Olympus, Season 1, Episode 4: Minos

It’s time for another episode of Olympus

And it says a lot about how this show is going that I say that in the same tone one would normally say “the freezer is iced up again.” Or “I’m having a herpes outbreak” and we’re only on episode 4.

A woman only referred to as Lady of the Forest murders two brothers, hunters, to get the attention of their mother. The old woman is one of those who was captured by the Cyclops. I think tapping her on a shoulder or yelling “coo-eee” may have been something she could have tried before murdering her offspring for inviting her to dinner. The old lady can’t tell Forest Lady where Hero and Oracle went so Forest lady murders her too

Y’know people on this show need some damn names.

To the Oracle who is in Minos’s military camp (he is laying siege to Athens) and he seems very cynical and unimpressed by her divine Oracleness (unlike his daughter). Minos decides to test her loyalty by having sex with her – by her giving him the “gift” of her virginity (a job requirement for oracles). He also wants the Hero beheaded.

At least until his daughter easily manipulates him into questioning Hero first. It’s already pretty clear who the brains behind the throne is.

Daedelus, who was enslaved by and used to work for Minos before he escaped, is naturally seen as a great big traitor and he has a box on his head. A box into which Minos’s men put a bee hive. That’s just nasty.

As is what his daughter has planned for the Hero (and describes in an extremely sexual manner which I think is supposed to be creepy and intimidating but just makes me think she gets off on snakes). Her need to drink his blood (and identify city of origin by taste) means she totally misses him cutting his bonds. He takes her hostage and she gropes him. Lady, you have issues. Her begging him to cut her while doing so causes him to let her go, possibly out of bemusement or sheer terror. Though recaptured she doesn’t want him dead yet. That is not reassuring.

In Athens, Lykos tries to convince the council to send emissaries to their reluctant allies to ask for help when King Aegeus comes in and roars – again – about dying gloriously. Honestly every last one of this king’s ideas are basically glorious self-slaughter. He also questions why Lykos is there and, when he hears Lykos is actually a decent tactician, he roars about not needing tactics – just needing guts (presumably to spill everywhere when you are slit open by the enemy that uses tactics).

He wants to open the gates and charge outside of the fortifications in broad daylight against a foe that outnumbers them several times over. While their men are exhausted and morale is low. He strangles the general that tries to convince him what an utterly terrible idea this is.

Vampire Diaries, Season 6, Episode 19: Because

Stefan’s master plan to catch Caroline and make her human again!

First convince her he’s still humanity less (this would mean Musty Stefan pretending to be Fun Stefan and not whining, Already this plan has flaws). They explain this plan to Elena who is completely oblivious to Caroline and Stefan’s feelings for each other (hey didn’t Caroline angst about these feelings to Elena a few episodes ago? Minus 10 friend points Elena!). Damon is also snarking especially since Stefan and Caroline’s first time having sex together was after the humanity switch flipping

Stage 2 involves torture and blood draining. Stage 3 involves nostalgia and sad panda memories.

Step 1 works. As does the kidnapping part of Step 2 (because of Damon and towels). He also darts Stefan for reasons unknown and we next see them waking up in a blood stained bed 3 days later. Messy

And Damon decides to bring coffee to Bonnie and talk about how he totally hasn’t told Elena about her vampire cure (can Bonnie actually have a conversation not about Elena?) Oh and Damon gave the Ascendant to Mummy Dearest for “safe keeping” and Bonnie is not impressed by this given the whole Heretic vampire/witch hybrids (or witchpire as Damon dubs them). As an added bonus since Lily needs Bonnie to cast the spell to let the witchpires out, that means Lily is going to go looking for Bonnie. Bonnie is furious and tells Damon to fix it AND “don’t show up here pretending to care about me.”

About time you said it Bonnie!

Alaric and Jo still exist. Someone in the world may care. And they are alien people who have nothing in common with me. Move along to Caroline and Stefan being locked in a vampire-proof B&B and my contemplating the fact I just typed “vampire-proof B&B”. They’ve both been drained of blood so have no energy.

As if Caroline isn’t suffering enough, Elena enters the scene. Caroline instantly snarks about all the terrible things Elena did when she turned her humanity off (Stefan, pretending to have lost his humanity, plays along). Elena gives Caroline a letter from her mother that Liz wrote before she died but Caroline knows full well what that’s for – and tells Stefan to burn it. He tries to weasel out of it but eventually does so.

Opal Fire (A Stacy Justice Mystery #1) by Barbra Annino

Stacy Justice gives up her promising career as a journalist to return home and help her witch family.  In a small town, things are supposed to be slow but Stacy quickly discovers that small towns also harbor secrets, when her cousins bar burns down and the remains of a woman are found hidden in the walls.  With her cousin accused of arson, Stacy decides to investigate, forcing her to finally acknowledge her latent witch powers and to stop dismissing her witch aunts as simply weird.

It became apparent to me early on in Opal Fire that Annino was trying to capture the essence of the movie Practical Magic and infuse her novel with it.  Unfortunately, Annino was far from successful at this attempt.  Opal Fire was meant to be a quirky paranormal chick lit mystery/romance and therefore; essentially a light read. Opal Fire was so over written that at  some points it became difficult to keep my eyes on the page.  Did we really need every single detail of what Stacy ate and why?  Was I really supposed to be amused that her grandparents, who have difficulty getting alone, went on a marriage retreat and then sent her text messages about it?  Why was that even in the story?  Even more importantly, why should I care?

Stacy spent most of the time in Opal Fire chasing her own tail.  It became apparent very early on who the murderer was and how Stacy failed to connect the dots amazed me?  The big Perry Mason like confession was supposed to be startling but I couldn't get through it fast enough.  It was all just so bloody obvious.  Furthermore, when are writers going to realise that having the antagonist confess and then connect the dots for the protagonist is a cheap device?

Supernatural, Season 10, Episode 19: The Werther Project

Opening monster – St Louis and a family that seems like a throwback from some previous decade. The daughter of the family randomly decides to break down a basement wall to find a hidden arcane men of letters safe which she opens – and releases green swirling smoke which I’m going to guess is a bad thing

When she wakes up she finds her whole family have committed suicide (except her mother who slits her own throat right there).

Over to Sam who, last episode, started making a deal with Rowena which may be the worst idea ever. Her price is to kill Crowley – which Sam is happy to do and doesn’t even care about her motives (and she’s all set to sell a sob story). First step in reading the book is finding the codex of dead coven witch, Nadia and bringing it to Rowena. Probably making her even more powerful. This could not possibly be a worst idea. The Codex was taken by the Men of Letters.

Dean, meanwhile, has gone on a bit of a killing spree and really enjoyed himself much to Sam’s horror. His victims, however, are 6 vampires (on his own which is pretty impressive). Sam is upset that Dean went killing without him – but Dean, after much light hearted snarking, admits it’s the only way he can “take the edge off.” He’s also tried of Sam’s “diseased killer puppy” look. I actually love that description – it’s a perfect way to describe the mix of pity, disgust and horror on Sam’s face.

So back to the bunker and Sam looking for the codex, which means listening to old minutes about Cuthbert’s expulsion after he locked the codex inside the Werther Box which, by the sound of it, is the arcane safe we saw. Cuthbert was expelled for this because he created a lethal magical artefact that killed 2 men of letters without telling anyone. Naughty. Cuthbert doesn’t understand why everyone is so upset about a little murder box and stomps and snarls at them all – and refuses to tell them how to shut it down. So it remained in St Louis where no-one can touch it

Magical death box? Of course Sam is interested. Also when hearing about a super dangerous magical death box (containing and even more dangerous magical book), of course Sam calls Rowena (who isn’t a morning person). At least he gets a spell from her rather than inviting her to come along.

So off Sam goes and has two problems – a woman with a gun who objects to him picking the lock on her door and Dean following him. Dean understands Sam is pissed at him going off on his own and apologises – and Sam totally doesn’t have to go off alone to prove the point. Errr… ooops. Come clean now Sam, it’s the only way you’re getting out of this.

LGBT Characters in The Vampire Diaries and The Originals

We are currently in season 6 of The Vampire Diaries and season 2 of The Originals.  The latest season gave the viewers the most gay characters these shows have ever had at one time. The Vampire Diaries had Luke, while The Originals had Josh and Aidan. Maybe three gay characters isn’t exactly an immense number considering the sheer size of the casts on these shows, but it was still a peak in this universe’s representation of gay existence.

Except, now, they’re down to one gay character: Josh on The Originals. Luke died recently, sacrificing himself on The Vampire Diaries for his straight sisters and Aidan was just brutally murdered by Dahlia to make a random point and add to Klaus’s endless, overflowing Manpain

These two deaths not only killed off 2 thirds of the gay representation on both shows (and the entirety of the gay representation on The Vampire Diaries) but killed off half of the named gay characters these shows have ever had. In one fell swoop, this season slaughtered half of the series’ entire gay representation.

Prior to the introduction of Luke, Aidan and Josh, the only other named gay character - Bill Thorbes choose death over becoming a vampire. Of the four gay characters these shows have had, three of them are dead. By any form of accounting, killing 3/4 of any population is targeted and in the case of marginalised characters beyond problematic.

Every last one of these gay characters died by violence leaving Josh alone and looking awfully vulnerable (Which suggests that a gay character had better head to the plot box and hide if they want to live). Yes, these are shows with a pretty huge death rates, but the straight people dying didn’t annihilate three quarters of their presence from the screen. Wiping out three quarters of a minority representation by violence is still a gross trend and sends a terrible message about disposability of these characters. They were not put on the bus like Jeremy, not dead by natural causes like Liz but all dead by violence.

Of course part of the reason why they’re so vulnerable to gaydeath is that, like so many minority characters, they weren’t integral, weren’t important and weren’t among the major cast. Lack of development is always a deathknell.

Because if there’s one thing worse than the gross death rate of gay characters in The Vampire Diaries / Originals universe, it’s the treatment of them when they were actually alive.

The Vampire Diaries and The Originals between them have covered 8 seasons (and counting since both have been renewed) - a pretty massive 171 episodes, and an enormous and uncountable array of characters. In all that time and with all those characters, we would expect some LGBT characters to eventually appear.

“Eventually” they did - and eventually is an apt description. Like many shows and book series, The Vampire Diaries (and the greater Vampire Diaries world) waited considerable time to introduce a substantial LGBT representation (assuming we stretch the definition of “substantial” to cover any of the gay characters on this show). This is a far too common meme we see in fiction - LGBT representation is something that is only belatedly introduced, usually after a series has been established for some time and there is a growing level of criticism. Vampire Diaries even tried to allay some of that by teasing that there would be an LGBT character in season 2 (widely tipped to be Rose) before they hurriedly backed away from it.

For the number of characters on these shows, the LGBT representation has been late, sparse and also very much limited to gay men. Again, with this many episodes and this many characters, the lack of a broader representation of the LGBT community is glaring. The only other LGBT representation we have is the highly dubious single scene of Rebekah and Nadia having a threesome with Matt. Could Rebekah and Nadia be bisexual women? Certainly. But neither of these characters express any kind of interest in women after this (or before in Rebekah’s case) and it’s not like we haven’t seen Rebekah’s many (male) love interests in The Vampire Diaries, The Originals and even the book of the series. Rebekah seems to be only interested in women when it’s for the enjoyment of a straight man - a destructive and fetishistic trope that constantly reduces female bisexuality to a performance for the straight male gaze and consumption. This is emphasised by the whole focus of that scene - on Matt’s happiness and enjoyment of Rebekah and Nadia being together and in bed with him.

And, of course, Nadia had an entirely ulterior motive to be there on top of the straight male gaze consumption. At best, it’s a grossly fetishistic depiction of bisexual female sexuality, at worst, it’s two straight women performing bisexuality for a straight man’s pleasure.

Of course, the actual representation we did see on these shows was so utterly awful that I actually regret that Vampire Diaries and Originals wasn’t MORE erased. Yes, this show has earned a Pass at Writing Gay Characters because the depictions are just that awful.

The first gay inclusion we see is an unnamed cowboy in season 1. You probably don’t remember him, most people don’t remember him - he was one of Isobel’s (Elena’s vampire mother) pets. She compelled him to have sex with her. This should really have served as a warning of what’s to come: a nameless token who is reduced to a raped sex toy.

The Pining of Kevin Harding by Devon McCormack

Kevin doesn’t want to be a vampire. He doesn’t want to kill people to live and so far he has resisted – but his master is getting impatient and his power and control is impossible to resist

Do vampire hunters offer another risk – or a final opportunity to escape?

This one didn’t work for me – for several reasons, but largely down to the whole thing feeling rushed and slap dash.

We have a world with vampires – vampires that are masters and create hives of drones that are compelled to be loyal through various supernatural beings – but we never really go into that, into what it means to be a vampire, into their society (which they clearly have), their physiology or much of anything else. There are vampires, some are masters. That’s it

Similarly there are hunters who manage to drive the vampires to hide and run all the time – yet at the same time seem to be a highly disorganised group of individuals with, at best, loose contact and organisation (as opposed to the vampires). Yet at the same time seem to be able to invent nifty vampire killing tools including a special vampire dissolving acid… none of this is essentially contradictory but it is highly unlikely without some more actual exposition

The world building feels like it wasn’t so much built as bits were thrown in when it was narratively convenient without any attempt to make any foundation or extrapolate on these elements that were created, leaving gaping holes, lots of fuzzy areas and leaving me somewhat bored and disinterested.

Which applies to the characters as well. Morgan is a one-note damaged hot guy with a tragic backstory who will be cured with the magical sexing. Dax is the rather simple buff hot guy who… know I can’t even expand on that. That’s all he is. Kevin is a somewhat blah character from a somewhat blah background who is… somewhat blah. I can’t really point to one memorable thing about him. He apparently always wanted to be an actor, but is painfully shy and introverted. He’s pretty childish which only manages to pass because Morgan is so much more EPICLY childish (complete with massively whiny tantrums) that Kevin’s own immaturity is masked. That’s kind of all I know about Kevin – he’s a vampire, he doesn’t want to be, he’s whiny, he’s shy and introverted and he falls in love waaaay too fast.

Ironically, the bad guys – Kevin’s master, Kevin’s master’s enemy and   are more developed. But only because the master’s enemy had to engage in a massive convoluted info-dump to try and justify his utterly bizarre actions.  Not that they are developed particularly – for all of his massive info-dumped past (whyyyyy?), Kevin’s master is just old, powerful and bizarrely infatuated with Kevin after facebook stalking him. And? She’s just evil. Sadistic and monstrous without even the slightest shred of human development – and since she’s the only real female character in this book that is doubly shady. I also don’t remember a single POC in the book – the only diver element was the men being gay.

And to the under-developed plot. The romance happens because of… because. Because sex, basically because there is absolutely nothing else about these characters to develop. Conflicted loyalties are clumsily ignored, Dax, Morgan, Ride, Kevin – with all their issues just… end. No resolve, no development, no path – just resolve. Just because. Just end. Along the way we have lots of sides changing and willing to fight for each other without (unsurprisingly) any development or reason behind it.

Forever, Season 1, Episode 21: The Night In Question

Henry is all introspective over a picture of Abigail and reflective of the fact that she left him and now Abe found where she went. He was amazed that she was “so close all these years” but the much more reality – and aging – Abe did point out that since Abigail was in her 70s when she left, she’s almost certainly dead and has been for a very long time.

They decide to go to her old address (and am I the only one who finds it ridiculously cute every time Abe call Henry “dad”?)

At the police station Jo tells Hanson that her trip to Paris – and her whole relationship with          has fallen through. So she’s not taking time off which is a shame because Hanson booked a family holiday to coincide with her days off. And when she goes to the morgue she hears from Lucas that Henry has also taken time off. Lucas babbles about and Jo, in another hint of the relationship tension between her and Henry, wonders if Henry took time off because of her. Lucas, never able to keep a secret, tells her about the research he did for Abe to find Abigail

Henry and Abe do find Abigail’s isolated home but the landlady there says that Abigail disappeared there as well. Memories raised lead to a flashback of Henry, Abigail and baby Abe first arriving in New York.

Less romantically and prettily, in the present Henry recognises a gravesite among the flower beds. He digs and finds a skull. They call the police and the sheriff isn’t entirely helpful but when Jo arrives he’s happy to let them have the old bones. In the grave they find Abigail’s keychain.

Henry is, of course, devastated but equally tries to hide it – he can’t let Jo or Lucas realise who Abigail was to him. Even as Lucas brutally describes how Abigail was probably murdered based on her remains – but he also finds that the victim was no older than 20. This isn’t Abigail’s body. He hurries home to tell Abe much to their mutual relief.

Still, the murder and burial in Abigail’s garden could easily be related to Abigail’s second disappearance.

So one victim ID later (Belinda) and proof she had a medical professional help with injuries (possibly Abigail’s involvement), Jo and Henry are on the case with some nice, sweet not-quite flirting. They confirm at the hospital where Belinda was treated that Abigail was the nurse who helped her.

They interview an old nurse there who remembers Abigail – who just disappeared. She also remembers Abigail treating Belinda the night before she left. Abigail noted Belinda was a victim of domestic violence and took her home with her. She also recognises the name of the man, Teddy Graves, who checked her in

He’s a judge. To his court room to question him just after court. I think he may object to the location. He explains he helped Belinda after she fell at a party (he was a college student at the time). Henry being Henry he accuses the judge of drunk driving and Belinda being injured in a car crash when he hit a motorcycle (a motorcyclist hurt in a hit and run was admitted the same night). Oh and the judge murdered Belinda to keep it quiet

The judge isn’t impressed by wild accusations without evidence.

Of course Reece is also not happy with her ridiculous antics – let alone a 30 year old cold case in a different jurisdiction. So no official investigation. Thankfully Hanson is going to that area and will ask some questions about the motorcyclist the judge ran over.

He learns that the medical file for the motorcyclist has disappeared (and we see Hanson’s kids!)

Lucas has also done some digging (I love Abe “we do not deal in stolen antiques!” followed by “what have you got?” in a whisper). Lucas has brought all the soil from Belinda’s grave to examine. So Henry introduces him to his lab in the basement.

Lucas “whoa you have your own lair.” Oh so perfect.

iZombie, Season 1, Episode 6: Virtual Reality Bites

Major is not dead! And Ravi is helping patching him. It does seem odd that he would go to the morgue and not the hospital but he explains that as a social worker he has terrible medical insurance so it’s far better to get patched up by your pathologist house-mate.

Liv arrives to critique and take over (with snark of course). Liv lectures Major on the many dangers of being a vigilante. More snark as well because they’re all such fun together.

To the crime scene this week! Simon Cutler died on some stairs and it took a while to find him – and he is now very very very smelly. In between trying not to vomit, Clive explains that Simon was a shut in who never left his home or met people. He also assumes because Clive was fat, led a sedentary lifestyle and ate unhealthily that it’s probably a heart attack. Oddly for as friendless shut in, they also find a birthday card. And confetti.

The neighbours are ghastly, including taking selfies with a body bag. Classy.

And at the morgue, Ravi reveals that the guy didn’t die of a heart attack – which means it’s rotten brains on the menu for Liv. Ravi suggests deep frying. She is even more put out when Clive reveals Simon is a troll and hacker and hated on the net and received many death threats so it’s almost certainly murder – brain goo is definitely on the menu.

Looking at a website dedicated to his death they learn he’s generally a terrible person. And has a severe megalomania issue.

So Liv sucks down the guy’s brain and ends up craving doughnuts which leads to a vision of Simon taking epinephrine for a food allergy. Possible cause of death is presented. Except for the lack of food in Simon’s system. But between them Clive and Liv realise that the card – sent waaay before Simon’s birthday – was used to fling peanut powder into Simon’s face.

Liv has another side effect from eating Simon’s brains – agoraphobia. Which also ruins her chance for a date with Lowell. At least Lowell being a zombie means she can be honest about her reason.

Major returns to his work as a social worker for kids and is duly mocked for his saviour complex which is not entirely inaccurate, if not entirely fair, criticism. Still the kid does have lots of videos of the skate park for Major to analyse.

Meanwhile, Blaine’s customer Jackie loses control and murders a delivery driver for the sweet sweet brains. Unwisely she calls Blaine and complains about her brain delivery not arriving then rethinks and backtracks when she remembers she killed and ate the delivery boy. This seems… cross purpose.