Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts

Friday, December 11, 2015

It's All Mommy and Daddy's Fault

Our first influences in life are our parents. Along the way, perhaps, our teachers, pop culture or friends also weigh in to change our perspective in life but our parents usually have the longest and most dramatic hold over us. It’s hardly a surprise then that when it comes to speculative fiction that parents have become a recurring trope in many ways. We have discussed dead mothers and absent fathers ad nauseum but what we haven’t looked at is the placing of blame for horrendous actions on one’s parents. Yes, really, it’s a thing I swear.

For me, perhaps the most pervasive example is Klaus from The Originals. Klaus would have us believe that were it not for the fact that he is the child of an affair and that his parents were so cruel, that his artistic soul would have soared through the stratosphere and he would have given the world great works of art to cherish forever. Clearly, he hasn’t looked at his own art. There’s no doubt that Mikael was an abusive parent but none of Mikael’s actions explain and or justify Klaus’s bloodlust. Sure, Esther lied to Klaus repeatedly but does that give him the right to control every single woman he interacts with?

Klaus has even started to get counseling for his mommy and daddy issues with Cami. I’m not knocking counselling but let’s stop and think for a moment about the fact that Klaus is 1,000 years old. The events that he is most upset about happened a millennium ago. There’s holding a grudge and there’s blaming mommy and daddy because you don’t want to take responsibility for your own shit.  I think that we can agree that Klaus easily falls into the later. He repeatedly uses his pain and his damage to make himself more appealing to women. It has just become another weapon in his arsenal, no matter how many times he gets all teary eyed and tortured artist.  

Jafar  from Once Upon A Time in Wonderland is quite similar to Klaus. Jafar entered his father’s castle under false pretexts and worked as a servant for the Sultan for quite some time. After Jafar revealed his true identity, Jafar’s father not only abandoned and rejected him, he ordered Jafar to be taken out with the garbage.  In this moment, Jafar swore revenge and turned to the dark side. To that end, Jafar would kill, deceive, steal and torture until finally he had his father in his grasp. No matter what evil he did, Jafar could not come to any kind of closure about his parentage.  In fact, his greatest wish was for the Sultan to call him son, a wish that would be denied repeatedly. Jafar is actually willing to rewrite the entire rules of reality to compel his daddy to love him, no matter who he destroys or what suffering he brings.

Then you have people like Rumpelstiltskin, who hit the Daddy issues from two sides of the equation. Rumplestiltskin’s father is Peter Pan and Pan is certainly not the friendly, childlike creature that we first met in Barry’s books. The Pan in Once Upon A Time, is angry, calculating, evil and willing to sacrifice anyone to get what he wants. Sounds like Rumpelstiltskin is a chip off the old block doesn’t it? To his credit, Rumplestiltskin does blame some of his decision on his cowardice and love of power but he does suggest that at least an element of his ongoing problems are based in his daddy issues.  

Then you have Rumplestiltskin as a father to Neil. Rumplestiltskin knows that he is a failure as a father and that is obvious by his ongoing obsession with the fact that he deserted Neil.

“I wanted to look for you, but I was too afraid that you wouldn't forgive me because I never forgave myself. There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I don't regret having left you.”

Rumplestiltskin constantly invokes Baelfire and connects it to his shame but Baelfire never really serves as motivation for real and lasting change. Ultimately, what Rumpelstiltskin wants to do is to do all the heinous things he desires, exercise his power, and manipulate everyone in sight, all while whining about his failure as a father to garner sympathy or claim justification. Baelfire is like a trump card that Rumplestiltskin pulls out of back pocket when he needs to humanise himself. Oh he has Daddy issues but they are convenient Daddy issues.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Being Human U.S. Season Two, Episode Six: Mama Said There'd Be Decades Like These

I don't about you, but I really liked this episode.

Sally

Josh is cleaning rooms at the hospital when he realizes that one of the patients is actually Sally's mother Rena.  When Rena finally dies and runs into Sally in the hallway, it is clear that Rena is actually happy to be dead because she lived a life of so much pain.  She wants to go off exploring but Sally reminds her that they need to check in her father.  At the funeral, Sally catches Rena making out with her former neighbour Jerry Patterson.  It seems that they had an affair for years and when Jerry died, Rena was forced to mourn in silence because of the illicit nature of their relationship.  Sally is horrified with the knowledge that her mother is an adulteress and while she stays away from slut shaming, there is a level of clear disappointment.

For the first time ever, Sally is forced to realize that Rena is a complete human being.  This really struck a nerve with me. Rena says, "It hasn't occurred to that you parents could be individuals, you know have a life of their own." All Sally sees is that her father did not abuse Rena the way that Danny abused her.  She feels betrayed by her mothers love for Jerry. Sally is further hurt that Rena had no idea how she died and to her it seems that though she has been waiting for her mother to comfort her, all that Rena is interested in is Jerry. Rena makes it clear that she loved her husband and Sally but that she is entitled to this. It may have seemed selfish to Sally but I think that there is so much pressure on mothers to put themselves last.  I don't agree with having an affair but I do understand the need to find some happiness in this life. Once one becomes a mother, that is expected to be the entirety of our identity.

In the end, the two women come to some sort of closure. Rena feels that she has failed Sally because Sally lived in an abusive relationship and died because of it.  She feels that though Sally is dead she is still holding on because she is residing in the same house that she died in.  In this she sees nothing but sorrow for Sally and I think that she has a point.