Damien, Season 1, Episode 10: Ave Satani

Well… that certainly ended dramatically. With actual action rather than foreshadow as well!

Damien and Simone escape – mainly because Damien’s got his full demon powers going now. This means John’s army of minions (who would have been really helpful last episode) are happy to shoot themselves if they try to stop Damien. Random nice ladies cry “Damien I love you” and try to throw themselves off dams. He even accidentally makes Simone spit insects.

Despite my flippant tone, it’s so very very very spooky and terrifying. Damien has a whole lot of power and doesn’t quite know what he is doing beyond wanting all of this to end, unleashing poorly understood demonic power in terrifying waves.

Simone, however, is firm. She is staying with him. She managed to save a life, she has a front row seat to the apocalypse and she isn’t going to go home and pretend it isn’t happening. Certainly not when she can make a difference, even if minor.

I like this – I like why Simone is here effectively as Damien’s second. Because it’s not about him, not as a love interest – she is there for everyone around Damien. She is there, yes, to try and keep Damien back from the edge but it’s clearly for the world, for others, for the innocents in his wake.

Ann and the Nun who killed her daughter have a few theological debates. Well, it’s more “god god god” “satan satan satan” “GOD!” “SATAN!” “GOD!” “Satan! And poking your stab wound! Ha!” Wounded nun ends up being dropped in the grave – with wounded Amani (John has him shot for… reasons. I don’t even know). They’re then both buried alive

But as they leave, a hand thrusts out of the dirt. I hope it’s Amani… maybe. I mean it’d be nice if he didn’t die, but his depiction this season has been entirely as Damien’s servant which… no. He had no real character there, no real presence beyond as an extension of Amani. It’s a broken depiction and a non-person portrayal which is so common for POC and other marginalised characters

With much running in the dark and spookiness, John, Ann and their army catch Damien – and we see a difference between Ann and John. Ann worships Damien in all his satanic glory. John worships Damien for the power it will grant him – and John gets eaten by demon dogs. That’ll learn him! No fake devotion here! You’re in or you’re dog food.

Damien, Season 1, Episode 9: The Devil You Know

So last episode Veronica got shot and Sister Assassin Nun decides the best thing to do is not take her to a hospital and instead to pray for her soul while she slowly bleeds to death. Yeah the nun has gone off the deep end. She also interspaces prayer with questions about Damien and Ann, her mother (poking more of Veronica’s mother issues since Ann was so obsessed with Damien not her).

Simone is not a big fan of this solution but spends a lot of time passively condoning it but it seems more shock as she tries to grasp just what is going on and the general sinister nun and gun shot wounds et al.

Damien and Amani are sorting out their differences which involves more of Amani returning to Damien’s service: firstly by putting him in touch with Simone’s Assassin nun (who poor Damien even thinks may help him. Hah, no) and by agreeing to try and get close to Veronica again to spy on Ann. This gets Amani kidnapped because Ann really wants her daughter back.

With Damien arriving on the Assassin Nun’s doorstep, he happily locks Simone and Veronica up to focus on “helping” Damien. He tells her all his visions and she’s very comforting about it all. Which includes lots of nice things about he’s god’s chosen and he doesn’t have to be evil and he can be good. Which is nice except for the whole “you’ve been chosen to be the antichrist – god’s will!” which Damien takes issue with. He’s not here to praise any god that decides invading the world and unleashing torment and horror is a good idea.

Hah-ha he’s using logic to try and convince the Assassin Nun. That doesn’t work. Nor does the head injury that Simone inflicts on her finally trying to escape with Veronica and get her to a hospital. Assassin Nun decides the best way to help Damian is to stab him, wrap him in thorns, carve up his head and bury him alive.

This is not helping. She even finds minions (from… somewhere? I mean where did these come from? She was alone and new to the country and kind of acting outside of Vatican sanction… so where did these minions come from? Extras?) to help her. Which helps her because Simone, after abandoning poor Veronica in the middle of the forest (we moved to a forest at some point) because she heard Damien screaming, needs restraining. As does Amani and Ann Rutlidge who have also tracked them down

Damien, Season 1, Episode 8: Here is Wisdom

Can I say again how slow this series is? I mean we’re on episode 8 now and I was actually stunned to realise how far into the season we are and I really can’t see how we’ve managed 8 episodes of content out of this… I mean looking back, was there really enough?

Damien’s therapy isn’t going really well, he continues to be super conflicted and tortured and lost. Hi therapist pokes him with some very interesting comments about choice and predestination and basically how Damien is almost accepting the inevitability of him being evil without actually seeing he has a choice. And more, with that lack of understanding he has a choice, he’s denying his own responsibility for whatever happens.

Damien himself also raises some interesting elements on his potential PTSD which would be really fascinating if he actually had PTSD and wasn’t actually the antichrist. Damien feels silly about having PTSD, he has seen so many people who have suffered incredibly that he feels selfish, shallow to actually have PTSD when he’s considers the terrible horrors he has seen people endure. This is a wonderful examination of both survivor’s guilt and how many people with PTSD are shamed because X person has it worse – like their pain is somehow less important because they are not the most suffering person in the entire world

This would be excellent, in fact all of these sessions with the doctor would be pretty good if it weren’t not just for him actually being demonic – but also because she is also on team cultist.

Damien is posted the severed tongue from his murderous friend Charles and after a brief meeting in which Charles declares his eternal devotion and also rambles terrifyingly about the apparently many people he’s killed for Damien (Damien seems to think this includes Kelly but, given the supernatural way she died I don’t think so). Damien absolutely loses it and beats Charles half to death.

But only half. He choses not to give into his desires to murder him. But, as he then asks the doctor – is that his good instincts telling him not to murder or his evil instincts making him preserve a serial killer? This conflict is also excellent –hey all the Damien psychological torture hasn’t been especially great until this episode but now it’s really fascinating to watch as the conflict builds and is legitimately difficult to unpick

Damien, Season 1, Episode 7: Abattoir

My recaps of Damien tend to be very short. Part of this is because I am rapidly running out of fucks to give about this show (and, to be fair, I didn’t exactly have a huge number to begin with) – but it’s mainly because very little happens. As I’ve said time and again it’s all about the ominousness and the theme and the darkness which is all well and good – but it’s kind of already known. No-one going into this show is not aware what’s going on and just how much ominous foreshadowing do we need?

On top of this it has a whole lot of problems with the ableism of it. This ominousness is constantly depicted by having numerous mentallyill people babble ominous inanities. Doubled up on this episode with Damien being in the secure psychiatric wing which means we get the classic horrendous depiction of mentally ill people ranting and screaming and being tied up and bashing their heads against various walls and generally utterly failing to be people and instead being dramatic set dressing. This depiction is old, it’s vile and it’s utterly dehumanising. Mentally ill people are not props to trot out every time you need something to be suitably creepy or some nonsense to babble.

Even Damien’s own brushes with mental illness are more about exposition and ominousness than an actual depiction of mental illness. Which is annoying because they’re right he has been through some horrendous things, he has suffered, he could very well have PTSD – but it’s all about the ominousness. It’s another tool. Another prop.

We also have the introduction of Margot, someone precious to John, possibly wife. She’s disabled, in a wheelchair and mentally ill – which means she babbles more ominous semi-prophecy to Damien, of course she does. In case you had trouble interpreting prop-babble, John’s after power and to become one of Damien’s powerful lieutenants/generals/head honchos. Though, really, did we need ominous prophetic babble to establish it.

While visiting, Damien also finds John’s murder temple where he kills goats in the name of the antichrist. Why he wants a goat isn’t quite explained but killing goats seems to be the done thing. I wonder where the get these goats anyway, I mean chickens – yes, we’ve got loads of chickens, but goats? I’d definitely be hard pressed to find a goat.

Damien, Season 1, Episode 6: Temptress

And here is the episode where all the pressure on Damien is ratcheted up and no-one knows what’s real or not – certainly not Damien

After his suicide attempt he wakes up in hospital with a concerned Simone and a suspicious Ann. But Amani offers him a lifeline – he finds a guy who says he was forced to tattoo the 666 on Damien’s head while he was unconscious! Yes it could all be fake!

He rushes to super influential father figure John to ask him about it and he reveals that Ann is a religious fanatic with lots of money and power and shadowy influence and he totally didn’t mention it earlier because reasons – he also has Damien’s doctor show him that someone has been poisoning him with hallucinogens. Yes, a reason for all those visions and weirdness!

Damien is high and happy, he knows what’s happening – ok , what’s happening is that a powerful rich lady with shady connections is poisoning him until he thinks he’s the antichrist… but at least he isn’t the antichrist… right? He’s so happy about this that he even, very unwisely, kisses Simone

(Simone back away, he is not the best choice at the moment).

But we have some more paranoia - because Amani follows John and finds he meets with Ann! They’re in cohoots!

He breaks into John’s office to get more information (from a very ineffective PA who didn’t think for a second to watch him while he “looks for his phone”) and finds out his mother is still alive! (or he’s being played AGAIN – because that’s the whole essence of this episode – who knows what is real or who to trust?)

He rushes to see his mother and they have a touching, loving reunion as she describes all the terrible lies and manipulations that convinced her that he was a) evil and b) dead. Everything is wonderful… until Ann shows up and after many demands to be listened to, she goes for mother. Damien steps in and in the struggle, mother falls down the stairs and dies. Which is when Ann says “I won’t tell anyone what you did.”

Damien, Season 1, Episode 5: Seven Curses

So, this episode does something meaningful and very powerful about a very important issue and then kind of throws that all out and promptly shifts the focus in a really crinegworthy way.

While looking for a doctor to try and get some help for his PTSD which involves lots of waiting at an underfunded VA hospital---

----actually, an aside. Like last week I have to call shenanigans and bullshit here. Damien is a very wealthy, immensely connected man. He has so much wealth, influence and power, not only does he not have to wait in an underfunded hospital to get help, but he SHOULDN’T be putting further pressure on an already under-supported system.

So, while in this hospital and pretending, yet again, that he’s desperate and poor when he realluy really really isn’t, Damien happens to run into Claudia, the woman whose child (Tiago) he saved last week from the train tracks. She’s here visiting her veteran husband who is going through a painful and difficult rehabilitation

Damien is introduced and decides to document Alex’s time and struggles in the hospital – as a war photographer he considers this part of his remit and it’s an excellent point. With other great points about how utterly financially unsupported they are, how much pain Alex is in, how much he is struggling and the massive stress his family is under.

It’s an excellent depiction of Alex’s struggle, his attempt to put a strong face on things and his painful realisation that, due to lack of support, his family may have a better life if he died. It’s powerful and a very real experience for a lot of completely neglected veterans, including mentioning their high suicide rate. But it’s also overwhelmingly negative which can be a toxic trope of disabled people as people who suffer, have to rise above and/or are a burden on others. I’m not saying it should be bright and happy, but more scenes of, say, Alex and Claudia and/or Tiago would have presented that there’s more to Alex than endless suffering and despair.

Damien, Season 1, Episode 3: The Deliverer

This episode tones down some of the endless ominousness of the series so far. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of ominous music and ominous scenes – like a long painful recitation of atrocities that Damien has witnessed with Ann deciding it’s all because of Damien and his dark evilness. This is also sprinkled with lots of reminders of Damien’s ominous past and evil childhood.

Still while there is the ominousness, we also get some actual advancement of the plot: Damien turns to one of his high powered contacts: a former secretary of state called Jack who does his very best to warn him off Ann, the ominous ominous Ann. He even implies she *gasps* murders people who get in her way

But, surprise, he and Ann are part of the same organisation (and she’s made the point that there are several ominous organisations all interested in Damien, anarchists, Satanists, people who want to bring about the second coming, people who want to keep the world the way it is…. All the while carefully not telling Damien which organisation she is from). Only he’s decided Ann is being too softly-softly for his taste.

Jack wants to force the issue – he wants to “bring Damien in” and he wants to force the plan forwards. Ann doesn’t agree with this, but Jack assumes she’s gone soft and decides his lackey Troy will take over

Ann’s not having that. Taking advantage of Damien watching her (because he’s not entirely a fool to completely trust his stalker) she manages to set up a nice scenario, pushing Troy’s buttons, faking and attack and setting Troy running with Damien chasing after him. The chase leads to a subway and poor Troy having a nasty accident with an escalator. There’s certainly something worse than Ann watching him

And Jack has been taught a nice lesson there as well. Do Not Mess With Ann.

While on the Subway Damien gives up the chase to save the life of a boy that fell on the tracks – yes, an unsubtle message that Damien may be the son of satan but there’s still good in him.

Damien, Season 1, Episode 2: Second Death

Damien is all sad and tortured doing lots of research and freaking about Revelations because of his 666 tattoo on his scalp, his dead friend Kelly and lots of memory flashbacks. I think they need to lean on the flashbacks to the film to convince us why Damien has so rapidly gone back into the deep end.

Amani is there to help drag him out of his pit and to Kelly’s funeral (this is actually lampooned with Simone, Kelly’s sister, commenting about Amani is there to clear up Damien’s mess. Does the show get points for realising what it’s doing to its POC? Nope nope it does not) which he was going to skip because Manpain. Amani points out that would be epic arseholery so it’s off to the church with lots of ominous music, flashbacks, Damien struggling and in pain and windows breaking before he’s driven out – because churches and the antichrist don’t mix

He is dragged to the wake where all the reporters talk about their various war wounds and we find Damien got through all the terrible things he’s seen (despite always being in the middle of the worst situations) completely unscathed because OBVIOUS REASON CAN WE NOT WITH THE FORESHADOWING ALREADY?!

Anne Rutlidge is also at the church and, well, everywhere. She just follows him around and says vaguely cryptic ominous things. Over and over and over. OMINOUS GUYS! Listen to the music! Ominous

He also has a loud, tasteless argument with a priest at the wake that has him run into the night because yelling about there being no god while everyone’s grieving is kind of tacky. Though, to be fair, the priest approached him and continues talking god talk to him when it was clear Damien wasn’t buying his bullshit. Take a hint padre and back off.

Instead Damien goes into the night-time streets, finds some poor areas and homeless people to take photos of without their consent because treating people like zoo animals is totally ok, right? Yeah, I know he’s a journalist, but he’s not writing a story here and it’s equally clear part of his career is taking photos of Big Dramatic Tragic Moments and selling them without commentary like some kind of vulture feeding off people’s pain. Rich people then buy his art and comment on the Big Special Feelings that poor-people pain makes them feel probably saying how powerful or moving it is without actually adding any kind of commentary, awareness or productive help being given to the actual victims depicted.

Sorry, side rant.

Damien, Season 1, Episode 1: The Beast Rises

This… is not selling it to me. And that takes some effort, because Bradley James can read Dickens to me (Dickens! Who nearly killed my love of literature) and I’d back it.

Not that that’s a criticism of his performance – he’s pretty epicly bringing the acting, the pain, the angst and the drama… but the show really isn’t supporting it and has a lot of problems besides.

So this picks up after the Omen films, kind of, with the evil devil child Damian now all grown up to the age of 30 with no real memory of his childhood, his parents or all the dark evilness. He’s now a photojournalist going to warzones and reporting on atrocities (supported by considerable wealth and connections) – like Damascus in Syria. He has a friend, Omani, and a not-quite-ex-love-interest-with-whom-he-has-issues Kelly. While taking photos he runs into an old woman who magically restores some of his memory of the BAD THINGS.

He quickly becomes obsessed with finding this woman. Which brings me to my first issue with this episode: what is happening in Syria is horrendous, brutal and deeply tragic… not only does this show use the atrocities happening in Syria as a backdrop, but they’re barely worth any attention at all. It could have been a natural disaster zone in China for all the actual Syrian conflict was relevant. It was just dropped in as background imagery and then absolutely none of the characters cared. Damian’s attempt to get back into Syria, Kelly tracking down where refugees were being forcibly removed? All of it was about Damian finding this old woman – the actual conflict didn’t even register with them.

They don’t find her, but Kelly is quick to help Damian track down more clues to his past because that woman said something ominous and Biblical in Latin. She starts making some hug comparisons between Damian and Jesus and generally pushes the whole ominous devil-child theme with little foundation. Which is my second – and third – issue. Firstly Kelly and Damian apparently have History yet one quick “I have ominous dark feelings so push you away” and ta-da dealt with! She’s on board again. I also don’t remotely buy how quickly she was to buy the whole devil-child idea with comparisons with Christ and deciding to visit an expert on revelations – because his mentor once knew Damian’s now dead dad. I mean, why would she run with this? Damian describes his nanny’s tragic suicide when he was a child which would point to deep seated mental trauma to address (especially as he’s just remembered it) not “oooh time to check the Book of Revelations!”

The Returned, Season 1, Episode 10: Peter

Flashback to 29 years ago and some exposition about Peter’s death and we see a much younger Peter and his murderous friend (wait, if Peter died 29 years ago who come he’s aged so much?). Peter’s friend is completely indifferent about killing Henry (Victor) and his mother. Peter is done and decides to leave – which means murderous friend pulls a gun and, in the ensuing struggle, accidentally kills Peter

In the present Peter is packing – he has been asked to leave and isn’t happy about it. Fellow murderer Tommy decides to arrest Peter – he has charges, but let’s be honest, Tommy cares about grudges, not the law and he hates all things Returned

In prison Claire visits him wanting answers – and Peter lies some more, claiming to have died during the dam flood. Claire is pissed – not so much about the lying but because Peter threw Camille to the wolves to try and buy acceptance for himself. She calls him a coward who used her daughter – and rightly so.

At the Winship house some friends of Lena show up showing that not everyone agrees with the insults against Camille and invite them both to come swimming, though Lena is wary. At the swimming hole the guys who attacked her on facebook are there – and apologise. It seems to go well with Lena making up with generic cute boy whose name I don’t remember and then they break out the magic mushrooms because nothing can go well – Lena is pissed because while Camille may have been born at the same time of them, she’s still 16.

But they don’t actually do anything – perk of being undead. Unlike to her friends, including Hunter with a knife – he announces Camille isn’t human and cuts her to prove she doesn’t bleed. She does. Everyone thinks this is out of line and, after pushing him to the ground, chase after Camille who has run off (unsurprisingly). They look for her well into the night before Cute Guy finds her; he’s all concerned but still steps back from her attempt to kiss him – she asks why, why Lena and not Camille. He’s stark in his answer – Lena wanted sex, Camille didn’t which is all that mattered to him, but he has changed since then, especially after the bus crash. She decides to go for sex, rather ignoring everything he’d just said, but then, so does he. Of course Lena sees all. And Adam sees her.

Cute guy Ben dies either during or after sex. Wow Camille now has the worst losing-her-virginity story ever.

A new woman comes to town asking questions about the weird black outs and the Winships. Yet MORE Ominous. She tracks down Claire – she is Clara and she does a podcast; she’s a journalist who wants to do a story about zombie Camille. Claire shuts that down

The Returned, Season 1, Episode 9: Helen

Opening flashback - 29 years ago and Helen being upset reading about Victor and his mother’s murder. She’s sure that the murder is just a harbinger of terrible things to come - and that some mysterious “they” have taken her clothes and perfume.

They would be the mental institution she’s been locked in for trying to burn down the town hall. She’s not encouraging when she tells her husband how she’d do it again and burn it all down. As he leaves she sadly says “you used to say you loved the way my mind worked.” The burst dam washes away the mental hospital and destroys Helen’s escape attempt

In the present day Helen is involved with booze, a guy in a truck and heading towards explosives - after asking previously how to bring the dam down again. She has sex with the man to get a guide of the explosives in the run down mine. She kills him and takes the map to the explodey stuff which she then stocks up on.

Julie is a little concerned that Victor, the world’s creepiest kid, killed Tony. Victor responds with a creepy smile. Because creepy.

Nikki researches Victor - finding a string of women who took in a silent, nameless boy who looked like Victor before they all died. She tries to warn Julie about the creepy murder child but only gets Victor on the phone.

She hurries to Julie’s to find Victor and creepy, flickering lights. Julie is there - but suddenly very hostile for Nikki, blaming her for not being with her when she was attacked. Does this seem bizarre? Yes because Julie is actually in the shower, this Julie is a hallucination Victor is conjured because CREEPY. Hallucination Julie makes Nikki fall down the stairs. Which is what Julie finds - Victor at the top of the stairs and unconscious Nikki at the bottom

Camille discovers the joys of social media and that her “friends” have now spread the word she’s an evil murdering zombie complete with photos of her empty coffin. Lena is still on her side though.

The town is also setting up their new memorial - and the grieving parents want the Winships to stay away because they’re all commemorating the kids they’ve lost and the Winships kind of found there’s again. They’re also blaming Camille for the Kratski’s suicide (when they should be blaming Peter).

The Returned, Season 1, Episode 8: Claire

Opening flashback – Claire photographing Peter then swimming with Peter, then kissing Peter then apparently having sex with him while she discusses how her life changed course when she met Jack, giving up her career as a photographer. She talks about her dreams becoming dreams for her children.

So Claire and Peter were having an affair before Camille died and she and Jack separated.

Despite her talk of her dreams changing, when she returns home she seems to visibly steel herself before going in.

In the present we have another reminder with Camille that the Returned are always hungry and Lena comes home. After a tense moment, the sisters hug and Lena cries. Claire watches and seems relieved

The next day, Lena tells Peter, Jack and Claire about Tony trying to hold her prisoner when she found Lucy’s necklace- implying that Tony kidnapped her in the first place. Jack storms off seeking revenge and certainly doesn’t listen to Peter when he tries to stop him (though he does have a territory-marking “that’s not your daughter, not your family” line.) Peter keeps following him

At the cabin Tony and Adam hear the cars coming and Tony tells his returned brother to leave. Jack attacks Tony and only stops when Peter smacks him with a branch – Peter seems rather bored by the whole thing

Back at the Winship house, Camille examines Lena’s wound and it’s reduced to a small, faded scar. Lena puts it down to a physical representation of her survivor’s guilt and it’s all gone because they’re reconciled and together. It’s a good moment to see the sisters together again

Over to Tommy and Rowan’s house as the emergency services cart out the body of Simon who Tommy just murdered. Together Tommy and Rowan lie about what happened to cover up Tommy’s murder.

Tommy decides the best way to commemorate murder cover up is with flowers, while Rowan has thrown out the carpet Simon bled all over. He has a brief moment of panic where he thinks Rowan has hurt herself – but she’s just resting and listening to music. Rowan helps Tommy justify murdering Simon – because Simon was suicidal it’s totally ok to murder him, apparently (and can we add how much worse this is since Rowan herself has tried to kill herself?). Now time for post-murder wedding planning and sex.

At the police station Nikki is doing her own digging – and finds the case in 1986 when Victor and his mother were murdered. With photographs clearly showing Victor. She hurries to Julie’s in the middle of the night to tell her about the zombie child she’s hosting. But Julie doesn’t want to know, she says whatever terrible thing happened to Victor is in the past (and yes we have a whole shed load of projecting here). She’s also decided she has been chosen by fate to take care of Victor.

The Returned, Season 1, Episode 7: Rowan

Opening flashback! This time to a year ago.

It’s a flashback to Rowan’s life (which seems to involve a lot of cleaning) with Chloe and Tommy –but still hallucinating Simon (this is before Simon returned so it’s an actual hallucination this time).

Hallucination Simon is quite vicious in his put downs. Ominously, Rowan tearfully writes letters (looking like she’s ready to emulate Simon’s suicide) but Tommy gets worried and checks up on herm, getting her medical help for the pills she took

In the present day things are still these but more because of the murders Tommy is investigating. (Or not murders since Lucy came back).

Simon hasn’t given up and tells Chloe to tell Rowan he’s coming to pick them both up – because he hasn’t taken the hint of them not showing up the first time

Chloe and Victor meet in the playground while Julie and Nikki are all cute and couply in the distance – Chloe asks Victor if Julie and Nikki are his mothers and reveals her dad is dead and returned; Victor tells her he’s also in the dead club. But definitely not an angel.

Rowan goes the therapy and she’s had something of a breakthrough – she’s furious. She’s furious that she’s spent so much time and money wallowing in Simon when he left her (through suicide). She refuses to do it any more and hands over all of her pills. Which isn’t medically sound.

Which is why she’s scared and angry when she hears that Simon spoke to Chloe – and told her he was coming for them.

In the Winship house, Camille tells Claire that telling her wannabe-boyfriend Ben that she’s a zombie is apparently not a great romantic strategy.

Camille’s friends decide to dig up Camille’s body. There is no body in the coffin – but it is full of water. They’re also caught grave robbing which adds to the stuff Tommy has to worry about. He questions them and doesn’t entirely buy that the body wasn’t in the coffin. When he threatens to charge them, Ben tells Tommy that Camille is back.

So Tommy goes to the Winships and demands they take Camille (or “Alice”) to the station with her ID (uh… based on what?)

Claire and Peter warn Jack before deciding on their next plan – a revelation to the whole group of grieving parents who lost kids in the bus disaster. They trot out Camille and reveal who she really is. Unsurprisingly, Chris, one of the parents wants to know why Camille and not her daughter – even lashing out at how mean she was. Camille flees the room.

The Returned, Season 2, Episode 6: Lucy

Opening flashback to a year ago to Lucy’s past – her hitchhiking into town becoming a bartender and then deciding to seduce Jack because he was flashing a lot of money around and, for reasons that are still beyond me, playing the whole sex-medium thing with him.

In the present day, Lucy dies in hospital from her wounds. Briefly – she then wakes up all well and shocked and in pretty much perfect health. Her stab wounds have completely disappeared.

Tommy the sheriff arrives though she remembers little about being attacked – Tommy does his best to push her into accusing Simon.

At the Winship house, everyone is panicking because Lena has disappeared. Well except Camille who practices her complete indifference, explaining she can feel Lena through her twin bond. Claire questions if Camille drove Lena off – and even wonders to Jack if Camille MIGHT not be the daughter they lost. Jack objects to that – Camille is their daughter, but Claire counters that so is Lena.

Lea has been taken by Adam – and put in a bed in his cabin, no more wounded than she was in the first place (though still with the awful back wound that fascinates serial killer Adam). He treats her wounds with gleaned herbs and they talk about siblings and unforgiveable crimes and how both of them should be dead. But Adam also holds out the idea there’s chance to change

Claire tries to talk to Lena’s friend to find out where she could be but only really learns that Lena “knew” a lot of guys.

Lena does call Claire but only to say she’s fine and to stop looking. When Claire acknowledges that she hasn’t been there for Lena Lena simply says “it’s a little late for that.” Claire asks Jack if he knew Lena had a reputation for being with lots of guys – and when it’s clear he did, she also wants to know if Jack just ignored what Lena was doing while he was with Lucy. Jack counters that Lena is an adult and she’s living her life as she wants (which would be supportive if it weren’t a passive aggressive dig at Claire for not living her life). He accuses Claire of being lost without someone to mourn, without being the “perfect grieving martyr”.

Adam continues to be creepy but doesn’t murder Lena. Tony pays a visit and to get rid of him without having him poke around, Adam tells him their mother has returned. And she’s hella pissed at Tony and doesn’t want to see him because he killed Adam. Tony is going to need a whoooole lot of therapy.

Of course seeing Adam with his brother clues Lena in that Adam is also returned. She asks about it and he tells her he was a “bad person”; she disagrees and kisses him. They have sex, presumably forgetting about the gaping back wound.

 Peter has Victor in his car which is probably creepy and likely to end with Victor eating Peter’s skin.

The Returned, season 1, Episode 5: Tony & Adam

Time for a flashback to 7 years ago when Tony and Adam’s mother was still alive and is angry at Tony because “he got out.” It’s apparent they’re worried about Adam being out there, “hunting”. Their mother tells Tony that Adam is sick – and he’s not going to get better

Tony drives through the night to find his brother- and finds him attacking Julie in the tunnel-of-horror. Tony hits Adam, but it’s too late to stop the attack and people are coming (this death-tunnel-of-doom is popular) so he leaves her to drag his brother out,

Tony buries his brother. Alive – until he starts screaming then he kills him.

Which is probably why Tony wasn’t so thrilled to see his brother back from the dead – and is now exactly comfortable having dinner with him or with Adam’s plan to go into town. Adam tries to play ignorant about what his brother means when he describes him as “sick”.

Tony continues to worry about his brother when he sees him bloodstained after killing a deer – asking if Lucy “was a deer.” He tries to question Adam about Lucy but Adam plays ignorant until he realises it was his brother who killed him to try and stop him – and their mother agreed. Tony calls it a mistake that doesn’t matter any more – and Adam hits him. Tony begs Adam’s forgiveness

In the hospital, Julie emotionally checks up on Lucy who is on life support.

To Nikki having happy fun sexy time with another woman when her boss calls to interrupt things. Worst. Boss. Ever. He wants to talk about a missing person case which is just rude when she has a very unmissing person right there in the bed with her. The missing person case being Victor and his update is that 4 years ago another boy of the same height, hair and eye colour was seen who disappeared. Which would be relevant if Victor’s height, hair and eye colour were not so very generic. Her boss also decides to be super creepy and “funny” asking what Nikki and her girlfriend are wearing. Oh Returned why ruin it? Nikki goes to work

Over to the family drama of Rowan and Tommy and Tommy shifting the topic to Simon rather than the fact he’s a creepy stalker. He’s also decided that undead Simon is dangerous because REASONS (unlike the guy who illicitly records you, he’s totally safe, honest).

To her job tourguiding kiddies around and dropping some big hints that, at some point in the past, the great big dam over the town burst while being distracted by Simon.

The Returned, Season 1, Episode 4: Victor

Open with Victor before he became the creepy kid with his mother reading a bedtime story and telling him about a fairy that will protect him. The fairy is absent when 2 men break into the house and kill his family and, despite the objections of one of them, him as well.

In the present day he is much creepier and trying to play sweet kid getting in Julie’s bed. The screaming saves her from him eating her skin. The screaming is from someone who has found the body of her terrible neighbour – now being eaten by her cats after being murdered and having her tongue torn out

In case you’ve forgotten, annoying neighbour was last seen in the company of Victor.

Rather than, naturally, suspecting the creepiest kid (outside the French version of this show) the police, represented by Julie’s ex, Nikki, think it’s the same serial killer who killed Lucy and who attacked Julie. Victor’s fear of the dark means, when the electricity goes out, he runs to Julie (oh Victor, there’s nothing scarier in the dark than you! And on that note – being in the dark with Victor? Hell no). This introduces Victor to Nikki who points out you can’t actually just collect lost children. It is frowned upon

Just in case Julie missed how creepy Victor is, she finds his drawings of her neighbour dying and being eaten by cats. She finds him hiding, terrified, in the closet just like he did before he was murdered.

Seeing more evidence of Victor being so very troubled, Julie realises she can’t care for him and calls in Nikki. Julie and Victor have a tearful goodbye. Alone Julie goes through Victor’s pictures and finds she has been drawn as the protective fairy from his mother’s stories

Over to the Winships and it seems Jack spent the night. Claire is even considering Jack’s suggestion  of them moving –until the police ask him to come to the station to talk about Lucy’s murder.

Camille isn’t a fan of moving away from home even if she might be staked/shot/burned as a zombie/vampire/chupacabra (spell check, you disappoint me not knowing what a chupacabra is). Lena’s back wound is only getting worse and she’s staggering around like the zombie her sister isn’t. She times her collapse for when she’s at the top of the stairs because if you’re going to have a sucking back wound you might as well be dramatic about it (and it’s hard to properly steal thunder when one’s sister is undead).

To the hospital! Joined by pretty creepy-supposed-to-be-compassionate-but-feels-like-a-predator-and-an-insurance-salesman Peter (also looks creepily like Jack which doesn’t speak well for how much Claire is moving on). Lena blames her creeping wound on Camille; Lena has issues with how much Camille and her death has consumed her parents’ world.

Peter takes the time to explain Lena’s survivors guilt and general issues to Camille. The doctor basically calls Lena’s spreading puncture wound damn weird and Claire opts against revealing her other child is undead.

Having done that he then tells Claire that Jack is under suspicion of killing Lucy who he was having sex with – because the police have no concept of it not being his business. Claire is furious – not about Jack but about Peter violating her family’s privacy to this degree with the help of his friend

When Jack finally arrives at the hospital, Claire asks about Camille’s missing college fund. Jack objects to Lucy being called a “hooker” (not out of respect for sex workers but more out of denial that she was a sex worker). He tries to sell his sex-medium lie. Ultimately he falls back on being a mess and needing something to distract him – she does believe him when he says he didn’t hurt her but she’s not moving away with him.

The Returned, Season 1, Episode 3: Julie

Hallowe’en, 7 years ago and a woman in fancy dress – Julie – leaves a party to be delayed by police woman Nikki who delays her with a kiss and an invitation. Alas, Julie has to work. Some people are too damn sensible for their own good

Julie walks down the ominous tunnel of ominousness (honestly, no force on this Earth would convince me to walk through this tunnel. If it were lined with teeth and pulsing in a disturbingly fleshy way it’d STILL be less ominous). As we learned from last week’s flashback, she’s attacked by a man in a hoodie with a knife.

To the present and the funeral of the old man who threw himself off the dam with the pastor almost angrily rejecting anyone judging him for that. We learn that the dead man’s wife died 29 years ago while Julie and Nikki practice not!looking at each other over the coffin. Some distance away a very young looking Returned Wife Helen looks on.

As the funeral breaks up Claire and Lena tell Peter that Camille isn’t the only Returned running around preparing to nom on some tasty brains (like my snark will be any less cutting than Lena’s). Julie’s nosy neighbour also hunts down the obviously uninterested Julie to tell her about Lucy being attacked and comparing it to Julie’s previous attack – not realising Julie was the victim. Julie, understandably, panics and leaves; watched by Nikki. I’d say someone should murder the neighbour but she’d just return

Next new character- a guy knocks on a house door calling for his mother and when she doesn’t answer he breaks in. Really, obviously Returned Guy? She could have gone to the shops or something! If she has she’s been gone a while because the house looks pretty boarded up

Later, Tony the bar tender arrives at the cabin and finds a dead wolf hanging from the rafters. Ok, I can think of many decorating choices that could have definitely improved that place. Dead canines were not among them. Tony agrees and decides to bury it – much to the disapproval of Returned Guy. Tony hits him in the head with a shovel. He’s just that passionate about interior decorating. Tony then locks himself inside the cabin

Returned guy isn’t dead (well… he IS, but…) and thinks that a shovel to the head was kind of unnecessary and decides to return the favour – and up the sakes with a gun. They now get to talk – Tony revealing that their mother (yes, they’re brothers – family dinners must be fun and full of concussions) died 2 years ago which is pretty much what he thought his brother was too

The Returned Season 1, Episode 2: Simon

Flashback opener – to 6 years ago. Rowan is a waitress and Simon a much less mopey musician in the bar. And it’s the night before Rowan and Simon get married. Simon also teaches the much younger Lena how to play the drums and Rowena takes a picture

Rowan also tells Simon she’s pregnant – he says he’s happy about it but doesn’t look convincing and when she can’t see him, he cries.

At the wedding he’s a no-show – instead they get the sheriff telling Rowan about his death. Now that’s a pretty awful wedding day.

In the present Rowan is preparing to marry again (to sheriff Thomas who told her about Simon’s death at that), same church, same preacher. They’re all wedding planning when the sheriff is interrupted with news of Lucy’s attack.

We also get a little ominous with Rowan’s daughter Chloe turning on a tap and getting ominous black sludge.

When they’re alone Rowan can talk to the pastor about her misgivings and concerns about the wedding – not that she doesn’t want to be with Tommy, but because she’s still hallucinating Simon and feels too disturbed for it all. That pastor gives great advice which would totally be relevant in a world where the dead hadn’t come back to life.

Meanwhile Camille is realising she actually died and Lena is more than a little freaked out by her back-from-the-dead-and-unaged twin. Especially since their parents are desperately trying to pretend all is normal and that Jack has moved back in for the night. She storms out and Jack tries to stop her (and make sure she doesn’t loudly talk about their resurrected daughter where everyone can hear), grabbing her arm. Lena asks “are you going to hit me again?”

Lena ends up at the bar where Simon is eating and she calls him out on just ditching her on his quest for Rowan. He decides to ditch her again (and walk out on the bill for his meal). Coupled with his general less than fun demeanour means the patrons (Hunter) tell the police about him when they come asking questions about Lucy’s murder. But a drum kit stirs Lena’s memory – she searches the wall collage and finds a picture of young her and an unaged Simon.

The Returned, Season 1, Episode 1: Camille

4 years ago

A school bus full of kiddies, including a girl called Camille, falls off a mountainous road.

Present Day

Camille climbs her way out of the ravine and walks back to the town (which is in the middle of the mountains of the Pacific Northwest). As she walks home, a power cut shuts off the town

In town a group of people are meeting and a woman called Chris tells everyone that she and Matthew are having a baby and how the group has helped them keep going after their loss. Everyone is totally happy about this news (or really good at faking socially appropriate joy). Except for the grumpy guy, Jack, in the corner.

In the darkness, a woman (Claire) lights candles around pictures of Camille, it looks like a shrine. The peculiar power outage hardly lasts and back at the meeting Jack snarks at proposals for a (admittedly kind of ugly) monument commemorating 32 dead children – the kids who died in the bus crash. He seems to make a habit of being the grouchy one in the corner and he’s not the most popular

Camille goes home and starts making lots of sandwiches, much to the visible shock of Claire. She tries to recover rather than just staring poleaxed

On to the local bar where Camille’s sister Lena is doing shots and, in the back room, Jack gets dressed after clearly having sex with another woman. She’s fighting her husband for legal custody and Jack is giving her money. They’re interrupted when Claire calls and asks Jack to come to her house, sounding a little shaky to say the least.

Claire is still shellshocked around Camille, her daughter and hastily pulls apart her shrine. Jack comes over and joins the shellshock when he realises Camille is there – even opening the bathroom door in shock. Claire quickly fills Jack in that Camille remembers nothing – not the bus crash or the other kids dying.

Jack and Claire are joined by Peter who runs the support group and is a psychologist (Peter and Jack exchange angry eyes and if they attacked each other with antlers it couldn’t be clearer that Claire is the point of contention between them). Upon seeing Camille, he gets the same shell-shocked look. He gives Camille a super supportive speech about accepting what happened and being there to help her, which would be great if she actually knew what happened.