So, Secret Circle’s back, everyone! Are we thrilled? What waits in store for us? Maybe they’ll repair their mangled canon? Maybe Melissa will actually have a part? Maybe Faye will have a purpose? Maybe Adam will cast aside his Wet Lettuceness? Maybe Jake will decide that trusting murderous witch hunters is a bad idea? Maybe Jane, Cassie’s grandmother, will crawl out of the plot hole she fell into! Oh so many possibilities!
So we open with Faye (Mean Girl) being, well, Faye and dropping a bombshell on Dawn (Evil Parent #1) that Cassie’s dad, John (Evil Sorcerer… uh, Evil parent #3 I guess? Y’know, it’s actually kind of hard to see the witch hunters as wrong when so many of the Parents Circle were actually evil) is ALIVE! DUM DUM DUM!
Meanwhile Cassie is playing hostess to her father (that would be the Evil Sorcerer guy) and she still has no real reason to trust him but since when has that stopped her? She does get to make sarcastic comments about his evil dark magic – because, y’know, that’s totally how you deal with an evil sorcerer in one’s living room, sarcasm. Yes, yes it is. I especially like how she doesn’t want him staying with her because he’s a “complete stranger who everyone is terrified of” yes an actual quote. See, this is new Ms. Manners etiquette – it’s acceptable to share coffee with evil sorcerous strangers but gauche to have them as overnight guests.
Ok sarcasm aside, they have a talk about Dark Magic and how it changes and twists people – John (Evil Sorcerer Parent) thinks it warped him and Cassie shouldn’t do it. Cassie think it’s a nifty trick. I hesitate to say it, but John is kind of the voice of experience Cassie’s dismissing. Gah, Cassie, why do you make me agree with people I dislike? First Adam (Wet Lettuce) and now John!
Circle meeting time (Ok Faye’s “then you could each have one” comment was wrong. And mean. And awesome – damn I wish I’d thought of that line!) in fact, Faye continually makes mean, but very true statements while Diana (Chief Scooby) is kind of vapid and fluffy, Jake (the Sexy Witch Hunter Lover) and Adam (Wet Lettuce) are busy testosterone duelling over Cassie. And Melissa is just, well, there. Jake is all in favour of trusting John (Evil Sorcerer Parent) because he just looooves trusting people who may kill them.
Thankfully discussions about Black Magic, witch hunters and other life and death matters are put aside after, oh, 2 minutes so they can discuss the next school event. No, really. And of course Diana (Chief Scooby) is organising things with the help of Melissa (Universal side-kick), her trusty servant. I wonder if Faye and Diana have organised a time share roster with Melissa so they both have their side-kick on hand. Couldn’t they just bring back Sally then they could both have a black side-kick! After all, she used to be the one doing all these dances and events before she fell into a plot hole and Diana took over.
Anyway, Diana and Melissa are collecting party gear and meat cute Australian guy called Grant (hereby known as Unnecessary Distraction) whereby Melissa does her side-kick duty and does her best to set Diana up with Grant. Grant’s pick-up lines include excessive lectures about proper viticulture and implying Diana’s name is old fashioned.
And speaking of Unnecessary Distractions, Lee (White Voodoo Guy) has saved Eva, his old girlfriend after much plotting and she rewards him be declaring eternal loyalty/stalking. Faye also goes looking for Lee because she wants a date for the special party Diana is setting up. Lee doesn’t bother to explain to Faye that Eva is back on the scene. This calls for Faye to meet up with Diana and Melissa, so Melissa can play best friend to both of them at once. She’s got multi-tasking skills! So Faye goes back to seduce Lee and meets Eva. Oh funsies.
In the abandoned house Cassie spies on her father, seeing him hiding something and breaking the furniture, which naturally has to be reported to Adam (Wet lettuce). Adam knows what he was looking for – a Swaye, an amulet that steals a witch’s power (exactly like the last amulet we saw. C’mon, isn’t it a little early to recycle concepts?). Adam talks sense about Cassie not taking the power stealing amulet to confront her father with since he has a past history of stealing witch’s power. It being sense and all, Cassie doesn’t listen.
John claims that the Swaye actually transfers magic to a mortal – and it was how Eben (Evil Black Witchunter) was able to subdue the Parent Circle – and someone in the Parent Circle must have spelled it to help him when he killed half the Parent Circle and he needs the Swaye to find the traitor. Quick meeting between Cassie and Adam (Wet Lettuce) and Cassie suspects Ethan (Adam’s father – the only Parent in the Parent Circle who isn’t evil) and Adam is annoyed that Cassie is accusing his dad ion the word of Evil Sorcerer John. She then decides to take her suspicions to Jake because Jake is so impartial in this. Jake then takes that to John (Evil Sorcerer), yes Jake is trusting dangerous, possibly evil people, again.
Ok, time for the party
But Lee comes to the dance (in between Melissa best friending) and Faye confronts him and makes an excellent line (again!) that she is not one of those sad girls that waits for a guy to choose. Too right Faye now turn around and give him your back… except she kisses him instead. Showing with her sexy kisses that he should choose her instead of Eva. Oh well, it was almost an awesome empowered scene. Melissa and Faye use some magic to get lucky at the Blackjack table just in time for Eva to show up and fine him and Faye together. Queue dagger eyes between the two women (oh please no. This show does NOT need another love triangle).
Grant is flirting with Diana (poorly but cutely) and flashing lots of cash around. More Melissa best friending. Jake shows up to stalk Cassie but Melissa is there to give out some best friend advice. Awww, c’mon, Melissa’s Best Friending Jake now?
Dawn (Evil Parent #1) flirts with John and tries to team up with him to get their powers back. But John’s having none of it and is looking for Ethan – something Dawn then tells Cassie. Cassie also reconciles with Ada (the Wet Lettuce) with Adam apologising (despite me thinking Adam actually had a point). Cassie leaves to find John, just in time to see someone stab him. Time for dark magic vengeance – to find Ethan (Soggy Parent) - as the stabber. And John is sure Ethan isn’t the betrayer of the Parent Circle – he just blames John for the original Circle’s death.
Conclusion time: Cassie agrees with John, dark magic is dangerous after she was nearly driven to kill Ethan. The solution is to not use magic at all… yeah that’ll work. Cassie goes to Adam and they have a Wet Lettuce moment which turns into a sexy moment.
Eva confronts Lee in full stalking mode and she has magic – which she uses to curse Lee.
John confronts Ethan because, yes, Ethan did betray the Parent Circle in order to get at John (yes, he trusted the Witch Hunters) But John will keep his secret so long as Ethan doesn’t tell anyone about Cassie’s power. Ethan releases her own bombshell – it was Amelia (Cassie’s mother) who wanted John dead. But the whole “written in the stars” love between the two families is a curse – not a blessing.
All in all – well we had some forwarding of the plot – but we also have some real distractions. Lee/Eva/Faye is really unnecessary and two women fighting over a man is going to be extremely unpleasant, especially since Eva is shown to be so unstable.
Who is betting that Grant is a witch hunter, witch or other monster?
Melissa, oh Melissa. Melissa played supporting friend to Diana, Faye and Jake. His is what comes of having only one black token – you have to make her stretch for the whole cast.