Once Upon a Time, Season 5, Episode 18: Ruby Slippers

So at the end of the last episode the gang found Ruby, returned from one of her many many stays in the plot box, has made her way to the Underworld. Not looking for her pack – but looking for Zelena (with the silver slippers she got from Dorothy)

Which is why she’s here. When she and Mulan were out adventuring looking for the rest of Ruby’s pack, they made their way to Oz where they came across Dorothy. They became close as they tried to battle Zelena’s various wicked plots, in this case involving kidnapping Dorothy’s wretched little dog (though I give kudos to the poppy reference).

Ruby and Dorothy get closer and closer – before Dorothy, apparently freaked by Ruby’s werewolfiness, ran off and confronted Zelena and got hit by a sleeping potion. Yes one of those that needs a True Love’s Kiss to break it.

In the present and the Underworld the gang rallies round and decides that True Love’s kiss is needed – and for that they need Dorothy’s good ol’ Aunty Em. Except Hades, determined to make Zelena happy, decides to stymie this by turning Aunty Em into a puddle. This has the bonus of telling everyone to not play with the heroes. I’m not sure why he can’t turn the heroes into puddles as well, but apparently not.

That leaves us with Snow White pointing out Ruby’s great concern and the obvious – Ruby herself can give Dorothy her True Love’s kiss. Yes, we have a same-sex romance, bisexual Ruby and bisexual or lesbian Dorothy are magically confirmed to be in love because the kiss works! It’s been a while but Once Upon a Time has finally got there!

But first they have to get to Oz – well they have the silver slippers, but they also have to bring a hitch-hiker in the form of Snow White to make everything sappier. See, Hades has decided a new way to make everyone sad by destroying all the phone boxes that allow the dead to communicate with the living world. In a surprising show of intelligent planning, the Charmings worry that this may not be a simple case of spite – but a way of cutting them off so Hades can get to untold shenanigans in Storybrooke without them knowing. Clearly they need to go home – but Snow is trapped by having her name carved into a grave stone – which holds her in the underworld and they cannot erase. (Cruella does have some delightful Charming snark which I approve of heartily).

But they can change the name with Killian’s hook – after all, Hades intended Killian to carve the names in the first place to make him choose. So they decide to change Snow’s name to David… yes David sacrifices himself so Snow can go see their son

Or… being less pathetically wet, they could have carved Killian’s name (who isn’t leaving without Emma anyway), or even Zelena’s. Y’know sensible solutions that don’t require sappiness and pointless sacrifice. Charmings will always be Charmings.

Supernatural, Season 10, Episode 11: There's No Place Like Home

So Charlie’s back – and she’s torturing some guy. For information – but mainly for funsies.

Over to the Winchester’s and Dean has decided to defeat the influence of the Mark of Cain by ditching booze, unhealthy food and eating egg-white omelettes and vegetable smoothies.

I wish to make it clear, right now, that is any substance can make me go on a killing spree it is probably egg white omelettes. I think the same may be true of Dean

This torture by health food is interrupted by Sam finding news – and a video clip – of Charlie torturing someone with violence (may be more merciful than the egg-white omelette). Dean is duly sceptical of Charlie torturing a District Attorney – and a court Stenographer. At very least Dean assumes Charlie had a good reason (it’s not like they haven’t resorted to torture before themselves).

They go to question the DA and learn Charlie was asking lots of questions about a case he handled – a drunk driver who killed her dad and put her mother in a coma. The case never went to trial because it was mysteriously covered up, all the files sealed before trial. Dean decides to add more violence and the DA admits he was bribed by councilwoman Barbara Caudry. Sam looks on, I think he’s supposed to look worried/shocked/disturbed/vaguely confused/what-the-hell-is-that-facial-expression-supposed-to-be-anyway by Dean’s violence (probably less so because it’s shocking – because Dean – but because it must feed the Mark).

Dean doesn’t commit brutal murder and they drive off, Sam conveniently expositioning Charlie’s motives because so many TV shows are completely contemptuous of our abilities to understand the bleeding obvious. (And Charlie’s real name, Celeste).

They go to see Barbara who is not all that thrilled to see them and closes the door on their faces (not even asking why the FBI – and of course they’re posing as FBI – is investigating a death by drunk driving case). Stake out time, with Dean unnaturally eating kale. Sam reads into Charlie’s background which points to her being a disturbed child though Dean points out neither of them are exactly poster children for well adjusted youngsters.

They are on scene when Charlie makes her move and follow the sound of Barbara’s scream to find Charlie holding her at knife point. Charlie gives some evil exposition – including how Sam is too goody-goody. She then makes a run for it after punching and kicking Dean in the face. She also slashes his tries before making her getaway

And then an entirely different Charlie drives up – yup, evil twin time! She explains that she basically unleashed her dark side with a deal with the Wizard of Oz so she could win a war (yes, Oz, remember). So evil her is running around and this Charlie is super-duper-fluffy-good Charlie. And Evil Charlie and Good Charlie are linked – so hurt one you hurt both. Also Evil Charlie is going after the people behind her parents’ death because she’s trying to impress Good Charlie because Good Charlie shunned her after Evil Charlie won the war by doing terribad things. Good Charlie is also having the guilt Weasels since Evil Charlie is still, basically, Charlie. She also has no way to get back to Oz and is unsure if she wants to merge with Evil Charlie.

Once Upon a Time, Season 3, Episode 20: Kansas

Zelena collects another ingredient for her spell – the gold the Rumple spins she turns into a golden brain which she adds to her box – representing Rumple’s mind. Now just one more to get…

Mary Margaret is rushed into hospital in labour. Regina and Emma casting a protection spell around her hospital room. Hook tries to join them but Emma is still not happy with him for not telling her about his cursed lips. But David insists Emma take Hook for back up if she’s going after Zelena (Emma makes an unnecessary dig at Hook’s hand – hey, yes, Hook is one handed but he’s also extremely competent fighter. By all means point out her doesn’t have magic, but his lack of a hand doesn’t make him less of a swordsman). David insists that she at least take Hook as cannon fodder. Poor Hook. Emma makes her goodbyes to Henry and off they go.

Henry is promptly farmed off on Archie and after a reunion moment it seems Henry is looking for apartments having already planned their life – the house is too crowded for all of them and the new baby, he’ll be zipping between Emma and Regina but Emma needs a place. Archie thinks he should talk to Emma, especially since he’s assuming Emma will keep him in Storybrooke or, as Henry puts it, home.

And a Flashback – Zelena in Oz, taking over the wizard’s castle, bitterly stalking Regina and Rumple through a scrying pool. Glinda pops in to see her – she’s actually quite happy about the Wizard of Oz being turned into a winged monkey since the man was a charlatan. She wants to distract Zelena from her little obsession.

In the present, Zelena forces Rumple to lay out her spell – but he still thinks she’ll fail because even if she changes time she won’t change herself.

Hook and Emma argue as they walk about how Emma feels manipulated into letting Henry having his memories back and how happy they could be in New York while Hook points out that their live in New York was a complete lie. Hook forces her to confront what worries her about staying so much and skewers the idea that it’s all for Henry’s sake.

Unfortunately they’ve made the classic television mistake of focusing on their personal drama rather than Zelena and Rumple who sneak up. And it doesn’t matter how magically powerful Emma is, Rumple is still the trump card and he throws Hook into a pool and holds him under water. Emma tries to pull him out rather than fry Zelena which isn’t very effective.

Flashback time – Glinda takes Zelena to a council of witches, along with North, East and South, they represent courage, love and wisdom (behold conspicuous empty chair). Together they’re more powerful but still can’t travel through time. They want her to take the West seat – Innocence (ha!) and want her to reclaim her goodness. Also their special prophecy book says the land’s protector will be brought to Oz from the West by Cyclone – which sounds a lot like Zelena. But she has to let go of her past – yeaaaah not likely

Zelena tries to let go of her past and in the 5 minutes she tries, Glinda decides Zelena is cured! She gives her the super powered pendant (which is now her life – since it makes you immensely powerful but also strips your powers if you don’t wear it). Are we sure Glinda isn’t the “Innocent” one? But it seems to work, Zelena has let go of her envy and her skin returns to its usual colour.

Once Upon a Time, Season 3, Episode 16: It's Not Easy Being Green

In Oz in the past there’s a great big green storm that drops a baby into the road. To be found by a couple heading down the Yellow Brick Road (I wonder if it was a conscious choice to give her a very lower class accent and him a professor’s accent or if the casting director just said “British accents! THAT’LL DO!”). Despite the little baby’s (Zelina’s) disturbing talent ability to move half a tree, the woman is adamant they take her in and care for her.

In present day Storybrooke, everyone is gathered and tragic for Neal’s funeral (woo-hoo! Tragic funeral means much less chance of them bringing him back! Oh… that’s not the emotion we’re going for here? Right. Sad and solemn. Sad and solemn). Everyone places a shovel full of dirt on the coffin (it is really sad and solemn and beautifully done and the fact I’m thinking “it’ll take you ALL DAY filling it like that! Hurry up, the sooner he’s buried the less chance he’ll come back” is totally my fault).

Zelina still controls Rumple and taunts him about the death of his son – and Rumple fires back that she doesn’t understand family. That calls for a flashback of her much older with her adoptive father and the advice he passed on we’ve heard before – always put on a good face, no matter what you feel inside. He’s harsh over her mistakes and clearly terrified of the magic she can’t control; he refuses to let her learn because it would make her – him - look bad. He also calls her Wicked (and her wickedness drove him to drink) and not really his daughter. Since her mother wasn’t evil, she’s long dead. When Zelina starts to cry he tells her to “put on a good face.” She storms out to see the Wizard of Oz.

In Storybrooke, Emma chooses anger as her outlet for grief, especially since she can’t talk about Neal with Henry without revealing he knows more about him than the absent father Henry remembers. Hook offers to talk to him (and not about “leather conditioner and eye-liner” though that was an awesome come back) since he knew Neal when Neal was a child in Neverland.

Robin and Regina continue their circling and Tinkerbell notices Robin’s lion tattoo meaning he is Regina’s prophesised love. Tinkerbell criticises Regina again for not leaping into True Love whether she wants to or not.

And Zelina gate crashes the wake – which is just rude and tacky – brandishing the Dark One’s dagger to hold everyone at bay. She’s there to reveal she’s Regina’s big sister and calling her out to a duel at sundown where everyone can see the Evil Queen lose to the Wicked Witch. Afterwards everyone discusses the challenge (Regina still has the best lines “I think I would have remembered my mother saying she had a love child with the Scarecrow”). Of course, everyone assumes Regina has done something terrible to Zelina to justify the attack.

That calls for a flashback – Zelina going to see the Wizard of Oz in his awesome castle – who shows her her family, her mother who abandoned her when she was a disappointment and Regina who was everything Cora wanted. She’s also showed Rumple – “the most powerful wizard in all the realms”. She demands to meet Rumple so he can teach her rather than Regina. So Ozzy gives her Emerald Slippers to travel to Rumple… so long as she brings something of Rumple’s back. She travels to Rumple who is very very surprised to see Cora had another daughter.

Once Upon a Time, Season 3, Episode 14: The Tower

I think we open on David’s dream since he’s in the Enchanted forest, wearing olde timey clothing and teaching a ball gowned Emma how to dance – by which I mean dancing perfectly with her. It ends as a nightmare as dream Emma says she should have had all this – but didn’t get it because he failed her. Dream Emma is sucked into a portal saying “don’t fail the next one”.

So, daddy guilt. Apparently this was a dream before the enchanted sleep because he wakes with Snow telling him the news – and he looking all kinds of worried about it.

9 months later to the present and Storybrooke and brainstorming a way to find the Wicked Witch. First off, Regina insists that Henry needs a guard – and that guard is going to be her. While babysitting henry they talk about Emma, her boyfriend, New York – and the fact that Henry would like a larger family and that he’s not so foolish as to think Emma has come here just on a case.

The Wicked Witch, Zelina still has a rather unstable Rumplestiltskin prisoner – and controls him using his dagger which she got her hands on. Dagger or not, I still think there are safer pets to keep – like rattlesnakes. She shaves him while sharing an anecdote about her drunken father and his need to keep up appearances (if she does know how to shave she’d know that wavy bladed knife is going to be absolutely useless). Keeping up appearances is a sore subject for Zelina who, when not cursed, has bright green skin.

She goes to Rumple’s shop and while distracting Belle in the back, uses Rumple’s blood to break into his safe and steal something wizened and ugly.

At Regina’s office they examine for traces of Zelina and David finds Holly berries (which he recognises the taste of… which I wouldn’t advise because Holly is poisonous. So David regularly eats poisoned berries enough to recognise the taste?) which he happily knows where it grows – but Emma and Hook will go without him because David has to meet Mary Margaret’s new midwife (Zalina) which he isn’t happy about because of his baby angst.

Which calls for a flashback – to just after breaking into the castle last week; Charming sneaks into his stables where he hides his booze and Robin comments on his own illicit boozing. Charming talks about his fatherhood worries so Robin Hood tells him of a root you can chew to relieve your fears. Charming is quick and eager to enter the haunted forest to chew on the nice narcotic root and make him a better father.

He shows up for the meeting with Zelina who is just perfect and Mary Margaret loves her – but David is just a little more suspicious since she’s a complete stranger with no references they’re trusting. Zelina makes tea – and puts some of the root Robin just told us about in David’s drink (the root she stole from Rumple’s shop).

Once Upon a Time, Season 3, Episode 13: Witch Hunt

Starting in the past: The Wicked Witch goes through all Regina’s beautiful shinies, slightly appalled that Regina left it all behind and didn’t appreciate it. She sends her flying monkey after Regina

Who is sad (noticed by Ruby) but also plotting how to sneak into the palace through the hidden tunnels then lower the shield – when the monkey appears (I love how Neal yells “incoming” after everyone has reacted to the screeching. That’s… real helpful there Neal. Really). Regina steps up, pulls a child from the monkey’s path then turns it into a fluffy stuffed toy.

See, that is what SHOULD happen when a flying monkey attacks the Queen. She gives the toy to the boy – Robin Hood’s son.

In the present Mary Margaret and David (damn David, are those trousers shrink to fit? No wonder the man isn’t sat down! You might want to loosen them up a bit if you ever want another child) repeat their memory loss but Hook can fill in some gaps since he did go to the Enchanted Forest with them before he rode off on his own. Naturally suspicion falls on Regina because… doesn’t it always? And Hook tells them he got a note and the memory potion and assumed it came from Mary Margaret (since when can Mary Margaret brew potions? That would mean giving her a useful skill) but apparently not.

Also dwarfs arrive to warn them that people are going missing. Apparently this is also a thing that no-one bothered to mention until now – they’re being picked off one by one. Emma naturally worries about Neal – who is missing (Leroy isn’t comforting and Hook doesn’t seem thrilled). People are camping on the edge of town… rather than living in the town. Fairy tale characters don’t need to make sense.

Emma announces they need to get their memories back. No, really? See, it’s cutting edge thinking like that that makes you the Saviour, Emma!

Back to the past and Belle the Bookworm and Regina the Sorceress Queen tell everyone that flying monkeys are from Oz and the Wicked witch has taken up residence. (Grumpy is sensible – do they need a house or a bucket of water?) After checking to make sure the Wicked Witch isn’t seeking revenge on Regina (for once Regina hasn’t met her), it’s back to the plan of Regina going in alone

Back to the present and everyone trying to deal with Henry the memory-less. Which results in Mary Margaret describing herself as Emma’s cell mate after she was arrested and imprisoned for banditry. (See above comment about Mary Margaret and useful skills). Until Regina comes in and drops everything on seeing Henry – poor Regina, that’s some excellent emotion right there. Emma takes Regina aside and we have the very expected accusations but Emma believes Regina’s innocence (I don’t know whether it’s trust, common sense or her anti-lie super power. I suspect the latter).

Robin and the Merry Men (Mulan? Is Mulan there? Apparently not…) are playing with a crossbow when Little John gets abducted by a flying monkey – at least it stops him crossing the city limits and losing his memory. Emma, David and crew arrive and they suspect the monkeys are kidnapping anyone who comes too close to the line.

Once Upon a Time: Season 3, Episode 12: New York City Serenade

This is Once Upon a Time so confusing timings are a must! Starting one year ago with Phillip and Aurora (who is pregnant with his child) having a picnic when dark curse clouds roll in. When it passes all the people from Storybrooke (actually I expected a whole lot more) are transported back to the Enchanted Forest. Aurora looks positively horrified by the return of the Charmings – I can’t say I blame her.

Regina wants to go her own way, her tolerance for enduring the Charmings having reached its end – and there is a limit to how much Charming anyone should have to put up with. But Snow wants her to come back to the palace with her to be all united in restoring the kingdom. As they set off, Aurora and Phillip talk about having to tell someone the Charmings have returned – someone big and bad who threatened their child if they don’t. Aurora is clear – it’s not their job to save the Charmings & co.

Everyone is restored to their original forms – the dwarfs are dwarfs, Jiminey is a cricket – and there more people they’re just scattered around by the curse. And Hook plans to leave – he’s a pirate, he wants to return to his ship not the Charming’s Castle (much to their disapproval). Neal wants to drop in on his dad’s old place to see if he may be magically alive and able to return him to Emma (no Emma, ruuuuun they’re trying to saddle you with the boring one and not the sexy pirate!) which gives the Charmings chance to recap the whole erased memory, no going back thing.

Belle is with Neal though, she’s sure Rumple is still alive. And Snow finds Regina burying her heart in the woods – trying to bury the pain of living without Henry and that he doesn’t even remember who she is, allowing her to feel nothing. Snow commiserates because she feels the same about Emma (Regina raised Henry from a small baby, years of interaction – it’s not really comparable Snow). Snow adds lots of hope and fluffiness and promise of future happiness to convince a deeply grieving Regina to take her heart back.

All of this is watched by a monstrous spy that flies when Snow spots it. Snow wants to run – Regina doesn’t run from monsters and throws a fireball at it – which misses. But Robin Hood appears to save the day with his bow and arrow (arrows are faster than fireballs? Can we have Regina’s magic work a little more often?). Who is Regina’s secret One True Love, as we recall. Regina snarks mightily at them.

Lots of reminisces from Belle and Neal who have met Robin before – and the party finds a line of black char separating them from the castle. It’s a magical barrier (“undo it then” “if I could I’d be halfway home by now” Regina brings the snark) and someone has stolen it from Regina. Bonus lines are “I’m going to find out who’s eating my porridge” “no-one sits in my chair.” Regina wants instant revenge but the Charmings insist they get their people to safety at Robin’s camp first.

Fastforward to the present day and our world – and Emma on a happy date with an apparent boyfriend she has been seeing for some time. But when he ducks out to the bathroom, Hook takes his seat. Since he pushed a kiss on her last episode – and Emma has completely forgotten everything about the Enchanted Forest – she’s not happy to see him and considering gutting him with her knife. He tries to convince her she has parents and everything is a lie and gives her an address to visit; she continues to think about doing violence to him (even if he is a “dashing rapsaclion”). He gets her to use her bizarre lie detector power (is that ever going to be explained) but she rightly points out that just because he believes it’s true doesn’t mean it is.

Supernatural, Season 9, Episode 4: Slumber Party

Opening flashback – 1935, the Men of Letters and a guy who really stores his key in an awkward fashion – sure it looks cool and secretive but can you imagine trying to get that in the dark, after a few drinks and when it’s hooling it down?

The door with the ridiculous lock leads to the Lair of the Men of Letters (which will one day become the Winchester Cave).  The two men go downstairs, take out some computer-lightbulb thingummies and plug them in declaring that the protocol is complete. I don’t know with these guys – it takes them 5 minutes to open a door then they go through all this to change the lightbulbs – no wonder they died out, they didn’t have time to breed!

Peter and James introduce themselves to each other and all the light in the place come to life. James isn’t impressed, Peter is inclined to be really overdramatic.

And 6 months after that they’re playing chess and Peter agrees with James at last – the place is a dump and he wants excitement and adventure. James thinks adventure is a bad bad idea. And they get a visitor – a hunter, “Frank’s kid”, Dorothy  - and she’s at least semi-famous enough to impress the, admittedly easily impressed Peter. She also has a big sack that is twitching. Dorothy wants help killing the Wicked Witch.

Zooming to the future and the ongoing questioning of Crowley which wisely involves not engaging him. Ever. Also randomly they’ve given Kevin a holiday because they didn’t want to include him in this episode. And Dean and Sam plan for a Game of Thrones marathon while Sam is still curious as to why Castiel left (because Dean kicked him out at Ezekiel’s insistence). He does have an idea to help Castiel – the table in the Winchester Cave lit up with all kinds of shiny lights when the angels fell – so maybe they can use it to track angels so Castiel can avoid them (Dean suspects this may be Ezekiel’s idea and further risks blowing the secret to Sam)

That involves adjusting the Winchester Cave’s 1951 computers which are huge. They fiddle with it – Dean’s brute force spilling a bottle which oozes grey sludge which moves on its own complete with ominous sound effects. The brother’s don’t notice because Dean is calling tech support

Flashback time again, James, Peter and Dorothy figuring out how to kill the Wicked witch who was in Dorothy’s bag – she’s had her tongue cut out and has been bound, though the last won’t last. James is very impressed that Dorothy did all this alone and she snarks his patronising sexism – nor does she have time for exposition or her daddy issues. Make with the research already.

To the present and Tech support is – Charlie! This explains why Kevin has been dumped – they wouldn’t need Charlie if they had Kevin to poke the computers. Brief catch up – Charlie has been fired again this time for exposing her company’s child labour and she’s also been doing a little hunting in her spare time (Dean is not impressed).