Time to catch up
with… honestly people who aren’t Regina, Killian or Rumple so… I kind of have
trouble caring. I say again, this was a mistake of the reboot
But we have Drizilla
and her and Anna as children and being all “yay sisters forever” which, of
course, didn’t exactly work out that way
She grows up and
becomes the revenge obsessed woman we know and don’t really love and
continues to plot for an epic cursed revenge rather than just, say, stabbing
her mother in the face
So many plot lines
would be so much shorter if villains realised the value of face stabbing
And she needs more magic which is where Gothel turns up to be all devil on her shoulder offering shinies. Including a membership in the Coven of the 8 to cast the evil curse that Regina casts on her own because Regina is like 10 times more awesome than everyone else. Drizilla is reluctant but agrees
This is kind of a
theme this episode. Gothel says “do evil thing!” Drizilla says no. Then she
agrees.
Turns out there isn’t
one candidate there are many including Gretel - of Hansel and Gretel - who has
sugar based magic and a lot of angst over her brother with severe burns and
mental problems. She and Drizilla ally, become firm friends and Drizilla wants
to leave the coven and make their own working together. Except Gothel has
already messed it up, giving them both blades and telling them to stab each
other for membership. Which isn’t much of a magical test really. What if the
Coven of the 8 has no magic but lots of good knife wielders? Drizilla declares,
because she’s on a redemption train, she really doesn’t want to do this but
Gretel attacks anyway and, unsurprisingly, Drizilla has to kill her and she
gets her Coven8 membership while being all sad about it
In the present Drizilla
plans to find her sister to make amends except Gothel arrives to mix it again.
Drizilla has been delivered one of the box of chocolates that means she’s now
being targetted by a serial killer (hmmm, the serial killer uses sweet things
as a signature? How… potentially revealing) and how she totally needs Gothel’s
help
Drizilla adamantly
refuses as she knows Gothel only wants Anastasia because the power of the
Guardian lets you get the Dark One Dagger. I guess. I mean, was this known? Did
we know this was Gothel’s motive? Because I’m sure we didn’t know everyone was
all scavenger hunting the Dark One Dagger
But she is then
attacked by the masked killer in the car park. She escapes because Drizilla can
hold her own and runs to safety - Regina’s bar - and asks for help
To which Regina looks
at the woman who poisoned her son who is now asking for help and plans 26
different ways to stab her in painful places. But she’s a better person now… so
agrees to help and to let her stay in the bar where she is safe. But not before
rubbing in that this is all Drizilla’s fault
Which is when
Facilier shows up. He has an offer for Drizilla - give Anastasia to him, power
up the magic bean of realm transport (there are hundreds of these things) and
she can then run away through it. Or She can let Gothel have Anatasia. See,
death/death option might as well chose the death that saves your own life,
right?
How does Facilier know these are the only options? He’s read the cards. But no-one is wondering why the cards are more than colourful pieces of paper in this land without magic.
Regina goes to Rumple
about this - who already knows all the facts. He collects secrets. It’s his
thing. It is known. He’s a bit miffed Regina didn’t tell him facilier was after
his dagger. But Regina is convinced she can change Facilier. Oh Regina, make
better choices
(Oh Rumple isn’t
following up on the serial killer case because he’s busy repairing Belle’s cup
and wandering “new paths” and hoping the case fixes itself. Yes the Charmings
have infected him. All you have to do is be saccharine sweet and everything
just works out for you. Did I mention how much I hated the Charmings and their
nonsense? This whole philosophy “be good and hope shit works out” is so passive
and useless)
They need Anastasia
presumably to save Henry but definitely so Rumple can use the Guardian magic on
his dagger to be reunited with Belle per the confusing prophecy. So they decide
they need to find Anastasia before Facilier does
They fail because
Drizilla lures in her sister with sisterhood and love and poison. Because while
she totally wanted to reunite if it’s a choice between sister dearest and
herself, she’s going with herself
She takes her to
Facilier, the ritual starts - and so does scary magic. Because Gothel is there
to wake Anastasia up and she is super super angry at her sister trying to
murder her. She throws magic everywhere while Gothel yells at her to kill her
sister
But Drizilla appeals
- sure she has done many many many many many many many evil things. Oh so many.
Many many. But all because Gothel manipulated her and pushed her and Drizilla
has a hard time saying no. This gets through to Anastasia along with the appeal
to sisterhood and her unsullied light. She refuses to kill Drizilla and Gothel
leaves in a snit
Wait? Isn’t this what
she wanted? Someone who was good enough to be the Guardian who didn’t succumb
to the dark side just because it had cookies? Or was she just wandering around
ruining all potential Guardians? Does she want the dagger or not? I have no
idea what this witch wants
Regina and Rumple
arrive and Regina allows a partial forgiveness for Drizilla allowing for
Gothel’s manipulations. They decide for Drizilla and Anastasia to leave, using
the bean, to travel to some random realm where they won’t clutter up the story
any more. Bye folks, you won’t be missed
Regina does question
Rumple on why he’s letting the Guardian go, but he has fully embraced Charming
philosophy. It’s the right thing to do. Keep going the right thing and
everything will work out in the end with bluebirds and sunshine and blech.
At least Rumple has
some dire threats for Facilier if he keeps going for his dagger
Regina is also
conflicted over Facilier but he reveals he never intended the sisters to
murder, this is what he wanted all along (sureeee) so he could siphon off a
little magic to give to Regina so she can cure Henry
And oh Regina this has alllll the hallmarks of a trainwreck. An epic epic trainwreck.
Time to check in with
the romance: Lucy and Regina are worried Henry has no friends to deal with his
heartache so they convolutedly arrange for Nick (a lawyer, Lucy’s curse dad and
Henry’s best friend de-cursed) and Killian to hang out with him at an arcade.
Which is nice but you’d think these two would have something better to do
They all hang around
and have fun and encourage Henry to date other women -only for Jacinda to
arrive and them to talk and play a game involving trick shots and whether
Jacinda and Henry are fated to be
Shockingly, they are.
The main take from
this is that a) Killian is quite happy to discuss serial killer cases in a
crowded room to near strangers
And b) that Nick is
the serial killer. He has a boot full of chocolates and the mask anyway. Since
Nick (or Jack in his cursed identity) doesn’t seem to have any fairy tale alter
ego (Jack can cover a lot - I’m assuming Jack the Giant Killer) I’m going to
guess he has burns and is Gretel’s long lost brother Hansel, trying to kill
witches in revenge for that witch trying to turn him into a hors d’ouvre.
