Sunday, December 13, 2015

Haven, Season 5, Episode 24: The Wandering Gyre



Croatoan has been revealed to be William Shatner, instantly making him 8 bajillion times less scary but still rather creepy in that paternal kind of way with additional shiny super powers. He insists on trying to play the adoring father. He wants her to go back with him to their home wherever that is – which turns out to be very much like ours with both good and bad (terrible d├ęcor but it has coffee).

No matter what she says, he insists that she’s his daughter. They then talk their epic epic family issues with him wanting to play happy families and she pointing out that he’s actually killed many members of that family (though we have a final reason for why the Colorado Kid, James, was killed – because of Lucy had killed him, the person she loved the most, to set off the Barn it would have ended the Troubles). His “I’ve killed everyone because I loved you the mostist” is, of course, neither endearing nor reassuring.

“I will kill for you and have killed people you love for you”, is totally not sweet. Even if several books we’ve read will argue that point. Croatoan is also stab proof and brutally abusive – but hey he can heal with woo-woo. Yes, Croatoan can control the Troubles – to him the Troubles are super powers without the downside or side effects.

He also expositions why he was banished – the recklessness he was banished for was to save her life (putting aether into his daughter to boost her immune system). Uh-uh, and the random killings are totally justified by this because….? Oh yes, they’re not.

However it does tell us why Croashatner needs Audrey – because the aether in her makes her super-duper aether user and with that he can make awesome Troubles to flood the place with Aether and then create evil-super-duper powers they can go home with

Duke is rampaging around killing Troubled people while Nathan and Dwight plan to try and stop him. This involves, like so many shows, setting a tap for him and then having absolutely no plans for him when he arrives. Thankfully random conscience shows up allowing them to drug him and chain him up (with special Trouble Chains they had helpfully hanging around).


Now Nathan tries to emotionally connect to evil Duke. Are we going to have a whole episode of various people trying to connect with the deep and meaningful feelings the other has even while there’s a whole lot of creepy going on?

Anyway Nathan plays right into Duke and Croashatner’s hands (hey those chains which nullify 1 Trouble don’t neutralise all Troubles which would have been obvious to anyone with decent brain. Alas, this is Haven) deciding to bring evil!Duke into close proximity to a whole census of Haven and associated Troubles – a menu for Croashatner to snack on.

Nathan gets to live and Croashatner decides to let Audrey go – he has a new tactic. Apparently he’s going to spread joy and happiness for all: so if Audrey doesn’t co-operate they lose their shinies. This is… a surprisingly good plan. Step 1 involves giving Dwight his daughter back

Howard and Vince discuss the Barn – how it will basically suck all the aether with it (including Croatoan). Except Howard is broken so they need a new barn controller. Vince decides to pout and stomp –but like thousands of computer programmers before him he’s found having a temper tantrum with a programme doesn’t get you far. But the writers belatedly realise that if this is going to be their one POC not just this season but last season to they might as well TRY to make him a person – so quickly paste on a backstory. Turns out he was a human before (one of Mara’s people) who was so outraged by the horrendous things Mara did that he sacrificed himself to becoming an object, a programme to guard Mara and save all the, well, let’s be frank, White people she was hurting (perhaps originally it was more than just White people since we go back to before Europeans came to the Americas with Haven, but let’s be clear about just how white this show is). Only now he’s “compromised” and can’t even remember why he cared so is now a broken tool

Ok… so that was the writers trying to humanise their one POC. Let’s not try next time, ‘kay?

They’re much better with Vince’s deep and abiding pain over his brother’s death before offering to be the next sacrifice for the Barn, become the new controller. Naturally Vince and Dave have always been willing to sacrifice themselves for Haven – Vince doesn’t even slightly hesitate to become the new Controller


Vince looks like he’s having a much better story than, well, anyone else on the show.

While I am still sceptical about Croatoan, he has a level of craftiness that has long been missing for this show. For the first time in a long time with this season I am actually intrigued. I mean if he can control the Troubles he can do phenomenal good – and that’s got to be a draw for Audrey. Not threats, but a simply demonstration of what she can do with Troubles she can control. In some ways this makes it a shame they didn’t continue the theme of using Troubles to try and save them which we saw pop up at the beginning of the season when Haven first devolved into a dystopian horror movie.


Of course, there’s that pesky murdering side of things as well.