Monday, June 24, 2013

True Blood, Season 6, Episode 2: The Sun

Sookie’s dreaming, her magic faerie contract which she just leaves out on her nightstand, as you do, is glowing. And out on the covered bridge, Warlow pulls himself through a portal and into the real world.

Jason nearly crashes into a tree – having pulled a gun on the man driving (because he’s smart like that. At least he’s pretty). He is saved by the driver appearing in front of him and shooting the car with faerie magic, pushing it to a stop. Jason gets out and points a gun at the man he thinks is Warlow to which he says “I’m your fucking fairy grandfather”. Hi Niall! +20 points for awesome entrance

After a few questions, Niall reveals that he has been watching Jason his whole life (and even knows about his stash of porn which is uber creepy) before giving Jason a verbal smackdown for blabbing his business to a complete stranger in the middle of the night, he may as well hand himself to Warlow. Jason insists he will be ready and Niall just takes his gun off him. Jason has to ask for it back and they both get back in the car

Maybe this is what Jason needs – Niall to smack him upside the head.

In Fangtasia, Tara is in agony from the billet inside her – she’s not healing and Pam holds her hand trying to comfort her. Eric and Nora arrive and Eric removes the bullet – behold the new weapons the human government has developed that the general warned them about; silver bullets that emit UV light.

Actually, I call shenanigans. Silver is expensive, putting mini batteries and lightbulbs in bullets is expensive and damn time consuming. When wooden bullets have been shown to kill vampires (albeit with a heart strike), I can’t imagine pouring in money to try and mass produce these things.

Nora is shocked, SHOCKED! The humans are fighting back! They’re not just laying down and being snack food. To which Pam says what we were all thinking. Honestly, how did Nora live this long with Jason-level intelligence? Pam continues to lay on to both Eric (I’m not scared) and Nora (your authority screwed us) and Nora has the gall to act like Pam is being selfish. Eric wants to go to war with the humans and he roars at Nora to scour the vampire bible for anti-Billith weapons. Huh, at this stage I’d be using Billith against humanity, personally.

Pam, Tara? If I were you I’d be so out of there right now.

Speaking of Billith – he’s having a complete freak out. Apparently merging with the Lilliths means he can now experience what all vampires are feeling – and a whole lot of them are being attacked, tortured and killed by humans. Jessica tries to comfort him until he becomes catatonic. It’s vision time; Bill walks in a sunlit meadow, led by 3 naked, blood covered women to a fourth woman in a tunic who spouts cryptic bullshit about “it” beginning. Seriously, what’s the point in having a vision state if you’re going to give less coherent information than Mystic Meg after half a bottle of tequila?

Sookie gets a call from an irritated Arlene because she was due to work today – y’know Sookie, you could pretend to be sorry. Arlene’s day gets better when Patrick’s heavily pregnant wife comes in. Remember Patrick? That was pointless storyline no. 979568 with the Ifrit hunting Terry and his cohorts ending with Terry killing Patrick. Arlene pushes Terry to talk to her – and she believes Patrick ran off with another woman; Terry hesitates but Arlene swoops in and seizes on the excuse. She gives her a huge pep talk and holds her while she cries.

You know what True Blood really really doesn’t need? It doesn’t need pointless storylines we thought were dead and gone to be dragged up again for no good reason

Oh well, back to Sookie walking to work when, at the side of the road, she sees an injured man struggling in pain. She starts to walk on – she has to go to work damn it (wow, Sook, you channeling book Sookie or something? Because that’s cold) before  finally deigning to help with an exasperated sigh. Surprise, injured man has been attacked by a vampire – and is a half faerie, just like her. She takes him home, sprinkles the air with sexual tension and he tells her she’s just like his first love, but even nicer. And ye gods was there ever a cornier pick up line?

Y’know what else True Blood really really doesn’t need? More love interests for Sookie.

Back to Merlottes and Arlene is really competing to see if she can get all the good lines this season “Organic? This is Bon Temps, Organic means you play the fancy piano at church.” Sam calls Lafayette who is at Sam’s babysitting Emma and checking to see if there’s any blatant gay stereotypes he’s missed. What am I looking at here?! And there’s some very excitable people in the bar – one of which wants to talk to Sam. She’s Nicole, she works for vampire unite and she knows he’s a Shifter (after seeing the news about Luna) and she knows he’s “closeted” but she wants him to “come out” and tell his story to the world. And if this appropriated the gay experience any more, Sam would be changing his name to Harvey Milk. She throws in a “first they came for the vampires…” speech. And Sam needs to have the gut to “come out” and inspire everyone to do the same – after all, what can the government do if they all reveal themselves. Seriously? Because public visibility makes you immune? Hah! Oh gods then she goes on to make a direct comparison to the civil rights movement and freedom riders – and they use a Black woman to do it?

True Blood has a really nasty habit of appropriating marginalised issues, but this is pushing it even for them. Back up from comparing monsters to actual persecuted minorities. This whole scene made me nauseous. And someone hit this woman with a history book as well – because it’s not only grossly appropriative, it’s sickeningly ignorant the shit being spouted here. This is so far out of line it can’t even see the line now.

Billith continues to have cryptic visions with Lillith who is incapable of giving decent answers. Jessica has taken steps and called Human Edibles, an escort service providing blood donors for vampires. To which Billith uses his telekinesis to twist her around like an extra on Silent Hill and then just pull blood from her mouth to float to Billith, until she collapses. In the corner a horrified Jessica also collapses. Yeah, uckies uckies.

Back to Sookie treating her fellow half-faerie to develop more sexual tension and for him to tell her his name – Ben – and for her to tell him about a faerie safe space. She leads him down the path to the field with lots more sexual tension but she leaves when he picks Bill out of her thoughts – it’s too soon for her. At said faerie portal, Andy’s walking with his 4 super-growing kids calling for help from Mirella and getting no answer.

Jason takes Niall to Sookie’s to go check the portal in Sookie’s bathroom where Warlow tried to break through (I can’t even remember when, so many storylines, so little do I care about most of ‘em).  Niall goes through the portal and returns, dripping wet and expecting the worst.

Fangtasia and Nora finds something cryptic in the vampire bible about people leading Lillith to the sun that gets her excited – and she realises that Pam is hellaciously pissed at Eric (rightly so) and Nora tries to patch that up a little. Good luck with that.

Eric has his own plan – infiltrating the Governor’s mansion after killing his 5:30. And my gods Alexander Skarsgard can play some weirdly different roles. After talking about vampires and cranes, Eric tries to uses his mesmerising mojo on the governor to making him love vampires. And it doesn’t work. New technology – special contact lenses – protect humans from being glamoured. The governor gloats about how he’s finally got a chance to strike against the vampires when they were foolish enough to bomb their own factories and has his guard lead Eric away “to camp.”

Outside, he snarks at them – then flies up into the sky faster than they can track. And this is what happens when hunting a thousand year old vampire

Back to the Stackhouse home where Jason introduces Sookie to Niall, they have dinner (Niall eats salt right from the shaker) and he tells them Warlow is out, this makes Jason rather excitable. Niall tells them that Warlow’s obsessed with them because their family is the original fae, royal; Niall is king. Jason realises this makes Sookie a fairy princess and Jason a fairy prince (though Niall says the gene skipped him). Warlow has been massacring their family off and on – but Claudine managed to imprison him in a “dark realm”, but they have a secret weapon. Their bloodline can channel their faerie light into a super-nova ball that fries any nearby vampires. Sookie can do it – but only once, and it will consume the last of her light, making her human.

Sam goes home to see Lafayette and Emma – though Emma’s asleep – and tells Lafayette the less he knows the better. Alcide, Rikky and Martha coming with lots of gloom and doom about Nora on television. They want to take Emma, since she’s a werewolf and Martha’s granddaughter; but Sam remembers the last time Emma was with the pack – Russel got her and Luna died trying to rescue her. And Luna, of course, made him promise to look after Emma; with Rikky throwing in an accusation that Sam will raise Emma to hate herself. Emma comes out and Martha grabs her – dragging her away while she struggles and calls for Sam. Sam tries to follow but Alcide grabs him and he his Alcide – who beats him down. Rikki leaps on Lafayette and beats him repeatedly about the head

All of this is watched from the bushes by Nicole who gets it on camera.

Back at the governor’s mansion, Truman’s daughter takes out her contacts ready to go to bed – and Eric, hovering outside her window, glamours her into letting him in. Oh I do not think this will win friends and influence people

Poor Jessica returns from burying Billith’s snack. He’s still catatonic and poor Jessica tries desperately to reach out to him, her confusion about her religion – both vampire and human – and what Bill actually is; she falls to her knees and prays, praying for her friends, Jason, Sookie, Eric, Pam, Tara, Sam, Lafayette, Arlene, Hoyt and Bill. Having finished his vision of cryptic nonsense, Bill finally wakes up. The television comes on on its own, showing a group of humans dragging a vampire behind them from their truck. They contacted the police but since the governor has declared vampires have no rights, the police declare no crime is being committed. Jessica and Bill realises that Bill saw this before it happened – he’s seeing the future. To which Bill has a vision of a room full of vampires in prison uniforms, a light coming on and burning them all; including Jessica, Tara, Pam and Eric.

Bill’s a positive swiss army knife of magical power.

Lafayette is babysitter now and taking beatings to fight Sam’s battles? I think the more he appears this season the more he’s going to annoy me.

But not as much as True Blood dragging in yet more storylines. They had to bring back the ashes of the Ifrit storyline, really? Haven’t we got enough here?

I was in two minds but this is actually a pretty awesome Niall. Maybe not as refined as in the books, but I like his no nonsense attitude, he could be very good for Jason.

The appropriation in this episode was sickening – True Blood is getting worse and it’s not like their actual minority characters are nearly good enough to come close to balancing this trampling on marginalised issues.

Also, mystical prophecies are usually vague, it’s true – but this was beyond vague. I don’t even see why Lillith bothered.