Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Teen Wolf, Season 6, Episode 7: Heartless

So we have Theo having guilt nightmares of woman ripping out his heart over and over – his sister Tara who he kind of/sort of killed.

It goes on for a long time and would be tiresome. But I kind of hate this character and that he’s not Kira, so bring on the heart ripping! More heart ripping! More!

The downside? In TVlandia someone feeling all guilty is normally the first step to putting them on a very fast moving redemption train which will quickly have everyone accepting him as a good guy.

At least that isn’t happening just yet, because Malia is happy to beat him blood and murder him – oh lots and lots of murdering – and Scott is quite a fan of putting him back in the ground

However Liam and Hayden have decided that they totally need him because he claims to know about the Wild Hunt with little reason for them to believe it. But we’re going with it anyway because this show is determined to drag us through this whole passing-the-torch meta with Scott setting up Liam as the new leader for a new cast. I guess I could get it when they initially floated the idea that they envisaged either spin off or the whole series to kind of transform and transition

But this is dead in the water – because Liam and Hayden are just so very very very very very boring and not even remotely compelling. This is the last season of Teen Wolf, there is no indication of a spin off and if there were, a spin off of Liam and Hayden would be about as popular as whatever trainwreck Sleepy Hollow is planning for this season.

This means we have this whole episode with Liam and Hayden putting forward ideas and being present and involved when really they could just be ripped from the plot line and their parts be passed to Scott and Lydia and us not having to deal with the writers trying to make Baby Wolf not only relevant but in charge. I’m finding the whole heir apparent thing annoying especially since his ideas are not exactly special – but they’re presented as such

Also “do you have a better idea” is NOT a reason to do an absolutely stupid thing guys, it really isn’t.

Anyway, rant aside this why we have Theo around while they design their Wild Hunter trap. Which is basically exactly the same as the trap they had before only with bigger equipment. Why is Theo here again?

Surprisingly, the trap works and they manage to capture themselves a wild hunter and then have absolutely no plan on what to do with him when captured. And only belatedly remember these things tend to run in packs so it’s only a matter of time before another guy shows up to rescue it. Oh, also, it doesn’t speak English

This is not a good plan

Mason randomly decides that Parrish can probably communicate with them because of course he does. I’d complain about ridiculous logic leaps but I guess at least this keeps Mason out of the plot box for five minutes and gives him a line of dialogue as well. Yay? He’s also a little saccharine with Cody but don’t be hopeful, it’s foreshadowing

So they call in Parrish to interrogate the Hunter which basically means both the Hunter and Scott exchange vague threats but not a lot of information. Then Parrish goes all hellhoundy and has to be stopped by Scott from releasing the Wild Hunter which is not good. It would help if at some point, maybe in the downtime after last season, they’d done some research into Hellhounds.

Personally I want to know what supernatural force of evil makes Parrish’s underwear – because all his clothes burn away but they’re not even singed. Tough asbestos underwear

Parrish runs off with lots of angst which everyone puts on their to do list or something. I assume.

Everyone still hasn’t achieved anything or figured out what to do now. But the creepy teacher which everyone is just kind of accepting without actually examining (shall we make a list of this? Because it’s getting long) he shows up and evil Theo recognises him and calls him Hauptman. He also developed a sinister German accent. He promptly uses Theo to break out the Hunter (so is Theo not even a werewolf now since he can brush away Mountain ash) – before going all Alpha werewolf. Yup, looks like an Alpha werewolf. He then smacks down the Hunter like he’s the weakest thing in the world, and promptly eats a chunk of his brain. Nom nom nom wild hunt pineal gland. Apparently tasty

Also, we were all terrified of this wild hunt when an Alpha werewolf can just rip into its head casually and kill it. Honestly, this is what you were worried about? Malia and Scott could take down several Wild Hunts.

Everyone wants to accuse Theo for letting the hunter go, but, alas, Scott points out they have had a series of these Pinneal murders which everyone kind of just forgot about for a little while. Alas, no Theo murder.

More amusingly, Malia gets Melissa to heal Peter with her shiny new healing potion. This whole scene is lots of not bonding between Peter and her daughter how much they’re not alike. But the best part by far is Melissa’s awesome contempt for Peter.

Now let’s cover some utter bullshit and story leaps

See, Lydia has been ruminating over what they learned in Canaan and soundboards with her mother (who is awesome and I kind of love how she really works to understand this world her daughter is in even though it’s all so alien and new to her). So Lydia floats her theory

In Canaan they saw Lenore who, because she was left alone had a great big void in her life, managed to create the persona of Corey, her missing son. So that is clearly what Sheriff Stilinski (whose name is Noah by the way – is this actually the first time we’ve heard his name) has done with Claudia

What what what? I mean I can see what Lenore did this because she’s a Banshee and she could summon a ghost, that would make sense – after all, this ghost had powers, it managed to nearly drown Malia and Scott. Linking this to banshee powers? That made sense. But Noah Stilinski isn’t a banshee. Lots of people have desperate holes in their lives – especially with people disappearing from the hunt – why are we not having these Tulpas appearing left right and centre?! But more, Lenore just created a ghost – but Noah has not just conjured a woman, but created an entire history for this woman and mind controlled the entire town to remember this?! THIS MAKES NO SENSE.

Lydia ends up trying to tell Noah this – who has just discovered, behind that wallpaper, a whole boarded up spare room (Stiles’s old bedroom). His Ghost Wife is all dismissing the idea that they’ve decided to block up an entire room because why not. This doesn’t earn her any trust points from Noah.

Still, “your wife is your personal hallucination that you’ve inflicted on the whole town” is a bit of a big ask. Especially since it comes with a side order of “you love your wife which is why you can’t remember your son”. Yeah that’s harsh

So great is his denial that he doesn’t even see Stile’s lacrosse jersey Lydia found – until she throws it at him.

This would all be so much more emotional if the whole premise of Claudia being created just makes no sense

Now let’s close with that werewolf Hauptman with his stolen Hunter whip – he wanders into the woods and happens to run into Corey. Who is in the woods, at night and not invisible. Seriously invisibility is his ONE power. Hauptman says he’s always wanted to do this – and promptly strangles Corey with the stolen whip, making him disappear in a cloud of green smoke. Presumably he’s now in the train station with Stiles. See, that touching line from Mason was just foreshadowing their inevitable separation between the two. And why is Hauptman so desperate to banish people to the station of doom anyway?

This episode just contains a whole lot of huge logical leaps and massive plot holes and great big voids where logic should exist. I have friction burns from all the eye rolling