This episode is called “Hitler”
It also begins with Hitler working in a sandwich shop and planning a fourth Reich which is supposed to be funny
This is not and will never be funny.
Thankfully the Saint of Killers arrives to drag him back to hell before I have to endure more of this so we can get to other plot lines
At Angelville we have a brief funeral for the criminally underused Sabina before the Grail finally responds to their call. Starr and Featherstone arrive.
Starr is willing to offer Marie lots of shinies if she will lend them her grandson for a little while. Marie is not here for this patronising nonsense and makes it clear by pissing on his shoes. She wants souls. She wants lots of souls
Hey, remember that Japanese soul stealing operation? Turns out the Grail owns it. They can get her millions of souls (I can’t help but think this is a bad idea). Why it’ll be easy!
Turns out this is a huge lie. Sure The GRAIL owns it but there’s no way Starr can requisition a lot of souls without drawing the attention of the All Father. So instead they have to raid it and steal some souls.
Starr insists on sending Featherstone (who has a ridiculously over-complicated cover story and a limp obsession) and Tulip (expert thief who always uses the same cover story which is basically a name). Tulip and Featherstone loathe each other and it’s more than a little hilarious
My money’s on Tulip. Though Tulip is fighting her own desperate inferiority complex and her belief in the O’Hare screw up curse. I don’t think Jesse’s speech, nice as it was, really reassures her.
Of course it means we get a 16 hour flight with Tulip vs Featherstone and the standard frustrations of air travel. The world may end, burned to ash by Tulip’s rage. Before she leaves, Tulip kisses Jesse goodbye. Featherstone clearly angles for the same from Starr… nope, not happening. Also Starr ignoring TC is just so perfect because of how little Starr doesn’t give a shit
We also see part of Marie’s twisted relationship with Jesse, alternating between threatening to kill him brutally - as she did with his mother - but also being genuinely and deeply upset by the idea that he is leaving her, her precious grandson is leaving her and she’s super upset by that. She asks him to come back and he promises he will - but it sounds ominous and a threat
Jesse doesn’t trust Starr, especially with his most recent rounds of lies he just told Marie which Starr dismisses as “industry standard”. He is very very suspicious though Starr has his own wariness. He is, after all, going to give Jesse Genesis which will give him super powers (especially since Jesse is still clearly reluctant to be the Messiah) He asks Jesse to promise not to use Genesis to betray him… which Jesse does
Oh, there’s a snag. Because before Jesse becomes messiah he has to kill the Allfather - just as he points a gun at Jesse’s head and informs the Allfather that he has brought him Jesse Custer as instructed. This is going to be messy.
Over to Cassidy
Cassidy is with Les Enfants du Sang and looking shockingly hot in a vest. My he seems to grow hotter every season.
He is having fun talking about drugs and making an excellent job telling everyone how nostalgia is terrible and things are generally better today than they were before. Which is excellent - and I love that a being who is essentially immortal is, in his own broken way, shooting down the idea of a past golden age we hear so often
He is finding his place with them but is still not all in on the vampire cult thing: and openly mocking (but nicely) Eccarius sleeping in a coffin (and getting a coffin for Cassidy). There’s going to be another blood ritual turning another human into a vampire; Lisa. And Eccarius wants Cass to do it
Cass is deeply uncomfortable by this, really not thrilled at the idea of turning vampires - he still has issues with vampirism. But Lisa is, craftily, the one who sells it to Cass. She explains that every turned vampire is then put on a plane and sent out into the world. There job is to create their own chapter of Les Enfants du Sang around the world. A place where vampires can find belonging and safety from hunters. A home away from home across the world, safe from persecution
I think this would work a little better if we’d seen more vampire hunting and persecuting to back it up.
Cass finds this quite inspiring and moving which, coupled with her obvious enthusiastic consent (which he checks and she affirms many times) encourages him to go through with it. Which he does… she becomes a vampire
But Cass is still visibly disturbed and Eccarius has to reassure him (especially since it feels good). Eccarius takes Cass out partying and drinking and they really bond well considering it’s such a short scene - though it’s notable that Cass’s attempts to use shiny vampire powers fail badly.
The Grail is still after Cass and Hoover recruits some militant Catholic vampire hunters (which involves the password in a confessional of “I want to wear Miley Cyrus’s skin as a belt) to kidnap Cassidy. It seems to go well when they drug Cassidy and pin Eccarius with ultra-violet vampire killing lamps. Except Cassidy is Cassidy. You need more than tranquilisers to overcome Cassidy’s tolerance - he easily drugs the nun. I’ll be honest, I feel cheated that the Nun didn’t turn out to be a super martial artist or didn’t pull a truly ridiculously huge machine gun or rocket launcher from under her habit. And then slaughters the rest of the warriors except Hoover who runs.
Cass thinks Eccarius died - but he managed to escape shifting into a mouse. Cass apologises for bringing this down on them and decides to leave so he doesn’t bring the wrath of the Grail down on Eccarius - but Eccarius insists that if the Grail is coming for Cass he’s coming for both of them. And Cass kisses him.
Yes… yes yes I will have this. Yes, yes please. Actual LGBTQ representation with sexy, capable characters who actually kiss on screen and bounce so well off each other. I’ll have this. Let me have this
Except Eccarius is evil.
Awww no no no no don’t take this from me. Let me have my bisexual vampires being awesome.
Sadly it seems none of Eccarius’s missionaries are actually going to the airport. Eccarius takes them to his car and then kills them all (I think drinking their blood which may be the source of his power) - and we see lots of ashy piles (what does it never rain here?). He dramatically explains he does this because vampires are terribad awful and he doesn’t want more of them. And he is the worst vampire of all
That still doesn’t really explain why he is doing this. And, if he hates vampires so much, he returns to curl up next to Cass in his coffin and kiss him
I don’t care if he’s evil! I want this! Let me have this!