With yet more deja-vu assaulting us, it's time for another Written-by-Numbers drinking game!
And this week, it’s for Urban Fantasy. Grab your bottles, folks and prepare the stomach pumps (we are not responsible for any alcohol poisoning that may develop - in extreme cases you may want to drink non-alcoholic beverages or American beer))
The Protagonist - magic and work!: +1 drink if:
- She has super-duper woo-woo powers that are super special
- +1 drink for every element of them that is superduper rare
- +1 drink if she’s super-duper strong
- Empty the damn glass if she’s the only one with this power, ever
- Empty the damn bottle if there’s no explanation why she has this power
- She has magical powers she DOESN’T USE
- +1 drink if she’s afraid of them (+1 extra drink if it’s never explained why she should be)
- +1 drink if she thinks they’re evil (+1 extra drink it;s never explained why she does)
- +1 drink if she can’t control them
- Empty the damn glass if she just doesn’t use them for no apparent reason.
- She grows more powerful as the series progresses
- +1 drink she has leaps in power with no apparent reason or cause
- Empty the damn glass if the reason is “tried really hard in emotional stress”
- Empty the damn glass if she gains entirely new powers
- Refill the glass and empty again if these powers aren’t even closely related to her current powers
- Empty the damn bottle if she gains power so often it feels like levelling up in a computer game
- Raid the brewery and drink all the booze if it’s Anita Blake.
- She has a dark secret/hidden identity/curse (+1 drink per)
- She is a police detective or private investigator
- +1 drink if she has zero detective skills or experience
- +1 drink if she never does any actual investigation
- +1 drink if she hasn’t the slightest idea how the law works
- Empty the damn glass if the author has watched waaay too much CSI
- Empty the bottle if the “mystery” is solved by the bad guy attacking the protagonist
- Despite NOT being a police detective or private investigator, she still ends up investigating a crime
- Apply all the drinks above
- +1 drink if she hardly ever attends her real job
- Empty the damn glass if you forget she has a real job
BONUS DRINKS FOR TV SERIES: +1 drink for:
- Successfully “enhancing” CCTV images to see the impossible - like someone’s face reflected in a car mirror across a parking lot
- DNA results returned within the hour
- Hacking. Just hacking, because there’s no way in hell the depiction won’t be laughable.
- Warrants? Who needs warrants?!
- Or warrants - let’s go ask the judge, he hands them out like sweet sweet candy
- Aggressive interview with a lawyer present who sits there silently. Could save money and just have a cardboard cutout
Family and Friends! +1 drink if:
- Protagonist has a tragic back story
- +1 drink for dead father
- +2 drinks for dead mother (it’s always the mother)
- +1 drink per murdered family member
- +1 drink for each evil parent
- Protagonist has no family.
- Protagonist has no good past relationships
- +1 drink if past failed relationship is mentioned repeatedly
- Empty the damn bottle if a past boyfriend dumped her in college and she’s now 30 and still not the hell over it already.
- Protagonist has no hobbies (+1 drink) and/or no social life (+1 drink)
- Protagonist has no female friends
- Still count if she has ONE female friend she assures us is her best friend but she spends absolutely no time with.
- +1 drink for every woman she meets who hates her
- +1 drink if they hate her because they’re jealous of her
- +1 drink for every time she expresses contempt or derision towards another woman
- Protagonist has no friends at all, only work colleagues (double with no female friends)
- Empty the damn glass if all of these are male
- +1 drink if she has a pet. +1 drink if said pet is low maintenance
- Empty damn bottle if more than 80% of everyone around her is a man.
- Protagonist considers herself to be “one of the guys”
- +1 drink every time she actually says that, talks about speaking “man code” or “guy code” etc
- +1 drink if she makes a point of minimal her beauty/hygiene routine is (every time she does)
- +1 drink if she still has amazing skin/hair/make up
- +1 drink per scene where a man has to show her how to dress fancy
- In the event of a male Protagonist +1 drink per time the attractiveness of a woman is described
- +1 drink per paragraph spent describing said attractiveness (for the whole book)
- +1 drink per repetition of sexy description
- +1 drink per time the protagonist is distracted by a woman’s sexiness
- +1 drink if most of the women in the book get their sexiness describes
- Empty the damn glass if ALL of them do
- Empty the damn glass if “chivalry” is used as an excuse to treat women like fragile ornaments
- +1 drink per woman rescued/protected/saved
- +1 drink per woman kidnapped
- Empty the damn bottle if a woman dies tragically to cause him ManPain and motivate him to avenge her
The Love Interest: Take a drink if:
- Love Interest is a supernatural creature
- +1 drink if he’s the leader of the local supernatural creatures
- +1 drink if they hate/fear each other on first sight
- Empty the damn glass if they actively try to kill each other
- Empty the damn bottle if they describe how horny they make each other WHILE they are trying to kill each other
- Empty ANOTHER bottle, if he later describes how he knew they’d always be together - despite them trying to kill each other.
- +1 drink if he hates what he is
- Love Interest is an alpha manly man who wants to protect and shelter the protagonist
- +1 drink per secret kept from her “for her own good”
- +1 drink per time he tries to lock her away “for her own good”
- Empty the damn glass if she finds this romantic even while finding it annoying
World Building +1 drink if:
- The author has included at least 4 different mythological creatures
- +1 drink if the author has included EVERYTHING EVER
- Empty the damn glass if the author decides to tell us about them. All of them. In the first book. At length
- +1 drink if each book covers a new monster
- +1 drink if the author’s research into these myths seems to be limited to reading OTHER Urban Fantasy
- Empty the damn glass if the author has taken monsters from foreign cultures but not bothered to include any of the actual people from those cultures
- Empty the damn bottle if there’s a bloody WENDIGO. Because there’s ALWAYS a Wendigo. I swear, about 10 years ago someone decided werewolves were passé and that was it, WENDIGOS EVERYWHERE!
- The author has extremely long and detailed magic/political/world systems (+1 drink each)
- +1 drink if they are explained in massive info dumps
- +1 drink if the info dumps are completely unbelievable
- Empty the damn glass if you read 3 solid pages of world building that never becomes relevant in the book
- Empty the damn glass if the author repeats the same world building every single book
- Empty the damn bottle if they’re still going this after the 6th book in a series
- The world building is prone to change
- +1 drink every time a character seems to forget about a power they can use
- +1 drink every time a power suddenly stops working without explanation
- +1 drink every time the protagonist suddenly spawns a new power that is narratively convenient
- +1 drink every time something appears that is considered extremely rare
- +1 drink every time something appears that is considered “impossible”, “non-existent” or “extinct”
- Empty the damn glass if there are 2 or more of them.
