Monday, October 2, 2017

Zoo, Season 3, 12: Westside Story

So this episode the writers realised they were all ready to finish the series but they still had 2 episodes left and quickly threw some random filler episode in with a pointless barrier to delay the inevitable.

This comes with lots and lots of reminders that everything rests on the team on the plane. At Colorado barrier central, Dariela, Logan and Tessa (who is apparently an agent and has been all the time because who even knows any more. If next week they announced Abe is secretly a wereunicorn I will not even blink. It’s Zoo) all point to hybrids and nests EVERYWHERE (seriously, how did Abby even do this? We’re talking vast caverns full of eggs in dozens of cities all over the planet. How do you even hide a vast cavern in the middle of a modern city? You get a vast cavern in London and 3 housing developers zoom, in and fill it with semi-detached except for one corner which will be violated by some atrocity from Grand Designs)  so they need the computer switch the guys on the plane have to turn off the Beacons before the world ends in a few years

While Abe reminds everyone with his grand, impressive speeches about how Clem and her baby are the cure to sterility. Abe does give an excellent rousing speech

Why are we having all these “the future rests on the plane speeches”? Because Abbie shoots them down with a shiny EMP surface to air missile

I don’t know where she got it, she just does. I have no idea why she just doesn’t use a conventional SAM which could actually ground the plane and kill everyone on it rather than give Jamie time to save them from the crash. I also don’t know how she knew exactly where to be and how to get there to shoot the plane as it came low enough.

Because this is Zoo, we don’t know a lot of things.

So here’s the situation: the gang is stuck in hybrid country and if they’re not rescued the world ends.

Also issues: Jackson still thinks Jamie is the worst, so does Jamie herself so she angsts over holding the baby because she’ll taint it with worstness or something (I have no time for Jamie’s angst). Mitch reassures her that he’s also evil and would totally kill Abigail too. Honestly is there anyone but Jackson and Sam now who wouldn’t kill Abigail?

Clem has a new baby and is all fluffy with Mitch, also inviting Mitch to actually grieve for dead daddy Max but Mitch is all repressed and doesn’t have time for that. We also have Sam and Clem do-si-doing and everyone kind of ignoring the fact that Sam was the enemy until 5 minutes ago - in fact we seem to be more focused on how Sam has a grudge against Jackson rather than the fact Sam was Team! Extinction until 10 seconds ago. Oh and Jackson still has familial feelings for his evil sister he never knew even existed 10 minutes ago. Yay unnecessary relationship drama.

With the plane crashed, the IAG sends a rescue team of Tessa, Dariela and a lot of sacrificial extras who promptly get chewed and eaten. Without the kill switch to turn off the Beacons, the IAG resorts to plan b: blow up half the planet. I don’t know why they haven’t been regularly carpet bombing half the hybrid zone for a while rather than build the Impossible Wall but hey, that’s just me.

Due to not being extras, Dariela and Tessa do reach the plane and to get everyone back they plan to use Sam’s hybrid pheromone thing to lure the hybrids away so they can make a run for it. Of course Sam and Jackson, who have all this buried beef between them, decide to do this together. And Sam is still in touch with evil Abbie because ZOMG WHY?! Seriously how can he NOT KNOW she’s trying to destroy the world by now?! HOW?!

Yes he leads Jackson to Abigail. Why, why, whyyyyyy?! They fight and Jackson has Abigail at gunpoint and stands between Abigail and Jackson. Suits me - shoot them both. Apparently not, instead Jackson kicks Sam in a gully to be eaten by Hybrids. Ok, I’m fine with this. That leaves Abigail and Jackson facing off and Abigail begins a dramatic speech - and Jackson shoots her…

Wow… someone… just did something on Zoo I agree with. I am… stunned. Ok it was only in the leg but still! Now in the head. In the head Jackson. Damn it Jackson, stop letting her talk. Instead she rambles on - and apparently Sam is Jackson’s long lost son.

Oh, you are fucking kidding me. Really.

So Jackson runs to save Sam and doesn’t take the 2 second needed to pull to trigger and kill Abigail. I’m going to scream. I’m going to scream. There are soap operas would wouldn’t accept this convoluted storyline.

Everyone else walks to the wall, pausing for some brief medical intervention on Abe along the way because we need to drag this out. As they do the contingency goes in place and they see destruction and doom everywhere. They get to the command room - walking sedately, don’t mind this 50 minute count down until the end of the world people - just keep making your slow dramatic entry. And hey I thought these people were short staffed but they have a couple of dozen people just there to stand around and look impressed with the gang arriving. I mean is that a line item on the IAG’s budget “impressed extras”?

This show… oh gods this show. There’s just no logical coherency to it. It is literally held together by everyone making ridiculous decisions every episode.