Friday, August 5, 2016

Zoo, Season 2, Episode 7: Jamie's Got a Gun

It’s time for another episode of Zoo, so what ridiculousness do we get this week?

The gang heads over to a country. This is apparently England. Apparently. Despite having a church that looks very un-English, wooden houses that are pretty rare in England, a whole load of animals that don’t live in England, hordes of Cicadas which is pretty good for a species that is nearly extinct in England and some accents that most certainly do not come from England. Ye gods.

So why is the gang there?

Well using various amounts of brain twisting desperate explanation and trying desperately to get the writers to lay off the LSD for 5 minutes – just 5 minutes – we have the following incoherent explanation for the animals running amok:

“So you’re saying that some traveling carnie grifter from the 1890s inadvertently invented the triple helix?

No, really. Some 1890s travelling show man with Ye Olde Mutant X-Ray machine took X-rays of creatures around the world, creating the triple helix. These creatures’ descendants then became the raging triple-helixed mutant animals

This means:

A)     Apparently a majority of all the animals in the world are descended from creatures this guy X-rayed. In the 1890s. I mean how did he even travel that far?! And he must have X-rayed literally thousands of creatures of the same species for this level of dominance. You’d think he’d have got bored after the first 100
B)      He X-Rayed a gazillion jellyfish. Even leaving aside the logistic of X-raying one of these, not hurting it and putting it back, why would you even bother? It’s a jellyfish. It’s transparent. I can’t think of a more pointless activity
C)      X-Rays. The Triple Helix was caused by X-Rays

That sound you heard was a million scientists crying out in pain.

Or it could be the sound everyone made when Allison started flirting with her step-son Mitch.

So they’re going to this guy’s old home in the hope he’s kept a convenient list of the thousands of animals he’s pointlessly X-rayed so they can Pokemon the lot of them and find a cure. Yay

Except Reiden got there first and has totally stolen everything except the shit this long dead Carny decided to bury in hi non-existant brother’s fake grave because where else are you going to store shit? See, before Ikea when you ran out of shelf-space you really had no option but to invent a sibling, pretend they died and then dig out a burial plot. Obviously.

Reiden has stole this because reasons, I’m sure. Can someone remind me again WHY Reiden is so against saving the world? And no “evil” is not a motivation.

Anyway, while they’re all doing that Jackson loses touch with reality, starts digging a grave himself (ah, must have something to store!) and babbling gobbldegook. Seeing his companion having a psychotic break and unable to communicate rationally Mitch blames this on Jackson overhearing his step-mother flirting with him

Mitch decides to treat this by inducing some hallucinations with experimental mind altering drugs!

Remind me again why everyone last episode thought he was such a brilliant doctor

This leads to a merry trip down memory lane where we learn that Jackson’s dad was an arsehole, he liked using Mnemonics to teach things and that Jackson burned down his dad’s lab and life’s work. In response his dad decided to inject him with the triple-helix which is why Jackson’s all mutated today.

I like to think that Jackson also smashed his dad’s “world’s best dad” mug – or that’s pending since Abraham just learned that Professor Oz, senior, is still alive. He thinks it’s a good idea not to tell Jackson. So do I.

Dariela gets some rapidly stuck on character development about not wanting to be a soldier and all about death so decides to leave the gang to stay behind and protect civilians with terrible accents against animal attacks. Kind of like a soldier. I hope this isn’t writing her out.

Logan turns out to be an evil spy working for Logan and this may be the one plot line I actually like – because the gang totally deserves this. I mean, we were introduced to Logan as a thief and liar willing to screw people over for money, Jamie decides he’s hot (which, granted, he is) and he chopped her toe off due to frostbite (I’m told this is a common mating ritual in Canada) and suddenly he’s trustworthy? Really Really Really? Yes I’m GLAD this bullshit is coming back to bite them in the arse

Oh and Jamie has taken to being mopier than a Livejournal Poet

Pictured: Jamie
 She also doesn't have a gun.