Saturday, January 30, 2016

Lost Girl, Season 5, Episode 12:Judgement Fae

That sound you heard was the tortured Lost Girl cannon finally screaming and giving up any attempt at coherence.

Anyway through a random dead Black person, the gang learns that Zeus hasn’t actually been banished (y’know, there were a literal 10,000 ways they could possibly have revealed this without a random Black lady dying but of course it had to). Everyone has a bit of a panic especially since she’s gone to see Hephaestus for a shiny new weapon.

This, naturally, worries everyone so they need to go see Hephaestus themselves (conveniently Zeus-depossesses Elizabeth so she can be both annoying and give everyone lost and lots of guidance on how to do this).

This involves some kind of weird test that means Bo has to play lawyer in the weirdest court room ever. This convoluted test basically is meant to be a big life lesson about how you need to support the people you love rather than “protect” them by making decisions for them. It’s so clumsy as to make Bella Swan look like an elegant ballerina.

This does get Bo to see Hephaestus and Zeus drops in – now possessing Lauren to basically say that Hades is super terrible awful and not to be trusted (in case we never realised this) and that the fae-conduit thing in Lauren is totally not good for her health (she’s also been forgetting things throughout the episode to prove the point). Hera makes a brief appearance to possibly kill Bo but then she and Zeus decide not to and instead to return to eternal banishment in Myth. But not before having Hephaestus make Bo a horseshoe and embracing Bo as her niece. Because that’s useful. I suppose we all have that one relative who buys weird presents we end up putting in the loft and dragging out once a year so we don’t offend them.

I honestly can’t even begin to grasp what Zeus is up to at this point. Even Tamsin’s motivations have been more stable. She wanted to take over the world, then not. Unleash Nyx, then kill Bo now save Bo and who even knows any more? And now she’s decided to banish herself and Hera? Why? What sense does this make? Hera’s even saying “hey we hated it in there!” but Zeus just says “trust me” because she can’t possibly explain her complete lack of anything resembling motive. Or sense.

So Bo has her shiny horseshoe which, I’m sure, will be so very important at some point.

Time to hit some relationship drama – but don’t worry, they also have the same utter lack of anything resembling common sense as well.

See Dyson and Alicia are getting closer and closer to the inevitable romance. But this is a problem – as we learned in the past, werewolves mate for life and have One True Love. Which is Bo. Dyson must now spend the rest of his life pining and being mopey so he can’t possibly be in love with Alicia

He tells this to Trick who, basically says, “screw that, go get you some wolfy” (I’m paraphrasing here) and Dyson decides this huge cultural/species thing is silly and goes back to Alicia for burned food, kissing and sex. Yes, centuries of cultural conditioning and all it takes is 2 lines from a bartender and you’re good

Except, of course, Hera has now been banished which means Kevin (Alicia’s husband) is now alive and not possessed any more which is officially Awkward. Clearly the fae gods have decided that Dyson WILL be mopey and angsty come what may – and Alicia goes to her husband

Extra points for Dyson being kind of an arsehole, giving Alicia the news that her hubby is alive with the same tone and demeanour of a man announcing he just ran over her cat. Classy, Dyson, real Classy

On to Bo and Lauren. Bo was always worried that Lauren would lose her humanity or herself (or whatever that means) while Lauren was always worried about getting all old while Bo is forever young. Now she’s human again Lauren is super angsty about this which is understandable – and then they make a weird leap

Lauren is a healer, healing people is what she does. Bo is a protector. Protecting people is what she does. So they have to break up.

Ok – somehow we went from A to X without any explanation of how we got through the other letters. Does them being in love make them not healers or protectors? Does Lauren’s inevitable aging make them not healers or protectors? Is there a reason why they can’t be in love AND do the things they’ve always done? Can we elaborate a little on this sudden leap? No?

I mean, kudos for the really well acted tragedy of the break up – but the break up makes NO DAMN SENSE

Bo decides to follow this up by crying in her daddy’s arms. Because NO DAMN SENSE. Then she has sex with Tamsin

Now, I would put this down to NO DAMN SENSE but we get evil sound effects which makes me think Bo is being possessed/mind controlled/manipulated here. Especially since she already has a scene where she realised discussing relationship things in front of Tamsin was insensitive since Tamsin has the whole unrequited love thing going for her.