Friday, May 4, 2018

Shadowhunter, Season 3, Episode 7: Salt in the Wound

Clary has just seen Jace transform from the Owl and chases after him to fight… and how does she even stand against him for five minutes? He’s supposed to be the bestest of best Shadowhunters ever while she has been training for like 10 minutes?

Inevitably he does win after drawing it out way too long and rather than just stab and murder her already, he decides to drop her off a building. He protests he loves her and is in there really but he drops her anyway. I guess this is what happens when you know Clary but don’t have the bizarre, inexplicable affection for her.

She lands on a car and may die

Instead she manages to pull out her phone and call Simon - and hey, someone invested in acting classes here so she’s almost believable. But I’m more annoyed that the screen on my phone is cracked by a damn tiled floor but she can fall off a building and still make calls

Simon zooms in and rescues her back to the Institute where she’s all well again

And belatedly telling everyone about Lillith, the wish, Ithuriel et al. Bad Clary, these people needed to know this. Being Shadowhunters they all decide that the fate of humanity is way way way less important than Jace and Clary and agree to keep on keeping her secret. And is their focus “shit the mother of all demons is in the city up to evil!!?”? No, no it’s not. It’s “oh our precious Jace woe!” I mean even Luke. Does Luke even know who Jace is?!

While Magnus is all moping because he went and gave a potion to Lillith and it’s ALL HIS FAULT. This over the top guilt and moping is a desperate attempt to get

Also Magnus swore to give up all his power if he had to. Shadowhunters if you decide to drain Magnus/strip him of his immortality for the sake of Jace I will break things

He an Alec share a very strained hug because these actors are unused to being less than three feet apart.

After doing some research, Izzy, the new weapon’s master (because everyone over the age of 30 is dead) advises them of some top secret demon cage in Alicante they could go steal. So it’s off to Alicante. To warn the Clave that the mother of all demons is about? Hah, nope. To steal the cage of course! What, are you putting the fate of the world above our precious golden Jace again? Fie and shame! Fie and Shame on you all!

First they have to see big boss Shadowhunter lady, Jace’s granny, because there’s super security now and thumb prints are needed on account of Valentine converting like a third of the Clave. Being a Shadowhunter, she also decides Jace is way more important than humanity and devotes her efforts to helping them steal the cage and dodge the Inquisitor. Of course she does.

Also this has been enough time for Clary to figure out a way to make Jace’s possession all about her - she’s decided this totally wouldn’t have happened if he’d never met her, woe, angst, make me feel better, waaaah.

Jace coincidentally (HA) also goes to Alicante because Lillith wants chunks of Valentine’s body for cocktails and secret burger sauce recipes. This means cutting bits off his granny to get past security which I’m sure in three episodes time no-one will care about but Jace will be super angsty about it

Which means everyone meets at the graveyard and they imprison Jace. But the Clave is coming - quick, Clary, make a portal so we can all escape to Magnus’s living room!!!

Or you can make a portal and everyone else can escape but you while you pointlessly martyr yourself to ensure we’ll have more storylines about you. Ok, hon, you do you.

So next hot mess… oh yes, Luke is confronted by Ollie’s extremely angry girlfriend Sam who is pissed at Ollie being missing (and murdering her mother) and slaps him. With all due guilt he decides to go investigate Lillith’s culty place (apparently there’s a lot of vacant looking people hanging around in an area which could just be a bar or a drug den or a republican convention but hey, detective work). He decides to invite Simon along since he’s basically invulnerable with his shiny mark but rather belatedly remember that Lillith’s deciples are innocent humans and I’m sure that won’t be a - oh shit turned them all to dust. Oopsie. Mah bad.

Ollie isn’t dead but Luke decides to try and bring her back to reality by telling her about Sam, the woman she loves. For those not paying attention (and who can blame you), Lillith’s disciples are driven to kill the people they love. Is Luke trying to get Sam murdered here?

Anyways, vapourising several cultists has kiboshed Lillith’s resurrection plans for Simon. She’s also not mad thrilled that Simon is a daylighter

I think Lillith was out getting coffee or something while Simon and Luke raided her lair. Lady needs her caffein, damn it

What we need now is a side drama. So, Kyle, Simon’s Praetor Lupus keeper/bodyguard/fake friend turns out to be Maia’s ex. The man who turned her. She is not amused. Simon is not amused. I am very much amused. I mean doesn’t the Praetor do ANY kind of research at all?! Didn’t Kyle think “hey hanging around with the supernatural here may be a problem”? Really?

So we have some flashbacks to Maia and Kyle’s past which is kinda sweet and nice in parts but also clear that she begins to grow up and plan for the future while he wants to just travel and surf so rifts were beginning. And then he gets bit by a werewolf and, in a jealous rage because of her having dinner with someone else, turns and attacks her

Lo, the story of how Maia turned and the betrayal of it

Kyle angsts and plans to leave, giving Maia a letter but she stops that and decides to explain things to him. She’s not actually annoyed he lost control and attacked her - she’s a werewolf after all. She’s lost control. She’s attacked people. She’s annoyed he didn’t trust her enough to tell her what was happening to him. And she’s pissed he abandoned her. When she attacked someone by mistake she went back and checked on them, worked with Luke to make sure she was ok

Kyle just abandoned her and she’s not over it. But she refuses to let him abandon Simon, because we need more awkwardness, yay.