Game of Thrones, Season 3 Episode 7: The Bear and the Maiden Fair

The North: But heading south – Jon Snow (who knows nothing) and Ygritte.

Ygritte scoffs at silly things like roads and carrying banners and musicians to battle. He thinks them attacking Castle Black will attract a lot of attention but she reminds him that he knows nothing. They should remind him of that often, it’s good for him. Wargy fellow also has a harsh lesson on how selfish you have to be to survive.

Another good way to survive is to not have to listen to Tormund giving Jon Snow sex advice (even if he does know nothing)  while wargy Orrel tries to convince Ygritte that Jon Snow is not good for her  - he confesses his own love for her.

Ygritte shows Jon Snow her superior hunting skills but then is impressed by a windmill that she takes to be a palace, never having seen stones stacked so high. Jon also has to explain the concept of fainting to her – she doesn’t understand why a woman would feel faint. She mocks him wonderfully.

The conversation turns serious when she talks about talking Winterfell. Jon says she’ll fail and points out that Wildlings beyond the Wall have tried to invade 6 times and have failed each time – something she never knew. She says it will be different he points out they have no discipline, their army is just a collection of fighters that has no idea how to fight together. They will all die – she changes that to “we will all die” and kisses him, reiterating that they’re together and before they die, they will live.

Also in the North: Bran, Osha et al

Osha resents Jojen talking to Bran instead of working to set up camp and questions what he’s saying. She objects to him filling Bran’s head with “black magic” and says he doesn’t want him talking to Bran until they get to Castle Black. Jojen says they’re not going there – which is a shock to Osha

Bran says Jon isn’t at castle Black and they have to find the Raven, north of the wall. He talks as if the gods have plans for him which Osha angrily dismisses – the gods don’t care for people. She tells them what it’s like beyond the wall, how she had a man who left and came back as one of the dead – a dead man she had to burn to kill, burning her hut with it. The gods made it clear to her the North was no place for men.

Riverlands: Starks, Tulleys and the single brain cell they share between them

Everyone is discussing Walder Frey being unpleasant and how the rain delaying them will make him extra huffy – and everyone’s taking it in turns to cut Catelyn off and speak over her, even the Blackfish who is supposed to respect her.

After much pointless grousing about Edmure’s wedding we switch to Robb and Talisa in bed together (is this meant to highlight how unfair the deal is to Edmure when Robb backed out of his arranged marriage?). Robb gets up and puts on a robe while Talisa stays naked and talks about writing to her mother. After a couple of dropped hints that Robb misses, Talisa reveals she is pregnant. The joyful news pulls him back to bed.

Fangs for the Fantasy Episode 122

This week we discuss the season finale of Once Upon a Time and our generally low opinion of the season. We also discussed Game of Thrones, the extreme homophobic straight washing of Da Vinici’s Demons and the awfulness that is Elena in the Vampire Diaries

Our book of the week was Dead Ever After by Charlaine Harris

6th May - 13th May: Dead Ever After by Charlaine Harris

13th May - 20th May: Tempting Danger by Eileen Wilks

20th May - 27th May: The Iron Witch by Karen Mahoney

27th May - 3rd June: Shapeshifted by Cassie Alexander 

3rd June - 10th June: Binding the Shadows by Jenn Bennet

10^th June - 17^th June: The Fury by L.J. Smith

 

Dead Ever After (Sookie Stackhouse #13) by Charlaine Harris

Sookie is back. And people want to kill her. For reasons (don’t ask what they are, I barely know, the book certainly doesn’t know. But then again they may have met her for 10 minutes, that could be motive enough)

Which means every character this 13 book series has ever had since the very beginning decides to pop in to wave and say hi, most of them leaving again, others staying for breakfast. Sookie whines and complains and whines and complains and whines some more with an extra side order of how awful all woman are except the Sookzilla are.

And then badness happens, convoluted rescue and Sookie ends up shagging someone half of fandom hates.

What you wanted a real recap? Seriously, there’s nothing to recap. Some random guys decide they hate Sookie and try to destroy her in a fashion that makes your average Scooby Doo villain look direct and simple. Arlene is sprung out of prison is evil and bad, dies and Sookie is framed – inelegantly – for her murder that would never have stuck anyway. Everyone rallies round the wonderful Sookie. Sookie is her usual nasty self and whines about her love life while doing nothing.

Let me preface this review with a point: I know a lot of fans are giving this book low ratings because they are absolutely horrified, shocked and appalled that Sookie didn’t end up with their lover of choice. So upset, in fact, that some of them have lost their ever loving minds.

So let me be clear, I do not care who Sookie ends up with. No, no, I do, but only in a sense of wanting to know which man to pity, which man is forced to bite the bullet, and which men manage to flee from the Sookzilla and escape her clutches.

That said, her relationship is frankly the least reason I dislike this book – what with the writing, the broken plot, the ridiculous characterisations and, of course, Sookie herself.

Firstly, since this is the last book in the series, every character there has ever been showed up to wave and say hi. These characters fit into two categories – men who turned up to remind us how awful all the other women in their lives were compared to the precious Sookie (Sam runs down his lovers – the Maenad, Jannalyn, both worse than Sookie. Quinn reflects on the mother of his child – who won’t let him nearby – and the sister Sookie disapproves of. Alcide has 1 out of three lovers Sookie found tolerable – and she’s dead). They all consider their past relationships – in some cases it’s the only reason they actually show up at all – just to remind us how wonderful and perfect Sookie is next to every other woman in the world ever.

Of course, some women return to the fold as well – and there begins the grand apology genuflections for being women who have inevitably failed the perfect Sookzilla. Tara is there to apologise for how she failed her Sookieness and later Amelia shows up to do her own penitence at the altar of Sookie perfection. It’s pretty glaring when you compare the men returning to Sookie’s service and the women – the men reflect on how bad their women were, the women are penitent about what bad people they are, because no woman can ever match the Sookzilla, no woman is allowed to be her peer, they always have to be beneath her or lesser than her because she is Sookie, the special woman. And, of course, there’s the evil evil betraying Arlene who finally gets hers! And absolutely no-one is sorry about the death of a single mother because of what she did to Sookie, she knows because she read the bar’s minds and they’re all Team!Sookie.

Even new women on the scene – like Ann and Sam’s mother – have to have their flaws paraded through Sookie’s mind to remind us how terribad wrong all other women are compared to the Sookzilla!

Orphan Black, Season One, Episode Seven: Parts Developed in an Unusual Manner

 

Sarah is skyping with  Cossima and she tells her that Olivier called Paul in quite some time ago and Paul has yet to return.  Cossima asks if this is out of the ordinary but Sarah says that she has no idea what normal is.  Cossima suggests that as long as Paul is on their side that things should be okay, but Sarah is not certain that Paul is on their side.

Paul is sitting down with Olivier and he wants to go back to the time of Beth's shooting of a civilian. Olivier wants to know if Paul still perceives this as a normal reaction to what happened.  Paul says that Beth's decline lead directly to the civilian shooting and that she only got worse from there.

Back on skype, Sarah warns Cossima to stay away from her handler Delphine but Cossima believes that they must engage with their monitors.  Sarah tries again and points out what happened between Allison and her husband, and Allison's desperation now to save her marriage. Cossima promises to confront Delphine much more logically and points out that her situation is different. Cossima points out that Delphine doesn't know that she knows but Sarah asks Cossima to stay away from Delphine until she finds out whether or not Paul is selling them down the river. 

Helena is still under some sort of care and is awoken by Thomas.  She asks where she is and Thomas only tells her that she is getting stronger.  We see that Thomas is wearing a ring with a very distinctive signet.

Sarah and Felix drive to an underground club that Olivier told Paul to meet him at.  They find Paul's car and Sarah says that even if Paul's not ratting her out, the medical tests could still tell them that she is not Beth. Felix replies that Cossima said they wouldn't but Sarah is not convinced and suggests that Cossima is blinded by science. Felix says that from his research, Cossima is right and that because she is a clone of Beth, Sarah and Beth have identical DNA. 

Art and Angela are meeting with a pathologist and they learn that the DNA sample from the Jane Doe in the gravel crusher and the DNA sample from the killer in the bathroom are a match.  Art says that someone in the lab must have messed up.  Janice says that there was no mistake and wonders if the blood they found was planted.  Angela suggests that possibly someone with access tampered with the results. Art says that they are missing something from the very beginning. Hardcastle suggests that they need to do it the old fashioned way and asks about the facial reconstruction of the Jane Doe.  Janice tells them that it's coming and reminds Hardcastle that her face went through a gravel crusher. When Hardcastle and Janice leave the room, Art tells Angela that Beth would never tamper with evidence. Angela concedes that he might be right but reminds Art that he had questions with her run in with the killer. Art says that they need to return to square one like Hardcastle said.

Outside the club, Sarah says that she is tired of waiting and that she is going to go into the club to find out what Paul is up to.  Felix tells her that she cannot go in there with her recognizable mug and that club land is his world.  Felix enters and is told that the club is private but when a woman walks in, he says that he came a great distance to party there and was told to mention Olivier.  The woman tells him that he is dying and says that he is not familiar with neolotionism. Felix gets in and tells the woman that he is intrigued by evolution and self augmentation. He asks if Olivier is advanced and is told that he has no idea.

Olivier asks the last time Paul was sexually intimate with Beth and how he would charcterise it. Paul says that that he does not understand the question. Olivier then asks if Paul would describe the intercourse as intimate, aggressive, perfunctory, aggressive, sensual and Paul says passionate. Olivier points out that Paul has previously described Beth as a cold fish and Paul once again says that it would help if he knew what is going on. Olivier tells him that the problem with clandestine ops is that information and security rarely go hand in hand and this is why he has been told that someone is killing their subjects. 

Helena sits up and is offered a drink by Thomas, who asks why she let the imposter live.  Helena replies that Sarah is different than the others. Thomas asks how "it could be different" and Helena replies that she does not know and that they have a connection.  Thomas says that it's nothing and is just like one of Helena's fingernail clippings.  Helena tells him that Sarah said that she is not the original and that they are all the same. Thomas knocks the drink out of Helena's hand and asks her how she could believe such a thing.  Helena and Thomas embrace and Helena asks for forgiveness.

Felix makes his way through the club and follows Paul out. Paul surprises Felix, grabbing him by the neck and asks why Felix is following him.  Felix says that he is not following him but when it's clear that Paul does not believe him, Felix says, "I thought you might want a blow job."  Sarah shows up and pulls Paul away from Felix and tells Paul that Felix is her brother. Paul asks her what she is doing there and Sarah tells him that she was worried.  When she asks what happened, Paul tells her to meet him at home. 

Thomas tells Helena that her task is more difficult because the real Beth shot their friend Maggie Chen, as he dries her feet. Helena says that the copies are harder to find, so Thomas suggests that maybe the could use the imposter (read: Sarah).  Helena replies that she would like to see Sarah again and Thomas grabs her by the head and informs Helena that "it will say anything to justify itself." Helena promises to be strong and Thomas replies, "get back to the Sheppard is to the sheep." Thomas hands Helena a razor and tells her to bleed the imposter for what it knows and then kill it.  Helena uses the razor to cut her back and on her face is an expression of euphoria. 

Later, Helena opens a door to a freighter and Thomas tells her, "you are the original, you are the light." and Helena repeats his words. He opens the door widely and Helena steps outside.

Paul and Sarah are at home and he says that they should go over what she knows and that Beth said that there were nine of them. Sarah corrects him and says that there is only one of her, just like there was only one of Beth.  Paul replies that this is not what he means and Sarah concedes that Beth said that there were nine altogether but she has only met Allison. Paul asks who else knows besides her brother and Sarah replies just her and Allison.  Paul then asks about Allison's husband and Sarah tells him that they have been together since high school and that Paul is not her monitor. Paul tells Sarah that they don't know that and informs Sarah not to lie to him.  Sarah asks what is going on and if Olivier is on to them.  Paul reveals that Olivier told him that someone is killing the subjects and asks if she knows anything about that.  Sarah says no and asks who and Paul tells her that Olivier said that he is to watch her closely and make sure that she is not aware. Paul tells her that this is high level shit because cloning humans is illegal and asks Sarah if she is the least bit worried that someone might be trying to kill her.  Sarah says yes and adds that at least it's not Paul. Sarah then says that she still needs to see her daughter and Paul hands over his car keys saying that his job is to keep her safe.

Sarah heads to the underground parking garage and she sees Helena in the window.  Helena says that she is not there to hurt Sarah and that she just wants to talk.  Sarah tells Helena to stay away from her and Helena says that she has an offer for her and that they should do lunch.  Helena and Sarah head to a restaurant and Helena tells Sarah that she dreamed that they were friends.  Sarah makes it clear that they are not friends but Helena informs her that they will be because she has seen it. Helena shifts gears and says that the restaurant is nice and asks what Sarah's name is. Sarah tells her that the relationship is not there yet and asks if Helena is Russian.  Helena tells her that she grew up pure in a convent in Ukraine. Sarah asks if the nuns made her kill the others and Helena says no and that the nuns saved her from abandonment.  Helena says that she wants the knife back that Sarah took from her and informs her that she is supposed to kill her as well.  Helena adds that Sarah saved her, so Sarah suggests that they should call it even and go their separate ways.  Helena tells her that they will never be separate but she will spare her. Helena grabs a pen and tells her that she has until midnight to tell her the names and hands her a phone number saying that if she doesn't, Sarah will die first. Helena then leaves the restaurant. 

Fangs for the Fantasy Book of the Week

Every week on the Fangs for the Fantasy podcast (archives here) we read a book and discuss it on the show. The review for the book of the week always goes up on a Monday

Our podcast now broadcasts at 6:30pm EST, which is 11:30pm GMT

To give people a chance to read along with us, every Monday we’re also going to include a list of our planned books of the week for the next few shows, so people can get the books, read them and join in the conversation.
 

6th May - 13th May: Dead Ever After by Charlaine Harris

13th May - 20th May: Tempting Danger by Eileen Wilks

20th May - 27th May: The Iron Witch by Karen Mahoney

27th May - 3rd June: Shapeshifted by Cassie Alexander 

3rd June - 10th June: Binding the Shadows by Jenn Bennet

Warehouse 13: Sneak Peak and Shinies

Sneak Peak of Next week's episode


Behind the Scenes clip of last episode:

Da Vinci's Demons Season 1, Episode 5: The Tower

Leo starts off in a dream of his childhood, again in the cave with the lost sheep seeing bodies and dangling people and strange carvings. While apparently disturbing, it’s not nearly so much as waking up in the prison, where he has been locked up for sodomy with lots of other prisoners making gay jokes. Leo notices the solitary confinement cell where the bat’s nest so presumably that will be relevant later or he wouldn’t draw such excessive attention to it (they could do what they do on computer games and make the clues sparkle)

Lorenzo is hosting some important guests – King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain (well, we can simplify it down to “Spain” since she is Queen of Castile and he is King of Aragon, Navarre and several others) who are looking for someone to be their bankers. Lorenzo gives Ferdinand a tour of the business who notes that Rome doesn’t bank with them any more and makes a snarky references to Leonardo, but Lorenzo focuses on business –and how much the Pope has defaulted on what they owe the Medicis.

And Clarice gives Isabella a tour of all the holy artwork that Florence supports – which Father Torquemada and Isabella do not approve of since the statues are NAKED! The lewdness!

Back in the prison Leo picks a fight and gets himself locked in solitary, the naughty boy – with the bats and their crap. Literally. And daddy dearest and his advocate, Pierro pays a visit. He pushes Leo to plead guilty and hopefully escape castration, Leo yells (no surprise) and refuses any pleas or bargains. He is accused of sodomising Jacobo Salterelli and Leo says the man is no victim. Pierro tries to dig up several defences which Leo rejects or ignores and rants that he hasn’t be brought the specific plant for dinner he asked for – until he finds it. His instability seems more apparent.  When pushed about the plants by the jailor he begins a lecture on bat’s echolocation and how these plants rely on bats for pollenating and echo more than the average leaf – with some added CGI for funsies.  He uses the leaf to attract the bat and Pierro hits on insanity as a defence in light of Leo’s ramblings

Clarice and Lorenzo discuss their visitors, Lorenzo disparaging Isabella’s tastes but reflecting that without the Rome’s accounts, they need Spain. Clarice considers the difficulties the Spanish are having at home with their wars and suggests entertainment, a distraction – and to set Guiliano on it, a grand theatrical performance. Oh that doesn’t sound like a great idea. Lorenzo has as little faith in his brother as I do.

The court session begins and the plotting Pazzi is the prosecutor, much to Pierro’s annoyance. But he causes a stir by telling the court he will contest all the charges. Leo makes an opening statement about his study of nature, having nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to defend and he condemns the political motives behind the accusation. It’s a defence that doesn’t expressly deny the charges. In the audience Vanessa snarks to Zoroaster that she can vouch for him though he

The Vampire Diaries, Season Four, Episode 22: The Walking Dead

Stefan and Elena are training in order to have a way to deal with her rage.  Elena is not content however and wants to know where Katherine is.  When Stefan says that even if he knew, he wouldn't tell her, Elena reminds him that he is the one who told her to channel all of her emotions into one single feeling.  Stefan says that he had hoped it would be love, hope or compassion and not hate.  Elena then reminds him that he wanted to kill Klaus when he got his humanity back but Stefan counters and suggests that she doesn't really want to kill Katherine. 

Vampire Cheerleader is at the bar with Matt the useless and they are talking about sending out cards to people to declare their upcoming graduation in order to receive a check.  They both commiserate on not having anyone interested in their graduation.  This of course leaves me asking for the millionth time, why the hell does a thousand year old vampire care about high school again? Caroline is doing the same thing with Elena and it seems that Elena does not care that she is graduating either.  Elena starts to pump Caroline for information about Katherine but Caroline is not forthcoming.

Bonnie is meditating in the woods with Katherine standing behind her wanting to know what Bonnie is doing.  Bonnie is trying to lower the veil to speak to her relative Kitsea about making Katherine truly immortal. Katherine however is not happy to be in the woods in her expensive boots. Bonnie's plan is to drop the veil to ask Kitsea how to get rid of Silas and when Katherine hears thi,s she tries to leave but Bonnie has linked the two of them together, so that she cannot leave, to avoid Silas getting into Bonnie's head.

Stefan and Damon have a tête-à-tête about Elena's desire to end Katherine's life at the hospital.  Liz breaks up their conversation to say that they didn't refill the blood banks at the hospital to control the vampire population but it seems that it didn't work.  Liz shows them to a dead patient who is covered in blood and says that there are four other victims in the wing drained of blood.  They speculate that it might be Silas and that this has to do with dropping the veil from the other side.

Bonnie and Katherine are still in the woods and when Katherine starts to resist entering the cellar, she is forced to follow Bonnie due to magic.  When Katherine threatens to kill Bonnie, Bonnie informs her that whatever happens to her, happens to Katherine as well.  Bonnie continues to work on the spell and Katherine is forced to stand back and watch.

Caroline, and Rebekah are at the Mystic Grill watching Elena play darts.  Caroline suggests that someone needs to do something before Elena explodes and Rebekah agrees to handle it.  Rebekah grabs a bottle of booze and orders Elena to drink saying that she is putting everyone on edge.  Elena tells her that though they had a "Thelma and Louise thing" when her humanity was turned off, they are not friends. Caroline asks if they are still friends and asks if Elena meant everything she said when her humanity was turned off.  Elena answers that she does not feel like going down memory lane. Elena tells Caroline that she is not going to get an apology because then she will feel bad and she can't handle that. As Elena continues to throw darts, the power goes out.

When they head outside, they see that the power is out all over town and that there is a windstorm going on.  Bonnie says that she has lit the final hotspot and that it's time to life the veil.

Liz, Stefan and Damon are looking at a map and they realise that the power outage originated in the Silas power triangles.  Liz then informs them that Bonnie was seen leaving the Young place an hour ago with Elena. Damon realises then that Bonnie and Katherine are working together because Caroline is with Elena.  Liz asks how they find Bonnie and Katherine and Stefan say that they must be somewhere in the middle of the triangle. The Salvatore brothers break up and Elena opts to go with Damon.  Elena immediately asks where Katherine is and Damon asks her if she is somehow missing the end of the world crap which is occurring. Elena asks Damon if he wants Katherine dead and reminds him of all of the things that Katherine has done to him over the years.  Damon again says that they need to find Bonnie, but Elena says that she doesn't care about Bonnie and only cares about finding Katherine.  Damon finally tells Elena that they are together and suggests that Elena does less threatening and more looking.

Stefan finds Caroline, who says that she searched the whole school and could not find anything.  They hear a noise and decide to investigate and it leads them to the cafeteria.  Stefan notices ice dripping down a drain and suggests that Bonnie and Katherine are underground.

Bonnie demands that Katherine hand over the tombstone because it has the calcified blood of Kelsea. Stefan then informs Damon about where Bonnie and Caroline might be and in return, he tells Elena that she is going to have to wait where she is. Damon adds that they cannot afford for Elena to get all murderous and screw things up for them. Elena asks what if killing Katherine lets her feel all of the good things that she has lost and asks for Damon's help promising that she will be herself again once she gets over this hurdle.  Damon reminds Elena that Katherine is strong and crafty.  When he tells Elena that she will die, Elena stabs him in the stomach saying, that she will at least die trying before taking off.

Bonnie holds the tombstone as it begins to bleed. Bonnie lowers the veil as upstairs, Damon sits up and Alaric Saltzman appears to ask him if he needs a hand. Alaric pulls out the stake and Damon says that this is either really good or really bad. Alaric asks if he thinks he's Silas and to prove he is who he says he is, Alaric opens up a locker and pulls out a bottle of booze.  How exactly is this proof that Alaric is who he says he is, when Silas can get into the head of anyone?  Anyway, Alaric says that Bonnie only dropped the veil around the expression triangle. Damon asks where everyone is and Alaric says that not every ghost has a reason to come back to Mystic Falls, just beings like him, looking after their "idiot best friends."