, like Cinderella without the spinning wheels

Which… ok? I mean hey as far as sacrifices go it’s sad but the baby came back to life. I think you got off pretty easy. And also, this kind of addresses multiple episodes of angst over why Marisol never contacted Macey in a wonderful way. Hey she couldn’t or you died but she loved you so much! ANGST OVER

Angst over?

Why is this angst not over?

So Macy is now super unhappy because she’s DEAD and now ALIVE which makes her UNNATURAL and AGAINST SCIENCE.

Y’know, like telekinesis, teleportation, stopping time, reading minds and everything else you’ve been doing. The UNNATURAL AGAINST SCIEnCE train left the station several episodes ago Macy. She’s super sad so no-one can comfort her but Henry shows up to empathise because he’s also like totally dead and brought back to life. UNNATURAL AGAINST SCIENCE TWINS and it would be super hilarious if he was really offended by what she said but he’s not his all; understanding and says he understands that now you feel out of place and lacking a purpose - but how answers help

I call shenanigans. We’re milking this angst

Anyway - back to Macy in a moment since she’s the main plot line. Lucy, who is kind of awesome, invites Maggie to a Traffic Light party. Which is kind of a party where you have to colour-code your sexual availability? I dunno, it sounds like a much more boring Hanky Code for straight people. Maggie is upset because of Parker to which Lucy awesomely points out that this is not how you get over someone. Anyway, this party where no-one is allowed to look good in black will be relevant later.

The Walking Dead: Season 9, Episode 10: Omega

Lydia has been imprisoned in Hilltop and is now locked in a cell opposite Henry the sympathetic who wants to know her life story

She talks a lot about her life just after the apocalypse - and we get a flash back to her, her dad and her mother and them living in a shelter. In her recap, her dad was kind of an arsehole, being harsh and uncaring while her mother tried to comfort her and convince her that the world wasn’t ending while her dad was uncaring and awful and wanting to run off and generally snarling.

Lydia adds her own commentary about how her dad was the worst but her mother was strong and did what she had to - including at one point having to kill a man who was noisily panicking about being surrounded by scary zombies. Something Daryl thinks was necessary and understandable to survive since the apocalypse has you make hard choices. Later her dad ends up killed trying to save her from a zombie

This added to the lessons Lydia learned from her mother - you had to be hard, you had to be strong, and other bizarre ideas like “hunger is a gift”. She’s also convinced that settlements like this cannot possibly last becsause the world belongs to the dead and instead they have to wander around with zombies, catch blood poisoning from all the rotting meat and eat earth worms or anything lese they can just about scavenge without alerting the rotten nastiness around them

This makes perfect sense

Meanwhile Henry, listening to all this, decides it’s a great idea to tell Lydia about his parents and the other settlements in the area - until Daryl intervenes because they’re supposed to be questioning her and how can Henry possibly be this clueless? HOW?! Henry insists Lydia is a nice person and Daryl is a big ol’ mean meaning for not trusting the enemy agent who tried to kill one of them

Henry also sneaks her out in the middle of the night to eat earth worms (because that’s a thing the Whisperers do) and nearly get hit in the head by a hammer before she realises that maaaybe this settlement might actually be here to say

And Daryl confronts her - he recognises the marks on her arms as that she has been beaten - and guesses rightly that it was by her mother. As a man abused as a child himself he can see some parts of her story that don’t make sense - how her father has been cast as the villain but the story is inconsistent.

While I like Daryl examining his own past (and Henry bringing in Carol and how she cut her hair to avoid her abusive husband using it as a way to hurt her and has only grown it out now she feels safe which is a nice touch), I do think that this is somewhat simplistic - I mean “my abuse didn’t look like that” is not a valid way to criticise another’s abuse. Nor is pointing to an abuser’s acts of kindness proof that they weren’t/aren’t an abuser.

With Daryl poking a different story emerges - Lydia’s father was the supportive, caring, protective one and all the bad actions Lydia has ascribed to her dad actually came from her mother. Her mother told her her version of events over and over and over and over so many times that Lydia herself came to believe them (classic gas lighting); from simple things like cutting her hair through to the violence and willingness to leave

And, above all, her dad’s death - not at the hands of a zombie, but at the hands of Lydia when he refused to abandon their friends when they were struggling against the newly raised walker.

Again I’m going with good but simplistic here -on the one hand gaslighting like this is such a common abusive tactic - telling Lydia the beatings make her stronger, how they have to be hard and how weakness is terrible while at the same time stressing that her dad was the bad guy.

What I consider simplistic is that Lydia, after years of believing this, could apparently be turned by a couple of minutes of Daryl’s doubt.

But Lydia now recognises her mother as the big bad - which is awkward, because her mother arrives with a strong of Whispers all within easy mow-down-with-nows range to demand her daughter back

The Walking Dead: Season 9, Episode 9: Adaption

The new reboot continues and we have to remember Jesus is still dead, after being already only blink-and-you-miss-it gay and having his storyline vastly cut from what it was. No, I’m not amused. Oh yet Negan is alive and free. Of course he fecking is

And we have the introduction of a new enemies, a group of people in a post technology world that exist by hanging around with lots of rotting bodies. They call themselves the Whispers. I call them the Sufferers of Septicaemia. And, of course, all the settlements have turned against each other for not apparent reason, perhaps only because without The Supreme Lord Rick everything must collapse because all hail Rick.

Which means we open with Jesus’s corpse (not over this) and Michonne and Darryl doing a fighting retreat while everyone withdraws. And having to learn that fighting human led Walkers is awkward - after all a closed gate is no longer an impassable barrier

Alas we do have to catch up with Negan and he isn’t just eaten. He is lurking around being sinister and trying to escape and is found by Judith holding a gun. He tries to talk her out of shooting him - but wisely realises she is Not Bluffing. Judith is a child of the apocalypse and ruthlessness will be baked into her.

At least I would have thought so -but she still lets him go. Aaaargh really? WHY IS HE NOT DEAD?! Everyone has to agree that “You won’t shoot” “yes I will - bang” would have been awesome.

In Alexandria a whole lot of people whose names I don’t remember are being organised by Tara and Enid. And Luke, one of the new guys I guess whose name I better remember, volunteers to help to get in with the group, teaming up with Enid’s boyfriend Alden

Alden is so going to die. He’s such angst fodder. They talk music but I’m not going to pay much attention to them until I know one or more of them is going to actually live

Either way it’s all pointless because Michonne and co make it back fine anyway. On the way they run into some Walkers and Daryl has found a convenient way to tell who is actually a Walker and who is a Whisperer… shoot them in the leg and when they scream they’re a human. And about to get eaten by all their fellows

Which kind of puts a big question on how effective the Whisperers are since they have to stumble around one trip or sneeze from being eaten, they’re incapable of running or seeking cover when faced with range attacking and have to go into battle while method acting. This has flaws as a battle strategy

Exploiting this, they manage to grab a captive to drag back to Alexandria. There everyone is sad about Jesus being dead. They quickly remind us as well that they want like ALL THE VENGEANCE because they totally care about Jesus. Honest. Unlike the writers

My bitterness rises

Michonne, after bonding with Daryl over the whole dead Rick thing, decides it’s time for her to head back to Alexandria, with Aaron declaring how he’s totally agreeing with Michonne on how they should hunker down and never co-operate with their faithful friends to launch a co-ordinated response to the army threatening them

Because… reasons? Yeah that made no sense at all.

She leaves Daryl behind to question the fragile little remaining Whisperer - he intimidates her a lot in which she talks about how grim everything is, they need the dead to survive and, oh, all settlements like this fail eventually. She mentions her mother but her estimate of the numbers of Whispers are clearly lies. Also they don’t have names.

Siren: Season 2, Episode 4: Oil and Water

Ben is listening to recorded siren song. This is a bad bad bad idea.

A very bad idea.

And while he listens to it Ryn also dreams of Ben. This feels more and more like supernatural shenanigans and not a good sign. Ryn is especially confused because mermaids don’t dream and Maddie has to explain the concept to her - and add that it means she’s thinking about Ben and wants him. Which is kind of weird coming from Maddie - like she’s trying to resurrect her relationship with Ben but also trying to set up Ben and Rynn

But there’s a new merfolk drama - it seems while they all consider each other to be family et al, their views on family are much like mine: fine in concept but that absolutely doesn’t mean you need to spend more than 2 hours in their company. The merfolk are snarling at each other constantly, they need to be separated. Also in the sea, the merfolk are always hunting and fighting and doing something - inactivity is not something they’re used to. So time to get them all

Levi is coming with Ben and learning how to be a human man (which Maddie throws in more mixed signals by saying that Ben is the best rolemodel and kissing him). Levi promptly kisses a confused and shocked Ben - because like Rynn he still doesn’t understand how human interactions work. Ben does emphasise consent.

He wants to learn - so it’s down to Ben to teach him television, music, beer, sports, family and friends and not fighting. The last is especially important because though merfolk are a martriarchal society, the men are soldiers and protectors so Levi expects to fight and Ben has a nice speech about not fighting

There’s also the Xander issue and Ben tries to talk to him about how Levi is basically a soldier and can’t really be held responsible for Sean’s death. Unsurprisingly, Xander isn’t hearing this - because Xander has his own issues and plot for revenge

Xander has found the injured Katrina and is keeping her on his boat, trying to trade her freedom for Levi’s location (which is awkward because Katrina doesn’t actually know). It’s also dangerous because Katrina is a dangerous and crafty mermaid and quite willing to rip his face off - so he takes her out to sea. Unable to enter the water because of the death noise and can’t kill him because she can’t pilot a boat. So they strike a deal - he helps her get rid of the death noise and she will then help him get Levi

Which means both sides are kind of promising things they can’t keep.

Rynn and Maddie are living together with Donna’s daughter as Maddie moving out to get her own space to allow this. This does rather disturb Sarah who thinks her daughter is leaving because of her -but Maddie assures her it’s not and even has lunch with her as a peace offering. It’s a nice bonding moment but… awkward. Sarah clearly sees this as beautiful and meaningful and nostalgic and has even engraved one of Maddie’s necklaces with “love mom” on it which is nice. While Maddie is distracted, clearly viewed this as a sop to her mother, doesn’t have the same shiny memories or nostalgia and generally isn’t taking this as nearly as seriously. Awkward.

Maddie, Rynn and donna’s daughter all catch up with Ben and Levi in a bar (where Levi went contrary to Ben’s wishes because Ben is trying to teach him how to be his own person rather than just obeying commands). Levi’s doing well with beer pong and teaching Ben how mermaid mating works (which is fairly violent and involves men displaying gleaming neck lights to attract women) since Ben is clearly interested in Ryn. There is a bar fight and Levi manages to avoid fighting, listening to Ben. Ironically Ben is the one who knocks the guy out and then they dance (with Ryn confessing to Ben that she likes singing to him and this makes them think there’s a deeper connection to their longing than just siren song while I think that this actually means siren song is just more powerful than they realise).

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Maddie who wants to check up with her mother - only to find out Sarah has been visited by Glen, her dealer, and is high when Maddie gets home. Maddie leaves tearful and angry, going to Ben and Ryn and the three bond and kiss. Is this the much vaunted bisexual representation that has long been teased on this show? Hmmm… maybe? I mean we just established that Ryn actually dreamed for the first time ever after Ben listened to a RECORDING of her song and she’s started daydreaming of him after that. We’ve also seen Maddie, despite the headphones, by definitely affected by Ryn’s siren song. The timing makes this whole thing rather less compelling as authentic - mind controlled potentially dubious consent driven by a mercreature that doesn’t even understand relationships. I can see this super complicated - but not as great un-asterixed representation. Ultimately, mind-controlling woo-woo casts a shadow here

The last drama is Helen - her squirrelly relative does come to visit her and perhaps my assumption of shadiness is unwarranted. Helen talks about how out of place she’s always felt and that’s apparently common ground for both the mermaid hybrids with addiction issues common in the family. As is their funky nasty icky skin. She presents him with a home cure which works which makes him super trust her because no-one has been able to cure his icky skin before

Which is when Helen introduces him to a mermaid to feel the connection -which he does on a mystical level.

Siren: Season 2, Episode 3: Natural Order

Time for some more tours of the forest with Maddy and Ben being kind of close to each other and growing more so as they show the merfolk the forest - and it’s dangers. Including poison ivy and the idea that some plants are dangerous (Ryn is familiar with the concept of plants as medicine)

And another problem is the merfolk drive to hunt and when a deer arrives they all charge after it and run out into the road, nearly getting run down. Katrina challenges as usual

They try to talk to Ryn about not hunting on land and to make things more difficult Marissa, Sheriff Dale’s replacement, arrives to question Ben about his friends trashing the local shop. Ben tries to explain it away as partiers but it’s clear she’s suspicious and it’s also becoming more awkward to stay in the cabin. To finally push them out, Ryn is having skin issues again - she needs water. Only the oil company is going all out with their sonic thingy, now no water is actually safe. Worse, Ryn can’t show weakness before Katrina or she will attack her for leadership - and she’s quick to tell Ben to back off when he wants to interfere. That is not the merfolk’s way - she needs to do this alone.

Maddie goes looking for lotion to help Ryn and discovers they have a giant tank lurking in the back of a cupboard which is just what they need and is super convenient.

They move into the little shed but it’s only temporary - because Helen has her money! Yes Elaine was blocking it mainly out of spite because she really hates her but Ben goes to her and makes up a lie about Helen being really sick and needs the money… which obviously hits Elaine, who is disabled and we know has already struggled seeking for treatment, pretty hard. But she does show Ben the DNA test she has of Helen which shows a mysterious “12% other” which I assume means fishy person. But it also shows Helen has another relative

They tell Helen this who spares a millisecond to be angry about Elaine stealing her DNA but she’s super excited about this relative she’s never met. She goes to see him and he is super super super super shifty and she seems to be willing to overlook that in her excitement. I will put him down as sinister plot hook for now.

Another ongoing plot hook is Xander and the sinister Nicole. Xander continues to be all conflicted, hanging around the cabin and generally moping while Nicole occupies his bed and continues to poke the death of his dad - finally getting Xander to admit he was murdered. But not by fish people.

Supernatural: Season 14, Episode 13: Lebanon

It is the much vaunted 300th episode of Supernatural. And some people are going to be very very excited.

I am not one of them, to be honest

So in a standard little encounter, Sam and Dean take down someone who murdered a Hunter, to take his shiny collection. They kill him and find a whole host of shinies and promptly take it all back to the Winchester cave

There follows the best part of the episode for me, where Sam and Dean, with an actually home, are now known by the locals and have even become something of an urban legend for the local kids.

We do get some shenanigans with a teen stealing Dean’s car (how very dare they!) followed by a brief appearance of John Wayne Gacy’s ghost (ok… I’ve said before that I’m not exactly 100% comfortable with using real life serial killers for casual, throwaway entertainment like this. I find it pretty distasteful and disrespectful, especially when those serial killers are recent enough that the loved ones of their victims may still be around) which is quickly vanquished but does result in the local teens learning about ghosts and hunters. Maybe this will be a hook for later episodes

Because now we get to the meat of the episode. Among the treasures iks a Chinese pearl which apparently grants wishes - or your heat’s desire

KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!

I do not believe for one second that the Winchesters wouldn’t avoid this item like the plague. No magical item that grants wishes comes without the worst of all possible catches. Never ever ever make wishes. Never!

Instead they think this is the ideal solution to their Archangel Michael problem, after all Dean’s greatest desire is to get Michael out of his head

Waaait… how come no-one thinks “hey this could lead to Michael being released, also bad?)

So Dean grabs the pearl and thinks of his heart’s desire… and Negan appears

I mean John Winchester Appears. Yes, daddy dearest. And this is where I depart from a large amount of Supernatural fandom, many of whom like John while I tend to be very firmly in the “fuck John, Bobby is their real dad” camp.

Of course the Winchester brothers react with lots of emotion and rhapsodies and, yes they are very very very very very very good at the emotion, the shock, the pathos, the joy, the grief, it’s all there