Time for more impossibly pretty people to keep investigating the desert land beyond the Stargate (I’m assuming this is Abydos because it looks a lot like it).
The pretty Wasif, pretty Catherine and impossibly pretty James go through the Stargate, arrive in Abydos and begin to set up their theme for the next two episodes: Catherine and James argue constantly while Wasif provides the odd word and the odd comic relief. I won’t say he’s cast as the comic relief because that would be like saying one of the three stooges is the comic relief.
They see the alien skies and realise they’re not in Egypt any more, more they can’t figure out how to use the remote to get back to Earth because Earth’s symbol isn’t on the remote. They may also be entering the code wrong.
Lots of bickering, James being in favour of being cautious, Catherine in favour of charging in. Catherine making it abundantly clear she’s not going to obey James and pretty much setting the tone of her doing her own thing. They find the dead Nazi… and a Goa’uld. And Catherine smacks James for suggesting that maaaaaybe her elderly father is dead
(He’s not, he’s imprisoned by other Nazis who are busy taking pictures and occasionally talking in mix of German and English. So that was a useful segment. Writers, each episode is only 10 minutes long, you need to not waste time. We have more bickering)
She’s female, and what seems to be inevitable, the female Goa’uld is wearing what appear to be daisy dukes and some wisps of gold cloth. They fight her and though she’s decided to dispense with Goa’uld technology in favour of a big stick, she easily fights them all, knocking them escape. Luckily for them Catherine manages to accidentally hit a bracelet button activating a teleporter and removing the Goa’uld from the fight. Oh and James has a semi-freak out in the middle of it because he accidentally touches Catherine’s breasts
To which our intrepid explorers think they’ve found a magic stick.
They also run into a young human who is clearly afraid of them (as James proves by yelling “boo” of course) but trying to lead them somewhere. Which they duly ignore and decide to go somewhere else. Oh and they don’t understand a word he says and when Wasif starts to mention he may recognise the language, James and Catherine silence him. Because sensible like that
After managing to exchange names, they follow Kasuf to some tents and are quickly taken prisoner and tied up with lots and lots and lots of bickering. Poor Wasif, stuck with the pretty bickering people.
Wasif manages to free them so they can bicker some more and bicker some more and then accidentally stab Wasif.
Oh Wasif, these pretty people are dangerous for you.
Thankfully the locals regret the whole stabbing thing and have a magic stick of healing.
Meanwhile, the Goa’uld in daisy dukes, Serquet, speaks to her queen Aset. they are surprised these humans fought (albeit not very well) rather than just surrendering like the Nazis did (to be fair, Aset used magical tech against them. Serquet used a stick). She thinks Ra is going to come back for the new human visitors which is a problem because Aset wants to use them to help her in her rebellion against Ra. Ra who will also disapprove of Harcesis - apparent a baby which is forbidden for some reason
Honestly she has not been studying their pretty intruders much if she thinks they’re going to be an asset in… well… anything.
Against my better judgement I’m almost intrigued - not by the characters (albeit their prettiness is a nice distraction) but I do want to know what makes a baby forbidden… and this clearly failed rebellion against Ra.
But beyond these few short episodes, I still ask... why? Even as a commercial hyped tie in -tie in to what?