Thursday, March 15, 2012

Cover Snark:The Shoes!

Alright, I get the OMG Shoez and I know it’s essentialist but I bet a few women do as well. You know, the pair that you see in the window that are just damn fierce you know they have to be yours, until you stop and pause and realize that you may not be able to take a step in them. Ok, we can’t put it off any longer but we have to comment on the shoes.

Yes shoes. It’s not only glaring but it is ridiculously common - how many of these kick arse, dangerous Urban Fantasy protagonists decide that when fighting vampires, werewolves, demons or the various gribbly monsters out there then what they need to break out the stilettos. You don’t save the world in your Sitting Shoes!

Now in some books the authors seem aware of the fact their heroine is going to be depicted wearing 6 inch heals whether they want it or not - so they have her use them in battle. yes, the much used stiletto kick! After all, nothing kills a vampire as surely as a 6 inch silver/wooden stiletto plunged through the heart! I get that many have shoes that we pretend are practically even as they are squeezing our feet and cutting off circulation, but hey at least admit that they’re not practical.

Except, of course, this requires said heroine to perch precariously on one stiletto heel while performing a high kick on a vampire which is, presumably, fighting back. There are Olympic gold medalist gymnasts who just went pale contemplating that maneuver.

These women must wear these shoes so constantly that they can’t even walk flatfooted any more - what other reason would you choose to wear these things to hunt the worst of the world’s monsters?

It has reached a point where the only covers we see where women are not wearing these stilts are ones where we don’t actually see their feet at all. I actually think it may be a desperate cover artist’s rebellion against the foot fetish - the only way they can be free from the stilettos is if they remove the feet altogether!

I never though I’d say it - but it makes me pine for the Black Dagger Brotherhood’s “shitkickers”. The phrase may have been ridiculously overused in juvenile and comic fashion but at least the guys were fighting in sensible footwear, damn it!