Once Upon a Time, Season 4, Episode 12: Heroes and Villains

With Ingrid easily killed off last episode, Elsa can bring down the ice wall – but it doesn’t change that Storybrooke is still sealed off. They’re trying to leave because Anna & co want to go home (and I want rid of them) but they’d need some kind of realm hopping magic for that anyway. Anna realises they failed to tell Elsa about Hans taking over Arendelle because ANYONE can be king of that place! This means they have to get back asap so they can take the kingdom back

I feel deeply sorry for the people of Arendelle, their choices of monarch aren’t exactly great.

Killian hears all this and passes it on to Gold who is a little irritated by Ingrid spoiling all his plans by having a huge character change at the last minute. He now has no cover or reason for getting his family out of town – also, Anna knows he’s evil so he can’t have her hanging around. Still the stars are aligning so Gold intends to go ahead (and when Killian is no longer useful there will be a heart squishing).

Flashback time! To olde timey Belle and Rumplestiltskin before they were in a relationship and when she was his servant. She complains that he never talks about all the shiny things lying around to which he responds “you’re the help”. She isn’t taking that and continues to press him. Rumple has just been on a trip to Camelot (which was apparently not great for Camelot) and brought back a magic gauntlet that seeks out a person’s greatest weakness. This will be relevant to the plot, I guess. Rumple intends to use it for manipulation because a person’s weakness is usually the thing they love most.

Moving on, Belle decides that Rumple’s hoarding is a sign of a hole in his heart (that’s a terrible medical diagnosis) and he banishes her to do laundry – but she keeps on talking because she knows he can magically hear her. She sees a Dalmatian and like a small child she decides to run after it and get grabbed by a figure in a cloak.

Rumple comes looking for her and receives a magical ransom demand that makes him very upset. He follows a raven to the rendezvous point carrying what they demanded – the Gauntlet of Weakness (told you it’d be relevant. This is less “Chekov’s gun” and more “Chekov’s glowing neon sign with added whistles”). The ravens come together to form… Maleficent. Rumple isn’t impressed – he’s the Dark One, way more powerful than Maleficient; but she gasps that she’s not alone. Along comes the Sea Witch, holding Belle in her tentacles, and Cruella Deville (“desperation and gin” Rumple does snark nicely). Rumple talks a good game – but to save Belle he gives up the Gauntlet

Their plan is to use the Gauntlet to stop the heroes winning all the time. Belle, of course, realises that Rumple cares for her; of course he denies it.

In the present, Gold wakes Belle with plans for a wonderful Honeymoon in New York. Henry finds her mid-packing (and he calls Belle “grandma” which is cute and Belle finds all kinds of awkward) to tell her about Ingrid’s remaining spell preventing anyone who leaves from returning; Belle is sure that Gold will have a way round that. He’s also worried about his Fairy Tale Book because it predicts so much badness for Regina, but Belle offers vague reassurance. While grabbing things for packing, they find the Gaunlet of Weakness

Fangs for the Fantasy Podcast: 2014, Episode 26

It's time for this week's episode of Fangs for the Fantasy podcast

You can join us here and you can listen live on our youtube channel, here, or in our sidebar. All will also carry a recording after the show is finished. As ever all our previous podcasts can be found in the archive

The podcast begins at 7:00pm EST (technology willing)

8th December - 15th December: Staked by J.F. Lewis

15th December -  22nd December: Odin Ravens by  K.L. Armstrong, M.A. Marr

22nd December - 5th January: Hidden Legacy by Ilona Andrews

5th January - 12th January: Unbound by Jim C Hines
12th January - 19th January: The Fourth Bear by Jasper Fforde

19th January - 26th January: A Storm of Swords by George R R Martin

Staked (Void City #1) by J.F. Lewis

Eric isn’t the most competent vampire around. Because he was embalmed, he has issues with his memory and forgets little things – like when the sun is coming up. He also has his temper black-outs which has led to the odd unfortunate massacre that’s always awkward. He also has pretty bad impulse control issues

Hence him turning new girlfriend Tabitha into a vampire. Something he’s done before and it never ever ever works out.

And he’s annoyed the werewolves. He’s not even entirely sure why, but his constant attempts to mollify them keep going rather awry and escalating the problem and he can’t even be sure if someone is acting against him or if he’s just completing his streak of colossal screw ups

I really like the world setting here – it’s one of the best depictions of grittiness I’ve seen, because it doesn’t come with the over-the-top grimdark that is usually so common. It’s gritty, yet light hearted, there’s a strong sense of darkness but characters who are still just a bit silly.

I like the world building, l we’re taking some of the very common elements of Urban fantasy – werewolves and vampires but there’s such an original twist on these so very well established themes. The degrees of the vampire power, they way they run the city, the different routes to becoming a vampire and also the very biology of vampires. A lot of books talk about vampires being dead and even bloody tears, but this takes it to the obvious conclusion – and it’s really not all that sexy (unless you have a thing for cold bodies with blood for every bodily fluid). I have to say I love this true analysis. Even more we have some actual attention paid to age gaps, I loved Marilyn outright telling someone that they’re treating Eric like a lovesick teenager when he’s an 80-odd year old man.

But it’s not just the vampires – the whole holy werewolves is definitely an original twist which I didn’t expect. I’ve read a lot of this genre and seeing these old staples spun in entirely new ways is excellent to see.

Then plot was also nicely twisty – Eric finds himself in a war with the werewolves and we’re not entirely sure why. I mean, there’s a very good chance it could be from his own incompetence (Eric being Eric) but we find more and more levels beyond that, and lots of little hints that turn into more as the story develops. It had a few tangents, but in general the book kept me hooked throughout

In terms of plot and world building, this book is a winner. Almost. I still think the main antagonist hasn’t quite thought out his plot or how he’s going to get away with all this without consequences, but compared to everyone else in this book he’s a positive mastermind

I’m not as much of a fan of Eric, the main character, especially early in the book despite generally liking his tone (as a Vlad, an upper-echelon vampire, he’s pretty unkillable and can be pretty blasé as a result). In fact, I dislike him sufficiently to derail a lot of my enjoyment. Eric is a screw up, he knows this, he almost openly embraces it and he frequently castigates himself for screwing things up. And some of the screw ups I wouldn’t mind because they’re natural parts of his odd vampiric biology – he has constant memory lapses and rage-based black outs (which are very very bad because Eric is a very very powerful vampire indeed. It’s quite hard to be as mellow and generally inoffensive as Eric when you keep waking from black outs surrounded by torn up corpses). I could get by with a character with these traits as his frustration with them and attempts to work around them can be endearing elements. But that is compounded by some truly appalling decision making. He turns Tabitha into a vampire for the utterly worst of reasons and then makes no real effort to help her transition. She has sex with another character and it’s such an utterly bad idea that I was literally fighting not to yell at the book. He ignores his problems, he very much has to be forced to act and there are far too many times when he just seems to ignored the various things boiling around him.

Fangs for the Fantasy book of the week

The next episode of our podcast will be starting tonight at 7:00pm EST (12:00am GMT). You will be able to listen to us on our youtube channel, or by the link in the sidebar or by the post here that will be posted. We hope to see you there

Like all  the Fangs for the Fantasy podcasts (archives here) we read a book and discuss it on the show. 

To give people a chance to read along with us we include a list of our planned books of the week for the next few shows, so people can get the books, read them and join in the conversation.

8th December - 15th December: Staked by J.F. Lewis

15th December -  22nd December: Odin Ravens by  K.L. Armstrong, M.A. Marr

22nd December - 5th January: Hidden Legacy by Ilona Andrews

5th January - 12th January: Unbound by Jim C Hines
12th January - 19th January: The Fourth Bear by Jasper Fforde

19th January - 26th January: A Storm of Swords by George R R Martin

Atlantis, Season 2, Episode 5: The Day of the Dead

Pasiphae isn’t dead, though the arrow in her is far from pleasant. She pulls it out (which is probably the absolute worst thing she could have done). She drags herself to a nearby tomb (they’re in a necropolis) and carves a spell into the lid before collapsing – a really gribbly undead hand hammers through the stone wall of the tomb.

Pythagoras, Hercules and Ariadne along with the pilgrims are looking for a way down to save Jason (after dropping their torches to see how deep the crevasse is, they pull out more from their bag of holding. What? They were travelling across a desert, like cave exploring supplies were high on the pilgrims’ list). Dion really did die last episode so I guess he’s just going to rot a little. Ominously, blind Orpheus hears something (in true genre savy-ness, Pythagoras suggests bats and Hercules mocks that it is never ever bats). Ariadne is convinced it’s Jason and proof he’s alive because when you’re Queen no-one can tell you you’re being a little too hopeful.

Instead they find zombie Dion (which also means they’ve been walking in circles or they really can’t outrun a staggering zombie). Random pilgrim Redshirticus praises the dead rising and gets bitten for it. They see Dion’s black-from-edge-to-edge eyes and realise this isn’t good. Hercules repeatedly stabs Dion in the stomach though we all know that’s a shoddy way to kill a zombie. More zombies arrive so it’s a fighting withdrawal.

In case we haven’t been paying attention. Pythagoras explains the zombies are undead. Oh TV producers, so little respect you have for your viewer’s intelligence. They realise Pasiphae is alive, Orpheus throws in some history about why so many soldiers would be buried in full arms and armour and Redshirticus reminds us he’s been bitten.

The next encounter shows that they can kill the zombies by stabbing them in the heart – aha, not the brain, these zombies are different. More fighting and Ariadne kills Dion. They wander on and Redshirticus isn’t feeling so good so they have to wait to try and treat his wound rather than wandering around looking for Jason.

Ariadne has a romance discussion about how much she loves Jason with    Eurydice before angsting with Hercules because her decisions are what caused all this (sort of) and it’s all her fault if Jason dies (and Dion and the hundred or so soldiers who died in the ambush. And your maid. What? If she’s going to angst she might as well do it properly). Hercules assures her that Jason is awesome (and no-one cares about the extras). This is all brushed aside by some good, affectionate Pythagoras and Hercules banter.

Everyone is completely shocked when Redshirticus wakes up as a zombie. Pythagoras and Orpheus kill him – Pythagoras holding him while he guides the blind Orpheus to stab the zombie in the heart. Bye Redshirticus. Hercules was supposed to be on watch, Pythagoras is not amused and he explains the whole biting infection thing. There’s a brief worry when they realise Ariadne is wounded but she’s a main character so there’s no way she’s bitten.

Grimm, Season Four, Episode Eight: Chupacabra

"Cuido su rebaño  , nunca deje

su lado.  Cuide su sangre,

el Chupacarbra tiene hambre."

This episode opens in the Dominican Republican with two doctors examining a patient whose fever is down and doing better. Diego wants to stay longer but is told by Gabe that they cannot rid the entire world of disease in just one trip. 

The doctors return to Portland and Diego kisses his wife hello. Diego is tired from his trip and the place where the mosquito has bitten him has become swollen on his neck.

Monroe and Rosalie are packing for their honeymoon.  Monroe says that he wishes they could leave on the trip without worrying something is going to go wrong.  Rosalie points out that if they don't make time to go on the honeymoon, they will always find a reason not to. Monroe points out that other people don't have reasons like a zombie apocalypse or the unkipin. Rosalie assures Monroe that they have to trust that everyone has this under control without them.

At Nick's, he and Juliet marvel at how amazing it is to spend a night alone together, enjoying the simple pleasure of take out.  Juliet says that she is going to miss Trubel and worries that if Trubel will be okay. Nick assures Juliet that Trubel will be okay and the two kiss. I already miss Trubel and she is by far and away the most interesting female character on Grimm in a long time.

Diego wakes in a cold sweat and in pain.  Diego then heads outside to get some fresh air but doubles over in pain on his front porch.  Diego then collapses to the ground and begins a transition.  A man is walking his dog down the street and the dog runs away from him barking.  The man follows his dog only to find the leash and no dog.  When he bends over to pick up the leash, he is attacked by Diego,who has transitioned into a Chupacabra.

In Austria, Marcus reports to Hans that Kelly is officially dead, though dental records could not be checked because the head of the body was removed.  Adalind asserts that the woman who took her to Nick's house was Kelly.  Hans says that this means that Kelly is excellent at covering her tracts and Marcus adds that anyone who has had any interactions with Kelly hasn't lived to tell about it.  Adalind points out that she wasn't trying to kill Kelly and Hans suggests that perhaps she should have.  Adalind asks how to find her daughter and Marcus points out that the last time they saw Kelly, she was in Portland.  While I think Adalind deserves to get her daughter back, if she runs up against Kelly,she is going to open up a world of hurt she is not even remotely prepared for.

Diego awakes at the side of the road covered in blood.  The mosquito bite is even more swollen then last night.  Diego stumbles across some water and frantically washes off his face.

Wu leads Nick and Hank to the crime scene, informing them that there were multiple victims last night. Wu adds that the neighbours described hearing howling and screaming.  They look at one of the bodies and Nick comments that it looks like something bit into the victims neck.  Wu snarks that that given the recent criminal activity in this city, he is willing to think about vampires or wolf men.  Nick and Hank talk to Manuel - the person who found the bodies, as Diego makes his way home to see the crime scene.  Hank offers Manuel his card and Manual says that he knows what killed the people.  Manual declares like a chupacabra is responsible.

The 100, Season Two, Episode Seven: Long Into an Abyss

A young girl wakes up and finds herself in a field of flowers outside of Mt. Weather.  Dr. Tsing and Cage watch on the video camera.  She is fine for awhile but four minutes later, her body becomes covered in radiation burns.  Cage decides to bring the girl back inside, after he notes her pain but Dr. Tsing questions if the girl can be trusted to keep their secret, adding that they might as well get a full reading.  Cage says that Dr. Tsing needs to be concentrating on the blood of the 47 but Tsing says that science takes time and that there are dead ends on the path to every breakthrough.  The girl continues to scream and the two studiously ignore what is happening to her.  The girl collapses to the ground writhing in in pain and finally dies. 

Abby and Jaha talk about their options given the message Lexa sent Jaha to deliver.  Jaha believes that they need to leave and points out that this is not their home and because Cain tried to achieve peace, he gave them a chance to move on without bloodshed.  Abby points out that Cain could very well still be in prison and questions if they are to leave him there, just like the kids on Mt. Weather. Why oh why does she give a shit about what happens to Marcus?  Jaha is adamant that the Grounders are marching towards this camp, adding that the right choice is to live and fight another day.  Major Bryne interrupts the conversation to say that the people are on edge and could use some words of comfort from their Chancellor.  Jaha steps forward, only to be told that Abby is the Chancellor until another vote can be taken, or Abby willingly transfers her authority.  Abby pauses but tells Jaha that she is unwilling to march their people into the desert until she finds another way, adding that she and Jaha can talk to the people together.  Despite everything they have been through, Jaha is still a feckless leader.

Abby and Jaha head outside and Abby confirms that the Grounders are indeed coming and that she and Jaha are discussing all options.  Jaha tells the people to pack now to be safe because they may need to leave at a moment's notice.  Jaha tells them that he has heard of a place called the city of light across the dead zone and that he has faith.  Clarke steps forward to ask what happens to their people in Mt. Weather if they leave and Jaha replies that it is a difficult decision to make.  Jaha asks if they came all of this way to die tomorrow, adding that if they are not gone by the time the sunrises tomorrow, that is exactly what happens.  Jaha is really great at supporting Abby isn't he?  How can this man who is never capable of making the hard choices actually be a leader?  Abby assures everyone that no decisions have been made and orders the people to gather emergency supplies before heading back inside.

Clarke moves to follow her mother but she is grabbed by Bellamy and told to bring her med kit and meet him at the drop ship.  Finn says that this is his fault and that the Grounders are attacking because of him. Um yeah, you think?  Clarke assures Finn that the Grounders are attacking because that is what they do.  I guess we should just ignore the slaughtering of an entire village then. Finn tells Clarke to go with Bellamy, promising to inform her when Jaha and Abby make a decision.

Constantine, Season 1 Episode 8: The Saint of Last Resorts

So we have a big ornate building (a convent), nuns then a Spanish speaking couple with a new baby and a nun sneaking in sweets for the new mother. The convent is huge and spooky but everyone looks all bright and happy. I’m sure this will change soon.

Something clawed and robed reaches for the baby in the night – but the mother wakes up and screams. When the nun gets to her, her throat has been slashed and the baby is gone.

To the Mill where Zed is having dreams and drawing them – John identifies the creature as an Invunche which he thinks are extinct (he puts her visions down to a side effect of touching the fallen angel’s heart last episode).

And then a nun in her nightclothes appears looking for John (though not for the reasons Zed guesses). John recognises her as Anne-Marie – and she’s not really there, she’s a projected image from Mexico. She tells them about the attacker including the scar her cross left on her chest due to its presence – it’s clear she doesn’t like John much, but he owes her.

She returns to her body – and she has a picture of herself and John in younger punk days. Elsewhere a clawed, robed figure puts the baby in a cage.

John wants to leave Zed behind because of the whole Fallen Angel thing – Zed points out she’s the Spanish speaker and he’s going to Mexico. Zed guesses Anne-Marie was an old flame and John and she did sleep together – but she also got him into the occult and was there at Newcastle when the Bad Thing happened, like Gary. She also swore to kill him. Because of the personal drama, John is still leaving Zed behind and taking Chas.

So to Mexico, the Convent and two people who don’t speak Spanish, but they do find Anne-Marie in her habit (John did not know she was a nun) and she knows Chas. Alone, Anne-Marie tells John what happened and he attempts to flirt and be his usual self – much to Anne-Marie’s disgust since she thought Newcastle and Astrid’s fate should have changed him. She became a nun to repent for the séance – he throws back that he does help people (like flying to Mexico at a moment’s notice) and she brings up the names of the other people who experienced the séance. Definitely a lot of unpleasant tension there.

In the nursery John finds a big hole that Anne-Marie puts down to mice but John rattles off a list if “wall dwellers” that target children. Time to use woo-woo to discern what (and try and get rid of nosy nuns). Anne-Marie snarls at John for flirting with a nun (who was flirting with him, as he points out). They cast the runes and they catch fire – the monster is cloaking itself which means it’s more sophisticated than your average baby snatching monster. So they need to find the child – which means digging up a placenta.

On the way Anne-Marie and John keep sniping and their issues go deeper than Newcastle – John’s womanising and cheating on her also comes up and John’s vast ego. They dig for the placenta and find that the tree it’s buried under is now producing fruit made of flesh. Hey, does that count as vegetarian or not? When he cuts into one, it bleeds – and so do all the fruit on the tree. Human fruit means John knows who took the baby.