The Librarian Quest for the Spear

 

Flynn is a geeks geek.  Still in his 30's and in college, as well as living with his mother, it would be fair to say that Flynn is a classic case of failure to launch.  It is only when Flynn's professor looks up his records and discovers he has 22 degrees and decides to boot him from the class, that Flynn is faced to acknowledge that there is a life outside of academia.  Flynn finds an invitation to apply for the role of a librarian and after proving that he can read people as well as Sherlock Holmes, Flynn is given the job. Flynn quickly realises that at this library, he will be forced to do more than catalog books because within its archives, the library contains singular wonders like Pandora's Box, Excalibur and the Arc of the Covenant.  

Flynn doesn't get to settle into his new role, as on his first day, the library is robbed of part of the Speak of Destiny.  Flynn is tasked to retrieve the last two pieces to ensure that spear is not made whole again, to avoid a disaster.  Having never done anything beyond study, Flynn knows that he's over his head but since the world is at stake and he is now the librarian, he has no choice but to attempt, even if trying may well mean his death.

The Librarian Quest for the Spear is a typical White man saves the world, semi action flick.  The small shift in this movie is the character of Nicole Noone, who partners with Flynn on this journey.  Flynn is without doubt the brains of the operation, being able to quickly decipher cryptic clues; however, Nicole is without doubt the brawn.  Nicole saves Flynn's life on several occasions.  She is a woman of action and though extremely guarded, is unafraid to face danger.  This was quite subversive, given that movies in this genre, like The Indiana Jones series, not only casts Jones as the expert, there is always a damsel in distress that needs saving.  We learn very little about Nicole, beyond what Flynn is able to surmise, making her in many ways little more than a female weapon.  

Other female characters include Margie Carsen, Flynn's mother, Charlene, the caretaker of the library, and finally,  Lana.  Margie spends much of her on screen time obsessing about the fact that Flynn does not have a girlfriend.  Margie invites a young woman to the house to meet Flynn and even resorts to imploring strange women at a café to give her nerdy son a second look.  Margie is the concerned mother to the T and beyond that, we learn nothing else about her.  Charlene is the stern caretaker of the library and she is not in the least bit impressed by Flynn. We learn nothing about Charlene as a person, beyond the fact that she does not like to be touched, though there is a hint of sarcasm blending with her salty demeanor. Finally, we come to Lana, one of only two women of colour in the movie.  Lana is an ass kicking woman, who essentially is the sidekick to the evil librarian Edward Wilde.  We don't learn anything about Lana's motivations and just as Nicole is the heavy for team good guy, Lana is the heavy for team bad guy. Quite preposterously, Lana ends up with a crush on Flynn, so of course the two women have to fight it out.  Heaven forbid each of them remember that the fate of the world is at stake. 

Da Vinci's Demons, Season 1, Episode 7: The Hierophant

Time for another episode of his Hetness, Leonardo Da Vinci and his love of beautiful women and now, apparently, vampire slaying.

Which now brings us, presumably, to Rome. From Wallachia, using Leo’s patented teleporter device (it’s a special design, powered by waves of heterosexuality), so Leo can spy on Riario putting flowers on a woman’s grave – Celia Lysimachus. Zoroaster comments that’s a Jewish name which explains why, in anti-Semitic Renaissance Italy, she’s buried in a pauper’s grave. Of course they’re looking for a key and have the problem of “Rome” being a really imprecise location for said key, but Leo can think of one place where it Riario would hide it – the Vatican secret archives.

Leo & co hide among the Jewish ghetto in disguise on the assumption that the guards will just ignore them. Which, I suppose there is truth that invisible minorities are often ignored – but equally persecuted minorities usually face heightened scrutiny from the guards and similar authority figures. Anyway the Jewish community is helping them because friends of Zoroaster are always welcome (he says with a bit of poking at Zoroaster anyway). Zoroaster really wonders if Leo is that determined to break into a prison but there’s never any point arguing with Leo.

Leo has an opium dream about his special straight love, Lucrezia about how much she loves him and why can’t he say he loves her back – ending with her stabbing him and him waking up. And having a genius moment in the wash basin. Scuba diving their way into the Vatican!

In his steampunk scuba gear, Leo works his way through the river and sewers under the Vatican while Zoroaster and Nico work the bellows (hey, maybe he’ll come up in the Pope’s murder pond).  There is a brief moment of panic when Zoroaster and Nico stop pumping air to pose as totally not-suspicious midnight fishermen, but all goes well.

And in Rome the pope and Riario meet… the Duke of Umberto. Who is happy to play “I don’t know what you’re talking about” when they confront him about his alliance with Lorenzo. Until Riario offers him money to fight against Florence – which offends the Duke.

Leo finishes his drilling in the sewers under the Vatican – and cuts a hole into the Pope’s murder pond, I knew it! Quite displeasing the pope who was denied his obligatory nude scene and now has a Leonardo Da Vinci coming out of his bath.

Leo advances, the Pope backs up while praising his entrance. He threatens the Pope with his collapsible machine crossbow (just run with it) but far be it from the Pope to be intimidated. Still Leo’s a genius so spots the hidden passage. The pope shows Leo the archive and Leo is both awed and outraged over how much has been gathered through bloodthirsty tyranny. When the pope tries to point out the anti-violence man is pointing a crossbow at him, Leo counters with the truth that the man who tried to have him burned alive doesn’t get to play word games – though the Pope denies that he could have employed the denouncer since it’s in a woman’s handwriting and he’d never ever employ a woman! The pope pulls out his ace – join the dark side and you can be a sith lord too! Or maybe the guy who gets to play in the secret archive anyway. And they have nifty steampunk lifts.

Down to the special section with super shinies including a dinosaur skull and Excalibur embedded in stone. And the pope pulls out the Spear of Destiny, the Spear of Loginus. Leo focuses on the key though and the pope says the Sons of Mithras are just a society that works to advance the Ottoman Sultan. Oh and he knows about Leo’s mother as well, just throwing that out there. More grand promises of all Rome’s resources. And he even adds a page related to the Book of Leaves – a page in a writing no-one has seen before, and the content of the page changes every time you look. He says that the Book of Leaves was written by Nephilim, the offspring of angels and mortals and contains the secrets of the divine. The church needs it

Unfortunately, Riario has noticed the Pope’s absence and leads the guards to find him, including the Duke of Umberto. Time running out, Leo asks if the church needs the Book of Leaves to protect it – or bury it. And the pope speaks for secrecy. He gives Leo one more chance to swear allegiance as the Duke and the guards arrive but Leo says the Pope just wants to bury him as he has all the other relics, and snatches up the Speak of Destiny – he uses it to fight the expert fighter, the Duke back long enough for him to run and lock a door behind him.

Outside at the river, Riario uses Leo’s scuba gear to retrace Leo’s steps and comes out next to Zoroaster. They fight and Riario holds Zoroaster at knife point, threatening to cut bits off and Nico clobbers him around the head. Now would be a good time to kill Riario.

Leo runs into a prison where he meets a very heavily armoured and strong guard who smacks him around like a doll – until Leo uses the spear to cut the BLADE of the man’s giant axe in half. Nifty holy weapon then stabs him with it – the spear going through his armour, his chest, his backplate and the stone wall behind him. Leo takes his keys and limps away, leaving the spear behind.

What?! Even if it weren’t a nifty weapon, Leo, with all his curiosity, is going to just leave the magical blade of super slicing behind?!

Outside, Nico threatens Riario, since Riario tortured him. Riario doesn’t think he’s up to it and Nico cuts his face. Zoroaster doesn’t think Riario will tell them anything and Riario is happy to threaten Nico – who responds by carving up Riario’s hand. Zoroaster tries to stop him but Nico insists – and Riario says they could use someone like him. When Nico tries to stab Riario, his knife hits metal, pulling aside his shirt, Nico sees Riario’s cross – and the second key.