This episode has everyone splitting off in different
directions. I will start with what’s the most important to the plot though not
necessarily on everyone’s high priority list. Because Salem.
John is definitely worried about this, having dispensed
with bizarre plot distraction Bob, has returned to town, got patched up by the serial
killer/cannibal/barber/meat pie vendor and warns Hathorne that the French of
weapons of mass destruction. So basically all the defences of Salem are pretty
much moot and what he needs to do now is set up defenders long outside of town
so any big explosions are happening waaay in the countryside.
Since this seems to be the extent of his plans, it’s
perhaps reassuring that the French are not even remotely involved in the
blowing-up-Salem plan (what, another plot which is going to be abandoned?) and
it’s actually going to come from inside the town: or so says Sebastian to Mary
And why is he telling Mary? Because while other people really really really want to stop Salem being annihilated Sebastian is busy pulling petals off posies “she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not” and mooning after Mary while disturbingly feeding blood to his zombie mother. He demands Mary love him while Mary asks him to please please please focus on the evil demon child who wants to destroy the world, Sebastien is far more concerned by the fact she loves John Alden and he’s totally jealous and it’s so unfair.
Sebastian, go write some sad poetry and take up moping
already.
Mary tries kissing him but eventually has to have sex
with him in front of John’s magically frozen self to prove to Sebastian that
she totally wants him honest. This whole thing reeks of rape, Sebastian is
basically ransoming the entire town’s (the town Mary can’t leave) future if she
doesn’t sleep with him. But hey this creepy slimy rapist got her some pretty
gowns guys
Baroness Marburg is still a zombie but she assures Sebastian she can totally handle Baby Devil. Lucy Lawless, save us!
Mary and John do use Tituba to have a reunion, lots of
declarations of love with Mary laying down lots of epic lines about how she is
damn powerful and awesome and totally doesn’t need her powers to be the
strongest damn woman on the planet. I feel she needs to borrow Isaac’s waif to
scream “You Go Girl!” in the background.
We also learn a little about magic – namely that the
Essex Witches and their magic and their big epic tree has nothing to do with
the devil or demons or anything – it’s Women’s magic, natural magic and my gods
WHY has no-one mentioned this before in 3 seasons? And are we going to talk
about how this natural magic is happy to embrace demon contracts? Does this
change how power is expressed? What does this mean! You waited until season 3
for this, Salem
Anyway the actual point of this awesome bit of world building is that Mary is still bound to Salem so she just can’t run away with John and abandon everyone to fiery doom.
Cotton is still playing biographer for the devil, in
between expecting the worst of the worst to come with the evil Sunday. And he
is sassing the devil awesomely, excellently laying into him for his bitter,
petty jealousy; desiring vengeance, his jealousy. It’s a beautiful put down, very
very very well done Cotton. And he’s not intimidated into silence by Baby Devil
name dropping saints and angels.
But Baby devil may soon have one threat removed: because
Tituba is keeping her promise. She gives John a potion that, when forged into a
dagger, will allow him to kill an angel. And he’s going to do it because Tituba
tells him about his evil plan to hurt Mary (which is true… but out of date)
Of course, if there’s an angel killing blade that raises
an actual solution to the problem of Baby Devil….
On to other characters that are not remotely caring about
Salem being destroyed, Anne has found Glorianna, the sex worker who was
banished, desperate and pregnant, out of Salem by her husband. Anne takes the
poor, sick woman in and refuses to judge her, saying “no woman should judge
another for the choices she’s forced to make”
Oh this could have been so awesome.
But it’s all a ploy for her to gain Glorianna’s trust so
they can sleep naked together so Anne can magically steal Glorianna’s baby and
insult her terrible whorishness. Well Anne is giving up on this whole
redemption attempt it seems and has a fair amount of contempt for Gloriana
while still holding her beloved husband on the biggest, shiniest pedestal
possible.
I assume Anne now has 2 twins who are going to be born a
few months apart?
We have the ongoing battle of Mercy vs Isaac – with Mercy
deciding to marry Hathorne so they can become king and queen of Salem. But
first Hathorne has to get rid of Isaac
What, she can’t just magically shank him with a spell or something?
Unfortunately, for a politician, Hathorn is really bad at
all this. Despite his only real political opponent being shanked (non-magically)
by a cannibal serial killer, he can still epicly sabotage himself by deciding
to confront Isaac in Knocker’s Hole. A neighbourhood full of the poor, the
desperate, the ignored and guys who had their sexual organs turned into
pigeons. Worried about voter apathy? Penis Pigeons will get lots of guys invested
Hathorne is driven from the neighbourhood and Isaac is
hailed as Mayor of Knocker’s Hole. And they kneel to him. Which is a bit much
for a mayor.
Isaac also still has his sidekick Starving Waif who has
somehow found the time/ingredients/oven with which to make cake and to whom he
thinks it’s appropriate to dump all of his mummy issues on. Isaac, let the poor
waif grieve for her mother without you one-upping her sadness.
