Magical Plot Glue - a Lazy Author's Best Friend

This week we have to look at a collection of some of the laziest story tropes we’ve come across in this genre of magic and mystery

Magic appears a lot in out books - it’s Urban Fantasy, magic is almost required. Some of those systems are intricate and detailed and fascinating. Some are powerful and dramatic. Some have deep backstories, some draw upon real world traditions.

And some involve an author chanting the powerful worlds’ “Fuck it, Magic did it” and lo, the knotty problems of the plot are solved…. By magic! Alas, despite it’s vast power, magical plot hole sealant does not have the ability to make a book or show be coherent or enjoyable. It may be convenient to use magic to hastily glue together the shattered remnants of the plot, but like your grandma’s ugly vase you’ve dragged to the Antique Road Show, we can see the cracks

One form of this Magical Plot Glue is Swiss Army Magic. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of magic is specifically designed to be flexible and I’m certainly not going to say that a wizard or witch can’t do something - but if you’ve established your character is an Earth Elemental with the vast powers of big heavy rocks, I’m going to call shenanigans if they start swooping through the air in the name of Granite.

Or if your character starts tying people up, moving them around and bobbing them on the head with fire - somehow without burning them - I’m going to be less intrigued by the plot and more confused by the author who doesn’t know what fire does. Or your have several gods running around but with infinite unrelated skill sets - your god of war and god of love are pretty much indistinguishable. Though, having read a lot of Paranormal Romance, this doesn’t surprise me.

Of course, while Swiss Army Magic is useful, it lacks the power of the greatest Magical Plot Glue:

Legends speak of many artefacts of incredible power. Of tomes that contain the secrets of the ancients. Of swords that radiate power. Of staves that can move mountains and rings that require epic treks across the wilderness to remove (despite those damn birds who would have been really helpful). But truly, there is one source of power that outshines them all:

The Arse of an Urban Fantasy Protagonist with a Lazy Author

Undead and Unappreciated (Undead #3) by MaryJanice Davidson

Betsy has not taken well to learning that not only is she a vampire but the queen of the vampires. Sure, her mother and her best friend adjusted to the change amazingly but even with that support, Betsy cannot seem to stay out of trouble.  When Betsy learns that she has a half sister, she is drawn to investigate. Just like everything else in Betsy's life, nothing runs smoothly.  In between dealing with a strike at her vampire club Scratch, and dealing with a hurt Eric, Betsy now has to keep a close eye on her sister because she is the child of the devil and destined to the rule the world.

I know from the introduction, it seemed that a lot happened in this book but that is certainly not the case.  Only in the most generous description can Undead and Unappreciated be called a filler and I say that because the entire series is absolute mindless fluff.  It begins with Betsy going to AA and pretending to be an alcoholic in order to deal with her need to drink blood. Look, I know that for a lot of people vampirism is a metaphor for addiction but to be clear, it's a horrible analogy. So, Davidson has Betsy do this horrible thing and it goes absolutely nowhere.  It's nothing but a launching pad for Mark to tell Betsy that he is a recovering addict and for her to temporarily beat herself up for not knowing such an essential detail about a man she calls a friend before going back to obsessing about shoes and Eric's control issues.

Betsy goes all evil vampire Queen when she finally gets around to reading the Vampire bible.  It only took her two books to get around it and naturally she decides to barricade herself in a room with it, ignoring the advice to read it sparingly because it causes mental illness. Also, can I get a side eye on the whole woo woo causing mental illness? In Betsy's supposedly mentally ill state, she attacks Jessica, calls Marc a leech, has sex with Eric and tries to kill Tina. When Betsy gets back to herself she has a mess to clean up.  Though Jessica isolates herself for a few days, she is quick to forgive Betsy and Tina and Marc follow suit.  Betsy is briefly able to go outside during the day but beyond that, nothing much happens.

Then there's Betsy's kid sister Laura.  Betsy's father lets slip that Ant has been pregnant before and gave the child up for adoption.  When Besty learns that Laura's mother is actually the devil and that Laura is destined to rule the world, Betsy is in with both feet temporarily and I say temporarily because Betsy gets over the whole hell spawn thing pretty quickly and starts to angst over her fear that Eric is into her kid sister.  Betsy has amazing priorities doesn't she?  Even when she meets the devil, she considers selling her soul for a pair of shoes.  The Devil/Laura storyline goes absolutely nowhere.  When I said that nothing happens in this book, I absolutely mean it.