A guy and a sex doll in a cab. Well way to set the tone Hemlock Grove!
While… distracted, he runs into Peter running naked
across the road – who then turns into a wolf in his usual very gory fashion and
he and 4 more wolves surround the luckless trick driver. Said drive falls to
his knees and prays gloriously terribly (yes, I laughed, I’m a terrible person)
only to look up and see the wolves are gone – and someone has stolen his truck.
Peter and his fellow werewolves celebrate the heist,
everyone very impressed by Peter’s willingness to be hit by a truck. He’s not
going to do another job, though, since he still wants to find Nadia and
Miranda.
They pass on the stolen goods to a fence who also updates
Peter on how his mother’s doing (she moved back to eastern-Europe last season)
and passes on some family jewellery, his granny’s ring. He passes that to
Andreas along with the family blessing to marry Destiny.
Destiny, the seer (because we’re still hitting every
Rroma stereotype) has an ominous dream about the giant manta-ray things that
Miranda’s doctor turned into at the end of the last season to kidnap Miranda
and baby Nadia. I still have no idea what they are
Roman is missing his baby, the ominous
eye-ball-destroying Nadia
Destiny is trying to use her psychic powers for Roman and
Peter to find Miranda and Nadia – and gets nothing, while the detective Roman’s
hired has a whole lot of not-very-polite-scorn. He’s done a whole lot of
investigation looking for the baby but, ultimately, hasn’t got any clues or
leads. Being a good detective he has found a whole lot of suspicion though, not
least of which the fact Nadia has no birth certificate or that Roman is not
going to the police about her disappearance. Of course Roman isn’t divulging
anything.
In the bar, Roman and Peter reflect on how impossible it
is to tell their detective anything given the givens. Peter is also going to
stay with Roman for a while to give Destiny and Andreas space while Roman makes
intense eye-contact with an ominous woman in the bar who then vanishes. This is
a bad bad idea. She’s also waiting for him outside when he gets a blowjob from
another woman he finds. She vanishes then as well.
Two vanishings is enough, Roman now starts looking for
her and finds her the next day (and a very unhappy woman who he dumped the day
before) and begins flirting – only to have her vanish on him again
Andreas makes his rather elaborate betrothal to Destiny
in front of her whole ballet dancing class. At least it guarantees a crowd who
will say “awwww”
Monster interlude! Something that can see weird auras
around people rushes at a guy and makes a nasty squishy sound which I think
means the rushed guy has now become splatter or lunch or both
Olivia Has recovered from her illness and is even feeling
all positive about the terrible accommodation she’s now staying in (even with
the roaches – a far cry from what she’s used to). She also has Michael (the older brother of the dead
Clementine, both of them hunters) chained in her bathtub, a tube in his vein so
she can feed on him whenever she wants. She leaves him to bleed to death. It
seems her plan to hunt him down at the end of last season actually worked out.
Dr. Johann Pryce is continuing his unethical research,
growing ominous embryos in jars – but also seems to be fraying around the
edges, not sleeping forgetting things and much more short tempered and edgy
than usual.
He almost misses an important company meeting where
they’re all discussing how to dodge a lawsuit about one of their products
causing liver failure. Roman has his own questions and pressure for the harried
Johann. Seeing how frayed he is, Roman clears the room – apparently Johann is
trying to figure out exactly what the manta-ray creature is (whether this
relates to his giant embryo, I don’t know) and Roman reminds him he needs a top
up of yummy blood substitute.
He’s also treating Shelly for mental trauma after the
death of Priscilla (the body Johann grew for her). They’re also fighting to try
and stop Shelly having to go back to live with Olivia (who killed Priscilla).
In court, Olivia is no longer suspected of any crimes –
and Roman’s claim for guardianship over Shelly is kicked out – Shelly has to go
back to Olivia. Roman furiously confronts Olivia (accusing her of wanting to
steal Shelly’s trust fund) but Olivia throws her new new age philosophy at him
and, of course, denies murdering Norman (which was another fun activity last
season). Johann tries to keep everything calm for fear of causing Shelly more
problems.
There’s a huge crowd of protestors outside the courthouse
– all blaming Shelly for the murders – they have signs, scream and one throws a
bucket of blood at Shelly. Olivia’s outrage is somewhat belated. She goes home
with Olivia for an awkward family life and the ongoing Roman vs Olivia
conflict.
Johann’s next day isn’t any better – first he has to deal
with Olivia in his office (who he now loathes) and then he hears federal agents
with warrants have shown up. The frayed doctor is definitely losing his cool.
Hurried cover-up time! Including of freaky giant fetus which is fed into a
woodchipper – because this show needs to be even more disturbing. All the fake
blood is also drained away. All his works is wiped, disposed of or covered up.
All covered up he goes to see the Agents. Only to learn
that it’s financial documents they want, a simple regulatory blip. All his
cover up is unnecessary and it looks like it was all engineered by Olivia out
of revenge for him not curing her cancer last season. Johann has lost all of
his research in Olivia’s “warning shot.” She also wants Johann to find Nadia
(in exchange for getting the flying lizard-doctor-thing for research). Johann
also wants guarantees of Shelly’s safety.
Olivia has bounced back a lot from last season
She’s also co-opted Roman’s detective, Isaac, who she
also used to get those federal agents to go after Johann. Olivia is also lying
to Shelly about Norman (Shelly was always close to Norman), telling her he’s
off travelling rather than dead and buried.
Johann decides to make himself better by kidnapping a delivery
guy and overwriting his mind with another – apparently he’s been keeping a mind
in cyberspace, as you do, just waiting for a body to download him into. And the
new brain also starts heckling Johann for not finding out what the
lizard-doctor-creature is. Poor Johann especially since the brain appears to be
a copy of Johann’s own brain – and even he is giving him grief. It also seems,
from Johann’s argument… with himself – that he is gay and deeply closeted. Then
the new body shuts down – though the delivery guy is still alive with no
memory.
And now poor Johann has to tell Roman he has no more
blood substitute and he’ll have to feed “the old fashioned way.” Preferably
tidily.
Roman decides to go to a pre-confession, all regretful
that he’s going to have to kill someone soon. The priest isn’t going to give
him pre-emptive forgiveness.
It looks like Peter’s going to eat a homeless person –
but he gives him money instead and drives off. He’s watched by Mystery Bar
Lady. He goes home to drink some of his remaining stock of blood substitute –
and is attacked by something with claws.
He’s saved by Mystery Bar Lady but the clawed thing
escapes. Mystery Bar Lady drinks his blood substitute. Clearly another Upir and
she calls herself Annie.
Back to Destiny and Andreas, and Destiny has a cruel yet
awesome sense of humour. Destiny tries to convince Peter he doesn’t have to
leave but he insists to give them space – she still clings to him as family
though. So does Andreas, complete with “naked manhug”.
After which they talk business and it looks like Andreas
is trying to screw over his fellows. Peter’s not ok with that. He’s also not a
fan of the dangerous people Andreas is doing business with – but Andreas holds
that whole saving-his-life thing over him like a club.
Well Olivia looks like she is going to be interesting
this season. After a season of introspection and moping and worry and weakness
she has bounced back kicking hard and back in charge. I think I always
preferred her as unashamedly evil and in control. Sometimes you just have to
love a gloriously evil, Magnificent Bastard.
So Michael is dead – after turning him into snack food
and keeping him imprisoned for food (because Hemlock Grove) we now have Isaac. Am I beginning to smell a T-Dog
chain?
After 3 seasons without development and Hemlock Grove being, well, Hemlock Grove I don’t have a lot of hope
in Johann’s newly revealed sexuality going to a good place. Honestly, I can’t
even see how the evil emotionless Asian scientist who serves others becoming
the evil out of control and breaking down gay Asian scientist (who breaks down
as his closet begins to creak open) is ever going to go to a good place.
I’m not sure about the angsty Peter – he’s done some
pretty terrible things and not shown an over abundance of guilt, sadness or
attempts at redemption for them. A belated conscience needs to come with a
belated attempt to fix what he broke.
