Friday, July 15, 2016

Zoo, Season 2, Episode 4: The Walls of Jericho

The gang is running around to save the animals from the plot of Reiden global to wipe out all animal life and, because of that, all humanity because we can’t live without animal life.

Perhaps realising how dubious this whole plot line is, they have the secondary goal of trying to save Jackson who has been infected by the mutation. Something they have now shared with Mitch despite Chloe’s disapproval. This is a good idea because a) any idea Chloe has is terrible and b) why deny your one scientist the chance to make the cure?! What was the plan? Just hope? Also Mitch has a triple helix DNA now. I can’t even imagine what altering the structure of DNA like that would do to a being – I imagine it’d fuck up cell division rather terribly

Every decision that Chloe makes is terrible. She talks later about balancing being in love (because everyone on this show is a couple. Everyone) with being a leader. Instead she should try to balance her complete lack of good decision making with pretending to be a leader.

Anyway they need some uber mutated animal and as luck would have it, Davies has just captured an Earthquake causing sloth

An earthquake causing sloth.

An earthquake causing sloth.

Ok, fine, whatever, let’s run with this. More trouble is caused by moles bringing down a skyscraper (and Mitch decides to comment on how unusual it is for moles to work together. In the same episode with an EARTHQUAKE CAUSING SLOTH. Because co-operative MOLES are really worthy of comment here).

Faced with building destroying moles and earthquake causing sloths, the gang decides to go run around tunnels. Underground tunnels. With alligators. Yes, alligators.

Why are they doing this? Well the earthquake sloth may be the key to curing the disease, apparently.

Chloe actually has something resembling a good idea
I'm shocked too!
 And manages to use the gang to lure out General Davies so they can find out where he has taking their healing-earthquake-sloth. With Davies location they plan to raid a swanky party to sneak out with the sloth. Because of course they wanted a swanky party, the gang wants to play dress up.

At the party Davies and Reiden also shows off their new toy – a gas that kills any mutated animal! It doesn’t kill humans and, presumably any uninfected animals. Well, I’m impressed! It looks like Reiden has actually come up with an awesome plan to actually save the world so long as our heroes don’t stop them

Wait… what… why? Killing off all infected animals but leaving the non-mutated alive is kind of what they want? Isn’t this good? Apparently not…

The apocalypse-sloth-napping plan goes terribly wrong (but is largely not Chloe’s fault) as they try to get through a door that is activated by a heartbeat (…why? What’s wrong with retina scans? I mean do you want a door that doesn’t work if there’s a lot of background noise? And heartbeat rhythms aren’t regular. Heart rate changes!). Between drugging, kidnapping general Davies, being caught and leaking gas, they end up on the run through some ominous tunnels… and Chloe gets caught by the gas

Wait, is she dying? Is the non-killing gas killing her? I think she’s actually just fainting at the other side of a door where Dariela (who is totally onside now by the way. Which makes sense because she was talking to Abraham and saint Abraham could convince anyone to do anything even when he’s not having sex with them) cannot reach her

Which is a shame because, due to satellites and stuff, Chloe is the only one who knows where Jamie is

Remember Jamie? She’s still walking around frozen Canada, losing a toe, snarking at Logan who apparently stole a lot of money and then being saved from those people he stole from by random animal attacks (the animals leave her alone AGAIN. Are we sure she’s not mutating?)

Alas, she’s still completely irrelevant to the plot.

And with Earthquake Sloths, we hereby identify the moment when the writers of Zoo decided to officially No Longer Give a Fuck.