Mat runs for his life through the woods, chased by an angry vampire. Which catches and bites him! Yay, excess character removed!
But Jeremy shoots the vampire with a crossbow. Damn it, Vampire Diaries, don’t tease like that. Flashback to the bar where Klaus has had his mini massacre and Jeremy is not willing to go along with killing all the noobie vamps and Klaus can’t compel him, a hunter to do so. Klaus agrees – but he can compel all these many vamps to kill Matt (yay!) unless Jeremy saves him (boo!). Damon is Shocked And Appalled by this since he never agreed to have Mat imperilled. Oh look, making a deal with an Original Vampire doesn’t go to plan. Why, I am surprised. This has never ever happened before, truly.
Back to the present and the newly nibbled on Matt, Jeremy wants to get Matt to the lakehouse and safety and Damon agrees to slow the noobie vamps – which he does by killing them. Which completely wastes them being turned – how about super-speedy DAMON get Matt to the boathouse and Jeremy kill the noobie vamps? Elena joins the protect Matt party (damn it, Elena just has to be part of everything) and she, Jeremy and Matt make it to the boathouse where no vamp can enter without an invite.
Next day when the noobie vamps have either left or BBQed, Elena scolds Damon for the plan and killing innocent people (I believe this is because, as Jeremy is her brother, she doesn’t want to have sex with him – so the innocent people he kills matter, as opposed to the double or treble digit death counts Stefan and Damon have totted up). She reiterates not wanting the cure anyway and now they need a plan to keep Matt safe at nightfall (building they can’t enter without being invited? Sounds like a good plan to me). Damon presents the plan of him and Jeremy going hunting for baby vampire, problem solved.
Alas, we have to check up on Stefan (the shirtlessness makes it tolerable) and Rebekah (nothing makes her tolerable) reading his diary (oh, I know what it says! “angst angst, Elena, waaaah, Damon raaawr, angst angst, foolish plan, angst). And he’s totally done with Elena, but their team (I shall call it Team Whiney) is in a severe disadvantage next to Klaus, Damon & Co (Team Sexy) and Team Shane & Bonnie (Team Extras) so Rebekah has a plan (oh dear). Shane revealed that he knew about evil!immortal!Silas’s headstone while being waterboarded last week and Rebekah thinks if they grab it they can make Team Extras join Team Whiney.
To Team Extras where Bonnie is still upset that her spell nearly killed April (I’m upset about that as well – I thought we’d finally killed off the pointless character but, alas, she lived). When she gets irritable she also starts fires (or mood lighting) but Shane reassures her with some worrisome looking hypnotism. Which is when Sheriff Forbes (Founderella, Caroline’s mum), comes in and handcuffs Shane for… reasons, and tells Bonnie to ask her dad (Dead Mayor Walking) about why.
Jeremy and Damon go hunting the noobie vamps at the bar and find that they’ve all already been massacred by Kol, the Aussie Original (it comes and goes though. I like to think that Kol’s accent is deliberately created to represent someone with centuries of different accents effecting his speech, but I rather think it’s an Australian actor aiming for an English accent with the help of a South African language coach) got there first and wants to talk to them. He wants everyone to stop looking for the cure because he’s worried about Silas; seems Kol has come across Silas worshippers in the past who believe Silas will bring about the end of time and he’d really rather time didn’t end, being immortal and all. So he murdered them (this may have been to stop Silas or just because that’s what Kol does for shits and giggles).
Of course, the Hunter’s Curse stops him killing Jeremy, so he decides to rip off his arms instead (actually, when it comes to problem solving, Kol may be the most efficient of the Originals). Damon attacks him to give time for Jeremy to run before Kol quickly gets the upper hand.
Back to Team Whiney, Stefan and Rebekah search Shane’s office. Stefan is pouty, Rebekah is nostalgic and they find Shane’s herbs.
On to scenes that may be remotely relevant – Sheriff Frobes is questioning Shane watched, via camera, by Bonnie (because highschool students often get to watch police interviews) and her father, Mayor Rudy Hopkins (Dead Mayor Walking). Bonnie protests Shane’s innocence and thinks her dad’s just trying to keep her away from Shane, but Dead Mayor Walking points out April told them what Shane did and Rebekah said Shane had confessed to her. Bonnie decides she should be the one to interview Shane because we’ve stopped even pretending Mystic Falls has a legal process. Bonnie tells Shane Rebekah lied about him and Shane reveals that she actually told the truth (but covered his mouth from the camera – hah, like anyone even remotely cares about chain of evidence here).
To Elena (noooo) and Matt (oh noooooooooo) with Matt whining about Damon and blaming Elena trusting Damon on the sire bond (sorry, Elena was kind of trusting Damon before then, it’s not the dire bond she’s just that Spunky) when they get the call from Jeremy asking for help. Who you gonna call when an Original is after you?
Elena goes to Klaus. Who reminds her of the whole “tried to bury me in cement” thing. Klaus takes a moment to snap at Elena for making demands (you’ll have to forgive her Klaus, she’s used to centuries old beings following the orders of a teenager. It never did make sense) and adding that he doesn’t just want to cure Elena so he can make his happy hybrid family, but he also wants to destroy the cure so no-one gets clever ideas about making him human then killing him. When Elena begs he calls Kol and tells him he’s a naughty boy and makes him promise not to kill Jeremy.
Kol turns to Damon who he’s having a fun time beating up and forcing him to stab himself so he’s sure Damon can be compelled. After which, he compels Damon to forget the conversation – and kill Jeremy.
Back to Elena and Jeremy where Jeremy can now have the same “how can you trust Damon?” speech that Matt had (though, to be fair, Damon has actually killed Jeremy a couple of times so he does have good reason to not want to join the “yay Damon” fan club) and more angst about Jeremy’s stabby urges.
Team Whiney are critiquing Shane’s décor, including his love of death related antiques. Which leads to Rebekah snarking about Elena as a “child that only thinks about herself” (ooooh, accurate!) and Stefan throws a knife at her. More angst and Rebekah nostalgia with extra flirting. A man enters just before they take the flirting to the next level. They hide and he begins to search the place – finding in seconds what they couldn’t. Rebekah grabs him by the neck to ask questions. They question him by slicing him up, his blood is full of vervain so if they can’t compel him, though he could have been compelled before he took it. To prevent them torturing the information out of him, he bites off his own tongue then stabs himself in the neck. Stefan and Rebekah conclude he must have been compelled to go to such extreme measures (“was it my bastard brother or yours?”) and Stefan decides there’s a fourth Team playing.
Back to Shane, Bonnie decides the next stage in this mass murder inquiry is to turn off all the cameras so they can talk privately. Founderella and Dead Mayor Walking apparently agree to this. Shane explains he’s not a murderer, he just needed to kill 11 people in a ritual to get at the cure (eeer… what part of that is not murder?) and he believes Silas will bring everyone back. Bonnie decides he’s crazy. She starts to walk out and he offers her a chance to see her grandmother again… she closes the door. He begins to describe her guilt over her grandmother being tortured in the afterlife for Bonnie’s misuse of magic and Bonnie snaps – using her newly acquired totally-not-black-magic-honest to torture Shane (who kinda had it coming). Dead Mayor Walking runs in and Bonnie throws water on the floor and sets it alight forming a wall of flame he can’t pass. Shane talks about magic feeling good and that she’s out of control (addictive and uncontrollable dark magic? Didn’t Buffy do this storyline? Do I have to start calling Bonnie Bonow? Hmmm best not, it sounds like Bono and that could get really disturbingly confusing). Shane uses his patented hypnotism trick to bring Bonnie down. She leaves, crying. Shane tells Dead Mayor Walking that his daughter can be the most powerful witch in the world – with Shane’s guidance – or a time bomb.
At the bar-that-doesn’t-care-about-legal-drinking-age Damon and Elena enter and Damon hones in on Jeremy in a menacing, Kol-compelled manner. Jeremy ducks into the back and Elena snaps Damon out of it asking what’s wrong. Jeremy escapes out of a vent and Damon tells Elena that Kol compelled him to murder her little brother (again). Damon chases Jeremy through the tunnels under the town calling out to Jeremy to run because he’s compelled. It comes out as a freaky combination of warning, help and threat.
Elena calls Stefan and gets Rebekah – Rebekah snarks but Elena speaks for Stefan to hear – asking him to help save Jeremy from the compelled Damon.
Meanwhile Jeremy sets a trap for Damon and shoots him. Damon falls to his knees and asks Jeremy to shoot him – in the heart – because he can’t stop himself (where did this self-sacrifice come from? For Jeremy?) He shoots Damon in the head instead, knocking him unconscious. Damon wakes up cursing Jeremy’s foolishness for not killing him (who is this and what did you do with Damon?)
Rebekah goes to speak to Kol about compelling Damon and how Klaus is going to be very not impressed. She puts a dagger to his back – a white oak ash dagger - and he rants about what the family has become, that Elijah won’t even speak to them because they’ve so devolved into bickering (err, the random mass murders may also be an element) and she’s not better than Klaus if she daggers him over a “disagreement”. She says it isn’t the cure that ruined them – and he turns with the White Oak Stake of Original Killing – much to her shock. And then Klaus arrives and knocks him to a wall. Kol runs. Rebekah also leaves – not forgiving Klaus just because he saved her life.
Jeremy keeps running from Damon leaving a blood trail behind (he cut himself for the trap) and Elena catches up with Damon for plaintive don’t do this, resist the compulsion – honestly, I’m starting to tune out whenever Elena uses her Earnest Voice and the music gets sappy. Damon tries to resist but smells the blood – he runs to Jeremy and demands he shoots again. Jeremy pulls the trigger – and now Stefan knocks him aside and breaks Damon’s neck.
Damon wakes up very badly drained of blood, Stefan is holding him captive and the only way to weaken him to keep him contained is to drain him. And yes, Stefan is taking great petty pleasure in keeping Damon drained, imprisoned and away from Elena (I’m sorry, is Stefan supposed to be portrayed as a complete arsehole? And is anyone going to acknowledge Damon’s willingness to die for Jeremy twice?)
Stefan and Elena meet for a snipefest, Elena points out Rebekah tried to kill her, Stefan points out Damon tried to kill Jeremy (touché). Stefan continues to pout and sulk and stomp and act like a surly 15 year old.
In the bar-that-doesn’t-care-about-legal-drinking-age Bonnie apologies to her dad, Dead Mayor Walking, for getting angry. And he assures her he got her help. Seems Dead Mayor Walking is now Team Shane and wants his daughter to get help from the mass murderer. Uh-huh, does anyone on this show even care about character motivation making sense?
Klaus goes to Elena and Jeremy to collect Jeremy – since Kol has set his sights on Jeremy, Klaus is worried about keeping him safe. Elena rejects him but Klaus tells Elena to call him if Kol arrives, before he burns their house to the ground and warns Jeremy that there’s no shortage of loved ones to turn and/or threaten.
Jeremy angsts at the innocents Klaus will force him to kill, turning them to vampires first. And Elena has the brilliant idea of killing an Original, killing thousands of vampires at once (Kol, I think your days are numbered) and she selects Kol (toooold you).
Rebekah and Stefan meet again, she’s hiding the headstone from him and they return to their flirting with no feelings and no attachments (yeah why do I think this isn’t going to end well? Like anyone on Vampire Diaries can even cross the road casually, let alone have casual sex). Fully clothed sex follows.
I’m really not sold with Bonnie diving down the rabbit hole with Shane the mass murderer. She has become someone else’s tool – the vampires lost interest in her and she’s found someone else to serve. And, again, she objects vociferously to murder then ends up being used by the murderers anyway. Is her objections supposed to be the moral compass on this show?
While everyone has a real reason to dislike Damon with him being a murderer and all, the same applies to Stefan. And it’d help if it weren’t Matt and Jeremy making the arguments to Elena as it feels less like “hey this guy is evil” and more “hey lets have some more angst fodder.”
Why do people still trust the Originals? Why? WHYYYY?
Elena is whining because of Stefan/Damon/who knows she’s always whining. Stefan is whining because of Elena. Damon is angsty because of Elena. Matt is upset and angsty because – I don’t even know or care any more. Even Rebekah is throwing her pout out there occasionally and still maintaining an epic grudge against an 18 year old. Ye gods woman, you’re over 1,000 years old, get some perspective. And I suspect Shane’s nasty mass-murder habit is becoming a reason for Bonnie’s angst (to go with her angst about her magic).
And Damon is willing to sacrifice himself for Jeremy? The guy he’s killed multiple times due to the ring? Since when did Damon care enough to DIE for Jeremy? When did that happen?
My whining tolerance is seriously being stretched here. Honestly, I can barely engage in any aspect of the plot because EVERYONE is sad or tortured or crying or angsting or whining. Everyone. It becomes impossible to care about even the most legitimate pain on this show because there’s never a time when at least half the cast aren’t tortured. I have angst fatigue and have ran out of care.