The Rogue Hunter (Argeneau #10) (Argeneau #10) by Lynsay Sands

Samantha Willan is a promising young lawyer -- in need of a vacation -- especially after a break up with her longterm boyfriend.  When Samantha heads up to the cottage north of Toronto, all she is expecting is some quality time with her sisters, maybe a few insect bites and a campfire or two.  Samantha finds herself wondering about her elusive new neighbour.  What Samantha dosen't realise is that meeting Garrett Mortimer, will change her life forever.

The Rogue Hunter is a typical Sands novel and an easy continuation of the Argeneau series.  It follows the predictable path of boy meets girl, a misunderstanding and eventually the couple declare undying love after knowing each other for an extremely short period of time.  HAE always happens this way in this series and Sands always employs the same woo woo justification.  

As is typical for Sands, there is a small strain of humour in this novel.  It is largely comprised of Mortimer and Samantha trying to make love in the most unfortunate of circumstances.  An outdoor escapades for instance are interrupted by leeches ( yeah that would turn anyone off) and another by a bear. Unfortunately, much of the humor to me felt a little bit forced.

 Samantha is a good lawyer, on partner track and is dedicated to her sisters,. Of course she has the requisite dead parents which makes her close to her sisters. If Sands had left it at that, I really would have enjoyed Samantha's part of the story. Unfortunately, despite all of Samantha's accomplishments she suffers from low self esteem and spends quite a bit of time worrying about how skinny she is,  that she resembles Olive Oyle, has a metabolism that works too quickly and yes, has small breasts.  Is it really so hard to have a protagonist not hate her body?  It's just such a damn tired trope in this genre. Yes, the media encourages all women to believe that there is something wrong with their bodies but believe it or not, some women actually like themselves for who they are.

Forever, Season 1, Episode 19: Punk is Dead

Abraham and Henry eat dinner (their dinner scenes are always awesome) while discussing Jo’s dating Isaac including Abraham’s arch comment “At least she’s getting back out there.” Unlike, of course, Henry.

Jo’s date with Isaac involves going to The Track Bar, a punk bar which Jo is a huge fan of and duly impressed when Isaac reveals he owns it… at least until she realises he plans to tear it down and build a hotel. She speaks in defence – until she sees people taking drugs and Isaac has to stop her going all cop mode.

At least until they find a body in the wall. Now she can be a cop.

Back to the morgue for snark, science and Lucas – and getting a call from a man who wants to know who the body is – because he’s in prison for killing her.

Investigation time – the man in prison is called Eddie and Lt. Reece remembers the case as she was a beat cop at the time. She tells them that he was a violent man and that included attacking his girlfriend, Lucy. Despite that she wasn’t happy about the case, the police presented them as “worthless junkies” and didn’t exactly perform a thorough investigation – and the jury convicted. The DA would like the case done with quickly, Reece, because she’s awesome, wants them to take their time, be thorough – and bring in Henry.

Which is how Henry gets to go interview Eddie with Jo and Eddie is visibly upset even as Jo points out the evidence doesn’t exactly exonerate him.

More morguing (poor Lucas) and Jo arrives with some bad news – Eddie is signing a guilty plea with the DA to help get the whole thing swept under the rug. He gets let out on time served and the case stays out of the media. Of course Henry doesn’t stand for that and goers to tell Eddie – Eddie learns he will go free but if that happens the police will stop looking for who did it. He refuses to sign

More investigating (including finding a lot of drug money in Lucy’s jacket) and off to interview a photographer who covered the bar (now photographing kiddies). He goes point them to a guy named Farrell – who is up to his neck in a hundred serious cases and Reece makes it clear that they cannot possibly involve him for fear of jeopardising these cases. She expressly forbids any of her police from investigating him

iZombie, season 1, Episode 3: The Exterminator

Kids playing in an abandoned property – someone has to get eaten for this. Especially when they decide to investigate when they hear spooky noises. The gene pool demands they be eaten

They take a picture of a figure they call a zombie and post it online to be spotted by Ravi and Liv who are gloriously snarking back and forth. This raises Liv’s fear of a horde. Liv is also angsting over Major having recognised that she hasn’t been the best person to him and she’s sent him an apology. RFavi does question how appropriate a texted apology is and she quips about eating his head.

She muses on how much hunger utterly consumes a zombie and Blaine drops in kind of pissy that Liv didn’t meet with him as she planned. He rather creepily points out just how hard it is to get your hands on brains when you don’t work in a morgue. Liv makes it clear she’s not a fan of his and still thinks he’s a drug dealing groping arsehole

Time for some of Liv and Peyton together – about time. Peyton is a lawyer handling her first big murder case and wants to celebrate and practice with Liv. Unfortunately seeing picture of the dead man triggers Liv’s memory flashback after eating a brain that morning – suggesting the brain she just ate belonged to the murderer. Not the guy Peyton is prosecuting. Awkward.

She takes this to Clive who would rather not deal with it, he’s certainly not going to interrupt a high profile trial of as tech guru for the sake of the accused – a homeless drifter (who stole the dead man’s wallet and shoes) and accusing some random guy, Marvin Webster, instead. As part of her brain eating, Liv also gains some gun insight. She, rather unfairly, accuses him of wanting an innocent man to go to jail rather than throw away his career on the words of a psychic. But as she walks away she realises her harsh arrogance was another symptom of brain eating

Yes, she ate the brains of sociopath – or, rather, someone with anti-social personality disorder as her newly fact addicted mind throws up.

That emotionless state helps her deal with Peyton’s revelation – Mason kissing another woman on facebook. She feels nothing – so she takes the chance to examine Peyton’s casefiles instead.

Time for Ravi and Liv to go zombiehunting while Liv describes how disturbing the emotionless-brain is. They find the trapped zombie – and she is a zombie, Liv’s friend/co-worker Marcy who was supposed to have died at the boat party. Ravi expects Liv to be devastated to see her friend and fellow zombie reduced to a rotting, shambling monster but the hit-man brains are still working. Ravi decides to experiment – feeing Marcy brains and seeing if she can come back from this level of rot.

12 Monkeys, Season One, Episode Eleven: Shonin

1987

Ramse arrives in Tokyo Japan and is immediately overwhelmed. Ramse puts on his coat and stumbles away from the drop site as quickly as he possibly can.  Moments later, Cole arrives and immediately begins his search for Ramse. When Ramse doesn't respond to Cole calling out his name, Cole stumbles away, only to be followed by Ramse.

In a club, a drunk Leeland Goines meets with some Japanese business men. The specimen is brought out and Leeland is informed that it has been excavated from the Himalayas and is over one thousand years old.  Leeland is not at all impressed by the specimen  and makes it clear that there will not be a sale tonight.  He is told that the specimen is more valuable than it appears but Leeland calls the specimen road kill. In desperation, the business men suggest that the specimin would be a good legacy for Jennifer.

Leeland excuses himself to use the bathroom and he is accosted by Cole, seeking the army of the 12 monkeys. Leeland has no idea what Cole is talking about, so Cole asks where the virus is. This is where Leeland learns that the specimen contains a virus. Ramse arrives and a fight breaks out between him and Cole. The two men are absolutely brutal with each other as only former friends can be.  The business man fires a gun in the air and the goons separate Cole and Ramse.  They yell back and forth about who should have killed who,  and Ramse brings up that if Cole is successful, his son will die.

The two men are forced to their knees and Leeland takes the opportunity to slug Cole.  The business man thows a knife on the floor between Cole and Ramse, making it clear that they are to fight to the death. Cole and Ramse are released and it's fight club 2.0, until Ramse manages to stab Cole. Ramse looks down at his hand covered in Cole's blood.

2043

Alarms start to go off and Jones panics about losing Cole. Dr. Adler reports that Cole's vitals appear to show that he is dying.

1987

Leeland gives the order for Ramse to be allowed to live and agrees to buy the specimen from the businessmen. Cole whispers that the army of the 12 monkeys will end the world and  Leeland then orders something be done about Cole.  Before Cole can be killed however, he is splintered away.

Fuchu Prison Japan

A representative of the American embassy talks to Ramse about what they are able to do for him. Ramse says that where he comes from, social security numbers don't exist.  The delegate asks if this means that Ramse is not American and points out that Ramse could receive 8-10 years for stabbing that man in the club.  There are even witnesses who have identified Ramse.  Ramse is unable to speak in his own defense and is told that if he doesn't have something to prove he is a U.S. citizen, nothing can be done for him.

1988

Ramse is now behind bars. He is approached by a very large Japanese man and beaten. Of course no backstory on this beating is given because Asian men are apparently violent without cause. Later, in his cell, Ramse is given a letter.  It calls him the traveler and the writer reports that they have known of Ramse for a long time and that if Ramse choose to join forces with the writer, his child will be safe from those who seek to erase him. Ramse is told that he is important, valued, loved and not alone.  He is also advised not to fight back against his tormentor.

Switch to scene where Ramse is beaten yet again.

Dark Heir (Jane Yellowrock #9) by Faith Hunter

When Jane receives an alarm that there’s a battle going on in vampire central, she assumed they were under attack from outside

But it was far worses – one of the fathers of the vampire species, long imprisoned in Master Vampire Leo’s basement has escaped. Ancient, powerful beyond all measure and homicidally dangerous he is now running free through New Orleans, leaving a trail of bodies in his wake

The human press and authorities have noticed and they want his head on a platter –and the mob are willing to add a whole lot more vampire heads I the process

But Joses is a revered figure in vampire society – his being held hostage is one of the few things preventing the European vampires from invading. His death would give them they every excuse to do so…

The Jane Yellowrock series is now a very long running and established one and it’s also a series that makes full use of everything that has happened before. So this book contains characters, information and references to everything that has happened in the past – which I love. It also doesn’t engage in lots and lots of excessive recapping which I also love

But perhaps a little non-excessive recapping wouldn’t have gone amiss. Not a lot, but just a little to not leave me floundering at times at a new name or another event mentioned, another past drama referenced, another mystical shiny touched upon. I didn’t get lost per se, but when something was mentioned it did take me a little while to catch up and remember exactly what it was they were talking about which did affect the pacing a little.

It is probably something I wouldn’t normally mention if the middle of the book wasn’t kind of flabby anyway – I think it comes down to the actual plot of the book not being overly complex. There are complex elements – like the different factions all having different motives for Joses – the priests wanting him alive, but each delivering to them, Leo wanting him alive to hold off the European vampires, the humans mortal authorities wanting him dead. All of this could make for a lot of complexity and nuance and difficulty – but it didn’t really emerge. These were the factions that were all vying for a piece of Joses and needed balancing, but ultimately the majority of the book was one single thread of Jane trying to chase Choses, trying to find Joses, fighting Joses, collapsing from exhaustion/healing then getting up and doing it again. There were no real twists no real different directions – just a chase.

There was a lot of investigations into why Joses was imprisoned in the first place and what drove him insane and required it – but it all felt just a little irrelevant, partially because of this series ongoing treatment of mental illness. Vampires in this setting going insane, on a semi-regular basis. When newly turned, when bitten by certain creatures, when particularly injured, when particularly sad. It would help a lot if this wasn’t really termed as a mental illness and it was just referred to as the dovoveo but there is a lot of leaking over to comparing it to “mundane” insanity. This also arises with Jane who also believes Skinwalkers will, inevitably, become insane and dangerous as well. This is both stigmatising (despite the endless trope, most mentally ill people are not dangerous) but it also rendered this whole investigation somewhat pointless. We spend so much time trying to figure out what drove Joses over the edge – but in this setting it could have been ANYTHING and was rather irrelevant. Vampires so regularly frolic over that edge that it could have been the clashing wallpaper that drove him to it.

The Returned, Season 1, Episode 4: Victor

Open with Victor before he became the creepy kid with his mother reading a bedtime story and telling him about a fairy that will protect him. The fairy is absent when 2 men break into the house and kill his family and, despite the objections of one of them, him as well.

In the present day he is much creepier and trying to play sweet kid getting in Julie’s bed. The screaming saves her from him eating her skin. The screaming is from someone who has found the body of her terrible neighbour – now being eaten by her cats after being murdered and having her tongue torn out

In case you’ve forgotten, annoying neighbour was last seen in the company of Victor.

Rather than, naturally, suspecting the creepiest kid (outside the French version of this show) the police, represented by Julie’s ex, Nikki, think it’s the same serial killer who killed Lucy and who attacked Julie. Victor’s fear of the dark means, when the electricity goes out, he runs to Julie (oh Victor, there’s nothing scarier in the dark than you! And on that note – being in the dark with Victor? Hell no). This introduces Victor to Nikki who points out you can’t actually just collect lost children. It is frowned upon

Just in case Julie missed how creepy Victor is, she finds his drawings of her neighbour dying and being eaten by cats. She finds him hiding, terrified, in the closet just like he did before he was murdered.

Seeing more evidence of Victor being so very troubled, Julie realises she can’t care for him and calls in Nikki. Julie and Victor have a tearful goodbye. Alone Julie goes through Victor’s pictures and finds she has been drawn as the protective fairy from his mother’s stories

Over to the Winships and it seems Jack spent the night. Claire is even considering Jack’s suggestion  of them moving –until the police ask him to come to the station to talk about Lucy’s murder.

Camille isn’t a fan of moving away from home even if she might be staked/shot/burned as a zombie/vampire/chupacabra (spell check, you disappoint me not knowing what a chupacabra is). Lena’s back wound is only getting worse and she’s staggering around like the zombie her sister isn’t. She times her collapse for when she’s at the top of the stairs because if you’re going to have a sucking back wound you might as well be dramatic about it (and it’s hard to properly steal thunder when one’s sister is undead).

To the hospital! Joined by pretty creepy-supposed-to-be-compassionate-but-feels-like-a-predator-and-an-insurance-salesman Peter (also looks creepily like Jack which doesn’t speak well for how much Claire is moving on). Lena blames her creeping wound on Camille; Lena has issues with how much Camille and her death has consumed her parents’ world.

Peter takes the time to explain Lena’s survivors guilt and general issues to Camille. The doctor basically calls Lena’s spreading puncture wound damn weird and Claire opts against revealing her other child is undead.

Having done that he then tells Claire that Jack is under suspicion of killing Lucy who he was having sex with – because the police have no concept of it not being his business. Claire is furious – not about Jack but about Peter violating her family’s privacy to this degree with the help of his friend

When Jack finally arrives at the hospital, Claire asks about Camille’s missing college fund. Jack objects to Lucy being called a “hooker” (not out of respect for sex workers but more out of denial that she was a sex worker). He tries to sell his sex-medium lie. Ultimately he falls back on being a mess and needing something to distract him – she does believe him when he says he didn’t hurt her but she’s not moving away with him.

The Last Man on Earth, Season One, Episode Eight: Mooovin' In

This episode opens with another town hall meeting where Carol thanks Todd for helping her move her dresser upstairs.  Todd graciously declares it fun, saying that it gave him time to spend alone with her. Carol then notices that Melissa is now wearing a charm bracelet - a gift from Todd. Phil of course is not at all impressed though Carol calls it sweet, adding that Phil has never given her anything. A less than subtle reminder that Phil has been saddled with Carol - the strange and undesirable one. Phil then shows the group a set of sculptures he made of the group.  Todd suggests leaving it outside by the campfire and the women are unsurprisingly enthused.  Phil then breaks Todd's sculpture but what he actually did is remove the Phil figure accidentally. Naturally, no one missed Phil on the sculpture.

Phil shows up at Carol's to borrow her DVR and is informed that hers only has Cake Boss on it.  Carol being Carol has to spoil the ending despite Phil's warnings. Carol uses this as an opportunity to suggest living together, adding that the space between them isn't helping with their plan to repopulate the earth.  Carol sites Melissa and Todd, who are already basically living with each other (who have thankfully stopped playing She Drives Me Crazy).  This does not enthuse Phil and so Carol asks Phil to fix her door again. Carol of course invoked Todd, a guarantee to get Phil moving.  Phil whines about not getting respect in the community and then lies about originally heading to Carol's to actually fix her door.  Carol tells Phil that he doesn't have to fix the door if he lets her move in.

Phil heads to the bar so he can talk to his ball friends about how the women are having a Todd love-fest.  Well comparing Todd and Phil, who can blame them? Phil believes that Todd is stealing his thunder because he is of course the president.  Todd begins to think of a way to prove to the women that he is worthwhile and heads outside where he finds a cow at the side of the road.  You know, as you do.

Phil has now gathered everyone announcing that he has a game changer to share with them.  Of course, when he opens the door, the cow is not there.  Carol and Melissa start to snark and begin to walk away but they don't get far because the cow makes an appearance.  Phil wants to slaughter the cow for hamburger and steak but Melissa wants to keep the cow for milk.  Phil believes the humane thing is to slaughter the cow because they don't know how to keep it alive. Cue Todd,  who spent the summers on his uncle's dairy farm.  Todd knows how to milk the cow, as well as make cheese and butter.  The women become excited, so Todd pulls rank and claims that since he found the cow, he gets to decide what happens to it.  After the discontent, Phil agrees to let the cow live though he is lactose intolerant.  Todd offers to keep the cow in his backyard but Phil rejects this this idea stating that the cow will live with him. This sets Carol off because she wanted to move in with Phil.  The cow takes the moment to escape and naturally heads straight to Todd's. Now even the cow prefers Todd.

Todd ties off the cow and begins giving a demonstration on how to milk the cow.  Phil snarks that Todd learned to do this working as a male prostitute. Great slut shaming and homophobia. Yeah, for comedy.   Carol and Melissa are orgasmic about the taste of milk.  Todd shares his limited information of cows and Phil pretends that the smell of milk is making him sick and uses that as an excuse to leave.

Later that night, Phil sneaks back to the cow milks it and then drinks.  Yes, this jack ass lied about being lactose intolerant for the sake of steak. Phil is forced to hide when Melissa walks over to the cow to get some milk for her coffee. Todd joins her, commenting that there is something about a woman who can milk a cow. The two kiss, which naturally upsets the manchild Phil.  When the two leave, Phil heads back to the cow and undoes the knot Todd has tied to secure it. Phil then leads the cow away, ecstatic because the cheese and yogurt are going bye bye. How old is Phil supposed to be again?

The next day, Carol and Melissa are excited about having a bowl of cereal when Todd rushes in to announce that the cow is gone.  Phil is down at the bar talking to his ball friends about how he had to take over the situation, so that he could be a hero twice over.  Is this really his version of alpha male?

Phil heads back to the community and pretends that he had nothing to do with the cow.  Todd talks about seeing the cow in the middle of the night and of course Phil blames Todd for making a bad knot. Phil tells everyone not to assign blame but Melissa says that no one is blaming Todd. Phil however does try again to get the community to blame Todd and Melissa again has to assert that Todd is not at fault.  Phil says that he is going to look for the cow and Melissa then accuses Phil of hiding the cow.

 Melissa divides the map into sections and asks Phil where the bar he likes to hang out is.  Phil is shocked that Melissa is on to him and tries to delay the search but Melissa is determined to start right now.  The first place Melissa goes is to the bar and Phil watches from a distance (have we had an episode where he isn't actively stalking Melissa?).  It seems that the cow left the bar.  Phil rushes in wondering where the cow has gone and notices that one of his ball friends is on the floor crushed. Awww a sad moment for the manchild and yet another reason for me to roll my eyes.

Phil starts to search for the cow and who should he come across but Todd, walking the cow back to the community.  Todd tells Phil that he is going to tell the girls that he found the cow because he feels bad about how hard Melissa came down on him.  Phil asks Todd why he would want to do something so nice for him.  Todd explains that if it wasn't for the alive in Tuscon signs, he wouldn't be here right now with the woman of his dreams.  Todd adds that he has two great friends in Phil and Carol and is so happy. When are the writers going to give Todd some common sense?  When is Todd going to stop being grateful to the supposed White hope Phil?

Later that night, Phil tells everyone he found the cow.  Melissa apologises to Phil for being hard on him. They all make orgasmic sounds as they eat ice cream and Phil starts to eat it.  When Melissa points out that Phil is supposed to be lactose intolerant, Phil claims that this is his cheat day.

Later that night, Phil wakes to screaming.  Phil, Melissa and Todd rush over to Carol's to find that the cow is in Carol's bedroom.  Carol announces that because of the cow, she is now moving in with Todd, since cows apparently don't go down stairs.  Later, Carol and Todd are lying in bed and Todd says that he doesn't understand how the cow got loose and climbed Carol's stairs.  While she lies about how this all happened, the camera shows Carol leading the cow into her bedroom.  It seems she took a note from Phil's playbook. 

Yeah, I won't have to watch this horror show for another week, though there are unfortunately five episodes left.   Sparky as you read this, I hope that you are feeling guilty for saddling me with this puerile nonsense.

We finally moved away from an episode of Melissa playing the sex object.  It took long enough.  We are however still fixating on Todd, as the fat guy with a heart of gold, who naturally worships Phil. Why? None of his reasons make any sense given how Phil has treated Todd since he arrived. At this point, I just want to see Todd smack Phil.

The whole thing with the cow was Phil's attempt to earn some respect.  It never dawned on Phil to simply try being a decent guy because apparently, he doesn't have a decent bone in his body. Because Last Man on Earth is a comedy, it all had to backfire in his face.  I did however like that Melissa called Phil out on hiding the cow though I was sad the cow wasn't in the bar.  Because the cow was moved, it make Melissa appear harsh though she was bang on the money. Melissa is the only one who seems to ever see Phil for the asshole that he is. At this point, I think that Melissa is the only somewhat likable character of the entire show.

I am still waiting to find one thing about this show funny. In eight episodes, I have yet to laugh a single time.  I am sick of the bathroom humor, the characters which are walking tropes and the man-child protagonist. Why is this show certain to be renewed? What exactly am I missing?

The Last Man on Earth, Season One, Episode Seven

This episode opens with Phil dreaming that Melissa's answer to last week's confession of love was yes. They end up making love to Fine Young Cannibals, She Drives Me Crazy.  Yes, it's obviously a dream sequence. 

Finally awake, Phil is busy using his toilet pool when he is approached by Carol and informed that his so-called "private" time is poisoning the neighbourhood.   Carol has drier sheets stuffed up her nose to deal with the stink but Phil insists she leaves and calls her concerns bullying.  Phil then blames his crankiness on the music coming from Melissa's house last night.  Carol suggests that Melissa and Todd were probably having sex which Todd is not pleased to hear.

Phil goes to visit Todd, who is sitting outside having a coffee. Phil then brings up at the music at Melissa's and Todd stumbles to explain what he and Melissa may have been doing.  After a little prodding and ridiculous giggling, Todd, with a huge smile on his face admits that he had sex with Melissa.  Todd then goes on to say how it was like a dream.  Todd even says that Fine Young Cannibals, She Drives Me Crazy became his sex song with Melissa.   Melissa breaks up the moment by asking Todd to come over to her place because she needs help with a thing.  Phil offers to help but is told that this is a project Todd has already started on. When Melissa walks off, Todd of course has to clarify that Melissa is talking about sex, enthusing that he is so excited that this is his life now.

A dejected Phil returns to house and hears the strains of She Drives Me Crazy.  Phil then dives head first into his alcohol kiddie pool and screams.  As you do.

The next morning, Phil and Carol are having breakfast and she brings up his toilet pool.  Phil, lost in his obsession with Todd and Melissa still has not cleaned the pool.  Carol then brings up Melissa and Todd having sex and right on cue, She Drives Me Crazy starts to play again.  Phil then claims that Melissa and Todd are being inconsiderate because they are aware that every time the music plays, it makes everyone in the community aware they are having sex. Carol suggest that Phil do something about this because for some strange reason, Phil is now president of the United States.

Later that night, Phil suggests that now that there are four of them they should have a weekly town hall meeting.  Phil introduces the idea of a grievance board but Todd and Melissa are not paying attention and are instead tickling each other.  Phil claims to be happy for Todd and Melissa and proposes a sex curfew and a noise ordinance.  Melissa rightfully tells Phil that what she does with Todd is none of his business, causing Phil to declare himself the President. Melissa calls it bullshit and Todd calls for a vote on his restrictions and finds no support.  Melissa instead enters a motion that when visiting neighbours one should wear a shirt.  Carol then enters a motion for Phil cleaning out his toilet pool and it is unanimously voted in.

In the next scene, Phil finally begins to clean out his disgusting toilet pool. Of course it's a disaster and in  frustration, after kicking various chemicals inside it, Phil actually falls in.  Yeah I know I am supposed to be laughing at this but the whole thing is just disgusting.  Melissa finds him crying by the side of his pool. Melissa asks if they can talk and Phil asks for a moment to change.  Later, Melissa apologises for playing the music, given the talk they had about Phil's feelings for her.  Phil tries to blow it off and Melissa tells him to drop the act and be a real person. This however is something I think Phil is incapable of.  Phil brings up the fact that he almost had sex with Melissa and questions what would have happened if Todd had not seen the fireworks.  Melissa points out that this is pointless because Todd is here now.

The next day, Phil knocks on Todd's door after a night of stewing.  On the drive, Todd talks about how Melissa is an animal in the sack and that they go at it for hours and hours.  Clearly each word Todd says is torture for Phil.  Phil has apparently told Todd that he is taking him to the place where he goes to do all his thinking.  Phil then pretends that something is wrong with the car and asks Todd to get out and take a look.  Moments after Todd is out of the truck and declares that there is nothing wrong with the truck, Phil takes off driving. Phil only makes it a few meters down the road before stopping, screaming and returning to Todd.   Todd however thinks that this was all a practical joke and asks Phil how much longer until they arrive at the location.  Phil announces that they have arrived and suggests they should head back home.  Todd however wants a moment to savor the scenery, which actually is quite beautiful.  On the way back, Phil apologises to Todd, who has no clue why Phil is apologising. Todd calls Phil a "really nice guy" making me wonder has he actually met Phil. Are the writers ever going to get around to giving Todd more common sense than a turnip?

Upon return, a determined Phil heads back to his toilet pool.  Later, Carol shows up at Phil's and he has to struggle with her to get her to take out the drier sheets from her nose.  Phil declares himself a nice person, adding that he has a new plan for his bathroom needs.  Phil leads Carol into the bathroom where he has installed a porta-potty.

For the record, each moment of this show I watch, I am thinking terrible things about Sparky and this torture he has inflicted upon me.  Really Sparky? I mean really?

Okay, this episode was largely about dealing with Phil's manpan that Todd's arrival means that he does not get to sleep with Melissa.  Am I really supposed to be empathising with this megadouche? Am I really supposed to find his antics funny?

Of course, we are meant to see the pairing of Todd and Melissa as ridiculous because she is young and blonde and Todd is fat.  Heavens knows no one finds fat people attractive right. It's worth mentioning that it's also in Todd's favor that he doesn't believe that shitting in a pool and polluting the very air he breaths is a good thing.

Melissa still isn't a person to either of these men actually.  Todd is quick to celebrate having sex with her, even as Phil is moaning that he isn't having sex with her.  Are Todd and Phil at anytime going to acknowledge that Melissa is more than a walking vagina? 

Also, who picks She Drives Me Crazy as a sex song?  These are grown adults right?

Then we had Phil's toilet pool.  I am actually surprised that they're not all diseased.  I have to say that I was firmly team Carol in terms of having that cesspool cleaned up.  I suppose we are meant to see the cleaning of the pool as progress for Phil but yeah, something that basic shouldn't count as progress.

Again, why am I watching this show? Oh yeah, I remember, Sparky loves to cause me pain.