Divine Misfortune by A. Lee Martinez

Divine Misfortune is set in an alternate world where Gods make deals with humans;  in exchange for tribute, Gods provide humans the benefits of their area of specialty.  Phil and Terri live an average middle class existence but never really manage to move up the corporate ladder because unlike their coworkers, neither Phil or Terri have welcomed a God into their life.  When Phil is passed up for promotion yet again and his neighbour's lawn suddenly becomes perfect with the help of Demeter, Phil decides that it's time for him and Terri to pick a God.  With the multiple of Gods in human history -- this is not an easy task -- particularly when you have to pass a credit check to even look at Zeus's profile and Tyr demands the removal of a hand as proof of devotion.  After looking through the Gods on pantheon.com, Phil and Terri settle on Luka, the God of prosperity and good fortune.  Unlike the other Gods, Luka doesn't seem overly demanding and a safe bet to the risk adverse Terri and Phil but what they forgot, is that dealing with the divine is never as simple as it first seems.

Before they know it, Terri and Phil find themselves in the middle of a holy war between their personal deity Luka and Gorgoz "the ultimate embodiment of the chaos that birth the universe." And what are the two Gods fighting over? Well, a goddess of course.  There's nothing like a love triangle to keep immortality interesting.  If that isn't enough, Luka, who loves his Hawaiian shirts, decides to summarily move in and bring his friend Quetzalcoatl along for the ride. Getting though a typical day is hard enough but when you're dealing with God engaged in a holy war, a South American God filled with guilt for not dealing with the conquistadors, and a Goddess of love, now turned into the   Goddess of tragedy because centuries later, she's still not over being dumped, life can become complicated quickly.

You can probably tell from the description that there is a lot going on in Divine Misfortune, yet despite the twists and turns and the appearance of various Gods from assorted pantheons, the story never once feels confused.  Divine Misfortune is also infused with Martinez's great sense of humor and this makes the book at times laugh out loud funny.  After all, who wouldn't want to offer tribute to a God for some luck when informed that the in laws are coming for a visit, along with their multitude of children, particularly when one of the kids is going through a pyromaniac stage? With incidents like having an entire city's water supply being turned into grape soda as the result of an epic God showdown, all the world's pregnant dogs giving birth at once to winged puppies, Zeus and Mog giving out signed autographed photos and the Goddess of revenge giving boils to spurned lovers, Divine Misfortune is written to make you giggle, then laugh out loud until you have tears rolling down your face.  

In terms of gender, Divine Misfortune had three very strong characters female characters but Terri was by far my favourite, Terri, was so feminist, she refused to be saved by a man.  When Phil, Terri and  Bonnie, (who is forced to deal with the result of unwittingly becoming Syph, the goddess of tragedy number one sycophant), are confronted by gun men, who want to kill them as a tribute to Gorgoz, Phil decides to offer his life in trade for the two women.  Terri however is not at all impressed.

Phil stood and stepped between Eugene and his wife. “Kill me. But don’t shoot the women.”

“That’s some misogynistic bullshit.” Teri pushed him aside. “Kill me but let them go.”

“This isn’t a good time for feminism,” he replied.

“Says you.” She turned her eyes away from the guns trained on them. “You know how I feel about women and children first. It puts women in the same category as children. And I am not a child.”

“I wasn’t saying that. I was just trying to be noble.”

“Because it’s the man’s job to be noble,” she said, “and the woman’s job to—”

“Dammit, this is not the time to be having this discussion!”

Bonnie stood. “Shoot me. I’m the one who is going to die anyway. Might as well get it out of the way.”

“Excuse me,” said Eugene. “But this is an assassination, not a negotiation. You’re all going to get shot. There’s no way around that.”     

“Although, for the record, miss,” said Rick, “I agree with you that it’s chauvinistic nonsense." (pg117) 

When Phil later decides to trade himself Gorgoz to keep Terri safe, does not at all see the gesture as loving and supportive.

A Nameless Witch by A. Lee Martinez

 

Imagine if you will a nameless witch cursed with beauty, the inability to die and a hunger for flesh.  Such a life would not be an easy one and indeed, for our nameless witch, it means a tortured childhood filled with little but neglect until she is found by her mentor.  Time passes as it does and our witch wakes to discover that today is the day her mentor is going to die.  The witch now has a choice to make, she can seek revenge for the one person she ever loved, in the process taking on a quest that will force her to confront her true nature, perhaps find love and actually die, or she can take a different road. Nothing is ever simple in the life of a nameless witch, even with companions like a demon duck, a troll, an animated broom and an honest to goodness White knight for a love interest, events might demand more from her witchly nature that she can possibly defeat.

As you might have guessed from my synopsis, A Nameless Witch is quirky and ridiculously delightful.  It is clearly set in an alternate world because the witch, does not cause much of a concern to the residents of Fort Stalwart.  The humans are in fact more concerned that the witch just might be a prostitute in disguise because the prostitutes outnumber the men 3:1 and this of course has over saturated the market.  Since the economy of  Fort Stalwart is largely based in prostitution, one can easily see how this is a problem.  

The nameless witch is a fascinating protagonist.   Though she is a witch who consumes raw meat and has a forked tongue, she is cursed with beauty.  Her hair shines, her breasts are perky and her behind round and firm.  The nameless witch goes to much effort to hide her curse by covering herself in dirt, ugly clothing and affecting a limp.  The beauty she despises makes her quest to live a good witchly life difficult. Through it all, people still see through her mask, making her more determined to hide. I found this to be quite the interesting twist on the well known trope of the beautiful woman bemoaning her perfect ddd breast size.

Helen and Troy's Epic Road Quest by A. Lee Martinez

This epic road quest takes place in an alternate world where humans, orcs, and other manner of mystical creatures are just accepted as normal.  Helen the rare minotaur girl and Troy meet at work.  They are brought together when their boss tries to sacrifice Helen to a long lost banished God.  Things go from bad to worse when the God sets them on a magical quest where Helen and Troy will battle dragons and orcs even as they try to decipher the mystical clues that the Fates give  them to gather magical weapons which will set the lost God loose on earth.  Will our heroes succeed with so much aligned against them?

This is the second book I have read which was written by Martinez and so I expected Helen and Troy's Epic Road Quest to be quirky but what I didn't expect was for it to be laugh out loud funny. I found myself giggling at the conflicted Orcs who caused damage in restaurants because that is their nature and then worrying about emptying bank accounts to pay for the damage.  Then there was the fate who ran the truck stop, and of course Orc Gods worried about learning to play bridge and shuffleboard.  The situations were absolutely absurd but it was impossible not to laugh.

The female protagonist did, unfortunately, come with the usual super special descriptor - being a rare female minotaur and the first to manifest as such in her family for generations.  Her story was largely about self acceptance because she dealt with body issues throughout the book.  Normally these kinds of issues ascribed to women irritate me because it plays on the trope of women always needing to doubt their physical attractiveness; however, if I had horns, a tail, fur and smelled horrible when I got wet, I would be a tad insecure about dating as well.  Helen was remarkably strong and though she lacked confidence in herself, she was unafraid to meet any challenge and even ended up saving Troy.

The male protagonist Troy was also a little trope laden. He is the Asian kid who is the perfect son, always gets good grades and is of course well liked.  I did however like how he discussed being turned off by a girl when she sought to fetishisize him which is something people of colour face on a regular basis.  Troy didn't want to be anyone token.  He is capable and strong if somewhat annoying with his perfection - something Helen takes care to point out repeatedly.

It is worth noting that Martinez did make the mistake of conflating real people of colour with his mystical creations. 

"Just because my ancestors were barbaric hordes that doesn't mean I'm a natural-born killer. I think it's a bit racist that you assume that"

Having on protagonist be a man of colour does not erase the harm of this.  These kinds of conflations detract from the racism that people of colour are forced to live with on a daily basis.

Martinez did chose to include a gay character - James the orc.  Unfortunately, James is a trope laden mess. James drinks imported fruity beers, is the only Orc with fuchsia on his bike, loves musical theater, has Funny Girl as his favorite movie, and has a habit of punching people if they cannot differentiate between lavender and lilac.  James, of course, leads a closeted life with his roommate Gary until he is finally confronted about his sexuality by his fellow Orcs. If anything James is a token and extremely empty.  It's not enough to have inclusion, portrayals of marginalized characters shouldn't be cardboard cut out tropes.

Despite it's faults, I enjoyed every moment of Helen and Troy's Epic Road Quest.  It's an easy read and a great way to waste away the afternoon.  The story won't change your world view, or challenge you to think but it will entertain you.  The writing is extremely vivid and it is so easy to picture all of the characters we are introduced to as well as all of the fantastical locales that the story is set in.  It's impossible not to root for both Helen and Troy and the Wild Hunt which places the reader in a bit of a conundrum because they are on opposite sides.  When you can love the good guys and the bad the guys that is a sign of a really good book.

Editors Note: A copy of this book was received from Netgalley

Gil's All Fright Diner By A. Lee Martinez

Duke, who is a werewolf and Earl, who is a vampire -- are travelling together -- when their old truck runs out of gas, in the small southern town of Rockwood, just outside of Gil's All Night Diner.  When they enter Loretta the proprietor and waitress questions them about whether they saw anything weird, but they simply shake their heads.  Duke empties the last of his change asking how much food this will buy him.   When the food finally arrives, Duke begins to eat but his meal is interrupted when zombies break through the restaurant door forcing Duke and Earl to fight them off.

Loretta is upset that once again the  zombies have broken her door and that she is forced to pay for their disposal.  It seems that for the last few weeks, zombies have been making themselves a menace and scaring off customers. Loretta decides to hire Duke and Earl to get rid of he zombies and lay a gasline in the restaurant.

Duke decides that he will handle the gas line and he sends Earl off to deal with the zombies.  When he gets to the graveyard he meets Cathy the guardian.  The last person buried in a cemetery is always forced to guard it and this frees the other ghosts to either wander the earth or go into the hereafter.  Cathy is super excited to see Earl because he can see her, and this means that she has someone to talk to.  Earl is not at all comfortable talking to Cathy at first and her request for a handshake particularly bothers him, because he does not like touching ghosts.

What Duke and Earl do not realize is that they have stumbled into a larger problem than simply zombies rising out of their graves.  Gil's All Night Diner, is located at a gateway which has the potential to release the old Gods into the world.   Tammy who is Asian and is only in Rockwood because her parents adopted her has been busy practising the dark arts. When she is performing magic she demands to be called Mistress Lillith by solitary follower Chad.  Tammy's goal is to get Loretta to give up the diner so that she can open the portal but unfortunately, Chad, while helpful at times, seems to be more interested in getting into her pants.