Beowulf: Return to the Shieldlands, Season One, Episode Six

It's episode six and there's still no sign of Grendel. At this point, I think ITV needs to hire a private detective to find him.  To some degree, it's to be expected that Beowulf: Return to the Shieldlands should deviate somewhat from its source material but this has become ridiculous.  The story continues to simply plod along without much excitement and I cannot shake the disappointment I feel with this series.  This should have been epic but it's about as exciting as watching paint dry at this point.  It doesn't matter that they are giving us a better look at the trolls, it's simply not enough.

It looks like things are coming to a head for Herot (it took long enough)  Slean has finally come to terms with his divided loyalties and decided to support his Uncle Abrecan's bid to overthrow his mother.  I don't see the sense that this makes given that should Abrecan have a son by his young wife, who is quite handy with a sword, this would leave Slean out in the cold.  If that were not enough, when Bregan was attacked by raiders, Slean was quick to help out Abrecan but balked at the idea of lighting a warning fire.  In Slean's mind, a successful attack would weaken his mother. He's a real winner isn't he?  Slean wants to rule the Thane of Herot but doesn't care that Herot's people are going to be attacked and potentially die.

What pushes Slean over the edge is catching Beowulf kissing Elvina.  Though Slean promised Elvina that nothing would change who he loved and who he took to his bed, Elvina was certainly not of a like mind.  This didn't mean that she chose Beowulf but Slean didn't give her a chance to explain before throwing a punch over Beowulf supposedly stealing his woman.  Well, that confirms it, no matter how independent the women of Beowulf: Return to the Shieldlands are, they are an aberration because when it comes right down to it, women are still viewed as property.  Given the time period that this is set in however, I understand this position even if I don't like it.

Elvina has once again raised my suspicions.  It's clear that she doesn't want to be with Slean now that he is going to be married to Kela but despite her attraction to Beowulf, she is resistant to him.  I think that there might be more going on here than the love triangle that the show seems to be painting for us. To be clear, Slean is not the brightest man and he seems to be ruled by his emotions and easily influenced whereas, the same cannot be said for Beowulf.  Could it be that Elvina doesn't think that she can achieve whatever plan she is hatching with the mudborn by bedding Beowulf instead of Slean?  Yes, Elvina is doing something with the mudborn and this was made plain by the fact that she left food for the mudborn who kidnapped her earlier.  It makes me wonder once again if Elvina herself is mudborn and living in hiding?

Beowulf has been dropped back into his role of investigator and unless he took some classes, he will simply meander around the way he did last time.  A man comes rushing into Herot to report that he has been attacked by a troll. This never should have happened because miners leave salt out for the trolls to feast upon.  When denied salt, the trolls turn to human blood to get the salt they need. Hmmm, who would have thought of humans as salty? Do we taste like bacon? Okay, back to some serious talk now.  Given that the salt comes from Bregan, clearly there is some kind of treachery going on.  Unfortunately, not for one moment does Rheda consider that Abrecan is behind it because she assumes the loyalty of her brother and Slean never bothered to tell her about the plots against her.

Magic Stars (Kate Daniels #8.5 Grey Wolf #1) by Ilona Andrews

Derek has separated from the pack, the werewolf is one of those who have now joined with Kate and Curran and their independent organisation. An organisation – and business – that doesn’t tolerate the slaughter of families

Julie, Kate’s ward, is certainly not going to stay out of the action either – even as their investigation reveals horrors they never expected, backing down is never an option.

A spin off series in the Kate Daniels universe? Give give give give! *grabby hands*

It can be said I did not react to this news with particular grace and maturity.

In the past I’ve been wary of spin off series because they don’t always work – the main characters are such a major part of the world that without them it falls flat. This world has carried the different spin off stories so well because, even while Kate and Curran are the most amazing, epic characters imaginable, the other characters in the series are fleshed out enough, developed enough and interesting enough to easily carry their own stories

Still, I was surprised that this series follows Julie – Kate’s magic-sensitive ward/sort-of-foster-daughter – and Derrick, the werewolf who has entered Kate’s shadow for a long time now

Like most of the characters in the main series, they have been developed, they have had their own storylines, they have their own histories which are quite involved. But for so much of the books these two have been very much extensions of Kate and Curran. Which makes it interesting that these were the ones chosen to expansion – I feel almost like the author has decided that they need more attention to show that these characters are just as awesome as everyone else.

And this book does an excellent job of taking both characters and establishing them as individuals. We have Derek’s history, how his path has changed so much with him being involved with Kate (but also, just as important, with his life before Kate) and how his face being scarred changed his life again (we also have an excellent look at the ableism Derek faces – with a woman assuming he will be grateful and servile towards her because his scars mean he should consider himself “lucky” that she’s paying attention to him at all). Woven into the story is Derek’s history, nicely setting him up as his own character and co-protagonist in this series as well as being a lethal fighter who has been forged through terrible experience

Hemlock Grove, Season 3, Episode 6: Pendant

Killing Andreas continues to have ramifications – especially since they’re trying to keep it all a secret from Destiny who is psychic. Keeping secrets from a psychic just isn’t fun. Keeping secrets from a determined, intelligent woman who isn’t just going to drop the fact her fiancé has just been murdered isn’t easy. Especially since a lot of Andreas’s old friends want nothing to do with his funeral since they know he very nearly got them all killed.

A suspicious Destiny quickly realises the Croatian mob is behind Andreas’s death – and that Peter is involved in the cover up. I’m actually interested in this storyline, I want to see Destiny both as competent and capable – and following up her own story rather than her being a resource that everyone else calls upon. Let her be a person, not a tool, even if she does end up burning it all down.

Roman and Johann return to investigating Spivak, acknowledging that both of them have been keeping secrets while Johann has a little break to Nazi hunt. While this does mean drawing on the Holocaust which is never something fiction should take on casually, it also reveals a new facet of Johann’s personality. While he’s generally ok with shredding every ethical rule in the book a hundreds time over in the name of science, he apparently draws the line at harming children, probably linked to his own abusive childhood

Shelly continues to be awesome, last episode she rejected her mother’s control. And this episode she rejected Roman’s control. He’s apparently much more caring than Olivia, but ultimately it comes down to the same thing – the assumption that Shelly is far too weak and fragile and incapable to look after herself is made by both Olivia and Roman. It’s a kind of patronising ableism that we see a lot – the idea that disabled people need to be looked after and controlled for their own good, that they can’t make their own choices or be trusted. Seeing Shelly challenging this as she becomes more and more confidence and more and more resistant to the people who have always controlled her (in the name of love) is glorious to see. I also really like her rejecting Roman’s constant vicious misogyny when referring to his mother

Less glorious is Aitor trying to express his love by appropriating Loving v Virginia (there’s no reason for this at all) – and while I love another POC on the show, I don’t even know this Black woman’s name except for her habit of helping and serving Shelly.

The Returned, Season 2, Episode 6: Esther

The Esther this episode is named after is one of Serge’s victims (who have all converged on Serge’s house to be creepy and manikin like) – we get a flashback of Serge murdering her after she ignored creepy Victor’s warning. Yes that kid gets everywhere. Toni, still torn between love for his brother and horror for what his brother has done has grabbed onto this as a sign that Serge is being given a second chance (whether he wants it or not – and maybe Serge doesn’t want it, but Toni certainly does).

All of them are pretty much catatonic so Toni decides to take Esther to where she lived, since he recognises her. That doesn’t do a lot – she’s still unresponsive until she decides to set off walking until she arrives at the tunnel where she died. Here Toni screams at his brother to apologise (this whole scene is far more about Toni’s guilt than Serge’s) and, when Serge does, Esther is suddenly conscious – and asks about Victor.

Victor himself is still lurking with Madame Costa when Frédéric and Luccio (followers of Pierre) find them. Madame Costa argues with them, not impressed by the brandishing of weapons… and Luccio shoots her. Since she’s returned I shouldn’t think it will stick though

Of course he shot her in front of Victor – which means his subsequent suicide could be driven by guilt – or by the very angry and spooky Victor. Frédéric probably isn’t long for this world.

The death does distract Pierre enough for Sandrine to finally reach Audrey, imprisoned in the “Helping hands” and see how much they’re cruelly tormenting her. No matter how much Pierre tells her that Audrey isn’t her daughter I don’t think Sandrine will be able to hold on to that.

Camille’s family drama continues to be dramatic – with Claire trying to attack Virgil with scissors because she hallucinates him holding a knife. Camille, in her less than pleasant way, tells Léna this isn’t the first time – in fact her whole story about being attacked by the zombies was fabricated and Claire just lost her mind and started attacking herself. By the way Camille says it, this is true and not just Camille sticking the knife in.

Léna seems to call Camille’s bluff – determined to go and get help. After all if the zombies didn’t attack Claire then there’s no threat… she goes out being well and truly terrified by the creepy zombies and runs into… Jerome (and the guy who has been hanging around with him. I actually don’t’ know who this is since I thought it was Pierre for a while). Anyway this apparently counts as help so she brings him home for a family reunion

The Originals, Season Three, Episode Eleven: Wild at Heart

We know that eventually The Originals would turn its attention to Davina, which is quite unfortunate for us all.  Davina, having been expelled from her coven and unable to interact with any witches she is friendless, well except for The Originals favourite GBF Josh.  I am beyond tired of Davina's relationship with Josh.  When has she helped him or really been there for him?  When Aidan died, Josh crawled away and licked his wounds by himself.  Well, Davina is in need so Josh has to come to the rescue.

Davina is given a spell which could potentially bring back Kol from witch purgatory. The problem with this spell is that she has to align herself with the Strix.  Josh like the wise gay character he is, advises Davina that this is not a good idea and that  furthermore, heading to purgatory to ask Kol about it is just as bad.  Davina however will not be stopped and uses Josh as a lifeline.

It turns out that purgatory is an empty New Orleans filled with bars and plenty of booze. What would an Original vampire be without having access to booze?  Davina quickly finds Kol but is shocked that his face has changed.  As a witch, he was the ever so hot Daniel Sharman’s  but as Kol he vampire he has the original face belonging to Nathaniel Buzolic.  Davina is a little confused and Kol is worried that she isn't attracted to his actual face, so he pulls out the charm and Davina is all good.  Personally, I miss Daniel Sherman.  After doing his charm thing (which btw is about as appealing as a sales pitch from a used vacuum cleaner salesmen)  Kol tells Davina that the spell won't work.  Davina doesn't buy it, so Kol finally admits that it will work but says that working with the Strix is a very bad idea. Since Davina doesn't do sensible advice we know that she is going to get into bed with the Strix, especially given that they now have an opening.

Like the good GBF that he is, Josh runs to Marcel to report that Davina is getting into bed with the Strix. This means that Josh's current path will be to be on team rescue Davina from herself.  Can we please give Josh something to do other than rescuing Davina or being Davina's shoulder to cry on? He has become nothing more than one big gay trope and it's irritating to say the least.

Cami is now a vampire and that dark side she was worried about makes it appearance. I don't however think that compelling a sexist rude customer to over tip a bartender is a bad thing, despite the way the writers meant for me to read this situation.  Klaus better than anyone should know the temptation of being a vampire and the difficulty with handling one's emotions but for some reason decides to give Cami a daylight right from the get go.  Is anyone else wondering where the daylight ring came from given the fact that the witches aren't exactly into working with the vampires now? Anyway, this has Klaus chasing Cami all over the Quarter, finally bringing her back to the compound.

Hayley is still mourning the loss of Jackson and asks to stay at the compound for awhile.  Elijah of course is quick to say yes to this request. It's all over his face that he is deeply in love with Hayley. I guess we will have to see how long Jackson's corpse is allowed to cool before these two hop into bed together.  The only one to call Hayley out  in her grief which is actually guilt is of course Cami, who seems to have her humanity switch turned off.  Sure, it's not nice but it's accurate.

You would think that with their leader out of the mix that the Strix would be done but guess again.  It seems that Aya has taken over control and has devised a loyalty test utilizing their witches. Surprise, surprise, Marcel actually passes.  Hmmmm. Why would Marcel pass?  Aya is very aware that a threat still looms against the Originals and is determined to get to the bottom of it.  Aya convinces Elijah that it is in his best interest to work with them. To that end, Elijah gives himself over to the ministrations of Ariane, who has to look into Elijah's secrets to discover where the threat lies. Given how closely Elijah guards his secrets, this makes Ariane dead witch walking.  Ariane gives Elijah some cryptic clue about a horse and is not surprised when he returns later to kill her. This is one of the few times where the witch being killed is White in this universe. It's rather telling that Ariane sees her death as being set free. For the viewer it's another indication that Davina's intention to join the Stryx witches is a bad idea. The problem of course is that I don't really care what happens to Davina's character as this point.

Sleepy Hollow, Season 3, Episode 9: One Life

Since we’ve just come off hiatus we, naturally, begin with a bit of a recap of what happened last season. Abbie sacrificed herself to save Jenny from the new big bad – and said new big bad is not happy about that. That leaves Jenny, Ichabod and Corbin to find Abbie

And it’s quickly clear that Ichabod is driving himself to desperation – pushing too hard, taking too many risks and generally going to cause a whole lot of problems (and trying to cook a frozen lasagne in a pan).

We are somewhat focused on Ichabod’s mourning and desperation here, but we also have a nice moment when Jenny makes it very clear that Ichabod isn’t the only one in pain here. It’s a nice slap down and an essential moment in a genre where Manpain tends to eclipse everyone else’s grieving.

Of course, Abbie is also an FBI agent which means there are other people looking for her (another element I like – sometimes people disappear on TV and the real world just doesn’t seem to care). Particularly Agent Dany Reynolds, her boss, is pretty desperate. Only he’s focusing on Ichabod – reasonably, he is a suspicious character, an unexplained part of Abbie’s life and one of the last people to be seen with her.

Agent Foster is the one taking point on investigating Crane – and trying to ensure that Reynolds doesn’t lose his ever loving mind as well since he may be going down the same path as Ichabod.

One of Ichabod’s reckless plans involves a rather dubious magical artefact he hope will summon Abbie from the underworld. It’s poorly researched, hasty and reckless – everything Jenny warned him about. Instead of summoning Abbie, it summons a Japanese vengeance spirit (yes, insert my recurring complaint about Sleepy Hollow is the way it raids supernatural legends from all over the world – but not the culture or the people). That spirit sends lots of cryptic messages – but not just to Ichabod, but also Agent Foster

Agent Foster gets a rapid introduction to the supernatural world – and she accepts this quickly. No, really, we’re spared the whole standard “this can’t be real!” scenes partly because she’s given pretty unequivocal proof of the supernatural almost instantly and she doesn’t doubt her own eyes but also because she’s spent her life studying the supernatural because she’s pretty certain woo-woo was responsible for her parents’ death

Grimm, Season Five, Episode Eight: A Reptile Dysfunction

"A sucker is born

every minute."

Grimm really does have some decisions it needs to make.  In this episode, it floated between the mystery Wesen of the week and trying to fold in some of this seasons meta.  Someone needs to just tell the writers that it's really okay to have a full episode fixated on the meta without distraction. In fact, Grimm can have several episodes all about the meta and people will still watch.  Balancing the meta and Wesen of the week has been a problem that Grimm has had since it first aired.

Let's look at Renard for instance.  Does anyone really care that he is spending his time endorsing a political candidate for mayor? Now if they were to tie this mayor into what is going on with Black Claw, then it might be interesting that Renard is being duped but they have yet to do that.  I call shit or get of the pot moment. Renard having sex with mayor's aide also doesn't peak my interest. Why wouldn't she want to have sex with him, the man is hot as hell?  It's as though when they aren't dealing with the issues Renard has as the bastard prince or his daughter Diana (buried somewhere in the plot box), they don't know what to do with him.

Then we have Rosalee who is getting letters about her boyfriend from the past.  Can someone tell me what this has to do with the fact that Wesen are trying to take over the world?  It's an unnecessary distraction as far as I am concerned.  We know that the mystery person is now headed to Portland, which doesn't actually bode well for them.  Are we supposed to worry that Rosalee has something dark in her past? Are we supposed to worry that she isn't the Fuchsbau that we have come to know? I think that this is another case of they don't know what to do with Rosalee and Monroe when they are not helping out Nick.

Then we have the Wesen of the week storyline - the Diamond Lake Monster. To drum up some business Luisant-Pêcheur brothers hire a Wasser Zahne to swim around the lake and scare fishermen and the kids who swim there.  It all goes wrong when the Wasser Zahne supposedly kills a fishermen in self defense.  Grimm has never had a huge budget for special effects but they really should have spent some money in the case of the Wasser Zahne in the gross red speedo. Well, it's Nick and Hank to the rescue. They set up the Luisant-Pêcheur brothers using Truble and in a blink the problem is solved.

Finally, let's get to the meta. Grimm has a history of appropriating atrocities - think Hitler being a Wesen and the holocaust. This is horrible for many many reasons. We learn that the hot spots of the Wesen uprising are: Brasil, Northern Ireland, Turkey, Syria, Yemen, Pakistan and Ukraine. Pause and think about that list for a moment.  I am particularly disgusted with the inclusion of Syria given what is currently going on.  Meisner says, "there are people displaced all over the world because of what they are doing." People are dying everyday and it's not for supernatural reason and suggesting woo woo as the cause serves to devalue lives and the loss.  It makes the various factions supernaturally evil, rather than a case of a religious/political/military problem at least in terms of Syria.  Eve says, "No one understands the real reason behind any of it. A world run by Wesen. Hitler tried once now Black Claw is trying again."  Look, I get that Grimm is suggesting that it's a mirror to both our present and our past, giving us different explanations to the history and present that we know but this doesn't work. In fact, it's not necessary to appropriate real world events or history to make this point at all. All I see is disrespect and appropriation at this point.

Vampire Diaries, Season 7, Episode 11: What We Lost in the Fire

Damon has slaughtered everyone – he rushes around feeding everyone vampire blood (Bonnie – YAY. And Matt – not so Yay) which means everyone is not dead but it looks like he might be out of the stone.

He comes back to himself and they chain him up and we have some recaps of what’s been happening since Damon has been in the stone – apparently several weeks have past and now Julian has taken over the town and filled it full of biker vampires. I’m not entirely sure how a vampire who has been imprisoned for so long I’m not even sure he knows what a motorcycle is manages to gather such a huge following. Or how a following of 80 gazillion vampires manages to exist in a town with no people to eat, but hey so it is

Bonnie and Matt are now patrolling the town picking vampires off (which Julian apparently doesn’t care about, though he gets so mad when Damon kills a token Black vampire). Which is funny because Matt is pretending he actually adds something to that little group. Alas, no-one kills him and he continues to hate all things supernatural

Tyler’s also back in town for Alaric’s baby shower (no, really) and he actually speaks sense that no-one is listening to: why keep Mystic Falls? Really, why does everyone care? They’ve evacuated all the people from it, it’s full of Julian’s cronies (and why they’re there I do not know) why is it worth spending all this effort trying to protect?! Matt’s response is basically “RAWR NO!” He also manages to run into another cop outside of town who agrees that Mystical Falls falling apart is terrible and also would really like to know about all the hunting equipment he has

Alaric also seems to have the same idea, planning to leave vampire central and raise his kids without the constant threat of death. Caroline is super saddened by this

Anyway, the main plot is that being imprisoned in the stone causes hallucinations. And, like just about every depiction of Mental Illness on TV ever, that makes you super dangerous and murderous.

As an added frustrating bonus, Damon is chained up when Stefan warns him about the killer hallucinations. He then has one and STILL asks Stefan to unchain him. While Stefan sees several examples of Damon talking to himself and still think it’s a good idea to go on a tour of the town

This show has never been known for its critical thinking skills