Saturday, April 27, 2013

Warehouse 13 sneak peak

Warehouse 13 is back on Monday, time for some tasters!

A preview:

And some questions with Allison Scagliotti

Hemlock Grove, Season One, Episode Seven: Measure of Disorder

This episode starts with a flashback to 18 years ago at the funeral of J.R. and Olivia's first child Juliet. Despite the fact that her infant daughter has just died, Olivia is not showing any signs of mourning. When J.R. comments on this, Norman simply says that there are many ways to grieve.  J.R. however is not buying it. J.R. believes that Olivia should see Norman to deal with this and Norman replies family treating family is not a good idea.  J.R. says that Olivia won't talk to him, so Norman asks him what makes him think that Olivia will talk to him.

When we next see Norman, he is beginning his first session with Olivia.  He asks her why she thinks that she is there and Olivia replies, "some of us at times must be mothers to more than children," and adds that "J.R. implies that you're afraid to be alone with me. Tell me, did he always need so much reassurance?"  Norman asks Olivia if she believes that this is what it means to be a mother and she tells him that she was raised by her father, whose threshold for nonsense was nonexistent.  Norman again asks her what motherhood means and Olivia asks if it would peak Norman's interest to learn that her father was a sever disciplinarian.  Norman reminds her that her daughter just died and Olivia says that there's a gallon of milk in the refrigerator older than her daughter was.  When Norman asks if this diminishes her loss, Olivia replies, "I think my loss is just that, mine."

In present day, Olivia and Roman are driving and he's angry that she's upset and reminds them that it's their property. Olivia turns his head and says, "not ours, and I will cut you off without a cent. You think I won't"  The street light flashes and Olivia starts to get weak and shake." Roman asks if she is okay and then says, "I hear them too." Olivia replies, "all I want in this world is what's best for my baby."

Peter returns home and Lynda is waiting for him, wanting to know where the hell he has been.  Peter says that he has been walking five miles and that Lynda was right. Lynda however is not interested in Peter saying that she is right.  Peter admits that he made a mistake and the two hug it out.

Clementine is walking through the steel mill when two deputes enter and say, hands up and don't move. They tell her that they are within their right to take her in because her badge is not a get out jail free card and she is trespassing on private property.  Clementine tells them to have a look over there and they find the other half of Lisa's corpse. More police arrive and they are securing the scene, when Clementine bends over to examine a footprint.  As Tom is walking Clementine out, he gets a phone call from the mayor's office.  Tom tells him Clementine that the mayor believes that it is in the best interest of the public to withhold this information from the media. Clementine quips that "it's not the first time the first amendment has been liberally interpreted when the Godfrey name might be in print."  Tom asks her how long she has been with Fish and Wildlife.  Clementine says that if  there's something he wants to ask he should. Tom replies that if he thought Clementine would answer he would.  Tom then asks if they are indeed looking for an animal and Clementine responds, "you know the thing people get wrong about the weatherman?  He's usually right." Clementine's phone rings, so she walks away.

Shelly is in the store and walks up to the counter to see Jenny.  Jenny says that she is bored and asks about Roman, so Shelly shows Jenny her bus ticket. Jenny says that she is sure that Shelly is not there for her sunny personality and pulls out the earrings that Shelly had tried on earlier, saying that she set them aside for her. Jenny adds that "the right piece of jewelery can turn a girl into a woman, not to mention a little rebellion," and places her hand on Shelly's.

That evening at the Godfrey dinner table, Olivia asks how everyone's day was.  Roman quips, "every breath a gift." When Olivia asks where Shelly disappeared to, she uses her machine to tell them that she took the bus. Olivia is shocked and Shelly says again that she took the bus.  Olivia asks why Shelly took the bus anywhere and without her permission.  Roman suggests that Olivia give Shelly a break and adds that he doesn't know how to take the bus. Olivia notices Shelly's earrings and asks what she has done to herself, then turns to Roman and asks if he had a hand in this.  Olivia asks if Shelly wants to make a mockery of herself. Olivia then reaches across the table, takes Shelly's hand and asks her if she knows what true deformity is. Olivia says stupidity and tells Shelly to remove them.  The lights flicker and Roman tells Olivia to leave Shelly alone. Olivia again orders Shelly to take off the earrings and Roman stands up and clearly says leave her alone.  Olivia threatens that Roman will end up in the gutter and he tells her that he knows that she is lying because he has seen the will.  Roman knows that he is the sole beneficiary and that on his 18th birthday, he gains control of the entire estate.  Roman adds that this is his house, his money and it always was. Roman lights a cigarette and says to Olivia that all she had to do was leave Shelly alone.  Olivia gets up, kisses Shelly, then walks over to Roman and kisses him as well before leaving the room.

Roman walks over to his sister and strokes her face. Once again we see a purple streak when he touches her.  He picks up the earring and puts it back on for Shelly and then kisses her. Later that night, when Shelly is in bed, Roman heads upstairs to her room and pauses to look at her painting.  We get a flash back to a dream sequence between Roman and Peter.

Norman is lying in bed when his phone goes off. He says, "calm down, I'll be there." Marie asks if it's Olivia and he says no, gets dressed and leaves.  Letha is sitting in Norman's office and she is remembering the conversation she had with Peter about Olivia. Letha starts to go through the desk drawers and then picks up a picture of J.R. and notices a letter behind the photo.  It's J.R.'s suicide letter.  In it he writes to Norman that Olivia will bring out the worst in you and that by the time you realise it, it's too late because she has already destroyed the rest.  He writes that he could see the look in Norman's eyes the last time they talked and hopes that Norman will not allow Olivia to destroy him.

Olivia is walking around in a silk nightie and heads to Roman's bedroom. She gets into bed with him and says, "you're stronger than I'd ever hoped." Just eww with the incestuousness of the dynamic between Olivia and Roman.  I don't know what they are trying to achieve beyond nauseating the viewer with these scenes.

Norman talks to a nurse and tells her to take a couple of days off and then meets with Tom in front of Francis' dead body.  Norman says that he was thinking about releasing him but didn't know where he was going to release him to.

The Vampire Diaries, Season Four, Episode 20: The Originals

Elena is downstairs in the basement  and Stefan and Damon are upset because she is calm, despite not eating for three days.  Stefan points out that Elena is not going to beg for blood because desperation means emotion and Elena still has hers turned off. Damon asks how hungry Elena has to be until they can torture some feelings into her and Stefan replies, "a lot hungrier than she is now apparently." That's right, starve her and torture her for her own good; that's real love. Katherine makes her grand appearance and Damon comments that she has gotten bold because Klaus is plotting her eternal demise.  Katherine then informs them that Klaus is gone.

In New Orleans, four men pick up a coffin left in the middle of the street.  Hayley is sitting in a bar and Jane-Anne comments that this is third time this week she is there.  Hayley replies that she is simply in love with gumbo. Jane-Anne says that people in the 9th ward believe her sister Sophie bleeds a little bit of her soul into every dish. Changing topics, Hayley says that she asked around the quarter about her family and still has not found them or a single person who remembers them. Jane-Anne tells Hayley that people like her were run out of there years ago. When Hayley asks her what she means people like her, Jane-Anne circles the bayou on the map and says that she will find the werewolves there. Jane-Anne adds that Hayley should be careful because this is the last place she would ever want to go. As soon as Hayley leaves, Jane-Anne makes eye contact with her sister and shows her the hair she stole from Hayley.

Hayley hops in her car and follows the map. Jane-Anne and Sophie head to a cemetery and Sophie tells her not to do it but Jane-Anne is adamant that they have to do this spell because this is the only way to get to Klaus. Sophie asks about getting someone else to do the spell and Jane-Anne asks who, because half the witches don't believe her and the other half are too scared.  Sophie suggests that they are going to get caught but Jane-Anne says that they don't have any other options. They join hands and Jane-Anne tells Sophie to go and that she knows what she needs to do.

Later that night, Jane-Anne is starting the spell with salt,, just as Hayley has arrived at the place on the map Jane-Anne circled for her earlier in the day.  Hayley pulls out the map to consult one more time, and it bursts into flame, causing Hayley to drop it out the window. Jane-Anne continues on with her spell and when Hayley tries to back up, her car over heats and she is forced to get out and call for a tow.  In the graveyard, Jane-Anne hums and Hayley drops her phone as she hears a high pitched sound.  When Hayley looks up, she is being surrounded by people.  In the graveyard, Jane-Anne blows out the candles, which cause Hayley to pass out and collapse into Sophie's arms.

Klaus is now in New Orleans, while back in Mystic Falls, Rebekah asks Elijah what he is dong there.  Elijah tells her that apparently there are witches conspiring against Klaus there. He adds that knowing their brother, this is a mission to silence and slaughter. Rebekah says that French Quarter witches are not a lot to be trifled with, as a witch spots Klaus in the crowd and starts putting her things away. Rebekah asks if the witches have found a way to kill Klaus once and for all and Elijah replies that in the name of their family that she might try to dial down her glee. Rebekah asks, "what family? We're three distrustful acquaintances who happen to share a bloodline.  I for one hope they find a way to make that traitorous bastard rot."  Klaus sits down with the witch and she tells him that she has nothing to say to him.  When Klaus points out that she doesn't even know him, she replies that she knows what he is, "half vampire, half beast." The fortune teller says, "you're the hybrid" and Klaus adds "that he's the original hybrid actually but that's a long story for another time."  Back in Mystic Falls, Elijah moves to leave the room and Rebekah asks where he is going.  Elijah replies, "to find out who is making the moves on our brother and then I'll either stop them, or help them, depending on my mood." Klaus tells the fortune teller that he is looking for a witch named Jane-Anne Devereaux and the fortune teller tells him that she doesn't know.  Klaus accuses her of lying and says that he knows that she is a true witch amongst the sea of posers in front of him.  The fortune teller says that witches don't talk out of school in the quarter and that the vampire won't allow it. She is adamant that she does not break Marcel's rules. Klaus then asks where he might find Marcel.

Klaus heads to a bar and Marcel is on a stage singing How You Like Me Now, by The Heavy.  Let's just say I like Marcel just fiiiine Mmmm. I don't know about you, but I actually had to pause because Marcel is the first Black vampire on the show in four seasons.  Black people have always been servant witches or snack food for Caroline. Marcel turns and looks at Klaus and says that it's been about 100 years since the nasty business with Michael.  When Klaus asks if it has been that long, Marcel says, "the way I remember it, he ran you out of town and left a trail of dead vampires in his wake." Klaus tells him that Michael is dead and Marcel says that if he had known Klaus was coming back into town, he'd have thrown him a damn parade.  It turns out that Klaus is Marcel's mentor and sire. Klaus asks if the current state of Bourbon Street is his doing and Marcel laughs and says that something has to draw in the tourists, otherwise they'd all go hungry. Klaus looks and realises that a few of the vampires have daylight rings and Marcel replies just his inner circle and that he has the witches wrapped around his finger. Klaus laughs and says that he is looking for Jane-Anne, who has some business with him.  Marcel stands and tells Klaus to come with him.  

They hit the street surrounded by vampires and Marcel asks how Klaus' family is.  Klaus says that those who are alive hate him more than ever, so Marcel tells him to forget them because if your blood relations let you down, you can always make more. Marcel says that what's his, is Klaus' as always. As they make their way along, vampires are jumping from roof to roof and on top of cars. When Klaus points out that they're not subtle, Marcel assures him that nothing is subtle in the quarter. A group of vampires bring Jane-Anne before Klaus and Marcel and tell her that she has been accused of the practice of witchcraft beyond the rules and bounds set forth by Marcel.  Jane-Anne says that she didn't do anything and Marcel tells her that it's a lie and that it drives the witches crazy that he is aware of their every move and they cannot do magic in this town without getting caught. Marcel tells Jane-Anne to tell him what kind of magic she is using and that he will grant her leniency.  Jane-Anne tells him to rot in hell.  Marcel turns and says that he will give her one more chance and then turns and quickly and slices her throat.  

Marcel walks into his acolytes and celebrates.   Klaus pulls Marcel out of the crowd and demands to know what happened because he wanted to talk to Jane-Anne.  Marcel apologises and says that he got caught up in the show. Marcel says that the witches in this town still think that they have power and that he has to show them that they don't.  He adds that he never wastes an opportunity for a show of force, which is a lesson that he learned from Klaus. Marcel promises that anything that Klaus could have gotten out of her that Marcel will find out for him.  Klaus says that whatever it was that it doesn't matter anymore.  Marcel suggests that they eat and when he leaves, Klaus stops a vampire named Jerry and asks if there are any more Devereaux witches.

Sophie is in the bar when Klaus appears.  Klaus points out that she is upset and asks if it's about the little show he just witnessed with her sister.  Sophie asks in return if he enjoyed the show and Klaus responds that it was a little melodramatic for his tastes.  Klaus asks what Jane-Anne wanted with him and why Marcel killed her. Sophie says I see you brought friends, when she looks over his shoulder. Klaus assures her that they are not with him but Sophie tells him that though he built this town, it belongs to Marcel now and if she talks to him and breaks the rules that she will be next.  Sophie walks away and Klaus approaches the two vampires and asks if they are following him.  One answers that Marcel told them to be his Klaus' guides. Klaus tells them that if either of them follow him again that they will do so without the benefit of a spine. Camille approaches them and says that if they are there for the gumbo, she's about to close.  Klaus slaps a hundred dollar bill on the table and orders the oldest scotch for his "two friends."  Klaus tells them that if Marcel wants to know what he's up to that Marcel can ask them himself. 

Sophie is down in a cellar and is approached by two vampires and one of them accuses her of doing magic. Sophie says that she is praying to her dead sister and turns to leave but one of the vampires blocks her way and says that the hybrid was looking for Jane-Anne and Marcel wants to know why. Sophie replies that this sounds like witch business and that she would say to ask Jane-Anne herself, but Marcel killed her.  Sophie tries to leave again and is grabbed from behind but the vampire who grabbed her is quickly killed.  Elijah then makes quick work of the second vampire.  Elijah introduces himself and asks what business Sophie's family has with his brother.

Klaus has made his way back to the bar and he heads towards one of Marcel's inner circle, when he notices a daylight ring.  He is quickly stopped by Diego, so Klaus asks where Marcel is. Diego asks who wants to know and adds that he only answers to Marcel.  Klaus then grabs Diego by throat and begins to shift into his hybrid form and points out that he is half werewolf and that the bite of a werewolf can kill a vampire.  Klaus tells Diego that he is going to ask one more time where is Marcel and Marcel makes a sudden appearance and tells him that Diego is just looking out for him and that no one hurts one of his guys and that this is his rule. Klaus tells Marcel that he doesn't care about the rules and that he doesn't need chaperones. Klaus asks why Marcel is having him followed and Marcel draws him away from the other vampires and says, "I get it show of force, you made your point. Let it go old friend, for me." Klaus asks Marcel to show him what he's done with place, while he explains what he has been up to in his town.  They go up to the roof and Marcel points out the skyline and says that it's progress because it represents more hotels, more humans and more fresh blood.  Marcel adds that he taught the humans to look the other way. Klaus asks about the witches and points out that in his town they're a force to be reckoned with and now they live in fear. Klaus asks how Marcel knows when they are using magic.  Marcel hints that he has a secret weapon and ace up his sleeve - something that gives him complete control over all of the magic in this town. When Klaus asks if that's a fact, Marcel replies, "it might be but maybe I'm just bluffing."  Marcel inhales on a cigarette and Klaus says you take vervain.  Marcel admits that it hurts but he wants to limit the things he's vulnerable to.  Marcel asks Klaus not to be mad about the chaperone thing and says that he asked his guys to look out for him -- that's all-- because that's what they do there, look out for each other. Marcel looks down and notices  Camille walking from the bar.  Klaus says she's either brave or dumb.  Marcel replies, "brave I let her live, dumb, she's desert."

Marcel jumps from the roof and lands behind the Camille. He tells her that it's not safe here alone but she tells him that she has a black belt in karate.  Elijah joins Klaus on the roof and he tells him to follow.  Klaus says that he's not going anywhere until he finds out who is conspiring against him and Elijah responds that he just found that out for him. 

Beauty and the Beast, Season 1, Episode 19: Playing with Fire

 Catherine has found Vincent a new place to lurk but Vincent is less sure about going back into hiding (this why he jumps from 6 storey buildings? And, no, I’m not over that) and wonders about doing something about Muirfield – he wants a new life, a place for them both.

Elsewhere, Gabe wakes up from an apparent nightmare, his door bell ringing and with a nose bleed (which the sound effects tells us is a very dramatic thing. They’re totally ready with the cymbals in case he stubs his toe and if he stumbles near the stairs, the sound guys will break out O Fortuna).  At the door is Joe, he wants to keep the task force going so he can use it to hunt down Evan.

Isn’t that a lot of resources to expend on someone meddling with evidence? Gabe also sees another problem  - if you call Evan into question then that questions all the evidence he has ever given, every case he has ever worked on. Gave assures him he has people quietly looking for Evan but Joe has to forget about him if he doesn’t want to destroy all the good work his police department has done.

Joe leaves and Gabe talks to the woman who was in his bed about finding Evan quietly but she comments on his nightmares – he says he’s running out of time – he has to find Muirfield. She tells him she has as much reason to hate them as he does –and we see she has a long scar running down her spine.

At work Catherine and Tess are sad over Evan and someone has tossed his apartment (they assume Muirfield) before Catherine got there. Tess feels a little guilty that she can’t tell the truth about evan and Vincent to Joe. Catherine reiterates that Vincent can never be safe because Murifield will always hunt him> which is when a man with a bullet wound bursts into the room, gasping Catherine’s name before collapsing to the floor and bleeding messily everywhere. He tells her they don’t have much time – then dies. See he was right, he didn’t have much time.

Catherine and Tess have an aside, they worry that the man may be connected to Muirfield – why else would a man she never met stagger in gasping her name (I don’t know, does she not take any cases as a detective at all that aren’t Muirfield connected?) and that raises the worry of how he knew about her and where to find her (Muifield found her before  - kidnapped her even). Tess removed a card off the man when checking on him and gives it to Catherine.

They talk to the new pathologist – Iveson; who tells him that the man has no ID of any kind (I think it’s Nathan off Haven actually) and was shot 5 times and he has defensive wounds. Gabe arrives in time for the next piece of news – the dead man has no finger prints at all. Gabe has a flashback to when he was a child, with a woman who had no fingerprints in a facility that has classic Muirfield d├ęcor – ice white on all surfaces.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Defiance Sneak Peak

Sneak peak of the next episode of Defiance!

And a deleted scene from episode 2

Power (Descendant Trilogy #1) by Theresa M Jones

The Rising are going from strength to strength, their demonic goal is nothing less than the end of the world. And to achieve that they’re opening the seven seals and unleashing the four horsemen. War has already consumed the planet, with worse to come.

Against them stand the descendants. Descendants of 9 holy women each with their own gifts and talents who strive to counter The Rising and hope for their prophecy to come true – that one will be born who is descended from all 9 of the Primatus.

And into this strides Allison, teenage mother, in a very rocky relationship, just trying to get by in Texas as the world falls apart. Until she comes into her power and is brought by David to the Descendants – because she could be the one. Whether she is or not, the leader of the Rising thinks she is and isn’t taking any chances in letting her live.

The concept of this story is an interesting take on a lot of old memes and I really like the combination. The demons have chosen their humans according to classic sins and their descendants seek to end the world. On the good side we have angels tapping 9 super holy women so their descendants can oppose them. Each bloodline has special powers and you can collect them all. The ultimate good guy will be born who is descended from all 9 of the first holies making her the super-duperest good guy of them all. She is, of course, prophesised.  It’s a classic story that has been in many different forms but can still be a good one (they even had Castafonda whose descendants inspire love – yes they have a useless Heart power!)

It’s not nuanced. The bad guys want the end of the world, the good guys want to stop them. Even reading from the bad guy’s point of view they are comically evil – melodramatic in the worst way. They make early comic book villains look like nuanced and human characters with well shades and fascinating motivations.

I do like that the origin story is presented as being allegorical. Yes he uses angels as an example, but also points out that in the past the same story was told using Greek gods. Except we then get the seven seals and the four horsemen that don’t work so well. Also Deception is one of the horsemen – damn that seal’s always open. Does he run for government?

Hemlock Grove, Season One, Episode Six: The Crucible

Olivia is at the Godfrey steel mill, where she coughs up some chunky blood, Olivia calls the sheriff and tells him that someone has trespassed in the building.

Peter and Roman drive out to Penrose Pennsylvania. They are parked and Roman asks, "what if Destiny is wrong and the invitation was in Lisa's car or her purse?"  He then asks what if it was an e-vite and Peter replies that the order of the dragon will have to find a new adventure. Roman, full of maturity as always, tells Peter to suck a dick because he never called them the Order of the Dragon. An old man walks toward them using a walker and Peter dismisses him as just old and continuing with his show of maturity, Roman calls the man gross. Well, I suppose ageism is a new ism for this horrendous show. Peter asks how old Olivia is and Roman tells him to ask her that.  Still nervous, Roman asks about the people in the house leaving and Peter tells him to stop beginning sentences with the words "what if."  In frustration, Roman hops out of the car, marches up the driveway and knocks on the side door.  When Mr. Willoby answers the door, Roman tells him that they are there about Lisa.  Willoby tells him that it's not a good time, so Roman compels him to take a nap, as Peter stands guard.  Wiloby lies down in the entrance way, and Peter says, "cops call this kind of thing breaking and entering and there's a right way and there's a foolish way." Peter then instructs Roman to never do it this way again, as Roman makes his way into the house.

In the kitchen, Roman's nose starts to bleed and when Peter asks if it hurts, Roman tells Peter that he wouldn't notice if a bus hit him.  They head upstairs to Lisa's bedroom and start to search it.  Roman goes straight for the underwear drawer and sniffs a pair and puts it in his pocket. Peter searches through her drawings. They are interrupted by Lisa's sister and Peter says that they are looking for some mail that might have come for Lisa. When she asks why, Roman says we think someone like you.  She turns the tables and replies, "someone like you?", and asks "are you the ones who dug up my sister?| I don't care, like that's so much worse than already happens to you when you die." She tells them that her parents are talking putting the dog  down because neither of her parents can handle keeping it around.  The sister pulls out the invitation  and tells them about a confrontation she had with Lisa and her parents about the party and then hands it over to Roman. The invitation is to castle Godfrey, which is what people call the old steel mill.  Before they can leave, she asks why they care who did this and why they are looking for the murderer.  Roman tells her that when they find the culprit, he is going to be joining the dog. Oh how gallant of him, as if this isn't at all about him trying desperately to somehow feel relevant.

Outside, Peter tells Roman that he needs to know that he is taking it seriously and Roman replies that his name is on the invitation. Peter says that it's his family's name, so Roman confirms that it matters to him -- just as much as it matters to Peter -- then jokes about Peter needing to reconsider his hair, if he ends up in jail. Peter jokes back that he will just point up towards Roman's lips.  Roman then asks if Peter believes that everything happens for a reason and Peter replies that he tries not to think about it. Peter gets a text which says, "I have some thing for you" and when Roman asks what's up, he lies and says that Lynda needs some help back home.

The twins are shopping with Christina, trying to convince her to change her look for her date.  Jenny intervenes and tells Christina that she is beautiful the way that she is. (say aww everyone) When the twins roll their eyes in disagreement, Jenny points out that the world already has two of them and doesn't need a third. The twins call Jenny a bitch and as she walks away, under her breath, Jenny asks "do their tramp stamps match two." The twins then ask each other if "that cunt said that?"  More needless misogyny but why not, it's not like Hemlock Grove is interested in making any of the female characters more than cardboard cutouts who hate each other just because.

Olivia and Shelly visit the library and stop in front of a  librarian who is reading to a group of kids.  One look at Shelly and the kids become terrified and one of the little boy even wets his pants. A mother with a child in a stroller, quickly pulls the baby away.  Olivia walks over to Shelly and tells her to remember that the cruelty of children is easily ignored. They head to the reference desk to pick up a book about the Romani and the librarian quips that it's racist to call them gypsies and finishes with "what isn't these days." Really? So they have Roman, who uses the derogatory term "you people" and the rest of the town magically believing that Peter is a werewolf because he's Romani but it's a throw away character of colour, who makes the statement about the term "gypsy" being offensive.  They then double down on that horror by having her imply that POC are too sensitive because everything is deemed racist these days.  Olivia quickly flips through the book and hands it back to the librarian, thanking her for her efforts.

Letha and Peter are eating and she brings up Dorian Grey in reference to Olivia.  When Peter makes a face, Letha asks him if he thinks that Olivia is hot and Peter replies that she is not his type. Letha then reveals that Olivia used to be Norman's patient and adds that Olivia had some real problems, before Roman was born, after the first baby.  Apparently, Olivia and J.R.'s first child was a girl named Juliet, who died as an infant. Letha says that it was J.R. who lost his grip and made some wild accusations about her.  When Peter asks for more, she tells him that Norman wouldn't say more and that "it was some serious crazy person stuff."  Well, that adds ableism to list of  isms this episode.  It's great to be marginalized isn't it? Apparently, there was a suicide letter which they found the next day. Peter asks what the letter said but Letha tells him that Norman made it clear that it was time to change the subject.  Peter asks how much Roman knows about where Olivia came from and Letha suggests that this is a question that he should be asking Roman.

Christina is still shopping with the twins, when they look over and notice Letha and Peter.  They call them baby bump and teen wolf and joke about sending the fetus for Lyme ticks tests. Christina says that she has to meet her grandmother across the road and leaves. Peter notices the quick exit and he comments, they must think I'm a werewolf to.

Olivia and Shelly are still in the library when Christina walks in with her grandmother.  Shelly turns to wave and Olivia is clearly not impressed at the sight of Christina. When Christina and her grandmother keep walking, Olivia then fixates on a child bouncing his leg and passes out as Shelly catches her.

Norman is in his office with Francis and asks if he poses a risk to himself or others and says that he's asking because he is thinking of releasing him. Francis asks if he being sent back to them (read: Price), so Norman asks if he doesn't want to go.  Francis replies, "today I've seen the dragon."   When Norman says that he has seen it, Francis replies, "like fuck you have," so Peter asks him to tell him more. Norman says that there are things which aren't right: "the river going red, the baby in the blood patch, a dog hatching out of a big black egg, a demon with a crown of light and a needle the size of a sword." Norman latches onto his comment about the needle and bring up drugs but Francis makes it clear that this isn't about drugs and that "this is about some evil unnatural shit that has no business happening. This isn't about some junkie bullshit, ask one of the other guys and see how they're sleeping."  Norman then mentions the name H. Varga, a name he saw on a chart next to his and suggests that Norman seek answers from this person.  Francis then says that it would be nice for Norman to get rid of him but Norman replies that he is a doctor and just wants to help someone.  Francis suggests that Norman should make it go away. They are interrupted and Norman learns he has an urgent phone call.

When next we see Norman, he is meeting up with Olivia and Shelly.  Olivia asks Shelly to give her and Norman a moment alone. Norman gives her a drink and says that she is probably just dehydrated and Olivia says that she is still feeling a little light headed.  When Norman suggests the hospital, Olivia emphatically says no and that she will be as healthy as a horse after her nap. Norman asks why she didn't call Roman and Olivia simply says, "because I called you, is that such a crime?"  Norman reaches in and puts on her seat belt and they have a moment as Shelly looks on.  Olivia says that when she fell, she had a vision of Norman striking Theo. Norman says that he is going to drive her and Shelly back and makes it clear that he has to go.  Olivia tells him that no one is expecting more.

When they return to the house, Shelly goes straight upstairs and Olivia tells him to wipe his feet and stay a moment.  Norman reminds her that he has just cancelled two patients but Olivia says that somehow the hospital survived without him.  Peter says that he is going to call a cab and wait at the corner but Olivia is adamant that he will do no such thing and asks what is the worst thing that could happen from waiting inside. Peter again says that he has to go and asks Olivia if she staged this. Olivia is not impressed with this question and says that she wouldn't leverage her health and her daughter's safe keeping as a snare for his attention.  Norman asks if she has been taking the pills and Olivia asks "what bloody business is that of yours." Norman replies that it is his bloody business, if she makes it. Olivia smiles and calls Norman the stubbornest man that she knows and again asks him to come inside but suggests that it's not because she wants him to.  Roman comes downstairs breaking up their little moment and Norman tells him that Olivia fainted at the library.  Olivia heads upstairs and asks Roman to take Norman back. 

Supernatural Season 8, Episode 20: Pac-Man Fever

 In an extra-special confusing beginning, Dean wakes up behind a desk, with annoying old timey music playing (that doesn’t stop playing when he turns off the record player), wearing an old army uniform (I’m guessing from some of the insignias it’s a medical corps but I know nothing about US military uniforms). And his office door has a table rammed against it – like a barricade.  Outside there are many many bodies piled around quite messily and unhygenicly. On one is a newspaper announcing that Truman is apparently denying military experiments, unethical ones at that. Methinks the surroundings suggest Truman is a naughty naughty liar – and the paper is dated 1951. Just in case you couldn’t read it and the hair, clothes, music and president picture didn’t give it away, Dean repeats the date as well – because subtle implication isn’t in the writer’s toolbox. Then a shadow approaches, growling.

Switch to 24 hours earlier.

AAAAAAAARGH, words cannot express how much I hate hate hate this tool. Tell the story in freaking order. Include flashbacks if you really really must, but kill prologue flash forwards! It’s annoying and an almost open admission that you think the opening scene of the show is going to be boring.

To the Winchester cave with an awake Dean and a half-asleep zonked Sam. And his hair – Sam’s bed-head hair is well worth mocking and of course Dean comments on it. And again when he throws Sam a beer and he misses the catch.

Sam wants to go looking for Kevin but Dean tells him all the things he and Garth are already doing and Sam needs to get better. Sam protests that he’s good to go and Dean drags him to the shooting range to show that Sam can’t hit the broadside of the barn and the second trial has well and truly wiped him out.

And they get an email from Charlie – she has a case for them in their area. Well as close as she thinks since she can only track their cells within 20 miles of the Winchester Cave before it cuts out. Such is the awesomeness of the Winchester cave.

Written-By-Numbers Drinking Game: Paranormal Romance

'Cheap booze 1' photo (c) 2008, Melissa Wiese - license:

With yet more deja-vu assaulting us, it's time for another Written-by-Numbers drinking game!

And this week, it’s for Paranormal Romance. Grab your bottles, folks and prepare the stomach pumps (we are not responsible for any alcohol poisoning that may develop - in extreme cases you may want to drink non-alcoholic beverages or American beer))

The Protagonist +1 drink if

  • Protagonist is sexually inexperienced
    • +1 drink if actually a virgin
    • +1 drink if previous romantic interests were terrible

  • Protagonist is conventionally attractive but considers herself ugly
    • +1 drink if she considers herself “fat” which actually means “has curves and big breasts”
    • +1 drink for every conventionally attractive feature she finds hideous
    • +1 drink if she feels the need to describe herself at length

  • Protagonist believes she will die an old maid surrounded by cats
    • +1 drink if she’s under 40
    • empty the glass if she’s under 30
    • empty the bottle if she’s under 25

  • Protagonist has a pointless/unfulfilled life
    • +1 drink for miserable relationships
    • +1 drink for lonely
    • +1 drink for dead end job
    • +1 drink for no job

The Love Interest +1 drink if

  • Even if thousands of year old, he will adhere to modern beauty standards and have perfect teeth

  • Has a ridiculously huge penis
    • +1 drink if the actual measurements are described
    • finish the damn glass for a hyperbolic description (“size of a baby’s arm” “couldn’t wrap fist around it”)
    • finish the damn glass if virginal heroine has no problem with this

  • Is a supernatural creature that mystically “bonds” with their mate
    • +1 drink if said bond makes him obsessive
    • +1 drink if said bond makes him jealous
    • Finish the damn glass if said bond makes him violent

  • Is a supernatural creature that could hurt or kill his lover
    • +1 drink if she doesn’t even pause to think about it
    • finish the damn glass if he’s ESPECIALLY dangerous to her

  • Has a terrible tragic, horrendous past
    • +1 drink murdered family
    • +1 drink betrayed
    • +1 drink enslaved
    • +1 drink tortured
    • +1 drink raped
    • All of the above: Finish the bottle.
    • Finish the glass if tragic past means he can’t trust or love ever again
    • Refill the glass and empty again if tragic past means he tries to drive the Protagonist away and treats her like shit
    • Empty bottle if the magical healing vagina cures centuries of torture.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Hemlock Grove: Season One, Episode Five: Hello, Handsome

This episode opens with an advertisement for the Godfrey Institute.  We get a flash back to 14 years ago with Nathan and Tom rushing a casket into the institute saying that "Shelly deserves a chance." Price come rushing out and grabs the casket and returns to the institute.

Peter is sitting outside of the school and turns to wave at Shelley, who smiles demurely and waves back.  Letha sits down next to Peter and tells him that there is a rumor going around that he is a werewolf and he asks her what she thinks. I'd like to know on what basis everyone is so ready to believe that Peter is a werewolf?  This sudden belief in a supernatural figure based on the fact that two of his fingers are the exact same length  and Peter is Roma is ridiculous. Letha asks what Peter is doing with Roman and reminds him that they are in highschool and not a Clint Eastwood movie. Letha adds that she is glad that they are getting along because Roman doesn't have many friends and asks Peter to promise that he will stop Roman from doing anything stupid. Peter promises and then asks what Letha can tell him about Olivia. Letha says that Roman's father met Olivia when he was touring biomedical facilities in England. On the day that they buried Olivia's husband, the paper described Olivia as the most beautiful and despised woman in Hemlock Grove. Peter pulls out a prize from the snack he is eating and it turns out be a plastic ring of a snake, consuming it's own tail.  Letha calls it creepy but Peter assures her that it's supposed to be good luck and hands it to her.  When Lentha hesitates he says, "Come on, don't be such a fucking girl," so Letha slides the ring on her finger as Roman watches from a distance.

Clementine is at the lab and meets with Dr. Price.  She thanks him for seeing her because tomorrow is the institutes 20th anniversary. They are standing next to the flower that Price told Shelly in the last episode is not really alive and it's much bigger now. Price says that every genetic test indicates that it is the same as the natural flower but apparently the bees are not convinced. Clementine asks Price if he ever considered planting a garden and he says that it's not in his job description.  Price then asks if Clementine is planning on recording their conversation and Clementine replies no, so Price pulls out a tape recorder and says, "I am, just so you know."

Price moves away telling Clementine to call him Johann.  Really? Johann Price? Are they even aware that the actor who is playing this role is Asian?  Come on now. Clementine asks what they do there and Johann suggests that Clementine is pretending that she doesn't know.  Clementine asks him to talk about his first paper, which apparently is colloquially called, "better reincarnation through chemistry." Joann explains that it's all theoretical but it's possible to create life in a young corpse.  Joann asks how this is related to U.S. fish and wildlife service.  Clementine asks if any of his test animals or human subjects could have gotten out and he replies, "none whatsoever."  Clementine asks if he has any thoughts on their demon dog and Johann says that he is convinced that the murders were the act of a pathological sexual predator. Clementine then reminds Joann that he earlier said that an animal was responsible because no person could do what was done to those bodies barehanded.  Joann then stands up and crushes a piece of metal in his bare hand, saying he suffers from hysterical strength. Clementine tells him that technically it makes him a suspect and he replies, "you should know that the Godfrey's are very protective of the institutes good fortunes." Johann tells her to tread lightly and that it has been experience that the bees don't land on them (read: the Godfrey's) either. Clementine turns and walks away.

Clementine sits in her truck and reaches into the glove box and pulls out flask and has a drink.  Her phone rings and it's the Bishop.  She calls it an unexpected surprise and he says that he's calling because despite assurances to the contrary, he has heard she is still drinking. Clementine is surprised and looks around. She asks, "and if I said it wasn't true?"  He replies that he would believe, or until he had reason not to and then calls Clementine his favorite before hanging up. Clementine stares at the flask on the dash.

We get a flash to five years ago of Clementine struggling with officers and then being thrown into a jail cell.  Her cellmate says that she has a green card and is legal but no one will listen. She grabs her stomach and says that she cannot have her baby there.  Clementine tells her to cry if it makes her happy and the cellmate replies, "God does not want us to be happy, he wants us to be strong. In the present Clementine begins to pray. When she stops, Clementine places the flask back in the glove box. Once again, she pauses and looks at the picture of Peter.

At the high school, Peter tells Christina that he heard about what happened to her in the woods and that he is sorry. Christina asks Peter if he is done and when he says yes and moves to walk away, she calls out, "you won't get away with it you know."  Peter and Christina go their separate ways and she heads to a secluded area to cry.  When she touches her hair, a grey lock falls out.

At the Godfrey residence, Olivia instructs Shelly to go up to her room and tells Roman that they have a guest. The deputy says the name Franklin Hernandez and that they found Lisa Willby's corpse dug up and two sets of footprints around the grave.  Roman asks who Hernandez is and Olivia tells him that it their gardener, who has been in the hospital the last two weeks. The deputy asks if Roman knows how a shovel from their property wound up near an open grave. Roman suggests that someone stole it but the deputy is not convinced and tells him that there is a ten thousand dollar reward. The deputy thanks Olivia for her help and leaves. Olivia accuses Roman of doing this with the "gypsy scum" and adds that they chose a moment they knew would hurt her the most. Roman is confused and asks what she is talking about. Olivia reminds Roman that tomorrow they are holding a gala for his father and asks if he hates her so much that he would risk the family's public humiliation. Roman asks, "what if I told you that what I am doing is important?"  Olivia responds by slapping him across the face and when Roman tries to continue, she slaps him again. Olivia tells him to be quiet because she cannot bear the sight of him and warns that if they get another visit from the police that she will collect the reward herself.  Olivia orders Roman to attend and be properly dressed at the gala, then instructs him to get out of her sight.

Club Monstrosity (Monstrosity #1) by Jesse Petersen


There are many support groups out there for all kinds of problems – and even the monsters have problems, albeit, rather more unusual ones than most people’s problems.

Chief among them is not actually getting caught (made difficult because Dracula will not stop wearing that damn cape); but even that fades when they start disappearing – and turning up dead. And dead by the same methods as is found in their stories.

This causes Natalie - Frankenstein’s monster – to try and rally her fellows in the most difficult task of all. Actually working together with minimal hissy fits.

This book gets massive points for originality. Just by taking all the monsters of so many schlocky, horror movie fame and putting them together is pretty new – especially lesser seen versions like the swamp monster (Linda, the weepy, emotional, needy one), the Blob (Bob, who has a hoarding problem because he accidentally absorbs things), the Invisible Man (wants to be an actor) and the Mummy (Kai, has a severe need for moisturiser) is unique in and of itself. Werewolves and vampires we see, but the others? Not so much.

And their need for community, their need to have people to know who they are and have their support has brought them together even if they don’t like each other very much. I think that’s the ultimate humanising element of these monsters, actually making them more human than so many human characters in other books. They’re not nice people, they don’t like each other very much. They’re not over the top “mean girl” villains, they’re just normal people who, like most normal people, can be a little irritating. Whether it’s Alec with his inappropriate humour, Linda with her desperate neediness and emotional outbursts, Natalie with her sarcasm, Kai with her impatience, Jekyll with his wealthy clueless bubble or Drake with his over-believing of his own legend.

Dark Angel, Season 2, Episode 21: Freak Nation


Terminal City has come to the media’s attention and general random humans are expressing their hatred for all things transgenic by throwing things at the fence. Because, y’know, that’ll show ‘em. Max drives up on her bike, smashes through their burning X of warning (awwwfully close to a burning cross there) and leaps the fence, expressing her contempt for the fool protestors.

She meets with Mole (the desert-adapted reptilian transgenic) with a stash of money she stole from some drug dealers. The population of Terminal city is booming as all kinds of transgenics arrive. A television plays the endless hate speech from the vigilantes that the transgenics regard with contempt and humour and Joshua has painted them a rather awesome flag.

White is getting some new helpers – the Phalanx, the best the Breeding Cult has. White isn’t exactly thrilled to be having them on side. Thule leads her Phalanx to meet the unhappy White, with lots of dramatic music telling us just how tough they are. She endears herself by belittling White and mocking his failure – with an extra sexist edge to her insult that he couldn’t kill “a girl.”

Jam Pony business continues as normal, more transgenics abound and Normal celebrates Alec’s (fictional) birthday which surprises Alec. And at Joshua’s/Logan’s the medical gloves come out so Logan can examine any new markings on Max. Because, y’know, asking your ex who can’t touch you and with whom you have massive unrequited sexual desire who thinks you cheated on him to examine your half naked body in detail isn’t in any way kicking him in the teeth. Logan takes photos so he can translate the symbols (sureeeee that’s why).

On the streets a young heavily pregnant woman and a teenaged boy are walking, avoiding the hover drones and the police – when a car seems to follow them. They start to run, but the door opens and Joshua gestures them to get inside – they hurry in. The woman is Jem (X5) and Dalton (X6). They’re driving but someone pulls out in front of Mole, the driver, and they crash. Oops

Wouldn’t X5s or X6s be better for this job? Last week the mentioned having X3s and X4s (which isn’t bad considering the canon has the X4s wiped out except for a few hopelessly violent individuals kept permanently imprisoned)

Zombieland Season One, Episode One

The show opens up with a couple having a ridiculous conversation. Behind them, there is a window and we can see people being attacked by zombies.  Chaos breaks out but they are absolutely oblivious to what is going on, until a zombie crashes through the window and attacks the male who was in the process of arguing with Tallahassee about the pickle on his sandwich.  The woman takes off running and Tallahassee uses his cart to attack and kill the zombie, as the zombie tries to eat the male.  Tallahassee steps through the window, as in the distance, a plane crashes and people are running in panic.

Two months later we learn that there are few non zombies left.    The story is narrated by Columbus, who tells us that one of the things people need to keep up with is cardio because you always have to  run for your life. Columbus is in love with Wichita and they are traveling with her little sister Little Rock and Tallahassee. Apparently, it was Tallahassee's idea to use the location of where they are from for an identity.  They set off fire works for Independence Day, though it's actually only June. Tallahassee asks what's missing after the fireworks display and Little Rock says that there are people missing.  Columbus suggests that they need to think about humanity's future because there is no future without people.  Little Rock says that people suck and Wichita adds that people are responsible for everything bad that has ever happened to people.

They get into an SUV and the Onstar operator is still working and they ask her to lead them to other survivors. Detroit tells them that she found a group of survivors on Fisher's Island N.Y. Columbus says that ever since he found a family, all he wanted was a home.  Wichita points out that it's ridiculous for them to travel so far to meet people they know nothing about. Columbus suggests that they start a community and Detroit tells them where they can find someone. Wichita finally consents to enlarging their group when she realizes that it is three against one.

In Los Angelos, they find a man who is on a window washing platform.  He starts to lower himself down to the ground and is attacked by a zombie, who jumps out a window to get him.  Columbus narrates that he and Wichita should be busy repopulating the earth.  We learn that Wichita and Columbus broke up not long after their first kiss.  We get a flash to Wichita telling him that they have to slow this down after he asks about her favorite place to honeymoon.  Columbus suggests that the slowdown is not a bad idea because of how dysfunctional they are.  Tallahassee tells him that he will get another at bat because he believes Wichita likes him.Tallahassee asks Columbus to imagine that he is dead and then God gives him another five minutes to live. Tallahassee then tells Columbus to imagine that the five minutes start right now, as Columbus makes moon eyes at Wichita, who is tanning.