Saturday, May 2, 2015

Olympus, Season 1, Episode 5: Blood Brothers

The Hero manages to make it to Athens by clumsily shooting a guard in the leg. This rather inept introduction leads to him killing several more guards.

Medea visits Lykos to demand to know when the Hero will be delivered – and also to warn Lykos that Kimon is blatantly Pallas’s agent. Lykos believes he’s converted Kimon – and that he should be ruling Athens. In his favour, he’s arguing this because his dad is an absolutely appalling king and the people are beginning to realise this. Of course he’s also sure that he’s all suited to be a leader because the non-existent Lexicon is shining through – which his mother knows is bullshit. She tells him to slow down, grow up and wait for his moment in the sun. And to bring the Hero

Except his agent returns the money because he failed to deliver Hero to him.

In Minos’s camp, Hero left the Oracle tied to Minos’s bed – ye gods man, really? Ariadne is duly snarky while Minos is, surprisingly sensibly, more concerned by the fact a suspected Athenian spy managed to sneak into his tent in the middle of the night and spend long enough there to tie someone up. He leaves Ariadne and the tied Oracle alone – Ariadne is both impressed and annoyed by how effectively the Oracle has manipulated her father. She decides to question the Oracle with an oily leg massage – which I think is attempted seduction though the Oracle seems more uncomfortable than anything. Then she starts writing in pleasure and gasping over… having her calves rubbed.

This turns into a random ominous vision with eagles holding snakes, King of Athens and the world ending.

Minos checks in on Daedelus who is still working on war machines, sort of anyway. We see Minos has some of the same hangs up as Aegeus, it’s not enough to win, they have to win gloriously.

In Athena, Medea and Pallas continue to plot ad King Aegeus keeps having sex with the Priestess while she prays. Pallas and Xerxes think Medea has arranged this so Medea and Lykos can negotiate surrender with Minos. Pallas decides the key to this is to woo Lykos.

Absolutely none of that made sense. Not one iota. Not how having the king have sex with a priestess will allow the surrender to go ahead. Not the idea that Lykos and Medea are planning a surrender. Nor the idea that wooing Lykos will prevent surrender. The whole thing was such random nonsense he may as well have been speaking another language.

So they drag him into a meeting with Lykos also bemused as to what they’re talking about. They try to convinced him how best to present his surrender plea (ignoring that Lykos isn’t actually planning surrender) since they do seem to agree it’s the only way any of them will survive their inevitable defeat. They hope to trade the Lexicon for being able to live and then having Lykos be king afterwards.

Convinced, Lykos sends a carrier pigeon which Xerxes and Pallas hope will help build a case of treason against Lykos. Which they want because… because… Oh I have no clue but somehow it will put Pallas on the throne. They also plot while walking through public corridors which is laughably ridiculous.

Meanwhile Hero dumps his stolen Minoan armour and steals a tunic – only to be caught by a woman who fears he is a Minoan spy because of the armour (because spies infiltrate cities wearing uniforms). Whether she’d believe his ridiculous story I delayed because everyone hides when Athenian soldiers appear – they may be defending the city but that doesn’t stop them abusing the citizens. Naturally Hero intervenes and, as is somewhat a pattern, he also loses.

Lykos asks Kimon about this and he, actually having a full line for once, points out that the people won’t see him as king because he’s been pretty isolated from them for so long. So time to walk among the common people – who are all hiding again because he’s with soldiers. And they have the Hero tied up – and Lykos recognises him by his blue feet. Hero introduces himself as Lykos’s brothr

Really? Really? Does anyone on this show have the slightest lick of sense? “Hey I’m a prince! Honest!” Aaaargh

Everyone believes him and Medea talks to Aegeus to convince him to accept his son so they can get the Lexicon. Aegeus is all reluctant because… I don’t even know, just because. She also tells him that he has to be kind and loving to his son to win him to their side.

Lykos isn’t exactly happy with his new brother. He’s sure it’s all a plot of his mother’s and isn’t that pleased that she continually tortured him for the Lexicon that is actually in his big brother. He ties the Hero up, I think he’s supposed to be being stretched painfully as he’s making lots of pain sounds despite no indication of anything hurting him (he’s also holding the rope wrapped around his wrists – so if he is being stretched out it’s his own odd fault). Anywya Lykos decides to stab him but Hero relies on brotherhood and love – complete stranger declaring brotherly love apparently works enough to distract Lykos and let the Hero escape.

Kimon passes on all he’s learned about the Hero to Pallas and Xerxes and Pallas decides to kill Hero – only to find him gone and Lykos tied up.

Aegeus is consumed with suspicion over the Hero, assuming his son will want to kill him and take his kingdom – he throws the priestess out when she tries to convince him to accept his son, and calls her a whore.

When the Hero makes his way to Aegeus, the king attacks him with a sword – but luckily Hero is also carrying a sword from Lykos to defend himself. He begs his dad not to kill him – and Pallas and Xerxes arrive to yell assassin and take the obvious chance to kill him. Before the Hero gets stabbed Medea arrives to try and talk sense into everyone. Much to Pallas’s annoyance she succeeds.

At Mino’s camp it’s apparently all of Lykos’s sneaky tactics are having an effect – so it’s time for an assault with a plan his general calls “the serpent’s claws.” Minos snarks with perfect deadpan “serpents don’t have claws.” It becomes the Serpent’s Jaw. He asks for the Oracle’s opinion but she points out that war isn’t Gaia’s thing, he should ask Athena. Goddesss of warfare and… uh… Athens. The city they’re sieging. Minos “no wonder we’re faring so poorly.” She suggests, via vision, the use Daedalus’ genius to breach the walls.

Which means she has to convince Daedalus to help which, for some reason, means she has to lie to Thybus to get rid of him. Minos can’t just tell him to clear out? She then encourags Daedalus to bring down the walls because now she thinks they have to stop the Hero – because with the Lexicon and the Magi ring that can kill gods, she realises that maybe Hero will cause the apocalypse, not stop it. Daedalus agrees, so long as he gets the ring afterwards.

Minos also encourages Ariadne to be nice to Oracle because they want to convert her to their side. They will need her mystical skill to unlock the Lexicon.

They receive the pigeon from Lykos where he offers to meet with them in purpose. Ariadne speaks in favour – worst case scenario they refuse his terms and kidnap Lykos who they think holds the lexicon. The Oracle hides that he doesn’t he the Lexicon but does argue against trusting Lykos since he is willing to betray Minos.

There have been some bad depictions of lesbian sex before, but I think orgasmic writhing over calf rubbing may be on Cosmo level of ludicrous.

The Hero losing a lot of fights – I actually don’t mind this. One man decides to take on half a dozen soldiers to protect a woman, the chances are he will lose. The fact the Hero is a skilled fighter but not a god-like one and he does lose battles does, in some ways, make him more heroic. In many other shows, the Hero would have easily vanquished the rapist guards, but not here – and the Hero’s willingness to intervene if more noble because of it. He is brave and determined because he is willing to step in knowing there’s a high chance he will fail, not because he’s a super special hero of specialness and will easily vanquish all these bad people.

Everyone on this show is a fool. Honestly, half of the decisions, conversations and plot lines make little sense not because they’re complex or intricate but because they rely on everyone having little sense. Everyone fears Medea the manipulator but she doesn’t actually do anything. What has she actually done since the pilot? Ineffectually poison her husband? Look for Hero (and fail to find him)? Has she achieved anything? Pallas and Xerxes plot but seem to completely ignore the army at their gate. Lykos is so easily manipulated that he’s controlled by whoever last spoke to him.

I kind of want another Greek city state to declare them all foolish, invade, slay them all and present us with a much better cast.