50 Shades of Hypocrisy

It’s not our genre, we know - and it is the excuse we will cling to should anyone suggest we should review 50 Shades of Grey (so don’t even try - do not even try! You might however manage to get Tami to wax prophetic about her favourite porn. if you really want to see a review - go read Jennifer Armintrout’s excellent recaps - we can do no better and it says it all) but since it’s based on Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Series (which we read - AND watched the films; we have suffered enough) we felt we could talk about this.

Now, everyone who knows anything about this series knows that it is based on Twilight fanfiction. If you’ve actually read any of the books it’s pretty blatantly obvious. The characters in this book have had their names filed off, but otherwise they’re not appreciably different from Twilight.

Well, it seems that E. L. James is MOST upset at people using her work without permission. And Her lawyer has said - I kid you not: "You can't just hijack something someone else owns."

How she said this with a straight face is beyond me. C’mon, she had to laugh. Before the end of the sentence she must have cracked. Despite the fact that 50 Shades of Grey has probably out sold every other book but the bible it’s still nothing more than cheap (and poorly written at that) Twilight Fan Fic. This book is so bad that it actually makes Twilight look like a stroke of literary genius and believe me, that’s saying something and it amazes me that James could become so precious about such crap. Somewhere there are trees crying because they gave their lives to produce this.

Still, in terms of sheer chutzpah, we have to applaud. We never thought we’d say it, but at last something about 50 Shades of Grey has left us in awe. We can only hope that James will feel the same if Meyer gets around to reminding her that copyright belongs to her as well.

Faceoff: Twilight Versus The Hunger Games

Twilight

Protagonist: Bella Swan is the center of the Twilight universe and a more bland protagonist you could not find in any other series.  It probably does not help that the role is played by Kristen Stewart whose version of acting involves rolling her eyes, stuttering and biting her bottom lip to convey the appropriate amount of angst.  Bella essentially has no personality and all you really need to know about her is that she is desperately in love with Edward.   She is so in love with Edward that when he temporarily ends their relationship she takes to her bed like all good wilting flowers are wont to do in moments of crises.

The only time she acts against Edward’s wishes is when she decides to carry the White saviour baby to term.  She does not even pause to consider what giving up her life at the age of 18 to become a vampire means, but hey when it comes to the child, why have any doubt at all.  This is after all a classic Mormon love story. John Smith would be so proud.


World Setting: The story is set in dreary Forks.  Bella moves there after her mother goes on the road with her baseball boyfriend.  Little does she know that Forks is the ideal location for vampires because even the sun does not like the small town enough to shine on a regular basis. This means that Edward does not have to worry about sparkling in public.  [Note: I still have not forgiven Meyer for creating a sparkling vampire, and I don’t care that she blamed it on his venom]

Main Plot Theme:  The entire saga is essential a love triangle with Edward the stalking, controlling vampire vying against Jacob the werewolf who believes that the word no really means try harder.  

Conflict:  What conflict?  I suppose you could count the overly emo Edward who is convinced that he is evil.  

Inclusion/treatment of marginalised issues:  Twilight does have a disabled character and his name is Billy Black.  He is Charlie’s drinking buddy and instrumental in teaching the young werewolves how to deal with their change.  The werewolves in question are from the The Quileute tribe.  It would seem on the face of it that this is good inclusion; however, the Quileute people have no legends that match the one featured in Meyer’s book and so it amounts to pure fiction and appropriation.  It is further troubling that next to the whitesome and delightsome Cullens, they are poor and often constructed as savage.  

Wednesday Reboot: Twilight New Moon

 

Of all three of the Twilight movies to date, New Moon is easily the most angst filled and the least tolerable.  The film begins on Bella Swan's 18th birthday.  She is upset that she is now older than Edward was at the age that he died because all she can envision is a future in which he stays young and beautiful and she ages. I don't think it was intentional but the idea of old as worthless and undesirable is ageist.  This model privileges youth or at least the appearance of youth at all costs.

At her birthday party, Bella cuts her finger causing Jasper to go into a blood lust. In order to protect her, Edward has to push Bella across the room to keep Jasper away from her, in the process hurting her even more.  When he drops her off that night, clearly the relationship between them is strained.  The next day at school, none of the Cullens are in attendance.  When Bella arrives home that afternoon, Edward is waiting for her.  He tells her that the Cullens are leaving and that she cannot go with them, and thus begins hours of Bella moping.

Even if we take into consideration that when the Cullens left that not only did Bella lose Edward, she lost Alice her friend her reaction was over drawn and ridiculous. Outside of her relationship, Bella has no reason for living, she is completely dependent upon Edward and this is not love, despite being constructed as such.  Bella goes into an extreme depression and then has nightmares in the middle of the night and awakens screaming.  Charlie her father is clearly worried and threatens to send her to live with her mother, if she does not start to come out of it.

Bella goes for a ride on a motorcycle with a shady character and she imagines Edward.  This sets her off on a path to endanger herself as much as possible for the chance to see Edward.  Bella appropriates bikes from the trash, and talks Jacob Black into fixing them up for her.  In the processes, they become very good friends, and so when he stops seeing her after he transitions to a wolf, she is hurt yet again. This tells us that Bella is absolutely incapable of being alone and being happy. Because Bella is already a blank slate, this makes her pain unrelatable and sets up a dependency state as necessary for a woman to be happy.

Podcast: Vampires in Mystic Falls

This week Vampire Diaries in on hiatus. We discuss Charlaine Harris' Aurora Teagarden and Shakespeare series, LA Banks The Minion, Patricia Briggs, Kim Harrison's Hollow's series, Stephenie Meyer's Twilight and Ann Rice's Vampires

Also an important recording that notes Tami and Renee admitting to being older than Sparky and how much amazingly younger than them he is.

Listen to internet radio with Vampires In Mystic Falls on Blog Talk Radio

Podcast: Vampires in Mystic Falls

Vampire Diaries is on hiatus this week. We discuss Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, Laurell K Hamilton's Anita Blake and Merry series, Kim Harrison's Hollows series, Charlaine Harris' Teagarden series

Listen to internet radio with Vampires In Mystic Falls on Blog Talk Radio