The Gay Comic Relief

I am considering a new career as a comedian.

Of course, it’s a highly stressful career involving a lot of work and preparation, razor wit and perfect timing. I have to constantly come up with new material, work meticulously for hours on my pacing; be ready for witty improvisations. It’s a lot of work

Or I can just stand up in front of an audience and say “Look! GAY!” That’s funny right?

See, I’ve never particularly got the joke. I’ve never quite understood why a man who finds another man sexually and romantically attractive is more hilarious than Antonin Scalia’s legal arguments. But apparently I’m in a distinct minority and so many people find the mere presence of gay men to be so damn hilarious that I’m sure an illustrious career in comedy awaits me. Deck me in a rainbow and get me on the stage, I’ll make a fortune.

The ridiculous notion of me on stage aside, it remains that gay man as comic relief is a pervasive trope in both media in general as well as the genre; you need some light comic relief? Get a gay man on that screen!

Sometimes it’s the sassy gay friend with lots of quips and outrageous lines. Make them funny, make them witty, push the mannerisms to the hilt, max out the cattiness, go on, drop the odd “fabulous in there” and work it honey, because you’ve got a recipe for a laughter riot. Bonus if you can make them sexually obsessed - get them flirting, get them dropping innuendo every other work, get them checking out every man within a 10 mile radius (but never actually getting any on camera, c’mon you want the straight folk to be amused by their display, not assaulting their poor straight eyes).

True Blood’s Lafayette is the absolute master of the gay comic relief. he comes on screen and we all lean forward waiting for some gem of a line, preferably coupled with outrageous clothes, a finger snap, a head twirl and a “girl/boyfriend.” A sex worker who we never see have sex in a show that’s hardly prudish about sexual depictions, a man who really works those stereotypes; Lafayette is truly the master of this role, the lord of sassy, working those stereotypes to the hilt while being a good GBF to his straight friends

That’s a high standard of gay comic relief right there, but he can’t rest on his laurels and be safe on that pinnacle. Orphan Black’s Felix is a grade A GBF, ticking so many of the boxes (and drawing laughs with his awful thong). His life revolves around his straight compatriots, nearly everything he does is to lampoon or draw attention to him being gay (pretty much the sum total of the character). He’s a sex worker (again), but we never actually see him have sex (of course) and, yes, it’s on a show that is certainly not prudish about sexual depictions. He works the stereotypes to the hilt and has a steady patter of comments for our amusement (in between looking for his gay clothes, being a gay friend and being a gay barman. Yes, really, his sexuality was referred to in relation to all these things as some kind of novelty). In fact, he and Lafayette have such similar schtick that they both have hilarious scenes where they have small children dress up outrageously. Well, when you’re working with a limited set of stereotypes it’s hard to be original.

Alas, lagging behind is Aaron in Switch. Not getting enough screen time to be a true GBF, his every comment revolved around sex and how hot he found men and as a foil in the service of Jude. Of course, he never got any, despite being his overwhelming sex obsession allowing him to be a constant source of amusement - Switch is considerably less explicit than True Blood and Orphan Black but it certainly had no trouble with the characters having sex; but not Aaron.

But Aaron is a different form of comic relief - at least Lafayette and Felix get to be active sassy toys, jesters who work to amuse us with their stereotypes and sharp tongues. Aaron isn’t a jester, he’s a clown; he doesn’t work to amuse us, we’re expected to laugh at him and his pretty pathetic behaviour, he is a figure of mockery which is another major source of gay comic relief on our shows

On True Blood we have Talbot, oh boy do we. The 700 year old vampire who squeals at violence. The 700 year old vampire who whimpers about the interior decor. The 700 year old vampire who stomps his feet and has massive, histrionic temper tantrums. This man was the very epitome of pathetic comic relief, begging us to look at him with scorn and derision. At least he got some, which is more than most the comic relief did... well, he almost got some. Then he died (therefore protecting straight folk from the terrible sight with some reassuring gaydeath). But don’t worry, Steve Newlin has come out of the closet and stepping into Talbot’s shoes, the next gay clown is up and ready for mocking.

Save Me, Season One, Episode Four: Heal Thee

Beth and Tom are lying in bed together, when she wakes and says that since God had come into her life that she feels like the world has gotten brighter and louder.  She looks out a window and sees a bird and says that it's like "he/she" has turned up the sound system full blast. Beth gets out of bed and says that we are not alone.  When she opens her window, the tree is now filled with birds and she tells them that she hopes they have the greatest day possible. Emily sees a spider in the tub and freaks out and when Tom goes to kill it, Beth stops him and calls the spider a gift from God.  When she walks out of the bathroom singing to the spider, Tom tells Emily that what happened stays in the house.

Beth decides that her fondness for God's creatures extends beyond animals and after praying for Carly McKenna (Tom's ex mistress) to wake up for days, she decides to pay her a visit. Tom is uncomfortable and wants to leave but Beth tells him to slow down and that they are supposed to talk to patients in a coma.  When he asks what they should say, Beth replies small talk and she tells Carly that they are helping Elliot throw a surprise party tonight.  Then Beth goes on to say that Elliot made a mistake and told Maggie the name of his ex wife and that she finds it ridiculous that Maggie is so insecure because no one liked Elliot's ex wife Diane.  Tom interjects that Carly needs her rest and then reads a text from Elliot asking them to pick up balloons on the way over to JP's.  Tom leaves the room and Beth lays her hands on Carly and says heal thee.  When she looks down, Carly is still in a coma so Beth says, "I'll keep praying for you bitch."

Tom and Beth are in the car and it is now full of balloons. Beth notices that Tom is quiet and so she asks him if he is upset that she came with him to see Carly. At first Tom says that's it great if that is what Beth needed to do and then says that he thinks it's creepy.  Beth asks if Tom wanted to be alone with Carly because he is still in love with her.  Tom denies being in love with Carly and Beth insists that he still seems mad.  Tom tells Beth that they shouldn't look back and he insists that he is not mad about anything.  When a squirrel runs into the road, Beth demands that he stop but Tom does not stop in time and hits the squirrel.  Beth gets on her knees and apologises to the squirrel.  Tom says that they have to put the squirrel out of it's misery.  He grabs a huge rock and is about to squash the squirrel, when Beth gets a message that she is suppose to save the squirrel, so she takes off her sweater and wraps the squirrel up in it.

They take the squirrel to Elliot and he says that if it were human he would run some tests to find out why he has fur and a tail.  Elliot clearly does not want to touch the squirrel. Beth tells Elliot that she promised God that she would save the squirrel.  Elliot is not convinced and says that he admires Beth's feelings for animals but that he took an oath in medical school to do no harm and sometimes it means not intervening with nature. Elliot finishes by saying, "cadaver's boobs are still boobs."

Beth is looking down at the squirrel in a diner when Jenna approaches and tells her that every life is precious. Beth says precious and unnerving and admits that squirrels have always freaked her out because squirrels have always reminded her of rats.  Jenna then asks Beth to move away from the window before their YELP score gets crashed.   When Beth looks out the window, she sees cats and dogs staring in at her.

Tom and Elliot are talking and Elliot says that he can't decide if it's weirder that Beth visited Carly with Tom, or that she is busy nursing road kill. Tom says that Beth was chatting up Carly like they were in the same traipse act and one of them got injured.  Elliot believes that this is a good thing because Beth actually forgave Tom for having an affair. Tom replies that he doesn't feel like a winner and wishes that he could erase the last six months. Tom feels that Beth's reaction is not normal and wants her to be mad about the affair. Elliot talk about the fact that he is always in the dog house with Maggie and suggests that they should do a couples switch, so that he can have all the forgiveness and Tom can have the rage that he needs.  Tom says that he would take the evil eye over crazy eye any day.  Tom adds that he always imagined growing old with Beth and didn't imagine her going crazy.  Beth approaches and says that the squirrel's breathing is laboured and that its fur is pale.  Elliot suggests that it's time to call the squirrel priest but Beth is adamant that they cannot let the squirrel die.  Beth tells Tom that they have to take the squirrel to a real doctor and Elliot says that Beth means a vet.

At the vet, they learn that the MRI revealed that the squirrel has a couple of broken ribs.  Tom says that he cannot believe they are having a conversation about a squirrel MRI. The vet adds that the squirrel also has a shattered pelvis with internal bleeding and Beth asks what they can do.  The vet recommends euthanizing the squirrel and Beth says no and Tom adds that they should have just done the rock thing.  Beth says no again and asks the vet what he can do.  The vet suggests surgery and Tom is concerned about the cost.  The vet tells him that it will cost between 1700-1800 and Tom immediately says no. Beth tells him that they cannot think about money and should focus on the precious life. Tom denies thinking about the money at first and then says that he is thinking about the money and the poor squirrel.  Tom points out that by doing this that they are extending the squirrels suffering and adds that if he had this much damage, he would want her to put him down.  Beth again points out that God really wants her to save the squirrel and that maybe this is all connected to Carly.  When Tom expresses doubt, Beth replies that if he had spent the fifty minutes with bible that she has, he would understand that God works in super weird ways. Tom says that this had been made really clear.  Beth suggests that maybe if she saves this squirrel that she can save Carly and Tom replies that maybe if he eats a really big meal that he can solve hunger. The vet returns to find out if they have made a decision and Beth tells him to do the surgery. Tom leaves to help Elliot and the vet calls for his nurse to prep the squirrel for surgery.

At the party, Elliot thanks them and says that he is looking forward to gratitude sex with Maggie. Jenna says that Maggie just texted her and is on her way there and that Beth has been texting updates on the little guys surgery.  Tom points out that the squirrel is not his little guy and that he is the most loved squirrel in the world.  When Maggie walks in, everyone yells surprise.  Elliot tells Maggie happy anniversary and Maggie asked him how he didn't know that surprise parties are her worst nightmare. Elliot tells everyone that Maggie is very happy.

Back at the vet, Beth says that she is confidant that when she gets the squirrel up and running again that Tom would appreciate all of her efforts.  The vet walks into the room with the squirrel in a box and tells Beth that the squirrel didn't make it.  Beth says that it's not possible but the vet assures her that they did all that they could and that it's just a squirrel. The vet hands over the box and tells Beth that she can see Gena on her way out and that if she pays cash, they will validate and incinerate.

Maggie's party is in full swing, as Beth watches Tom make mix a drink.  Beth say that she is worried that her attempt to save the squirrel has caused some internal bleeding in her marriage as well.  Jenna tells Beth that she gets it and that she once lost a job because she stayed home three days to nurse a lame butterfly back to health. Jenna adds that the butterfly got better and then flew into her fan.  Beth asks how she could fail at something God wanted her to do. Jenna tells her that she will get through this and instructs Beth to put her present down and to ask Tom to make her a drink.  Beth admits that the box she is holding is not in fact a gift but the dead squirrel.  Beth asks to put the squirrel in the fridge because it is starting to smell.  Jenna says that she cannot have a dead animal in there and suggests that Beth take the squirrel home and change into something more festive and come back.

Save Me, Season One, Episode Three: WWJD

Beth Harper is sitting in a diner thinking that she has not yet gotten used to the fact that she is a prophet of God.  Beth suddenly stand up and announces to the crowded diner that they are all loved. She informs one man that he is only going to be unemployed for a short time and this shocks him because he had no idea that he would be losing his job.  Beth then goes on to inform him that six weeks later, he is going to get his dream job.  He ignores the part about the dream job and demands to know who Beth has been talking to and how she knows that he is going to lose his job.  Beth tells him that he is missing the point, sits down and thinks about how her power didn't come with an instruction manual. Suddenly, it comes to Beth that there is an instruction book and she heads home to find a bible.

Beth calls Tom when she cannot find the bible and he is quick to dismiss what she is going through. Beth makes it clear that this isn't just a "thing" and asserts that not only does God talk to her but that she put his ex mistress into a coma. Beth then manages to find a bible and announces that they are good people.  When Beth opens the bible however, she finds it hollowed out in the center and a bag of pot in the middle.

Beth is back at the diner and is now reading the bible. She calls the relationship between Cain and Able a classic bromance.  Finally, Beth admits that she is not understanding a word that she is reading.  The waitress tells her that there are more accessible versions out there than the King James version.  Beth decides to get a children's bible. Back at home, she celebrates the fact that this new bible has pictures. Maggie and Elliot stop by to talk about Ruby leaving the neighbourhood.  Apparently, they have created a petition to get Ruby's house declared a public nuisance.  Tom is pleased to learn that he and Beth are the last two signatures needed.  Maggie points out that they all had problems with Ruby but that Beth has a truly special relationship with her. We get a flash to Beth and Ruby yelling at each other.  In one scene, Ruby threatens to shoot Beth with an arrow and in another, Beth is peeing on Ruby's front lawn. Beth signs the petition saying good riddance Ruby.  When Elliot and Maggie leave, Beth asks Tom if he remembers when they use to fantasize about a gay couple moving into Ruby's house and fixing it up. Really? There are no LGBT characters in this story, so they deal with inclusion by talking about throwing in a trope laden couple who will decorate.  I could have done without that altogether. The Harper family then goes on to fantasize about the jobs this imaginary gay couple will hold and how their work on the house will increase property values throughout the neighbourhood and result in visits from Architectural Digest. Emily even goes as far to imagine one of the men spending hours doing her hair.

The fantasizing is brought to an end when Beth gets a message to check out page 117 in her bible and realises that she has to help Ruby the rat face.  Tom asks what she means and Beth says that she cannot let Ruby be kicked out of her house and that she has to be the one to help her fix it. Tom says that she can't but Beth replies that God is telling her to be a good Samaritan.  When Emily brings up "the gays,"  Beth simply replies, "oh honey I know," before leaving.

With the bible in her hands, Beth heads to see Ruby, who immediately hoses her down.  Beth returns to the house this time with a lawn mower in tow, saying that according to the children's bible that once Ruby realises that she was trying to be a good person that it will soften her heart. Before Beth can even start the lawnmower, Ruby starts to throw empty cans at her. Beth screams stop and declares her intention to help but Ruby believes that Beth is just there to pee on something. Beth tells her about the petition and says that if she doesn't help, Ruby will get kicked out of her home.  Ruby's heart is not softened and she tells Beth that she does not want her help. Beth leaves and yells at God and Ruby calls her a nutcase and demands o know who Beth is talking to.  Beth replies that if she were a nice old lady with a horrible house that she would help Ruby out and she rants that you can't get blood from a turnip.  Ruby is surprised by Beth's choice of words and says that her husband used to say that.  Beth asked how long Ruby was married and she replies 38 years and that her husband Leon used to spend all of his time puttering in the yard. Ruby adds that when he was done, he would always come in the house and say that he just came in for a hug.  Beth walks onto the front porch and gives Ruby a hug.

Over at the Harpers, Pete asks about why Beth was hugging Ruby and Tom reveals that Beth got it into her head that she is supposed to help Ruby and be a good samaritan. Pete says no and reminds Tom about their fantasy about getting someone good in Ruby's house.  Elliot pipes up that he and Maggie have always had a fantasy about getting a gay couple on the block. Pete adds that he and Jenna have always had the exact same fantasy. Tom says that their fantasy couple are named Todd and Benitzio. Elliot adds that their fantasy couple are named  Steven and Rafe and that Steven owns several high end restaurants and that Rafe designs women's shoes. Pete adds that his are Kelly and Kelly and that one Kelly is a lipstick lesbian with a killer ass and that the other is another lipstick lesbian, who also has a killer ass.  Elliot points out that unless Tom makes Beth stop that no one has a chance of getting their "dream gays."  Tom replies that this is not the 1800's and that a man cannot stop his wife from doing something.  Tom adds that Beth thinks that this is God's will.  Elliot asks if Beth knows that God split a baby in half and suggests that Tom tell Beth that one.  Tom argues that Beth is making herself  a better person but Pete is not buying it and replies, "for the sake of me and Kelly and Kelly and their gay twin sisters, who I have not even told you about yet, you discourage her Tom."

Fangs for the Fantasy Episode 124

This week we discuss Save Me, Orphan Black, Grimm and Continuum.

Our book of the week is Blue Blaze by Chuck Wendig.

27th May - 3rd June: Shapeshifted by Cassie Alexander

3rd June - 10th June: Binding the Shadows by Jenn Bennet

10th June - 17th June: The Fury by L.J. Smith

17th June - 24th June: The Mermaid’s Madness by Jim C Hines

Save Me, Season One, Episode Two: Take It Back

Beth is sitting on the toilet and thanking God, saying that she is honored to be a prophet of God. She says that if ze is open for feedback that she is not sure that she is the best choice because she doesn't take direction and is not a religious person.  We get a flash to Beth dressed as a nun saying, "lord have mercy," as she is being spanked. Beth adds that they really hurt someone, even if she Carly is Tom's mistress.  Beth adds that she just want to learn from her mistakes with Tom and move on.  We get a flash of Tom visiting Carly in the hospital.  Beth asks God to stop talking to her and pick someone else. Emily walks in and is shocked to find her mother praying on the toilet and complains that it is constant before walking out.

When Tom returns home, Beth asks how Carly is doing and he replies that the doctors say that she is in a coma.  Beth responds that at least Carly is not dead because that would make it a felony. Tom says that Beth is a former weather girl who now controls the weather and asks her if she is trying to get her fifteen minutes of fame back.  Emily loudly announces that she is entering the room and asks Beth not to electrocute her.  Beth tells Emily that she hopes she is joking and that she wants her to feel safe in her own home.  Emily quips that her friends on Facebook have dubbed their home the house of horrors and that horrors is spelled with a W. Tom tells Emily that he is sorry she found out about his affair but that he is still dad to her, when she calls him by his first name. Emily tells Tom that she never said he wasn't her dad but calls him Tom again.  Emily leaves to hang out with a friend. Tom says that not only does Emily not want to hang out with them but that they have become the pariahs of the neighbourhood. Beth says that they have fallen from grace and brings up the potlucks they used to have.  Tom responds that this was two personalities ago before leaving the room.

Beth admits that Tom was right and says that this is when God told her to win back her family and friends, she would have to start by doing the right thing.  Beth then knocks on  Maggie's door and says that she is starting up their Sunday night potlucks again.  Maggie closes the door in Beth's face saying no thank you.  Beth knocks again and hands her the coffee maker that she borrowed.  We get a flashback to a drunken Beth hanging off of Elliot, Maggie's husband.  Maggie intervenes and tells Beth that it is time to switch to coffee. Beth heads into the kitchen and then steals the coffee maker. Maggie admits that she knew that Beth stole the machine and says that she doesn't want it back because she bought a cheaper version so that every morning her watery latte would fuel her rage against Beth.  Beth comments that this doesn't sound healthy but Maggie says that it provides her with a bigger jolt than caffeine ever could.  Beth barges into the kitchen and Elliot walks into the room saying that he is going to the gym.  Maggie warns Elliot to be careful and says that he is going to get hurt. Maggie asks if this is threat and Elliot asks who is going to hurt him.  Beth admits that she was told this and Elliot responds that he would be happy to make a referral for a psych consult.  Beth assures them that she is fine and tells them to give the potluck some thought before leaving.

Jenny is over at Beth's and she asks if it's a feeling or a voice.  Beth responds that after it's more of a feeling but that after he/she says something that she cannot ignore it. Beth adds that  it like when you dream of eating something and then cannot remember what it tastes like.  When Jenny agrees that she hates that, Beth takes comfort in the fact that Jenny is not scared of her.  Jenny admits that Pete is a little because their power keeps going out since the lightening storm. Beth admits that she is honoured that Pete thinks that she can control the weather. 

Tom is at the gym when he is asked how he knows that God is talking to Emily. Tom then turns to Elliot and asks if Emily knowing about his affair is going to permanently scar her. Elliot replies that the only scars he is qualified to speak for are the ones he can prescribe vanishing cream for. Tom replies that he wishes he could make this whole thing vanish. Elliot adds that Beth is sober now and that they are still together, so it should count for something.  Pete suggests that maybe it's the devil talking to Beth. Tom again protests that no one is talking to Beth.  Elliot brings up the fact that his father had an affair with their mailman and Tom immediately corrects him and says mail woman but Elliot again asserts mailman and says that the mailman woke up at their house.  Elliot says that he knew about his father's affair but even after his parents divorced, his father wouldn't admit it, or talk to him about it.  Ben asks Elliot if he wanted his father to talk about it and Elliot responds that it would have helped him process it better.

Beth is going through her recipe book and says that she is making a simple pasta.  Jenny agrees to make a salad, so Beth responds that a four person potluck is still a potluck.  Beth then turns, looks at the espresso machine and offers it to Jenny.  Jenny says no thanks because she is strictly a green tea girl and suggests that she sell it on ebay. Beth replies that she is supposed to be making amends and not a profit, so Jenny suggests that her church takes all kinds of donations.  Beth thinks this is perfect and asks if she can go with Jenny to church. Jenny says that she would love to have a church buddy besides Pete.

Beth brings the espresso machine with her to the church.  When she walks in, everyone is singing Praise the Lord I Saw the Light.  Beth says that she feels like she is home and gets up and starts to sing, even though she has never heard the song before.  Beth instantly knows the words.  After the service, Beth approaches pastor Jim with the esspresso machine but he says that one of their parishioners gave them a restaurant grade machine recently.  Beth then tells the pastor that Gods talks to her and he encourages Beth and says that she is special.  Jeremy interrupts and says that God talks to him as well and that Pastor Jim is going to live to be 240 years old.  Beth asks if when Jim said that she was special, if he meant like Jeremy is special and Jim replies that they are all God's children. Beth says that she is trying to be a better person and that she is going to need to hear that God's does not exist in Jeremy's toy dog.  Pete and Jenny walk up and Pete says that Jeremy once told him that he could perform psychic surgeries.  Beth calls Jeremy nuts and Jenny admonishes her not to be rude.  Jim adds that they don't cast judgement here.  Beth says that she thought churches specialise in judgement and that she needs to be separated from Jeremy because she is not the crazy one. Beth admits that God talks to her but not through a toy chihuahua but through her mind with a gender neutral voice.  The room goes silent and everyone stares at her.

Save Me, Season One: Pilot

The episode opens with Beth Harper talking about how she died on a stormy night, in a marriage which had gone bad. She stands over Tom with a hammer, after discovering his affair and quickly decides that killing her husband is no way to deal with a hangover.  Beth heads downstairs and raids the fridge but supposedly chokes to death on a sandwhich.

The next morning, Tom comes downstairs and sees a mess all over the floor but no Beth. She bursts in and tells him that she choked on a sandwich and thought she was dead but she is still alive.  Tom asks her if she is still drunk and Beth leans in and kisses him. Beth tells him that she has loved him since they day they met and is glad that she didn't bash his head in last night.

Beth decides to go for a run to celebrate still being alive but is forced to stop and puke in her neighbours recycle bin. We get a flashback to the night before of Beth partying on a coffee table, as the people around her stare. Beth heads home to dump the alcohol down the sink and her daughter Emily enters the room.  Beth asks Emily if she would like to go and see a movie and Emily tells her that she is now pretending to get a text message about something else she has to do and then pretending to feel really bad abut it.

Beth goes running again and says that she has become the source of Emily's teen angst.  Later that evening, Beth goes to Emily's room and says that she is going to do better. Emily tells her where the door is in case she needs directions. Beth tries again and tells Emily that there is magic in her and that she knew it the first time she held her.  All of a sudden, it appears as though Beth has read Emily's mind and brings up Ben, the kid Emily was making out with earlier.  Emily calls for help and Tom comes running.  Emily complains that Beth suddenly knows about Ben and that she calls all of her friends Jessica because she once had a friend named Jessica. Tom asks about Ben and Emily quickly deflects.

Tom goes to see Beth who is jumping up and down on the bed.  He starts to tell her that he wants a divorce but Beth cuts him off saying that what he really wants is an explanation for her behaviour. Beth spurts out that she choked on a sandwich and died Friday night and that is why she feels so different, so alive. Beth adds that ever since it happened, she knows things she shouldn't know.  Tom tells Beth that she has given him a lot to think about, as he backs out of the room to go and sleep on the couch.

When next we see Tom, he is in a hotel room with Carly McKenna explaining that he couldn't tell Beth about the divorce because she was jumping on the bed talking about how she had died. Carly suggests that Tom get Beth a catscan saying that if she is clean, it's an act, because no one just bumps their head and goes crazy. Carly adds that Beth has him just where she wants him and says that she has to run because her boss is kind of a knob.  Tom says that she is upset and Carly replies that she thought that today was the day they were going to start living their lives outside of the hotel.  Tom tells her to get the puppy they were talking about as a way to pacify her.

Back at the house, Emily wants to know how Beth knows about Ben and asks if she is spying on her or reading her text messages.  Beth tells Emily not to worry about it and adds that she wants to know all about it. Emily tells her that she is annoying and weird and that she is not going to just open up to her. When Beth responds that this is a start, Emily says that she is not going to do this with her again and pretend that everything is normal.  Tom walks into the room and asks Beth if she  cooked and Emily replies, "only in the very broadest definition of the word."  Emily leaves the room, as Tom asks what's on Beth's mind.  Beth answers that it turns out that God saved her and Tom points out that she has never even been to church.  Beth says that God has been talking to her and has told her to tell other people.  When Tom asks if she is a prophet, Beth says yes and that the label feels good.  Beth tells Tom that God is pissed at him because he is hurting Emily and that Emily can smell perfume on his clothes when he comes in at night. Tom asks if Emily told her that and when Beth does not respond, Tom asks if God is going to smite him now.  Beth announces that first thing in the morning they have to get a catscan to see what is going on with her and Tom quickly agrees.