Almighty Johnsons, Season 3, Episode 12: Late to the Point of Knowledge

Family meeting time for the brothers (and Olaf) over Minigolf (Anders arriving late because Michele tied him to the bed). They’re not with Hannah (Frigg), because she turfed them out to deal with her brother who doesn’t handle things not going to plan well – she sends them both packing despite Axl’s protests. Stacey puts herself forwards, as Fulla, Frigg’s handmaiden, to be the go-between for everyone. Which leaves Olaf unhappy because he’s been holding down Stacey’s business in her absence. The Thing breaks up with Axl leaving. (We also get a reminder that Hannah looks exactly like Axl did – when he turned into a woman).

Axl goes home to Zeb to begin his epicly long rant with lots of pouting and tantrums. He goes to the Bridal shop, but it is closed for “family reasons”.  And Stacey is still missing from her work place where Olaf is melting down.

Stacey is with Hannah (yes she does have to be there 24/7, damn Handmaiden power) and Mike, using his god of stalking power, tracks them down. And his plot is to try and get to Hannah through her brother, saying he knows someone for Martin to talk to who might understand him (Ingrid may be the best choice).

Axl goes to Ty to rant at him for siding with Mike and he and Dawn strike back that when whoever ascends to become Odin, Ty becomes Hodr, full blown god of darkness and Ty and Dawn don’t want anyone to ascend until they’ve figured out what that means. So… why help Mike? That’s an argument for not helping anyone – or hindering both of them – not for helping Mike. But he does give Axl her address

She isn’t there, she and Stacey are taking Martin to Mike’s set up meeting with Ingrid. Neither Martin nor Stacey are happy about the matter. Hannah pushes Martin to leave with Ingrid then orders Stacey to leave her and Mike alone.

Mike and Hannah go to dinner, each comparing notes on whose life and family is the most dysfunctional. And after lunch, she kisses him. They go back to his flat and have sex.

Axl visits Anders and asks him about him and Gaia – specifically why Idun and Bragi found each other impossibly irresistible but Odin and Frigg don’t the same (it’s called bad writing and desperate retconning).  Anders reassures him and Axl, despite their past differences, thanks Anders for being the one brother he is sure is on his side.

Michele goes to Stacey to go to meet Hannah – and after much questioning while Stacey tries to dodge the issue she learns that Hannah was at Mike’s bar – and that now her phone is turned off. She goes to Mike’s and finds Mike and Hannah in bed together; she watches them sleep before turning and leaving. When Hannah wakes up she leaves… oddly abruptly and almost nervously. Certainly hurriedly – she doesn’t even bother putting on shoes.

To Ty and Dawn working on their issue – Ty takes Dawn to meet the family oracle – which is very disappointing because that’s Olaf. Which she berates Olaf about and Olaf, in turn has a rant about trying to keep an Oral tradition alive when, frankly, it means you’re the last person in a long line of a generational game of Chinese Whispers and are meant to have answers.

Martin and Ingrid go to the beach where Ingrid tries to catch seagulls and generally revels in her classic joie de vivre.  And Martin talks about the various things he manipulated – not wanting to but having to – like getting Anders and Gaia together. Manipulating Axl on his trip with his father, getting Mike to bring him home – warning him about Jormugandr even getting Axl his job delivering pizza.  He was the one who provided the woodchipper that Mike threw Yggdrasil into and do everything he could to try and get Axl to Hannah before Mike.

Almighty Johnsons, Season 3, Episode 11: A Bit Like Buses Really

No-one’s happy with Mike now, starting with Zeb and Axl ranting away in their flat with Axl angrily stating he is Odin, no-one else, not Mike. On that note he heads out. He has a plan. Oh dear

First step of that plan involves Axl, Anders, Ty and Olaf gathering together but Olaf isn’t necessarily on board the whole idea of Axl’s visions and thinks Mike destroyed Yggdrasil for moral reasons (no-one gets healed at all? I put it down more to power outside of his control). And Olaf wants to double check that they are sure that Mike ISN’T Odin because of woo-woo and stuff. But, ultimately, Odin will be defined by his actions – like finding Frigg; which Axl and Anders are going to do.

And Mike? Mike has a crushed car and a very angry Michele. He still gets transport, goes to a house and asks the man – is that strange-stalky-man-who-is-probably-Heimdall? – to see the woman who lives there and he says “no” and shuts the door on Mike. When Mike knocks again the man yells “all wrong, go away”.  He closes the door – but leaves it ajar. Mike opens it, goes in…

And appears in his bar with Ty in the room. He goes outside – yep, it’s the street outside the bar. (Oh I need one of these for door-to-door canvassers!) Inside the bar his little football game has been cut in half – that would be an angry chainsaw wielding Michele. Ty and Mike talk about the whole Odin thing and Mike has been doing his research after Michele’s mother, Karen, warned him about being Ullr. Since “Ullr” means glory, he says some people considered Ullr and Odin to be interchangeable.

The goddesses get together for Ingrid and Stacey to marvel and praise Michele’s revenge campaign, though Ingrid is all kinds of stunned that Michele isn’t a sobbing mess of sadness. Michele is more in for revenge – gods aren’t worth any of their tears

Axl’s plan is actually pretty good – just take Anders to the Retirement home and use his Bragi powers to learn who Frederick Larson’s next of kin is – though that does involve keeping Anders on topic – complete with “retarded” joke – which is a pretty epic task in itself. He’s still distracted by an attractive nurse who rather openly crushes on Anders at first sight (perfectly understandable, especially since she hasn’t heard him speak yet). And she’s an identical twin – which of course Anders makes skeevy.

Mike returns to the house to be told to go away again; the man (possibly Heimdall) knows who Mike is and what he wants – which Mike snarks that him and everyone else apparently. But also that, as Ullr, he will find her. He opens the door and sees the man, her brother, Frigg’s brother. The man again says this isn’t the way it’s meant to happen – but leads Mike into the house  and to another teleport back to the bar. I like this power.

In the bar is Olaf, who is frustrated by everyone being interested in the stories despite him repeatedly saying they’re just stories. Mike takes this and dismisses the signs pointing to Axl being Odin because they’re similarly not fact – so it comes down to finding Frigg. And Olaf confirms that Mike has met Heimdall, the Guardian. His ability to move between realms means he can send people anywhere he wants. Also, because Heimdall sees all and hears all in every realm, he is driven mad by the overload and it’s a good idea to stay away from him and so far he has been playing nice.

Anders has finished his “mission” which apparently took longer than expected and resulted in his flies being undone, but he has the details for Axl. They go to the address (and the cameraman is now playing to getting shots of how Anders fills his impeccably tailored trousers, don’t tell me that wasn’t intentional. I like this camerawork). It appears to be a sheltered place and we add retirement homes and mentally ill people to the vast list of things Anders is scared of. So Anders stays outside – and gets a sext from Michele? Oh that’s not good.

Almighty Johnsons Season 3, Episode 6: And Then On To Norsewood

Axl is still on a road trip with his dad when Mike calls to check in – and Zeb speaks to him, much much angrier, about Axl leaving and not knowing when he’s coming back and driving off Amelia. Axl makes the very good point that Amelia did actually stab him. Zeb makes excuses for her and demands Axl come back or he’ll sell his stuff for rent – to which Axl declares he may not return at all. Which worries Mike, as well.

Axl then jumps down a hill in a giant plastic ball and Mike is left to pay Axl’s portion of the rent to Zeb, again. Poor Mike. Poor Zeb (who is also being traumatised by Ingrid).

Karen asks Mike when Axl and Joe are returning and Mike tells her he doesn’t know – and that he doesn’t intend to go hunting for them using Ullr powers. Karen reveals that her father was the previous incarnation of Ullr, something Michele doesn’t know because Karen’s father committed suicide. She cryptically warns Mike not to go down the “Odin road” and then clams up because Michele walks in; ready to mock Karen for expecting Joe to come back.

Joe and Axl are having a great time with lots of outdoorsy activities which I’m sure are so very very fun if you’re odd and like hurtling down a river in an overblown plastic bag. But Axl begins to think about going home; but Joe keeps stalling and distracting him. Leading to Joe deciding to take Axl fishing.

After a long delay while Joe gets fishing equipment (and, for a moment, I thought he’d abandoned Axl). He has managed to find a boat – which surprises Axl because he expected to be fishing off a pier. But by boat, Joe means crewing a fishing vessel; he’s got them a job crewing a Korean long-liner. And it’s going to Korea. Joe did not quite get the point of a father and son fishing trip. Joe talks about Odin and Njord going to see – his dream; but not Axl’s. Joe says Axl doesn’t have any dreams – he said, and Axl lays down exactly what he wants. He wants to go, with his father, to where he grew up and he wants to know why Joe abandoned them – then he can figure out who he, Axl, actually is.

Joe turns and leaves – mocking Axl for not wanting to go on his “huge opportunity”, doubting whether he’s really Odin and demeaning his “nice little life.” Oh, and Joe has also given away the car they were driving (Olaf’s car) to bribe their way on board. Nice man. This is where Sleipnir would come in handy.

Michele tells Mike, again, how she’s ready to kill her mother if they don’t move out soon. Which drives Mike to work more on the bar to make it livable and wishing he could afford to hire a larger team – which grandfather Olaf skewers as silly because, as Ullr, Mike is quite capable of rustling up more money. Mike pulls the “I’m living my life on my own terms” card and Olaf reminds him that Mike is Ullr, Ullr is Mike and denying his godly skills is just denying himself. Mike uses his excuse of being blacklisted at the casino – Olaf suggests disguising himself as an “old Asian lady” or, y’know using the god-of-the-hunt power to track down another source of gambling (like the net? Internet gambling, Mike! It’s convenient!)

Almighty Johnsons, Season 3, Episode 5: Unleash the Kraken

Wrestling Johnson’s brothers! But only Ty’s shirtless. And there’s no oil anywhere.  But Ty has leather trousers and Olaf is dressed as an octopus

*ahem* No, the octopus broke it for me, alas.

Rather than explaining that we’re going to do that very very very annoying TV trick and skip to 15 hours earlier where Mike has just come face to face with his long disappeared father who is having noisy sex with Michele’s mother

And you thought your family reunions were awkward.

Daddy (Joe) tries to weasel his way out of actually talking to his son (who he hasn’t seen for 15 years. Nice man). Joe uses his nature – as Njord, god of the sea – as an excuse for walking out on his family. Bonus points, Joe didn’t realise that Karen and Michele were goddesses. Karen (Lofn) takes this as an opportunity for some ocean-based innuendo I shall have to hook out of my brain with a needle later. Michele and Mike are heavily traumatised.

At Axl’s flat, Ty is moving out as he’s found a flat of his own – only big enough for him. Ingrid lays on a little bit of a guilt trip over that. Axl assures Ingrid she can keep crashing there while Zeb is rather sharp about the lack of rent – since he’s the one whose name is on the lease, he’s the one who gets grief when the rent is due and he’s found a new flatmate who will pay rent. Well, kind of – though Axl’s not going to like it. Apparently the new flatemate is Amelia Tennant.

Who? Apparently an old friend of Axl’s – a friend who performed oral sex on him while she was dressed as Princess Leia and he was dressed as… I have absolutely no idea. Either way Axl is adamantly against her because she is, in his words a “psycho nutbar.” Which sounds like an ableist breakfast cereal, or possibly a knife-shaped granola bar. Zeb doesn’t agree with this summation.

Back at Michele’s flat, Joe has made everyone an amazing breakfast – but Mike still challenges Joe about the 15 years of no contact but Joe explains it away with being at sea – and Mike even seems to buy it. With the apparent peace, Karen decides they absolutely must have Johnson reunion BBQ party at the flat – and it should be fancy dress. This sounds horrific, Michele agrees – but it’s too late – the power of Lofn, party organiser and matchmaker of the gods, she decides to throw a party, it happens. Anders, Axl and Ty already have invitations, neither are thrilled and both are even less thrilled to hear their dad is in town.

To drive home how little Joe knows about his sons, Mike tells Joe what gods his brothers are (he even forgot Axl was old enough to manifest). Which means he gets the shock of Axl being Odin, just in time for Olaf to call, unable to escape the Lofn call of bad parties, to learn that his son is in town (is it odd that I can see Olaf as Mike’s grandfather but Olaf as Joe’s father breaks my brain?) And Olaf is far more pissed than the brothers – apparently Joe broke Olaf’s one rule and Olaf intends to bring all kinds of hurt down on him; he sounds serious enough to mean it. We even got emotional piano music.

Back at Axl’s, Zeb brings in Amelia – much to Axl’s teeth-gritting annoyance. However she comes with pluses – she works promotion for an alcohol company which means she can pay rent, she comes with free booze, introduction to cute girls and a big screen TV. I think she had Axl at free booze. Poor Ingrid is out, of course.

When alone Axl still takes the chance to tell Amelia he doesn’t trust her and that she’s exploiting Zeb’s desperate crush on her – and we learn that Axl didn’t tell Zeb about the whole Star Wars oral sex moment and he really doesn’t want Zeb to know. And it looks like Amelia is still interested in Axl

Almighty Johnsons Season 3, Episode 4: Like the Berserkers of Old

Time for another day of Axl joining Mike in rebuilding his home, Mike and Michele in bed and Michele hating the chaos, dirt and dust and Axl bringing in the ceiling. Over that bed. That’s not made things better.

With the house officially unliveable, Mike insists they stay at Michele’s flat, temporarily, especially since it’s 2 bedroom with one person in it. Michele finally has to tell him that her tenant is her mother – and she’s dreading moving back with her.

To the flat, to meet Michele’s mother, Karen who is… pretty pleasant. A bit full on, over enthusiastic and she calls Michele “snappy”. Which is an awesome nickname which should be used forever and ever. Of course, Karen is also a goddess (and, strike against her, she liked Colin – Loki – but, then she seems to like everyone) – Lofn (oooh the gentle matchmaker); she loves parties and Mike’s the god of games – sounds awesome. Michele looks like she regrets Sjofn’s powers don’t let her sink into the floor.

At Anders’s office, someone has left Ander’s a briefcase full of money (which he had Dawn open because he’s a coward). A briefcase full of money with a note to meet the anonymous benefactor if they want more. Dawn is very sensibly suspicious, Anders is very typically greedy and foolish. Always listen to Dawn, Dawn is always right

The meeting turns out to be with Colin. Loki. Turn around and walk away now Anders. He says he needs Anders – oh gods walk away! Colin wants to be mayor! Because it’ll be fun! And, of course, he wants Anders with the powers of Bragi to make it happen (and his boyish good looks won’t hurt). Anders objects on the grounds of Colin blowing up his brother’s house and Colin responds with some objectification of his assistant, a round of homophobia, mocking Anders for being on Mike’s leash and a briefcase with a nun puppet in it. Yes he’s as confused as I am

From nun puppets to a church full of congregants singing a hymn – with Olaf and Stacey among them. After the service Stacey laments that they’re nice people, because they’re going to have to kill them – or smite them as Olaf puts it. They go from the church to Mike to explain things – Stacey tracked them down, they’re the god hunters like the murderous Natalie. And they plan to try again.

Gathering many of the gods together, Stacey tells them how she tracked Natalie back to her source showing some pretty decent deduction skills, leading her to Natalie’s tearful husband Bevan, in New Zealand. (Ingrid continues to be nice and fluffy, Stacey much harder on the god murderers) they followed him to his church and, examining the church, found a cell within the church that are god hunters – probably 6 of them. (Also Olaf is just awful at undercover). Stacey found they where planning to meet that day at 2 – so they’d all be in the same place for the gods to, as Olaf puts it, smite them.

Stacey suggests just giving the information to Colin and letting him burn the place down (don’t rely on Loki!) and Ingrid objects to murder, Mike agrees – and Axl invokes Odin-ness (causing much sarcasm from Mike) saying that bringing in Colin is always a bad idea (behold wisdom), and that they go round and get the jump on the hunters. Mike agrees – but not taking Axl, because Odin dying kills them all. Also, no he’s not in charge yet. They go and leave a bitter, sad Axl behind.

Almighty Johnsons, Season 1, Episode 3: Bergerbar

Zeb is interviewing a new flatmate now Gaia is gone (noooooooooooo Gaia, come back – no-one blames you for sleeping with Anders, Dean O’Gorman is just too irresistible, all reasonable people understand that!) the mess of the apartment is a barrier, her playing the accordion can be worked round – Axl coming out of his room naked? A definite deal breaker.

Poor Zeb is finding it very hard to fill that room with Axl’s depression/angst/active sabotage (and lack of clothes and personal hygiene). And poor Mike who is, of course, expected to bail him out. I’m not quite sure taking him to play pool is the best solution for Mike (since he always wins) but gives him a chance to talk to Axel – and Axel to be moody, bad tempered and in no mood to listen. Emo Odin is in the building.

Mike goes to Olaf for advice (oh gods no!) and Olaf says he’ll handle it (NOOOOOOO! In what universe is this a good idea?!).

Olaf’s method of handling Axl involves getting him very very high indeed so he became “one with nature” (as opposed to “upholstered” which means “one with the couch” which was Olaf’s lesson for a younger Mike) and pretty unable to communicate. Or stay on a sofa. Or do anything except giggle helplessly.

A sober Axl goes to see Mike to ask everyone to stop helping and finally talk about his depression. Loving Gaia and investing in her as Frigg. Which failed. Then loving Gaia despite the gods which also failed. And now being without Gaia, unable to cover his own rent and nothing special – and being Odin makes it worse because he’s got a big duty and all this apparent power that he can’t even touch, making him feel more a failure. And to add salt to the wound, the one thing he could be proud of – his family – betrayed him, with Anders sleeping with Gaia. And he’s failing his course for non-attendance.

All in all… ouch.

Ty isn’t finding things easy either – humans not remembering him also affects an old customer who doesn’t give him the same goodwill he’d had. Also, Hodr, lord of all things dark and cold, had a distinct advantage when it came to repairing fridges. He goes home and… sells his house. Quickly – even when his estate agent says he could get more for it. Ingrid, helping him pack, who apparently lives with him at the moment (I missed that – also this may be the first scene where Ingrid is not drinking, about to drink or actually drunk) questions him giving in both his career and his house in the same day (also where will she stay); but Ty wants to restart his life. Stacey suggests working for her but he’s contemptuous of being a cycle courier – which she shoots down, having no time for such snobbery.

And we have a visit from Colin, yes Loki. Oh shit, everything goes to hell when Loki shows up (as it should). He’s pissed that Ty is selling the house since he gave it to his daughter (Hel) after she married Ty and before she died – except, as Ty points out, she left it to him in her will, which cleared probate and not once did Colin try to stop it or challenge it. Colin is determined that Ty won’t sell the house because… because he’s Loki, he doesn’t need a reason!