Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 7: The Wolf and the Dragon

Ok… I’m actually kind of disappointed by this season finale… in much the same way I have been by this whole season. Because there have been moments of epic and moments of awesome but then you into a moment of sheer blithering stupidity and I’m just “WHY IS THIS HERE?!” This is season 7 in microcosm - awesome and silly mixed together

The good parts are the big epic meet up as everyone gathers at the old arena where the Targaryens used to keep their dragons (something Daenerys disapproved on since she thinks this is what made the dragons weak and, in turn, made the Targaryens themselves weak). There we have another moment where Bronn and Jaime look at the sheer number of Unsullied and Dorthraki (who are terrifyingly well co-ordinated together) and say “oh shit we’re screwed”. Bronn also puts all war down to cocks. Which I’m choosing to interpret as a reference to narrow patriarchal structures of violence, control, competition and ownership constantly leading to conflict

This is also Jon’s first visit to Kings Landing introducing him to a city with 1,000,000 people in it - more than in the entire North. While Jon is playing countryboy, Cersei is giving instructions on who to kill while Jaime looks on all disapproving

Time for reunions! Pod and Tyrion is awesome. Brienne and the Hound kind of fun since last time they tried to kill each other. He wonders who is protecting Arya. Brienne laughs that Arya is pretty much someone you need protecting from now. We have Tyrion and Bronn bantering back and forth and a brief attempt for Tyrion to try and recruit Bron

Until we get to the arena where everyone makes Significant Eyes at each other. Brienne and Jaime. Euron and Theon. Cersei and Tyrion. The Hound even has a stand off with his monstrous mountainous brother.

Daenerys arrives late. On dragonback. This is the first time Cersei and Euron have seen her dragons and are visibly… concerned.

Time for formal proceedings, but first Euron has to stand up and be pretty much an arse to everyone. He ignores Jaime and Cersei when they tell him to sit down - it’s only when he’s threatened with the Mountain that he obeys. Again, this is why the Lannisters cannot ever rule - no-one respects them. They only ever have fear, no allies, no friends, no respect; their reign could never be stable

That taken care of it’s time for Jon to make an epic speech about the living and the dead - and to show off the Wight. Which nearly eats Cersei and shows everyone just how horrifying and awful it is. It’s very convincing. Cersei is shaken. And when Daenerys confirms there’s at least 100,000 of them Jaime is completely terrified.

Euron checks if they can swim and learning they can’t he officially declares “fuck that” and heads off to his island with his fleet. He’ll be back next Summer.

Cersei seems to actually be convinced and says yup, she’s totally in for the truce. So long as Jon promises when he finishes fighting in the north he stays there and doesn’t get involved in the war afterwards. Jon says actually he can’t because he’s totally sworn to Daenerys, sorry and he’s never heard of the concept of lying. Cersei storms off.

What nonsense is this?!

HOW MANY STARKS HAVE TO LIE BEFORE THEY FIGURE OUT LYING ISN’T  TERRIBLE?

Ye gods Jon’s repeated refrain for the whole season is “killing the dead matters more than anything else” that includes your own stupid honour, Jon! It is not noble, it is deeply selfish to put your own integrity over the survival of the human race

Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 6: Beyond the Wall

This episode was interesting in that we had major events happen but it didn’t feel rushed or packed and we didn’t have a gazillion storylines everywhere. We even only used a little plot bending (honestly, my main issue this season is how the plot broke itself to make it work -between Cersei’s prescient army, High Garden, the fleet of ships apparently made by Santa’s Elves and last episode’s ability to teleport the length and breadth of the entire continent in a few days is beginning to really annoy me).

So on that note let’s begin with the most annoying storyline - Winterfell. Where Arya and Sansa begin reminiscing about their childhood, their beloved father and Arya’s wish to step outside of the constraints that society put on her and which her father supported her through. This shows her childhood disdain for Sansa as well as her devotion to her father and Jon

She taunts Sansa about the letter she wrote as a child and considers it a betrayal, adding what the northern lords (and, more importantly, Lyanna Mormont) would think.

What strikes me most about this scene is that while Arya has learned many skills and become tough and hard and unforgiving she’s also been isolated. We talk a lot about how much everyone has grown and changed but here we see that in many ways she IS still a child. Her condemnation of Sansa is childish - it shows a complete unwillingness to deal with greater political realities, a complete naivety over what you can actually do and what is a smart answer.

Sansa tries to point this out - and rejects any idea she’s a coward or weak because of what she has endured and survived. Sadly Sansa, in an act that is utterly bemusing, turns to Littlefinger (who, of course, doesn’t reveal that he’s the one who led to Arya finding the letter anyway) who tries to drive more a rift between them and even suggests he use Brienne as a bodyguard

Sansa doesn’t do that because she has an invite from Cersei… yeah no. Sansa is not having that. Brienne can go and rely on the sexual tension between her and Jaime to keep things safe. Brienne wants to stay to protect Sansa. Not from Arya - but from everyone, because as long as Littlefinger’s around everyone can have their loyalty manipulated. She’s not wrong - but Sansa won’t hear it

Later she does discover Arya’s stash of faces and Arya menacingly explains what they all mean in a not-quite-overtly-threatening-but-the-threat-is-there manner.

Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 4: The Spoils of War

Well, that happened: the inevitable awesome burning action happened and we knew it was coming but it was still very awesome

But first let us join a much quieter but still very awesome and poignant moment in Winterfell

Three of the Stark sibling have now been reunited - Bran, Sansa and Arya. And I think this whole episode really powerfully shows us how much the siblings have changed. Bran has become almost robotic - completely emotionless even as Meera, a woman who has fought desperately to keep him alive, has carried him literally, watched Hodor die for him, watched her brother die for him, says goodbye. He shows no emotion even as she is devastated by this.

When he sees Arya and Sansa he is equally dispassionate with added levels of creepy and spooky. Sansa has heard about his visions and clearly didn’t believe them - until his talking about Arya’s list and journey makes it clear he isn’t just seeing things.

Another person taken aback by Bran’s spookiness is Littlefinger who tries to schmooze Bran with pretty words and the shiny knife that started this whole chaos - the knife that near murdered him, a murder and a knife which cause Catelyn Stark to imprison Tyrion and start the whole war going in an utter disaster

Bran is indifferent (he gives the knife to Arya) but he does mention “Chaos is a ladder” which is pretty much Petyr’s watchword. This freaks Petyr out severely (the Stark kids are rattling him good) while also suggesting that, yes, Littlefinger was the one behind all of this.

We’ve seen Sansa mature and become the incredibly strong, cunning woman she is today and now realising her young siblings have grown in the same time period. Especially poignant is her and Arya reflecting on their mutual difficult, painful stories- but Arya’s determined “this isn’t the end of their story” and it is beautiful to see Arya actually hope now.

Sansa originally laughs over Arya’s list only to have Bran’s visions confirm it - and then see Arya match Brienne (who towers over her) in a sparring match.

And I feel for Brienne - seeing the Stark children reunited as she promised Catelyn she would while acknowledging she did pretty much nothing to make it happen. The Starks are doing it for themselves.

To Dragonstone where Daenerys and Jon Snow are beginning to show more chemistry before their inevitable marriage (and Davos definitely noticing) and Jon showing Daenerys the shiny cave of dragonglass he found complete with cave paintings from the Children of the Forest showing their alliance with the First Men to face off against the super creepy white Walkers.

This is his not so subtle message that they should stand together and Daenerys throws back that she’ll support him if he bends the knee. Yup, she’s broken record. He points out that his people will rebel. She says nope, he’s their king, he doesn’t say “lady, you have not met Lyanna Mormont” but he really should have.

He does speak to Missendei who tells some of her history for some nice characterisation but is really much much more about how totally awesome Daenerys is. And, y’know, it’s nice to confirm that everyone who follows Daenerys does it because they respect and love her and what she’s done and absolutely none of them give a shit about who her daddy was or what noble lineage she has. Which is good because it removes her entitlement to rule just because of her noble name which is a hard sell and full of (very historical accurate) entitlement

The bad side is basically the fact she’s selling herself as the Greatest of White Saviours. The whole Mhysa storyline was a hot hot mess and this being her selling point is just cringeworthy

Also no mention of dragons. I mean “we love her. Also she has burny lizards that kill people. And a legion of angry horsewarriors who think she’s a fire goddess and kill people. Oh and an army of people who’ve been slaves since birth and may not even know they’re free because did anyone actually check? Seriously most of the time Daenerys doesn’t even speak in a language most of them don’t understand, shouldn’t we do a survey or something?”

The OA, Season One, Episode Eight: Invisible Self

Okay, we've made it to the end of The OA and we still don't have any real concrete answers.  We learned how Prairie got away from Hap and in the process was seperated from the others but we still don't know the end result of the new fangled yoga moves, or if Prairie was even telling the truth. The only thing we know for certain is that French found a video of a blonde woman playing the violin in the NYC subway and that Prairie was missing for seven years.  

It begins with another meeting of Prairie's cult and she starts her story right where she left off, with Sheriff Stan finding them trapped in the basement.  At last, Hap has been caught.  Hap however isn't without cards to play because Evelyn, the Sheriff's wife is dying of ALS.  Hap explains that he's been doing research with people who have survived an NDE and that if given the chance, they can heal Evelyn.  At first, Stan wants nothing to do with this and demands that Hap stand to be handcuffed, but it turns out that the temptation to end his wife's suffering is just too much.  We watch as Prairie and  Homer are led upstairs.

Alone with Evelyn, Prairie and Homer discuss helping her. Homer rightfully understands that if they fail to heal Evelyn, that Stan will arrest Hap and they will go free.  Prairie argues that since they have the ability to help that they should. As Stan and Hap watch via CCTV, Prairie and Homer begin their weird yoga routine. It's not long before Evelyn awakes. It seems that Evelyn had her own NDE when she was just a child and was given the fifth movement. Evelyn was told that she would have to wait a long time and that she would be in a lot of pain before she was called upon to share it with others.  Evelyn sits up in bed, much to the amazement of Hap and Stan and she does the fifth movement, as Homer and Prairie watch.

Stan is so excited to see his wife sitting up that he runs into the room, leaving his gun behind.  Hap stays and watches the entire movement on CCTV. When Hap enters the room, he finds Prairie and Homer hugging and Stan hugging Evelyn. Hap promptly shoots Stan and Evelyn and orders Prairie to get away from Homer. Hap drags Prairie out of the room, as she desperately calls out for Homer. Hap then drugs Prairie.

When Prairie awakens, she's in the back of a car.  Hap stops the car and drags Prairie outside and dumps her on the ground. Hap climbs on top of Prairie and starts to scream about not needing her anymore and that she's not as special as she thinks she is.  Hap reveals that he now knows the fifth movement and he has Homer.  Hap slashes open Prairie's dress before getting back into the car and driving away. A distraught Prairie gets to her feet and tries to follow but she obviously cannot keep up with the car.

When Prairie finishes telling her story she finds that she's ripped open her top while telling her story and that she is surrounded by her parents, as well as the parents of the kids who have come to listen to her tale. Nancy takes off her jacket, puts it around Prairie's shoulders and then the two of them walk home silently.

Later, the Johnsons try to reach out to Alfonso's family, only to be rejected. Alfonso comes rushing outside and reveals that Prairie told them everything that happened to her and that he is going to make it his mission to prove that she was telling the truth.  Nancy is shocked that Prairie didn't confide in her.

Being caught in the house with a bunch of teenagers and BBA brings more unwanted attention to the Johnsons and so they are forced to retreat to a hotel to get away from the media. Tensions are high for the Johnson family but Prairie finally starts talking about what happened to her.  Nancy is moved to tell the truth about the note to Abel. Nancy says that the reason that she didn't give Able the note is because Prairie wrote that she was going to see her father.  Able isn't buying this excuse because what bothered him was that Prairie was missing, not that she called another man father.  Nancy is finally forced to come clean and explains that she wanted Prairie because she was blind and thought that Prairie would always need her. Nancy believes that it was her neediness that finally drove Prairie away. 

French breaks into the Johnson home looking for more information to prove Prairie's story.  Under Prairie's bed he finds an Amazon box containing books on Angels, Russian Oligarchs, NDE and Homer's Illiad.  It's enough evidence for French to believe that Prairie made the whole story up. Before French can leave the house, he runs into Rahim.  Rahim tells French that allowing Prairie to tell her story helped her and that what he did was to take on aspects of Prairie's pain. Later, an upset French meets with the group to show them the books and tell them that he now believes that Prairie made it all up. 

Some time has passed, and Prairie is working with Able in the garden.  She explains that she's tired and excuses herself to take a bath.  Prairie is now wearing an ankle monitor, indicating that the police got involved after she was discovered in the house. 

Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 1: Dragonstone

It’s back! And it has a previously?

On Game of Thrones? We may be here for several hours. Or it could be very short “he’s dead and him and him and definitely her and him and him and him”.

My a lot has happened on this show. And a whole lot have died.

ARYA

And many more are going to if Arya has her way. Because we open with Walder Frey who gathered his whole very very very very very big family to celebrate how they defeated the Starks. A toast to Victory! A toast to murdering pregnant women, and mothers of children, and guests you’ve offered safety to… at which point the gathered family realise they’re something up because it’s a very dubious toast. And then they all die to poison - except Walder Frey’s young wife who Walder stopped drinking

Walder then takes off his face and reveals, Arya. Oh yes, she just massacred the entire Frey family. Arya’s learning of Faceless Man skills has made her deeply terrifying

“Tell them the north remembers. Tell them winter came for House Frey”

And with a nifty flare for the dramatic.

Still to temper the ruthlessness as she leaves she runs into Ed Sheeren doing a cameo and a bunch of Lannister soldiers who are almost impossibly nice; reminding us that while kings and queens fight and kill and plot and scheme, the ordinary people on every side just want to live their lives and not fight these endless pointless wars. It’s a nice break of normality among the endless violence

The North

We also have a scene of the marching horde of White Walkers, reminding us what’s coming. It’s almost as a scary as Arya

Bran and Meera have finally made it to the wall, bringing some ominous prophecy with them. This could be interesting because technically Bran has a stronger claim to the throne than Jon does.

Jon has gathered his followers and is an inspirational and passionate ruler. He has them gathering dragonglass to kill white walkers, has Tormund have the Wildlings defending the wall and the castles, he wants everyone over the age of 10 to learn how to fight: including women

Some object. But Lyanna Mormont agrees women should also learn to fight. I’d also back her against a white walker giant any day.

Of course, not one man dare speak against her because she’s Lyanna Mormont and can slay dragons with her withering stare.

Next on the agenda is the castles of the Umbers and the Karstarks who betrayed House Stark. Sir Royce wants to tear them down for being traitors - he has a sense of honour and stupidity to make him a Stark, without the compassion. Sansa points out castles have done nothing wrong and are useful things to have. There follows a very public argument between Sansa and Jon: Sansa says give them to loyal houses as a reward and to punish traitors while Jon says the house has been loyal for generations and you can’t punish the current house leaders (who are little more than children) for the sins of their fathers. They argue and in the end Jon lays down the law and insists - before making a big charismatic speech which everyone cheers as they accept his new vassals.

Afterwards Jon is super pouty with Sansa for “undermining” him but she isn’t going to meekly take it. She, rather brutally but extremely accurately, says he has to be smarter than their dad and than Rob - and she’s not wrong. He asks if smarter means “listening to you” and she says that wouldn’t be so bad. She points out that Joffrey was a king who wouldn’t listen to people criticising or commenting either: Jon takes exception to the comparison but she says he’s nothing like Joffrey - and that’s not entirely a compliment: because whatever else he was, Joffrey was vicious to his enemies. She also has a level of admiration for Cersei who “taught her a lot”

This argument wasn’t resolved but I can see it rumbling for some time.

She also recognises (we also see how Jon, a northerner, cannot be buttered up) how sheltered she was before - and how unhelpful and useless that was.

I actually think they work well together - Sansa is smarter, more politically savvy and more ruthless while Jon is charismatic and impressed and good and noble (i.e. he’s a damn stupid Stark whose Stupid Good Alignment will get him both loved and killed, while she has honed a sufficient dose of Kings Landing ruthless politicking to keep him alive). And as for openly arguing - again, after several dictatorial rulers a bit of open descent and questioning isn’t a bad thing: especially since Sansa publically putting in a world will also touch on anyone a little wavery about Jon being a Bastard. Also, Northerners aren’t like Kings Landing - they speak out.

I want to see how this dynamic develops t

Lucifer, Season Two, Episode Fifteen: Deceptive Little Parasite

Ever since Charlotte managed to return to earth her goal has been to make up with her boys and somehow get back to heaven.  She's schemed to the point where she's hurt Lucifer horribly.  After all of this time, it seems that Charlotte has finally stumbled upon the one thing she needs to get the gates of heaven to open at long last - Azrael's blade.  The problem with this is that Lucifer is the lightbringer and he's the only one who can wield it as intended but to do so, Lucifer has to get control of his emotions. That's a steep task. 

Charlotte tries to encourage Lucifer to think of his father and get angry because the last time he managed the sword he was enraged.  Lucifer gives his best attempt but nothing happens. Amenadiel tries punching Lucifer but other than irritating him, nothing changes.  Lucifer hands Amenadiel the sword with the intention of kicking him in the nuts to get even but Charlotte is quick to put a stop to it. 

Unable to wield the sword, Lucifer moves onto plan two, which involves a visit to Dr. Linda.  Dr. Linda is instantly distracted with questions about heaven, like does it really have pearly gates and is it filled with clouds.  This causes Lucifer to snark about his father looking like Morgan Freeman.  In Dr. Linda's defense wouldn't you ask those same questions? Lucifer then turns the subject to the matter at hand and is informed that emotions cannot be controlled. Dr. Linda is sure that Lucifer married Candy in order to hide something and that what he really needs to do is to drop his barriers and feel.  Lucifer of course is resistant to this and in shock that Dr. Linda doesn't have the inside track on controlling emotions. 

It's morning and Maze is shocked to see that Chloe forgot to make breakfast and so assumes that something is wrong with her. Chloe takes this as a suggestion that Maze is interested in learning about her feelings and so she opens up about her thoughts on Lucifer's marriage. Maze however is not in the mood to be an emotional support and so simply puts in her headphones and pretends to listen as Chloe pours out her heart.  When Chloe realises that Maze has only been pretending to listen, Maze claims that dealing with human emotions on an empty stomach makes her stomach ill. 

Lucifer and Chloe meet up at a crime scene.  Lucifer is still trying to get into Chloe's good books so he greets her with a coffee. Debbie, the murdered woman, is the head of admissions at a prestigious elementary school. It's Chloe who discovers that a pair of scissors is missing and suggests that this might be the murder weapon. With little to go on, Lucifer and Chloe decide to speak to Debbie's boss Murray, who calls Debbie the heart and soul of the academy. The interview really doesn't give them much to go on but Murray's admission that the school focuses on emotional self-control peaks Lucifer's interest. Lucifer stops asking questions about Debbie, and starts to grill Murray on emotional control. Murray explains that parents often notice a difference after the first class. That's enough to get Lucifer looking through brochures while Chloe takes over the questioning. No one is as perfect, as or enemy free as Murray suggests Debbie is and so Chloe questions if Debbie had ever been stalked by parents who were desperate to get their kids into the school. This is when Murray remembers that Debbie did indeed have an incident with a set of parents. 

Chloe decides to investigate the angry parents and calls them into the police station. Apparently, the parents were told that if they gave the school a large donation that their son would be admitted.  The school cashed the check and their son was not admitted. Debbie claimed that the school never got the donation. Both parents are suitably in a rage which turns to confusion when Dan enters the room with a photograph of the murder weapon that the police retrieved from their home. 

That evening, Lucifer is at Lux, and the bar is in full swing. Rather than presiding over the action, Lucifer is actually at the bar reading a children's book on emotions that he clearly picked up at the academy.  Lucifer is then approached by three women who have similar features to Chloe looking to have sex.  Lucifer quickly figures out that this was set up by Charlotte and so he calls out for his mother. Charlotte appears and explains that she set this up to see if it would give him the ability to wield the sword. Lucifer sends the women on their way and admonishes Charlotte saying that "a foursome is not an emotion." 

Lucifer returns to reading his book, certain that he will get a handle on things soon. Charlotte however suggests that Lucifer would understand her urgency if he had a child.  Rather than understanding that Charlotte is missing her other children, Charlotte's comment inspires Lucifer to believe that the answer to his problem is a child.

The next morning, Lucifer simply shows up at Chloe's home startling her. Given the surprise of the parents she interviewed yesterday, Chloe now believes that the knife was planted and that someone might be embezzling money from the school. Chloe and Lucifer walk into Trixie's room to find that she isn't ready yet, which is a problem because Chloe doesn't have time to drive Trixe today. Lucifer volunteers to drive Trixie to school much to the surprise of Chloe. 

Rather than taking Trixie to her normal school, Lucifer takes Trixie to the academy and tells her that if she plays along, he'll get her whatever she wants. As Lucifer and Trixie are given a tour of the school, Trixie grabs Lucifer's hand. Lucifer of course wants to know if Trixie has a leash or something because he doesn't like the skin contact. The P.E. teacher is the one giving the tour because of course, Debbie is dead.  Lucifer isn't pleased with the pace of the tour because he's only really interested in learning how to control emotions. 

Once Upon A Time, Season Six, Episode Twenty: The Song in Your Heart

Not being a fan of musicals generally speaking, I certainly wasn't looking forward to this episode.  Why oh why do networks insist on doing a musical episode when they run out of ideas? It's usually a sign of desperation on the part of the writers. Also, let's be honest, just because someone can act doesn't mean that they can sing, resulting in torture for the viewer, who feels that they have to watch in order not to miss any kind of advancement in the meta.  More often than not, I find myself feeling sorry for actors forced into this position because they have to know the minute the inevitable musical episode is proposed that A) their show is on its last legs and B) they are going to embarrass themselves with off key singing while trying to sell their characters to the audience. With that being said, let's look at the bad and the very very bad of the musical episode of Once Upon A Time. 

It begins with a flashback to little orphan Emma trying to record a hit song for a musical competition at the school.  This is ruined when a fellow orphan enters the room and berates Emma for her effort, saying that people will just realise that Emma's a nobody if she makes this attempt.  Why is there always a mean girl? Also, in the nineties, weren't we all just a bit over trying to be Madonna?  Why the hell wasn't Emma channeling her internal Alanis Morrisette?  The 90's were all about girl power in pop. Also, am I the only one wondering why only the mean girl got to wear flannel?  Okay, so I digress but can you blame me for not wanting to get to the point in this recap when poor Lana Parrilla was forced to sing?

In the present, it's officially Emma's wedding day and though she has two dresses, neither of them feel quite right.  An anxious Snow arrives and offers to let Emma wear her wedding dress.  Has anyone looked at the differences between these two women?  Snow is quite a deal shorter than Emma so I don't think that her wedding dress would look right on her anyway.  You cannot just lengthen a dress easily unless it has a massive hem to begin with.  At any right, we're just going to pretend that they are so similar in size that Emma will look smashing in her mother's dress.

Flash again but this time it's to Snow and Charmings wedding day. A heavily pregnant Snow is extremely frustrated and freaking out that they won't be able to do right by their baby thanks to the Evil Queen. Charming encourages Snow to calm down because their baby doesn't need her mama in a tizzy.  Snow steps out on to the balcony and makes a wish that her daughter will find happiness.  The next morning, Snow wakes up and finds that everything she tries to say comes out in song.  Does she immediately call for a Doctor for fear that she's taken leave of her senses? Why of course not just continues to sing with the blue bird which just happened to fly into her window.  It seems that this singing thing is contagious because David waltzes in the room and is singing as well.  Together they decide that their singing is the perfect weapon to defeat the Evil Queen. 

Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas are actually pretty good in fact, I would go as far as to say that I even enjoyed Dallas's singing.  Unfortunately because everything that sang had to end in a rhyme and Emma and Charming are generally as exciting as wet lettuce, Goodwin and Dallas couldn't save this scene. There are somethings that talent alone cannot hide.  It also didn't help that it set a standard for the rest of the episode which was not met by the other actors. 

Snow returns with the wedding dress but as soon as Emma touches the dress, the Black Fairy turns up and turns the dress black. Personally I cannot help but think that the Black Fairy did Emma a solid here.  How the hell was she going to wear a gown that Snow who has a completely different build than her daughter and was pregnant at the time and not look like a hot mess? Emma needs to say thank you to the Black Fairy for saving her from having to spill something on the dress when she realised how awful she looked in it. So, everyone is in shock that Rumple didn't follow through and take out his mother. Umm excuse me, did they just meet Rumple? Haven't they spent six years learning that he's not to be trusted? The Black Fairy makes it clear that she and Emma are going to fight and that Emma has changed a bit since being a lonely angsty wannabe 90's orphan pop star. To add a little salt to the wounds, The Black Fairy sends the merry band of heroes to the clock tower where she's arranged to curse the town at 6pm - the same time as Emma's wedding. You gotta hand it to the Black Fairy for style and epic party crashing. 

Emerald City and Gender the Good the Bad and the Mediocre

One of the ways in which we examine gender, is by employing various tests that have become popular on the internet. We’ve all heard of the Bechdel test and more recently the Mako Mori Test. We consider whether there is more than one female character, and if said characters have a conversation with each other, about something other than a man.  Though the Bechdel Test has become the standard, Emerald City reveals that media can easily pass this test while still portraying problematic elements when it comes to gender.

I must admit to being absolutely smitten with Emerald City since the very first episode. I knew right away that we weren’t in 1939 anymore and that there wouldn’t be an endearing scene of a young girl singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow in a barn.  What I didn’t know is exactly how far Emerald City would stray from Warner Brothers version of this classic tale. This Dorothy comes with a gun and she’s not afraid to use it.

Dorothy with a gun gives you the shivers a little doesn’t it? Just admit it you’ll feel better.  Well, the first time Dorothy pulled out that gun, I got excited but as the season passed I’ve come to discover that Dorothy’s reliance on her gun evidences her absolute stupidity as a character. In Emerald City the Wizard has outlawed magic and each time Dorothy pulls out her gun, she gives people evidence that she’s a witch.  Lucas warns her about this but Dorothy refuses to see simple common sense.  The only time that the gun has come in handy, is when Dorothy manages to trick the witch of the East into killing herself and incidentally, this moment marks the last time that Dorothy actively saves herself.

I know that some will argue that since Dorothy originally freed Lucas, and Tip that she’s proactive but these are but two incidents among the many times that Dorothy has needed to be saved.  One would think that upon suddenly finding yourself in an unfamiliar world that a moments caution just might be a good idea but not Dorothy, who just happens to be the avatar of the spunky agent, running towards trouble without pausing long enough to even make a half assed plan.  If it were not for plot amour, Dorothy, gun or not would already be dead. Who decides that it’s a good idea to enter a castle masquerading as an acolyte of the witch that you killed and then step inside a fricking tornado? Dorothy that’s who. Who decides to run into a town filled with soldiers, who are actively looking for you, without wearing so much as a disguise or creating a backup plan? Dorothy that’s who. Heaven’s save us all from such stupidity.

A point can be made that since Dorothy is a woman out of place that maybe she would need more support, more help, more time to adapt and, yes, some rescuing. But with the large number of female characters here it would be nice to counter this example elsewhere and have more women not under the thumb of a man, dependent on a man or being saved by man. Even Lady Ev, who is politically powerful, and not under the Wizard’s sway or in his shadow (perhaps the only women who, due to not being of Oz, could actually be totally free from his influence) had to have a scene where she was saved by Jack. If anything, it was a scene that robbed from her storyline. Lady Ev building a relationship with Jack, by learning to see him as a person, didn’t have to be forged by her being saved by him. That Jack's rescue occurred directly after Lady Ev told the Wizard off, served to undermine the strength of her character.

Fortunately, Dorothy isn’t the only female character in Emerald City, there’s also West and Glinda, who are both powerful witches.  These women are capable of picking someone up and slamming them against a wall, using nothing more than magic and yet, they are subservient to the Wizard. Look, Vincent D'Onofrio is amazing to watch as The Wizard but there’s no way he should be policing either of these women. Sure, Glinda does give him some virgins ostensibly to act advisers; however, in reality to act as spies but Glinda shouldn’t have to be calculating given her power. Naturally, the Wizard is more than happy to take these so-called advisors to bed, thus expressly breaking Glinda’s rule about their chastity.  Whether these women have sex or remain virgins is not up to them because they don’t have the power to oppose Glinda or The Wizard.

West, runs a bawdy house and really isn’t much better off than Glinda. Yes, West takes a special joy in trolling The Wizard whenever she can, but it’s clear that she feels impotent in the face of his false power.  West has survivors guilt from the last confrontation with the Beast Forever and wrongly believes that the Wizard is the one who managed to save Emerald City. West doesn’t see her own value anymore and so it’s easy for her to allow the Wizard to run roughshod over her.  That this low self esteem is based in PTSD does not suddenly justify having an extremely powerful witch in a position to continually have to answer to a man who is inferior - at least in terms of power.

Finally, we come to Anna, who is an adviser to the Wizard.  Anna is clearly very smart and has an intuitive understanding of the politics at play around her. Unfortunately, Anna is so eager to show her loyalty the Wizard, that she has no problem letting slip that she is well aware that he doesn’t control the stone giants. This lands Anna in a prison cell until the Wizard decides that she can be useful again.  For all of the things that Anna is able to see and understand, she has no real power. At anytime, the Wizard can choose to imprison her once again. Anna seems to exist simply to serve the Wizard. We don’t even know why exactly Anna decided to throw her lot in with the Wizard rather than Glinda.  At this point she’s a bit of an enigma. At the end of the day, Anna is yet another powerful woman working for the Wizard, with very little to show for it. I suppose we should be thankful that she spurned his romantic advances but as displays of power goes, having the ability to control who one will be romantic with is a basic right and not a display of power.

Emerald City, Season One, Episode Five: Everybody Lies

We are now at the halfway point of this season.  Everybody Lies had to end on a cliffhanger because it is the most boring senseless episode to date.  For the first time while watching Emerald City, I found myself looking at the time, waiting for it to come to an end.  

In this episode we see a convergence on Emerald City. Dorothy is handed over to West by Ojo in exchange for the release of his wife from the Prison of the Abject.  Tip is now working as a servant for West in the hopes of learning magic. Jack travels to Emerald City in the company of King Ev and Lady Ev to see the Wizard about making an alliance. When the King asks why Jack is along for the ride,  Lady Ev refers to Jack as her slave because she believes that Jack owes her debt for his metal. Lucas and Sylvie are brought to Emerald City by Eammon, for the express purpose of clearing Lucas's name.  All of the pieces are lining up in Emerald City, and as we have repeatedly been told, the Beast Forever is also on the way. It's amazing that for all of the moving parts in this episode that it still managed to be boring.

West begins by trying to find out how Dorothy managed to kill her sister.  When West discovers the gun in Dorothy's bag she attempts to shoot Dorothy in the head, unaware that she dropped the clip because of  her unfamiliarity with guns. Dorothy escapes being shot to death only to be pistol whipped for her trouble.  Tip, whose sole job it seems is to bring West Tea which is probably some kind of drug, recognises Dorothy right away but remains silent.  A frustrated West reaches out to Glinda to inform her that she's found their sister's killer. Glinda advises West to wait for her but it's clear that West is determined to do her own thing.

The Wizard presides over a lavish welcoming ceremony for King Ev and Lady Ev.  The Wizard suggests that together they can defeat the Beast Forever.  Lady Ev is quick to note that not only does the Wizard have a lot of advisers, his advisers don't seem to be able to agree. When the Wizard finally gets a moment alone with King, the Wizard offers him anything he wants for his cooperation to fight the Beast Forever.  The King brings up his dog who died a few years ago and asks the Wizard to return the dog to him. It becomes clear to the Wizard that the King is not firing on all cylinders. The Wizard then turns his attention to Lady Ev, offering anything she wants for her cooperation.  This is when Lady Ev drops the bomb. It seems that when the Beast Forever came, the Wizard only managed to save Emerald City, leaving Lady Ev's kingdom to fend for themselves. Lady Ev's kingdom is more technologically advanced than Emerald City because they were forced to rebuild after the attack. Lady Ev doesn't want an alliance because she will only be happy when Emerald City is burned to the ground. 

As aforementioned, Eammon brought Lucas and Sylvie to Emerald City to clear Lucas's name. Before Eammon can really get into with Lucas, he passes out from the bullet.  Lucas calls for help as Eammon gets treatment. 

West is back to questioning Dorothy and this time she uses magic to do so. It's all rather dramatic but all West actually learns from the exchange is that Dorothy wasn't close to her mother growing up. For West, this is proof that there's something broken about Dorothy.

Having dropped the hammer on the Wizard, Lady Ev turns her attention to Jack.  After being ridiculed and treated like property Jack is not particularly in the mood to have anything to do with Lady Ev. Jack is particularly perplexed when Lady Ev explains that she sees Jack as a friend and has always wanted a friend. A frustrated Jack has to explain to Lady Ev how friends are made and how friends treat each other.  This scene really does speak to the relative social isolation of Lady Ev because she doesn't seem to understand basic social skills. In order to rectify her appalling treatment of Jack, Lady Ev suggests that they go to the festival together. 

Lucas is taking a nap when Sylvie wakes him by kicking him. It seems that Sylvie has figured out that Dorothy is in the city.  Jack and Sylvie grab their shit and the two of them take off to find Dorothy. When Jack is almost recognised by a soldier, Jack grabs a mask to hide his face.

Tip is sent to check on Dorothy who immediately pleads for help.  It becomes clear to Tip that Dorothy does not recognise hir.  When Tip explains who ze is, Dorothy suggests that since she helped Tip, it's Tip's turn to help her. Tip however is still reeling from having her gender changed and angrily yells that Dorothy helping her escape was one of the worst things that ever happened to her. It's clear that Tip blames Dorothy for hir present predicament. Dorothy continues to beg but Tip is having none of it and slams the door and walks away.  

Jack and Lady Ev make their way through the festival until they are accosted by a group of men. When one of the men reaches for Lady Ev's mask, Jack pushes his hand away.  Jack at first is pretty ineffectual in defending Lady Ev, prompting her to attempt to order the ruffians away.  Jack's new metal body however comes in handy and after gathering his stride, Jack is able to defeat the group. Lady Ev rewards Jack with a kiss, prompting him to point out that friends don't do that.  Lady Ev responds that perhaps they shouldn't be just friends. 

West has decided on a new approach for Dorothy. West pretends to have Tip throw her in the same cell as Dorothy and this time she's disguised as Dorothy's mother.  West pretends to be desperate and begs Dorothy to remember what East wanted West to know so that West will send them home. Dorothy starts to think and West sees in Dorothy's memories that East brought up Glinda.  West assumes her own form and slaps Dorothy.  Having witnessed this is enough for Tip to decide that it's time to help Dorothy escape because she doesn't want anymore blood on her hands. Tip returns later alone but before Dorothy can escape, West's loyal servant whom Tip had replaced shows up and decides that if she kills Dorothy, West will reward her.

Lucas and Sylvie make their way through the city and find themselves surrounded by soldiers.  Lucas pushes Sylvie away and tells her to run while he fights off the soldiers. Lucas holds his own really well and when he is down to one soldier, Lucas finally asks why they are all looking for him.  The soldier explains that Lucas was driving a wagon and when they tried to look inside it, he killed ten of them.  That's enough for Lucas to decide that he needs to deal with the consequences of his actions. Lucas makes Sylvie promise that she won't use any magic and then he puts down his sword and surrenders.

Eammon is getting treatment for his injuries and the Wizard asks how one girl could have taken out his best warrior. The healer hands the Wizard the bullet he pulled out of Eammon.  The Wizard then takes the bullet to Anna and explains that he has found a weapon which will kill the Beast Forever. 

West heads back to confront Dorothy one more time only to discover that Dorothy is gone. Her loyal servant is trapped in the sewer gate and accuses Tip of collusion. Tip of course claims innocence and surprisingly, West believes hor and uses magic to shove her servant into the sewer. With Dorothy gone, West access more memories and learns that East had a meeting with Glinda. When Glinda arrives, she claims that she hadn't seen East in years.  It looks like it's about to go down between the sisters. 

Dorothy has made her escape through the sewer system and moments later the servant who tried to stop her is flushed out after rightfully accusing Tip of collusion and being ignored by West. Dorothy makes her way through the streets as lamps float in the air and in the background Pink Floyd plays.  

Lucas finds himself right back where he started off in the company of Eammon. Luckily for Sylvie she's no longer alone when she manages to find Toto.

With her gun drawn, Dorothy enters the Wizard's private area.  She pauses long enough to turn off the walkman (yeah the Wizard is into old technology) and walk forward slowly. When Dorothy finally meets the Wizard and asks about her mother, the Wizard calls her by name and welcomes her home. How the hell does the Wizard know Dorothy and is he her father? 

Okay, let's break down this boring episode.  Let's start with Jack because he's the one who pissed me off the most. He sat there in the carriage and listened as Lady Ev described him as a slave to her father. She claimed that he owed her a debt for his metal body and what did he do, happily go for a walk with her, defend her and then kiss her.  I know that Jack hasn't been a slave for long but come the hell on. This isn't an endearing relationship and yet the kiss was framed as something sweet and innocent. Jack has Stockholm Syndrom and there's nothing cute about it.

Let's talk Lady Ev for a moment. She's powerful enough to tell the Wizard where to go in short order and effectively rules her land but couldn't find a set of guards to escort her down the street?  All the power she displayed telling off the Wizard was completely undermined so that Jack could have his White knight moment defending her. 

Alright, so Lucas decides to take to the streets to find Dorothy. I'm with him up to the point where he decides to abandon Sylvie in Emerald City and admonish her not to use magic. He abandoned a child in the middle of the street, in a city that is hostile to magic users, where she knows NO ONE. NO ONE. 

Dorothy was saved once again; this time by Tip and what does she do? She pulls out the gun that got her into trouble in the first damn place.  At this point I believe that Dorothy has the sense of a concussed penguin. Are we ever going to have an episode where someone isn't actively saving her?

Finally, Tip, West and of course Glinda.  You know damn well that Tip is going to play these two off against each other again.  I was pissed at West basically telling Tip to get over hir gender issues like it's no big deal.  I do however like that Emerald City has not stopped talking about Tip's discomfort with hir body and hope that this continues.  As for Glinda, there's more going than meets the eye. I hope that West and Glinda get their shit together soon though and steal power from the Wizard. Two powerful women being ruled by a man doesn't sit well with me even if the character is being played by the always awesome Vincent D'Onofrio.