Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Last Man on Earth, Season 1, Episode 4: Melissa

Let me get a big drink, this trainwreck is about to get much wrecker

Carol is super excited to see another person in the world. And Phil is super excited and enthralled to see a conventionally attractive woman in the world. I am super excited that this show is only 30 minutes long and my pain will be brief.

The woman is Melissa and she’s come to Tucson because of Phil’s signs (Phil is staring at her in a maximum creepy way). Carol is happy to tell Melissa all about their marriage while Phil see more willing to let the subject drop. Though I can understand that when the unnecessary sex talk comes up

To Phil’s house and Melissa is impressed with his art – and agrees with him that it’s hardly stealing if there’s no-one left.

Lots more creepy leering from Phil, obliviousness from Carol – and Phil actually shaves and puts on clothes. Though both women prefer the beard.

They all have dinner together (Carol’s awful awful food) with more creepiness, more fawning and even more creepiness from Phil constantly trying to force some kind of commonality. C’mon Melissa, nows the time to move as far away from these people as possible. An extra side message is how awful cheating is. Just in case we missed it

When Melissa escapes, Phil is not eager to go to bed with Carol.

We then have diarrhoea and sex dreams. I am not drunk enough for this. I don’t think it’s actually possible to be drunk enough for this. Not even with tequila

Phil continues to fawn and creep – taking up exercise and getting Melissa a car while arguing with Carol about their broken door (or possibly ruin of a marriage)

Melissa an Carol come close to having a normal moment – Carol still trying to see the good in Phil and his tolerating her eccentricities while Melissa came very very close to actual pathos with the way she’s managed through the year

Melissa invites them both for drinks – telling Phil and expecting him to pass it on. Of course he doesn’t and he goes alone. After a few drinks she tells him how terribly, overwhelmingly horny she is and how sad it is that Phil is married

Melissa, you have an entire country worth of sex toys to choose too and enough batteries to last until the sun explodes. This is a better choice than Phil

Phil hurries to talk to Carol though she’s being all fluffy with a big heart picture of them both and breaking I off with her would be like kicking a puppy. So more diarrhoea jokes

I can accept a lot of awful from this show because it was clearly never going to be anything but awful. I didn’t expect world building or depth or emotional development. But I expect to try to be funny – because that was the last claim it had left, that it was funny. Forget everything else, the humour makes up for it

And I didn’t expect to laugh because, equally, it was clearly not going to be my humour

But this episode took it to a new level. Not only did I not laugh, but I didn’t especially know where I was supposed to laugh. Not only did I not find it funny, but I can’t even find the failed attempt at humour. Except the diarrhoea sex dream

So I’m left with the unfunny adventures of Manchild, Sexobject and Cockblock. Yay.

Again, I question whether  we should continue following this because it’s so… alien to what we do even with the supposed dystopian setting

At least it’s short….

Wait next week is an hour long? Oh Loki, why do you torment me so?

I’m going to need more booze