The Grail storyline
continues in awful, as the Allfather brings out the real Messiah and prepares
to inject him with the correct formula to allow him to accept genesis. The
Allfather is pretty awed by the Christ-descendant’s presence
Jesse is not and
finally makes his move
He reveals to the
Allfather that Starr is acting against him and has put a gun in Jesse’s jacket
pocket. The Allfather takes the gun and announces how he is now going to kill
Starr by sitting on him because haha the Allfather is fat and this is literally
all he is
This is when Jesse
puts his plan in motion. He asks to be released so he can pray - pointing out
the Allfather has his gun and there are armed guards. The Allfather can’t
exactly say no given the whole man of god thing so handcuffs him and allows it.
Jesse pretends to stumble as he is untied, secretly putting the little electric
buzzer thing (which is shocking him to extract Genesis) on the Allfather - and
when it is activated the Allfather is shocked. Allowing Jesse to grab the gun,
shoot the guards and fight with the bulletproof Allfather
Bullet proof because
he’s fat. And the “fight” involves the Allfather trying to crush Jesse with his
weight. Honestly I’ve heard more sophisticated fat jokes in primary school.
Eventually Jesse puts
the shocker back on himself and expels Genesis into the Allfather who explodes.
Which means we may finally not have to worry about this terrible character.
Also, since the Allfather hid Jesse’s soul in his arsehole it’s much more
accessible now the Allfather has been turned into wallpaper. Starr and Jesse
fight over it in the piles of viscera which is as unpleasant as it sounds
before he finally grabs it and eat it
Jesse has Genesis
back. Starr quickly hails him as the Messiah and Jesse quickly rejects that. He
doesn’t want to be the Messiah. He won’t be the Messiah. Starr points out he’ll
have to use Humperdoo then - and warns him that the apocalypse is coming and
lays out the Grail’s Plan. Announce the Messiah, demand everyone hail him and
then use their contacts and power around the world to nuke everyone who
doesn’t: especially non-Christians, pro-choicers, LGBTQ people etc etc
Jesse calls this a
terrible plan. Starr agrees - he would like to do his own apocalypse and kill
significantly less and rather more bizarre choices: hipsters, presbyterians and
the Danes. Jesse decides this is the second most terrible plan because, yes yes
it is and decides the best think he can do is kill the Messiah. Starr knows he
won’t do that because he’s not a murderer (said in a room plastered with the
Allfather’s guts which is kind of hilarious because the show is completely
aware of the irony). Starr is horrified because the Gail needs a messiah to
operate
But when faced with
the utter, ignorant innocence of Humperdoo, Jesse can’t kill him. Instead he
releases Humperdoo and the whole herd of Humperdoo clones out of the Grail
headquarters to wander the streets and be run over by cars and things
I’m not sure how this
stops Starr per se except maybe by truly exposing the condition of the Christ
child and disillusioning the Grail members. I mean, the Grail may need a
messiah to operate - but it only needed Humperdoo because the Allfather was
actually faithful to the messiah being a descendent of Jesus. Starr clearly
doesn’t share that faith with his willingness to use Jesse. But I guess he
needed Jessie with genesis to convince the GRAIL Jesse was the Messiah to make
them follow him. As Starr said, the Grail needs a messiah to operate - and how
do you convince all those people to use nukes without a messiah
Starr is not happy.
Also his head does look like a penis and Jesse uses Genesis to order him not to
wear hats. Petty but amusing.
Tulip does catch up
with the hell bus demanding the suitcase full of souls back. She manages to
stare down the Angel of Death and get the briefcase back by pointing out that
the souls are subject to a deal between her master, Satan, and Marie L’Angel.
Despite the Angel’s very very very ominous speech she gives up the briefcase.
Sadly Tulip has an attack of conscience and hangs around enough to say
Featherstone isn’t Tulip.
And then Eugene spots Tulip and says her name
So Tulip ends up
dragged onto the boss. Jody takes the briefcase and abandons Tulip and
Featherstone then leaves him after he hits something on the road because Starr
“doesn’t do well without her”. And oh, I almost feel for Featherstone here,
because she is pinning so much on a level of respect that Starr just doesn’t
have for her and a relationship they don’t have and never will.
On the bus the Saint
of Killers and the Angel of Death aren’t exactly friendly, her making a snide
comment about his back, he points out Tulip isn’t dead but she confirms this
and adds nor is Eugene. With god gone there are no rules - and adds another
snide comment about his dead family. She’s really poking his sore spots
Tulip has escape
plans - while Hitler is relying on his co-workers to rescue him and Eugene is
trusting in god. They’re really good plans but don’t quite work out
Until a nazi tank
shoots at the bus and causes it to flip. Yes a Nazi tank. No, I have no idea
where Preacher is going with this.
With Cassidy the
worst happens and he confronts Eccarius, their oh-so-brief relationship is dead
I’m going to need a
moment of mourning. Oh so brief and now so over!
Cassidy doesn’t
accept any of his excuses and brutally calls him out for killing people for his
enjoyment and empowerment - and that they’re people not drugs. Which is perhaps
the weirdest affirmation of humanity, ever.
Of course the whole
gang has been with Eccarius for some time and Cassidy did come to the party
being highly critical of them. They don’t believe any of his accusations and
stake him to a pool table to face the sun
Only the sun’s in the
wrong place which is rather embarrassing and anti-climactic. They decide
to wait until the sun reaches him, leaving him only with the old woman who owns
the house who is Most disapproving of him. He can ask only one thing of her -
to call the woman he turned and tell her goodbye....
Of course she’s dead
so, for once on this show, we can see where that goes.
Epilogues!
Starr reunites with
Featherstone and the newly vampiric Hoover. He is now trying… wigs.
TC pours Marie the
worst cup of tea you ever did see, my English soul weeps to see it (and I hate
tea); he’s worried that no-one’s back yet. But she’s sure Jesse will return
And he does… clearly
bent on vengeance
I will forever mourn
Cassidy/Eccarius. Yes there was a lot wrong with it, yes it was brief, yes the
actors were straight, yes Eccarius was clearly evil within minutes of the
romance happening BUT I WANTED IT
I am now Sorrow.
Well, more Pouting Mopiness but Sorrow sounds more dramatic
Also this show may be
banned in Britain for that tea. Good gods that’s an abomination
